sjjohnson89 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have decided something similar recently. I am done with women. Done. For some reason they just don't like me. I think I have heard the words "creepy" from a woman's mouth for the last damn time. If my social anxiety means I'm not the smoothest guy ever, and that makes me "creepy" to some stupid twenty-something b****, then so be it. I have WAY more important things to do in my life than worry about women. They are not worth the thought I have been giving them, especially when there are so many other things I can focus on in my life. You are right in that to give focus to these types of women is not worth the effort, they arent worth the effort because they cant appreciate how difficult it is when one has social anxiety. But dont give up on all women, after all im sure its just one you are looking for. You only need one to see through you, to not go and jump to the conclusion you are creepy just because you are anxious. I know how hard it is. It seems liek its not going to happen, i feel that sometimes. I have recognised the possiblity that i could be alone till the end of my days, but then i think that i would rather that than spend it with someone i dont care for. I dont want to be alone, but as you say, there are other priorities, many i have soem control over, which i dont with women. Link to comment
putter65 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 One woman saying your 'creepy' doesn't mean every woman thinks the same ! Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 One woman saying your 'creepy' doesn't mean every woman thinks the same ! I havent been called creepy to my face at least. I think im just more unknown and mysterious to a lot of people, not just women. The point was, im very different from whats deemed 'normal', therefore many people not just women will not know how to approach me or get through to me. Link to comment
generaldiscord Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Hello, mister... If it helps at all, my boyfriend is wicked attractive. Like, he's so attractive that women actually turn around to see him when he walks by. And he thinks he's ugly and he's horribly shy and stayed 6 years in a sexless relationship because he didn't think he could do any better. He couldn't actually talk to me out loud the first time I met him. He pretended I wasn't there and then he started running the photocopier alot. Do you know how he made me understand that it was just a problem at the start of things? He wrote me once, "I'm very shy.". It's perfectly acceptable, I understood, he's not a total basket case, he just has trouble breaking the ice. I second the "online dating" advice. If you can be honest about where you come from, the chances you can find someone who can sympathize with your situation are high. Link to comment
putter65 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Interesting because I would never be like that, unable to talk because of embarrassment. Maybe I'm not shy but more unsociable. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Interesting because I would never be like that, unable to talk because of embarrassment. Maybe I'm not shy but more unsociable. You sound then more unsociable than shy. I am be both. Lucky me lol Link to comment
putter65 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 You sound then more unsociable than shy. I am be both. Lucky me lol Or maybe not unsociable just I prefer my own company. An introvert ! Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Or maybe not unsociable just I prefer my own company. An introvert ! Yes, i am an introvert as well. Unlike many i dont mind my own company. But despite that, i do get lonely from time to time, especially when i see happy couples holding hands and so on. I always think why not me? Link to comment
putter65 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Yes, i am an introvert as well. Unlike many i dont mind my own company. But despite that, i do get lonely from time to time, especially when i see happy couples holding hands and so on. I always think why not me? Yes I'm always thinking that too ! But I'm never down for long, only a day or so. I just think, I've got a roof over my head, my health is good, I have money and a steady job. So I'm better off than some people. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Yes I'm always thinking that too ! But I'm never down for long, only a day or so. I just think, I've got a roof over my head, my health is good, I have money and a steady job. So I'm better off than some people. Im never down for long either, or though in my case thats because i have mood swings. One day i can be down, another up. I am always trying to think positive as well, though i can get overwhelmed at times with negative thoughts, i can get hard on myself. But i always have hope, that brings me back up. Link to comment
putter65 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Im never down for long either, or though in my case thats because i have mood swings. One day i can be down, another up. I am always trying to think positive as well, though i can get overwhelmed at times with negative thoughts, i can get hard on myself. But i always have hope, that brings me back up. I'm a bit like that. I seem to have more negative thoughts when I like a woman and I seem to have a chance with her. That makes me very miserable because I don't want to get my hopes up yet I'm hoping something good is going to happen. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I'm a bit like that. I seem to have more negative thoughts when I like a woman and I seem to have a chance with her. That makes me very miserable because I don't want to get my hopes up yet I'm hoping something good is going to happen. I know what you are saying. Although i was talking generally so it is applied to my life, not just around women and the idea and relationships. But yes, i can get very negative thoughts around someone i like, not about them, but me. I do feel like its almost impossible for someone to like me at my core. I guess i fear that rejection. I do carry around emotional scarres from such times where i have been vulnerable, where a rejection of some kind was given. I value trust a lot, much more than the average person. Its very hard to get from me, it has to be earned, but once it is broken thats usually it. Its because i have no trust in most people that i hold a high guard, this is all part of my myserious demeanour. It is in part, my guard. Although, i am a complex person, so mysery is just part of me really. Some people say women like mysterious shy types, or guys they dont understand or figure out. I havent found that at all. In a superficial way maybe, but not many women ive met are really interested in putting in the effort to get to know me. Link to comment
FrogIsFree Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I would suggest meditation. It has helped me a lot. It might just start bringing you some peace and help support you as you continue to pace yourself. Also, it could help you with the small incremental steps you are taking, to deal with your social outings in terms of being better emotionally and mentally prepared. Also, it can really help to address in your own mind - whatever the professionals/therapist might have theorised and diagnosed - what truly has and continues to cause your anxiety. There can be many reasons, but by addressing the route cause it might reduce some of the stomach problems you are experiencing. Link to comment
generaldiscord Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Interesting because I would never be like that, unable to talk because of embarrassment. Maybe I'm not shy but more unsociable. I don't understand. What is lonliness? I thought it was the desire for company. How can you be a lonely and unsociable person? Link to comment
-John- Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I can't imagine being 40 years old and still in the situation I'm in now. Actually, no, I can imagine it. People might criticize me, but honestly, if it ever got to that point, I might be tempted to just pay someone. Not necessarily for sex; but pay her just to pretend to be my girlfriend (maybe for a day) -- because that's probably the closest I'd ever come to the experience. Link to comment
putter65 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I don't understand. What is lonliness? I thought it was the desire for company. How can you be a lonely and unsociable person? Not lonely. I just want a girlfriend. Link to comment
putter65 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I can't imagine being 40 years old and still in the situation I'm in now. Actually, no, I can imagine it. People might criticize me, but honestly, if it ever got to that point, I might be tempted to just pay someone. Not necessarily for sex; but pay her just to pretend to be my girlfriend (maybe for a day) -- because that's probably the closest I'd ever come to the experience. What was that statastic I saw recently ? One in 9 British men pay for sex ? Link to comment
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