He's 25 year old virgin and never had a girlfriend before

[biddo]

why are u second guessin him? the guy loves you, you should be happy about that. And think about it like this his saving himself for you, his been waiting for his entire life for the right person, wheather or not that's you is something im not sure. But the point is his a honest good dude. You are very lucky to have him, dont rush anything get to know him sounds like you really dig him already.

 

take care be good.

[MD Geist]

Yeah, I don't have any dating experience at all. The downfall of it, not having the experience it will be very hard to date. I really would not know what to do on a date to keep the girl interested in me, I mean conversations but words will run out sometime soon, then silence..then what? This would be really tough.

 

I agree your pretty much going to be against the wall if your inexperienced at a much later age thats why if nothing happens this year I will avoid women for the rest of my life from that point on because id be headed for a great deal of failure.

 

Anyways

 

There's no survival guide for us and her boyfriend for one who has never dated until later in life. I guess the only tip we can all agree on is she must except you for you and your situation. I mean what could be the worst possible outcome?.

[vic1983]

After reading this post, I decided to pay a prostitute and get it over with my virginity. I find it rather disheartening that guy would be dismissed by a girl just because of his life circumstances ill-afforded him the opportunity to have a social life more fitting of a MTV reality TV show, where losing your virginity at 15 is a badge of honor.

 

The social mixed message is confusing to say the least. On one hand, women want men to treat them right; on the other hand, they don't want to be treated too right that could be misconstrued as clingy or desperate.

 

Unless you fear that your "boyfriend" could have the potential to turn into a serial stalker befitting of Law and Order episode, I doubt he'll throw up a fuss, if you break up with him. All emotional wounds heals with time.

 

I guessed being a 25 years old virgin and I am damaged good.

[sns256]

I think I would rather die a virgin than loose my virginity to a prostitute. I have even had people offer to pay for me, and I have refused. It is certainly not an option for me.

 

It is easy once you hit a certain age where you feel that if it has not happened yet, I must be a “damaged good”, or not socially acceptable. I myself am struggling to see why someone would want to do something with me, because no one has wanted to in the past. I know I can offer a people something of value, and I value myself. However the things that I bring to the table don't seem to be valuable to others (men and women), in the past or present.

 

I am sure I'll figure this out one day. I have always told myself that I would probably stop trying/ caring once I hit 30. Hopefully before then I can meet someone like the OP.

 

I know that this thread was started almost one year ago, and I am sure you have moved on from the issues described in your post. Whether it be that you worked it out, or you dumped him, I am sure he feels like a million bucks. He found one person that could accept him, he knows now that there are people out there that will accept him for who he is. He can probably find someone else too. I have yet to meet a person like that yet. But with some hard work I will soon hopefully.

 

I would love to hear an update from the OP.

[MD Geist]

Vic: I can understand what your going through in away because it does feel like that once you hit 20 years old and still a virgin you do feel like damaged goods and that nobody will except you for what you've become. Paying for sex in my opinion is simply throwing money away regardless if its porn or a pro. I could have paid a prosutute and got it over with but you know what I like my Investments and mutual funds just alittle bit more than that. Besides I feel like those people should be paying me and not me signing the check for them.](*,)

 

I could have had sex over the summer time but since I have offical givin up on the oppsite sex I just don't even bother women not even if they give me the chance to have sex with them. I have never kissed a woman nor been on a real true date the way I see it is if it ain't broke don't fix it which means I have come this far without doing so and I can and will go the rest of my journey without it.

[floating_away]

I'm not worried about how the relationship will go, at least while the relationship lasts he's likely to be happy and try his best to make you happy. To speak from my own perspective, the only advice I have is in the event of if/when you decide to break up with him. He's likely to take it quite hard if you break up with him. Maybe in that circumstance you'll not really be thinking about it, but if you care about him at all, I'd save him some hurt where possible. This is going to set him up for future relationships, so it's in his best interest for you to leave him in as good a situation as possible. I don't think I have to indicate why I'm giving this advice.

 

Best of luck, I hope you're both happy for a long time.

[bochen2]

Wow I really feel for you... sorry your are in such a bad situation... yes it sucks to be alone, I thought the OP at 25 was bad, I'm not going to lie to you 30 is worse... 40 is abysmal. 50 your life is pretty much overz.

 

I'm actually in the same boat/ship I'm 23 and never found the "love of my life" or "girl of my dreams" yet... Its easy to find "someone", not so trivial to find "the one"...

