NC, then never heard from them again

[glimmerofhope]

How many dumpees out there went NC and never heard from their ex again?

[ButterflyWrists]

me!. with my first ever boyfriend. lol.

[CatsMeeoow]

Keep in mind NEVER is a very very long time.

 

I had an ex contact me 10 years later. Sure before that it felt like I would never hear from him again and at the time my world was crushed. Turns out I got over him and everything that happened 2 years later and met an amazing man... in the letter he deeply apologized for what had happened and from the tone he carried that pain for 10 years. Boy, I felt sorry for him. To this day (now 8 years after the letter) I haven't replied. I don't know why I haven't but I just haven't made the effort. I think I will one day... maybe in a couple of years.

 

I think we are just so desperate to make everything right that when we don't hear from them in 1 to 3 months we just feel like it will be never.

[escritoramel]

..........

[lovemeorleaveme00]

I think we are just so desperate to make everything right that when we don't hear from them in 1 to 3 months we just feel like it will be never.

 

THIS IS SO TRUE.

[lizer]

meh. i always want people to say 'they will always at some point contact you!"...

 

i dated my one and only ex for 3 years. my first love. his first love.

we broke up 10 months ago and havent seen each other for 7 months, and havent spoken for 3. talk about a knife in the stomach. i wish i knew what was going on inside his head to where he could just 'delete' me. hurts like nothing ive ever known. and it especially hurts that he hasnt attempted to contact. as if im a nobody. a stranger. so painful.

[glimmerofhope]

It's been three months since the break, and a little over two months since I moved out. We had some light contact via email to close out some business affairs, but nothing of substance.

 

Somehow, I feel like even the smallest gesture from her now would help me to believe that all that time we spent together had some meaning after all.

 

It's not about reconciliation--it's just about being able to believe that there truly was something there at one time, so that in the next relationship I will be able to have faith that it can have meaning.

[annie24]

me!!!!!!!

 

And sometimes that is a great thing - it's hard to get over someone if you are constantly analyzing their every e-mail, voicemail, looking for some hidden meaning. it's just easiest to accept it's over and move on.

[glimmerofhope]

But again, for me the issue is one of trust. There wasn't any lying or cheating, so I don't mean trust in that respect. Rather, I want to be able to trust another woman the next time they leave me random notes for no special occasion saying things like:

 

"You are loved, cherished, adored, and admired more than you will ever know", and that

 

"I love you, today and always", and

 

"I'm not altogether sure how it happened, how the moon and the stars were aligned on the day we first met. All I know is that I will be forever grateful to the heavens, for I have been truly blessed indeed."

 

Geez, those are just a few of the MANY examples of things that she wrote--and again, this doesn't even count things she said or birthday or Valentine's Day cards, or any other special occasions. She would just leave me these notes every now and then, for no particular reason. And stupid, naive me--I was skeptical at first, but in the end I believed her!

 

How do I trust anything, if all of that can come to nothing?!

[bach]

I am petrified of this happening too.

 

She told me the day before the break up how much she loved me. The night of the break up she covered my ears and told her sister that 'when we get married....'.

 

And now its gone. I dont blame her for breaking up with me. It was all my fault.

 

But she was my partner in life for four years. She was my best friend as well and now i dont feel close to anyone and feel all alone.

 

The thought of her disappearing all together is .... well... heart breaking... again.

[beckham babe]

Like you had all the romantic txts and ecards your my destiny asked me to marry him on the saturday before we broke up. But we mustn't let them ruin the rest of our lives.It is really hard to move on when you haven't got a clue why. One day maybe not soon but you will be able to trust again

[love4life]

I think we are just so desperate to make everything right that when we don't hear from them in 1 to 3 months we just feel like it will be never.

 

And this explains my relapse in the last week. Tomorrow will mark 90 days of NC. Monday marked 5 months since the break-up.

[lovemycoffee41]

You'd have to define never. I 'never' thought one old ex and I would ever regain our friendship. 3 years later we're the best of friends.

[melrich]

I want to be able to trust another woman the next time they leave me random notes for no special occasion saying things like:

 

"You are loved, cherished, adored, and admired more than you will ever know", and that

 

"I love you, today and always", and

 

Trust in what sense?

 

That she means it at the time she says it or that her words are commitment for life?

 

If it's the latter, you have to accept that is an unhealthy level of trust because it's bound to be broken.

 

Love/feelings/emotions are often of the moment, the time, the place. It's not always forever and ever.

 

I am sure your ex meant her words at the time.

[-BK-]

It's been three months since the break, and a little over two months since I moved out. We had some light contact via email to close out some business affairs, but nothing of substance.

 

Somehow, I feel like even the smallest gesture from her now would help me to believe that all that time we spent together had some meaning after all.

 

It's not about reconciliation--it's just about being able to believe that there truly was something there at one time, so that in the next relationship I will be able to have faith that it can have meaning.

 

I feel like that sometimes as well, glimmer. It's only been 6 weeks since the breakup and 5 weeks of NC, but part of me just wonders how really it was or wasn't. I actually am starting to assume it was never that real for her, so that way I will be OK in the next relationship. I'll be able to know it's real and open myself again.

[glimmerofhope]

That she means it at the time she says it or that her words are commitment for life?

 

If it's the latter, you have to accept that is an unhealthy level of trust because it's bound to be broken.

 

I'm sorry. I'm not sure I understand here. This person was adamant that once you commit yourself to someone, there are only three legitimate reasons to end that commitment: abuse, drugs and infidelity. The rest, she would have told you, can be worked through.

 

None of those three things were ever even close to present in our relationship. A life together was supposed to be a given. Everything she said and did led me to believe that I could trust her and have faith that she would be there. And then...she was gone, by choice.

 

I guess I don't quite see how it makes me "unhealthy" to take someone at their word, especially when that person goes to great lengths to assure me that their word is unconditional and absolute. I didn't start the "forever and always" bulls**t, but I allowed myself to be sold on it because this person convinced me that she was up to it, and that I could count on her to stick with it.

[lizer]

glimmer, i agree with your train of thought.

if not because my ex (male) said those exact same things.

a few weeks before we agreeed to (mutually, sort of) split he had

said.. "i will never ever leave you."...

i caught a glimpse of his own journal once.

and it straight up said almost a year beforehand "i have some big decisions to make soon. i love (insert my name) so much and the thought of marrying her brings me such joy"..

 

well whoops! where is he now? where is the love he so devotedly expressed throughout our 3 years together. and now im nothing, apparently.

 

 

it really makes you question if they have split personalities.

im a firm believer in not even opening your mouth if you're not going to keep your word.