After reading some posts from men who have a women cheat on them....

[JadedStar]

WOW. I can't believe some of the posts I just read.

 

WHEW. YEah, good luck mate! You are gonna need it!

[luvmykids]

Thanks for the laugh on this one......really! I laughed so hard I about wet myself! My exhusband cheated several times. I forgave and then finally said see ya. ( he never admitted it tho) He is still with the last one he cheated with and he still thinks he owns me. It's been almost 4 years. I think he has the same mantality as you do...Thanks, I see my way out of him thinking he still owns me...I'LL TELL HIM I CHEATED when we were married. I'm still laughing by the way! have a nice day, just wanted to add my 2 cents.

[Clabs]

Hey Tray

 

You couldn't really expect any other type of reply when you post something as extreme as this. What you wrote is so outrageously offensive to all the super ladies who post on here.

 

Mate - you really need to get a grip fella because you just come accross as very bitter and twisted.

 

Mark

[Papillion]

its actually funny, i'm laughing out loud.

 

surely he cant actually think this? surely?

[luvmykids]

Thank you Clabs!

 

I just wanted to say one more thing.....

 

I have 3 beautiful children with my exhusband and 2 of them are boys. I now know I have a much harder job raising them then I thought. If either of my boys were to ever develop such a screwed up way of looking at or valuing women the way you do...I would have failed them as a mother! They are 7 and 9 and have a better understanding of how to treat/respect the females (and males) in their lives.

[Bunney]

OP, it's ok to think this way.

 

Sexism is not ok.

[BetterKarma]

Maybe it's this kind of attitude and your lack of respect towards women that might have led to the demise of your relationship? Just a thought.

 

I think you should seriously reevaluate your sexist point of view and find that whether you are a woman or a man, it hurts just as much.

[rootcause43]

if she sleeps with another man for any reason, even after you break up. IT IS OVER.

 

If we are broken up then IT IS OVER already. The insertion of a foreign penis after the relationship has terminated has no bearing on anything.

 

I would date/sleep with a former GF/date again even after a penis other than my glorious own had occupied said space since I had last dated her.

 

A condom though, would I wear.

[doyathink]

Sexism is not ok.

 

Read the rest of my post Bunny. I was being facetious.

At the same time, he's entitled to think the way he wants too.

 

Think about it. Why would I have given you a rep point saying I agreed with you, and then turn around and post just the opposite....and be serious about it???

[Bunney]

Read the rest of my post Bunny. I was being facetious. At the same time, he's entitled to think the way he wants too.

 

Think about it. Why would I have given you a rep point saying I agreed with you, and then turn around and post just the opposite....and be serious about it???

 

 

ooh sorry misunderstood haha. I'm tired. ooh thanks for the rep point, didn't know you gave me one.

 

[doyathink]

ooh sorry misunderstood haha. I'm tired. ooh thanks for the rep point, didn't know you gave me one.

 

 

haha

........

[anggrace]

A man cheating on a woman is just as serious.

 

Give me a break.

 

'a man can't get pregnant'? No, but he can get another woman pregnant, catch venereal diseases, and everything else that goes along with cheating. Not to mention the emotional devastation.

 

Where do you get your double standards?

 

My ex cheated on me, and it hurt every bit as badly as a man would have hurt had his girlfriend cheated on him.

 

^^^Agree with Cimmie

 

This is just ridiculous and pretty sad accually.

[servedcold]

Could probably agree that it's generally easier for a woman to cheat, thus once a woman is of a mind to do so, she can do more damage more quickly, but with escort services readily available, even this is a stretch. Tray are you trolling by chance? If not, find a female friend of yours who has been cheated on and attempt to make the claims you made in the OP with her in person and let us know what she says... or how many stitches you require afterwards...

[Papillion]

Could probably agree that it's generally easier for a woman to cheat, thus once a woman is of a mind to do so, she can do more damage more quickly, but with escort services readily available, even this is a stretch. Tray are you trolling by chance? If not, find a female friend of yours who has been cheated on and attempt to make the claims you made in the OP with her in person and let us know what she says... or how many stitches you require afterwards...

 

hahaha, brilliant

[Zorba]

I do not agree or disagree with the original poster. However, i think that the topic should not be deleted. we all have different views and we should be allowed to share them if they do not harm anyone.

Agreed. Dissention the odd time is far better than constant feel good consensus and at least you may see what some peoples true feelings are, which is far more informative.

 

As I wrote before I don't think it matters, especially when a couple is apart. However there are evolutionary and biological reasonings behind the OP's point's outside of the obvious morality. Men and other male animals are programmed to have more objection from a female cheating than the reverse case. Simply because any child a woman gives birth to she knows is hers. A man simply can't know the same(modern DNA testing aside). If a woman has an affair and gets pregnant by the man in that affair, she may pass it off as her boyfriends/husbands. In which case he would be raising and providing for a child that is not his genetically. This is not to the biological advantage of the male in such a case. If a man has an affair and gets the lover pregnant, yes it is an issue, but his wife/girllfriend still knows her existing children with the man are hers.