 

PLENTYOFFISH is a joke dude, seriously I would shell out some US falling dollars and sign up to a REAL dating site such as match / eharmony / etc... Beware of the scams like singlesnet and link removed ... cons they are...

Also if you are low on budget there are plenty of free sites like link removed or datehookup that are just an alternative to POF. Although POF has by far the most members, it has a craiglist feel to it and most women on that site are "low quality" if you get the hint... In life, you get what you pay for, so try a PAID site such as eharmony where the odds work FOR you (2:1 female to male ratio) unlike Plentyoffish that has something like 1:3 female to male ratio and the "real" females that are on there are "low quality" people you don't want to associate with anyway...

 

Hope this helps, if you have more questions let me know. PM me if you'd like. I can give you a few personal tips

 

Good luck

[somethngwrng]

I know that this thread was started almost one year ago, and I am sure you have moved on from the issues described in your post. Whether it be that you worked it out, or you dumped him, I am sure he feels like a million bucks. He found one person that could accept him, he knows now that there are people out there that will accept him for who he is. He can probably find someone else too. I have yet to meet a person like that yet. But with some hard work I will soon hopefully.

 

I would love to hear an update from the OP.

 

I don't really think finding a girlfriend at 25 and then being dumped within the year would make me feel like 'a million bucks'.

 

TBH I'd feel pretty crap that the first relationship I managed to strike in my life - that was SO hard to get in the first place... wasn't that meaningful.

[MD Geist]

Paid sites are a waste of my money.

 

POF has been a joke from day one since Iv'e signed up its been nothing but single parents on there and the same could be said about datehookup and okcupid is even worst.

 

After being on all those sites for almost a year iam approaching the day when I can finally wave the white flag from online dating and completely look away from the oppsite sex.

 

 

 

Not finding a girlfriend at 22 sucks already enough because you feel so alienatated from everybody else.

 

Regardless of what age you find love I think your first relationship is going fail regardless of what you do.

[Luke Skywalker]

I don't know. If you are at the stage where you are going to use a prostitute to lose your virginity, then it's time you need some real male mentors or leadership in your life and start talking to a few people. I'm glad that I consulted with my dad before proceeding to loose my virginity on a casual girl from the internet a couple of years ago given the state of mind I was in at the time, and he distracted me from continuing with it. Before even thinking of using a prostitute I would go on the internet on a casual site, and give myself a month to find a girl who will like me for sex because part of enjoying sex is knowing the other person also lusts after you and chooses, for whatever reason, to have sex with you rather than some commercial arrangement. You don't get that if you are paying for it, because the pretense is still false, and she could be putting on a great act, and not only that, it makes you lazy as you can just 'bail' yourself yet of another problem if you just have some cash. Whatever.

 

I've got a piece on the side here and there (women I'm just using as a confidence booster but don't really like) and would see my life situation (i.e. unable to bring a girl home) of being more of a factor of anything than being a virgin. Nothing in particular bothering is me now.

[floating_away]

I don't really think finding a girlfriend at 25 and then being dumped within the year would make me feel like 'a million bucks'.

 

TBH I'd feel pretty crap that the first relationship I managed to strike in my life - that was SO hard to get in the first place... wasn't that meaningful.

 

Speaking from experience, this is absolutely true. Depressingly so.

[sns256]

I never thought about like that. But yes that would make me feel like crap.

 

I was thinking that maybe that once he got his first girlfriend he would realize that someone accepted him, then maybe someone else could accept him in the future. That it would be easier to get another girlfriend.

 

I don't think that you should go into your first relationship thinking that she will be the only one ever. I don't that would be the right way to think about it.

 

I hope it worked out for him. The OP hasn't logged in for nearly a year so we may never know.

 

BTW typing on my iphone sucks.

[xxNPxx]

I find the OP really interesting. I may not of have been with a girl or even had more then 2 friends that a talk to more then a weekly basis, but I think that guy is just sad. Shy or not, when I get into a relationship, I won't be clingy. I roughly figure that I have a higher chance of the girl leaving me due to the large amount of hobbies I do, or lack of need for affection.

 

To all those shy guys out there, you don't have to act like a kindergartner when you get in a relationship. Even pretending like relationships on TV and movies are somewhat realistic can take you places. Read 5-10 love stories, admit that those are exaggerations, find the similarities, filter the rest with logic and a touch of empathy and you have a real relationship. I can see a lot of shy guys not taking the time to do such proper research.

