He's 25 year old virgin and never had a girlfriend before

[solacean]

I stumbled accross this thread and had to shake my head at all of the posts where guys are talking about giving up on the greatest thing you could ever have in this world.

 

To think that it's somehow impossible is nonsense. Yes - in every case, even with the guy who decided to accept that he was "not meant to reproduce." I have seen literally all kinds of people in all kinds of (even terrible) situations who found love. Midgets, the mentally retarded, people with deformities. There is literally someone for everyone.

 

"There is someone for everyone" is a completely unsupportable, empty platitude, and saying that everyone can do it because you did is making the extreme and unfair generalization that your experiences and viewpoints must apply to everyone else. I imagine that you intended this to be a helpful comment to people like me, but I assure you that it is not helpful, especially when you lightheartedly cast aside my life experience (which spans twice as many years as yours) as "nonsense".

[Neat-O Guy]

"There is someone for everyone" is a completely unsupportable, empty platitude, and saying that everyone can do it because you did is making the extreme and unfair generalization that your experiences and viewpoints must apply to everyone else. I imagine that you intended this to be a helpful comment to people like me, but I assure you that it is not helpful, especially when you lightheartedly cast aside my life experience (which spans twice as many years as yours) as "nonsense".

Hey solacean. Yeah, I definitely didn't mean any offense, but this is what I believe.

 

I don't think it's unsupportable to say that there is someone for everyone. There are so many people who are different in so many ways that it certainly isn't unreasonable to think that the law of averages applies, and thus that it is a virtual certainty that you can meet someone you like who also likes you. This is why I claim that anyone can do it.

 

I'm not casting aside your experience as nonsense. What I'm casting aside as nonsense is the notion that it is impossible for you to find someone. It is, as a matter of fact, possible for you to find someone.

 

As for my viewpoints applying to everyone else, consider this. If your viewpoint is opposed to mine - which has allowed me to turn my life around - what is there to stop you from adopting my viewpoint yourself?

[solacean]

Hey solacean. Yeah, I definitely didn't mean any offense, but this is what I believe.

 

I don't mind that at all. Thanks for clarifying.

 

I don't think it's unsupportable to say that there is someone for everyone. There are so many people who are different in so many ways that it certainly isn't unreasonable to think that the law of averages applies, and thus that it is a virtual certainty that you can meet someone you like who also likes you. This is why I claim that anyone can do it.

 

I would point out that even you say it is a "virtual certainty". That means it isn't necessarily 100% certain for every last person on Earth. I'm not suggesting there are a lot of people like me who aren't candidates for the dating pool, but a few of us do exist here and there in the unseen corners of the world, and I think we tend to be over-represented on a forum of this nature.

 

I'm not casting aside your experience as nonsense. What I'm casting aside as nonsense is the notion that it is impossible for you to find someone. It is, as a matter of fact, possible for you to find someone.

 

Again, it's not a fact - it's your opinion, no matter how certain you are of it. And you are certainly entitled to express your opinion! I merely take exception when people represent their subjective opinions as objective facts.

 

As for my viewpoints applying to everyone else, consider this. If your viewpoint is opposed to mine - which has allowed me to turn my life around - what is there to stop you from adopting my viewpoint yourself?

 

I would answer that your viewpoint isn't an option for me because my life experience has undoubtedly been so radically different from yours that you probably wouldn't believe at least some of it. I will only suggest that you might consider the possibility that there is a nearly infinite variety of types of men who could fall into this general category, and that at least some of those men could have impediments to relationships that you'll hopefully never be in a position to see or consider.

 

Thanks for responding in a reasoned manner, by the way. I honestly do appreciate it - I was more than half expecting to get flamed for my comment.

[Ramm Zwei]

When I find a woman who shares my interests in dictators, shares my political ideas or at least tolerates and understand them and who also feels that humanity is mostly comprised of worthless scum and idiots, then I'll believe you, Neat-O-Guy. But in the meantime I think that the maxim of "there is a someone for everyone" only need apply to women as they are the ones who apparently just have to sit and wait for love to appear out of thin air.

[MD Geist]

To all those boys without experience- I would gladly date someone who had no experience if I thought we would make a good match. I would rather date a virgin than someone whose slept with 10+ people. I don't think the inexperience is as much of a turn-off to women as you think it is. It's more about your confidence level. Just keep living your life- work on advancing your career, pursuing hobbies, getting in shape, having experiences and you WILL meet a girl that fits you.

 

I hope my soulmate is out there living life to the fullest right now so that when I meet him we have lots of stuff to talk about!

 

I wish there where more women like you out there.

[dr_styles]

Hey Neat-o Guy, look forward reading through your blog over the next week even if just for that little bit of insight or "release" like I get from reading eNA.