[UltraGeek2000]

I've never given the prostitute thing any serious thought. It really seems like it would be pointless. The lack of sex thing isn't the real problem. You can pay for sex and then be in the same boat of being lonely and without companionship. It doesn't solve your problem. I think most of the people that are bent out of shape about being a virgin are that way because the heart of the matter is social anxiety/social ineptness leading to loneliness. I know that's the case in my situation. The focus on the act of sex is just what is emphasized in raunchy comedies.

 

Has anyone actually had success with free dating sites? From my experience with the free ones you get what you pay for (nothing).

[xxNPxx]

I've never given the prostitute thing any serious thought. It really seems like it would be pointless. The lack of sex thing isn't the real problem. You can pay for sex and then be in the same boat of being lonely and without companionship. It doesn't solve your problem. I think most of the people that are bent out of shape about being a virgin are that way because the heart of the matter is social anxiety/social ineptness leading to loneliness. I know that's the case in my situation. The focus on the act of sex is just what is emphasized in raunchy comedies.

 

Has anyone actually had success with free dating sites? From my experience with the free ones you get what you pay for (nothing).

 

I agree free dating sites don't seem to work to well. And the one that supposedly do make you pay through the nose. eHarmony is like 100+ for a year but that doesn't guarantee you'll meet anybody.

[Taomagicdragon]

He already tried to tell me he loved me (this was only after about 7 or 8 dates) and it was just kidn of hard. I want this to work so much I'm just trying to figure out what to do I guess.

 

Has anyone ever experienced this?

 

Thanks!

How long has you known him for previously? In my relationship we said those three words 2 weeks in but we were friends for 2 years. Dating is like an interview process where you get to know a person on a friendly and romantic basis and establish trust, interests, and boundaries. If you're friends that tends to take care of most of that so dating in this case becomes more finding out the romantic aspects of each other which facilitates love much quicker and easier.

[MD Geist]

I have never had a real Male mentor or father figure in my life but the way I see it is if I don't even pay for porn why bother with paying someone just for sex.

 

I have accepted the fact that i will never be in a relationship and remain a virgin thats fine by me. Why start becoming sexually active now?.

 

 

 

I fell like the lack of relationship experience can be a problem which is why i'am prepared to finally put up the walls in my life and don't even try to become involved with anyone.

 

I'am a shamed to never have experienced a relationship and still be a virgin at my age and with each passing day the chances of finding a partner just becomes a vision and not a realitly.

 

Free dating sites aren't that great because the people who are on there consist of mainly single parents looking for a second shot in the dating world. I wouldn't recomend it nor even a pay site. Maybe if you live in new york or something.

[chris1984]

I use to be in the same boat. 25, barely starting with college now, no GF never been kissed, and no friends. I became suicidal cause nothing worked. I guess I was nervous cause I had no experience. I thought I would suck at sex at 25 and the girl who ever she is would know I was a virgin by that age. People talk about their exs, me at 25 I can't talk about nobody. That made it hard to make friends too. So I changed my strategy. I paid hookers a few time like 4 or 5 times. I know, but I had to get it over with that virgin thing. I even realized that I had a big penis. until then I thought I had a small penis. That boosted my confidence. Changed my look. New clothes etc... you have to invest in yourself. Don't care about money cause you might end up spending more if you don't take care of yourself first because girls won't be interested. Then, I started dating again. less then 2 months after my "new look" I HAD A GIRLFRIEND. It only lasted 1 month before she broke up because I became clingy. But you know what. I doesn't matter. I HAD A GF. and a HOT one. my confidence is 99% boosted. I don't feel nervous with girls at all any longer. I am dating somebody else now. I learned a lot with the other girl and I won't blow it with this one. Don't say you would rather die a virgin than loose your virginity to a hooker. Do WHATEVER YOU CAN to get outa of your situation cause it feels great to feel you are no longer a "damaged good". even if my relation did not work out first, better have had and lost than not have had at all. gOOD LUCK

[shygal2008]

I AGREE!!! You should never give up hope and DO ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO so you can feel good about yourself and then the right gal can come along and sweep you off your feet TRY TRY TRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Great post.

[solacean]

Wow I really feel for you... sorry your are in such a bad situation... yes it sucks to be alone, I thought the OP at 25 was bad, I'm not going to lie to you 30 is worse... 40 is abysmal. 50 your life is pretty much overz.

 

Based on this, I guess my life is past abysmal and on the cusp of being over? Darn, I'd better start preparing that will.

 

I didn't respond to this post when it was first made because first I had to get past being a bit put off by the way it was phrased. Now, speaking as someone who is approaching his fifties without having had sex, or a girlfriend, or a date, or much of anything, I will concur that at my age it does become crystal clear that a chance for me to have female companionship was never there to begin with. But I still take issue with the "your life is over" statement, because having a relationship is not necessarily one's whole life.

 

Yes, it's not fun to be forever alone, but here's the thing: not everyone in this world gets to have a romantic life. Many of us may not want to admit that, but we all know it really does happen to some people. In fact I think that half of the misery of being this way was when I kept thinking that I needed to have a relationship at some point just to be counted as human. Well, I no longer think that's the case. Sure, I wanted a relationship - wanted one desperately, in fact, and occasionally still do - but romantic relationships are fundamentally about reproduction, and some humans just aren't viable reproduction material because of poor genes, sickness, and so on. I now believe that females in particular have a nearly infallible sense for that, whether they realize it or not; in fact based on how women invariably react to me on sight, I think they can see it plainly written on my face like a neon sign.

 

So, once I accepted the likelihood that I am one of those people who simply wasn't meant for reproduction, then I could begin to put aside some of the unhappiness and go on with the process of finding other things that justify my existence, things that I'm actually qualified for. I don't mean to imply that I'll ever feel completely at peace with having spent my whole life alone, but I can still find reasons to get up in the morning.

 

My hopes for a relationship are over and have been for a while now. But my life is not over, and missing this one aspect of life (as large an aspect as it may be) doesn't make me into nothing.

[dr_styles]

Hey chris, great post. Certainly pretty brave (cos it would take a lot for me to) to do some of the things you mentioned. But a lot of it I can definitely relate to "emotively". Things like the stigma of being "damaged goods" (well not damaged but red-flag nonetheless), nothing to talk about when mates talk about relationships, and that general feeling of at least getting the monkey off the back.

 

I really like the way you worded it: invest in yourself

 

Just out of curiosity solacean (if you're willing), who knows about your single/dateless status? What kind of feedback/responses do you get if so?

[solacean]

Just out of curiosity solacean (if you're willing), who knows about your single/dateless status? What kind of feedback/responses do you get if so?

 

Aside from this forum, I've only discussed it with perhaps three individuals in my entire life; each of those occurred when I was far younger, and in each of those cases the response was to either laugh at me or tell me that any guy lacking experience by then would end up as a child molester. I've not talked about my lack of experience with anyone in the last twenty years. However, I wouldn't be surprised if a number of other people I have known since then had figured it out for themselves and just refrained from bringing it up.

 

One thing I can say for certain is that no one ever asks me whether I'm involved with or dating anyone, not even people I've just met; they seem to assume at the start that I've never been married and don't date. Like I said, it is probably obvious at first sight that I could never get a date; even my own grandmother once admitted to me in conversation that my face is "plain" (her exact word), and how often do you hear someone saying that about their own grandchild?

[LightbulbSun]

^^ You see, that's why I don't talk about it with my friends. I just lie and say it's 'been a while,' or that I had a girlfriend but it was many years ago. Just the sheer ignorance that some people spew when it comes to this topic is awful.

 

One thing's for certain, it's definitely very common for a guy to get past age 25 and never have been kissed or had sex or a relationship. It's just uncomfortable for some people to accept, because it shatters their little world of 'it happens for everyone at the same time.' They can't accept that, for some people, love is harder to find.

[Luke Skywalker]

Wow. So, using a hooker, ' a few times', got you out of the 'mess' that you were in? How was the first, or subsequent experiences like? How did it feel on the mind that you had to pay for it to get some? It sounds like a positive experience for you?

 

From what I've read, using a hooker truly is a crapshoot. If you don't get ripped off, then this post, and some others appear to have positive results. Others, however, have been more negative.

 

But didn't you know what your penis size is? How is going to a hooker going to let you know how big your penis is? That part I do not understand.

[Luke Skywalker]

The funny thing is, if you ask women on here if they would date a guy who has been with prostitutes if they admitted that fact to them, then most women on here would not date them. If you are worried about people red-flagging on you because you are a virgin, then these same people will red-flag you if your only sexual experience came from a prostitute. thereforee, what is really the difference between an older male virgin, and an older guy that went with a prostitute a few times in terms of stigma? The right woman will accept you no matter what anyway so who cares.