 

But yeah the whole optimistic view is pretty weak here on eNA. For people like me we're on eNA because we no longer go off those statements. I mean I have two direct relatives who are very much single and seriously look destined to end that way, though not sure on the virgin and girlfriend part as specifically on this topic.

 

As I mentioned before, there are two sides posed by the topic; the original one is what others think of someone who is like this (red flags or not?). The other that has become part of the thread is what yourself thinks of it (lonely, unhappiness/depression, hope, etc.). It is hard enough to convince a lonely person that the former it is not a problem, and convincing someone the latter is not all bad is even harder.

[sns256]

Sorry for resurrecting this thread once again. I was just seeing that people were asking about this thread and how the OP and her boyfriend made out.

 

Back in November I did a little research and found her aim, and e-mail address. I e-mailed the OP to see how the situation turned out. I never got a reply from her. However through finding her e-mail address. I found that she had an active profile on link removed as of August 2008, which has been taken down now. So I guess their relationship didn’t work out in the end. Sometimes it is shocking how much information there is out there on the internet.

 

But not is all lost for guys like us. I am sure the guy in the OP’s story will take his experience and grow. He will eventually get a long term girlfriend. I am sure of it.

 

Everyone can get out of this mess. It just takes time and a lot of hard work. Just look at me. I have been making massive strides since I last visited ENA. You should have seen me last weekend when I was out bar hopping with a couple friends and a couple girl friends. I was talking to girls and flirting with them. I commanded any room walked into. I was sociable with everyone. My confidence was through the roof! I didn’t “close” any deals but I am getting close. My shyness is really the only thing holding me back from getting dates.

 

So no I haven’t had my first date yet. Nor my first kiss, sex, gf, ect. But with enough work I am going to make this happen. I actually did manage the courage to ask a girl out back in January, and even got her phone number. But she had second thoughts. Oh well.

 

If you can, grow some facial hair. My confidence has gone up tenfold since I started. It just makes you feel manlier. lol I have gotten so many compliments from girls telling me I look really good with it. That will increase anyone’s confidence.

 

Do whatever you need to do to get your confidence up and get out there pushing your comfort zone. Little by little it works. Trust me. If you need to go see a hooker, do it. If you need to change your looks, do it. Workout, get a hobby, anything. Do anything to make yourself more comfortable with who you are. Make it one of your top priories, and keep at it.

 

Good luck. Remember you will be perpetually single if you don’t work at it. You have it in you. But you need to decide deep inside of you that you want to change. It is you who needs to change. A relationship will not fall from the sky.

 

I might pop my head in here from time to time. I am just so busy with my growing social life right now.

[Juggalotus]

 

What I'm scared about is that because I am his first girlfriend he is going to latch onto me like a fish on a hook. He already tried to tell me he loved me (this was only after about 7 or 8 dates) and it was just kidn of hard.

 

Thanks!

 

heres the deal I am this guy and if hes anything like me the only reason he would try to say he loves you is because he thinks hes susposed to second of all you shouldn't worry about him latching on because if he dous its better that its with you than anyone else because you obviously care about him enough

[WorkingInLin]

I am this guy but a year older. I hope if I meet a girl, she sticks with me and doesn't dump me because I'm a virgin who has never had a girlfriend before.

[ilovehim2009]

To all those boys without experience- I would gladly date someone who had no experience if I thought we would make a good match. I would rather date a virgin than someone whose slept with 10+ people. I don't think the inexperience is as much of a turn-off to women as you think it is. It's more about your confidence level. Just keep living your life- work on advancing your career, pursuing hobbies, getting in shape, having experiences and you WILL meet a girl that fits you.

 

I hope my soulmate is out there living life to the fullest right now so that when I meet him we have lots of stuff to talk about!

 

Same here. I'd honestly think twice before dating a man who has screwed prostitutes.

 

The OP's situation sounds pretty much exactly like mine, although my boyfriend are still together and going strong. He was 25, a virgin, never even kissed a girl until we got together. I, on the other hand, was 21, had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and had had 3 sexual partners prior to him.

 

He does suffer from some insecurity issues which I've talked about in other threads (like not being able to undress in front of me). But all in all, he is wonderful. Incredibly loving but not clingy.

[jsudz2430]

refer him to this site, lol maybe he'll look around and start asking questions on what he should be doing.

[jonny15]

I am this guy but a year older. I hope if I meet a girl, she sticks with me and doesn't dump me because I'm a virgin who has never had a girlfriend before.

 

 

Same here. I wouldn't want that too happen.

 

I assume many would think something is wrong. Or think I was just plain creepy.

[WorkingInLin]

Same here. I wouldn't want that too happen.

 

I assume many would think something is wrong. Or think I was just plain creepy.

 

The world is * * * * ed up. We have people getting STDs right and left, and we don't even blink an eye, but god forbid someone be a certain age and still be a virgin.

[dr_styles]

Hey Lin I think we'll get dumped at the "never had a date/girlfriend" part before the virgin part