 

This is why most ancient cultures and patriarchal societies place such high value on female "virtue" and virginity(Its still evident today in a lot of cultures). This was even more the case when humans started to live in bigger groups and have property. Property which usually(but not always) went through the male line. Such transmission was based on the idea that the son was the fathers and not someone elses. Look how people even today are so fascinated by their ancestry(adoption etc is another subject and comes from a different angle).

 

The double standard that applies in sex and amount of sexual partners stems from the same background. A mans' primitive brain will prefer a woman with less experience, mainly because deep down he figures she's less likely to cheat and get pregnant by another man.

 

Nowadays with contraception and paternity testing this has changed but not for long enough for our ancient brains and indeed many religious mores to catch up in a lot of ways. You will notice it's not called "maternity" testing either as that would be patently ridiculous as the woman knows whom she gave birth to and she knows it's hers.

 

While such attitudes are considered dubious, even abhorent by some they do have a very very old basis for why they still exist even today.

[ycmanvs]

Actually, if you want to have this argument, you should also take into account surrogate motherhood....where you can have maternity testing....as well as egg donation...etc.

We do not live in those ancient societies, and while I agree that biologically we are not evolving at the same speed as socially, it is arguable that men will become altogether obsolete.

 

To say that the reasons for cheating and forgiving are genetically imprinted is a bit of a stretch...on the other hand if you want to talk about studies of sperm motility and men being turned on when watching other men with one woman, etc.....there is evidence that can support either side of this argument.

[Zorba]

Well you could bring in surrogate motherhood, but it would be an entirely different argument and more along the lines of how technology has impacted biology and by extension morality. We still in any case have to find a way to integrate that biology and morality in the face of medical and technological change.

 

You could even argue that surrogate motherhood was used in the past in the case of powerful men whose wife was "barren" Often they took second wives and divorced the first wife on the legal grounds(in many cultures) she was infertile, or simply found other reasons to get another woman. Henry the VIII springs to mind. Joke is in so many cases it's the man who is "barren".

 

Those ancient societies that hold such views about female sexuality that apparently we don't live in are very close to the surface and all around us. Turn on the TV any night and you will see it writ large in popular culture, far more than the opposing view.

 

Progress has been made. Even having discussions like this within the general public would have been considered taboo, even 30 years ago. Even today such subjects addressing female sexuality are still verboten in many many parts of the world I would even suggest most parts of the world outside the "west"(even in subgroups within the west). Hey there are even women undergoing virginity reconstruction in some places around the world. All stemming from this idea.

 

While in theory men could become redundant, it's so highly unlikely to happen, its not worth debating. Soon enough we will be able to grow wombs if we should choose to. Would this make women redundant? Nope. I hope not anyway.

 

I hope the mods don't delete this as it is a good discussion.

[luvmykids]

Ycmanvs,

I agree...was trying to put that into words also.

I understand the "science" of it, but the simple fact is that we do not live in thoses times anymore.

 

There are lots of things that "used" to be accepable that now have very harsh laws protecting the practice of such beliefs.

[shes2smart]

I hope the mods don't delete this as it is a good discussion.

 

As long as those participating are polite, respectful, refrain from personally attacking other posters as they state their views, and agree to disgree without continuing to bicker back and forth when it's clear you're never going to see eye-to-eye, you can discuss all you want.

 

"I disagree with what you've said, here's why...." is fine.

 

"My God, you are a complete moron, how on earth could you ever believe that when I know the truth is...." is not.

 

There's an old saying about tact that goes along the lines: Tact is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that s/he actually looks forward to the trip.

 

All people need to do is use a little tact.

[Zorba]

To say that the reasons for cheating and forgiving are genetically imprinted is a bit of a stretch...

There is far more evidence that it is biologically determined than not. It's observable in many many species. Male lions when they take over a pride will kill the cubs of the previous alpha male, so as not to expend resources on cubs that are not genetically related to him. This is not observed in the females in other species. In humans it's a little more subtle, but it is there. In the old days and even today the description "bastard" Illegitimate is and was a very harsh one. It even extended to legal rights and still does in many cases.

on the other hand if you want to talk about studies of sperm motility and men being turned on when watching other men with one woman, etc.....there is evidence that can support either side of this argument.

Only in a wider sense and not within the scope of the OP's point(such as it was). As I've said humans are more subtle and there is more going on.

 

There are studies that have shown when women take a second lover, they tend has more orgasms with that lover. Orgasms increase the chances of pregnancy(cervical dipping), so it would seem that in that case the women are increasing their chances of getting pregnant by the lover.

 

The husband may provide a better more stable home for any children she might raise, but he may not be the best male to actually give her the "best" children. The Lady Chatterly's lover syndrome.

 

There are even studies that seem to bear some of that out in more subtle ways. Women are more attracted to high testosterone males when at their most fertile, yet are attracted to more feminised male faces when not as fertile or pregnant. That would suggest that women are coded to look for vigorous males to get pregnant by, but more stable, less aggressive males to actually raise the children. Which stands to reason for our distant ancestors.

 

As I say nowadays such instincts are very deep or are basically ignored. that said there are also many genetic studies that have shown a surprisingly high amount of children are being raised by men that are not their fathers although they believe them to be. It's usually always the second or third child.

 

Fascinating stuff all the same.

[Zorba]

Ycmanvs,

I agree...was trying to put that into words also.

I understand the "science" of it, but the simple fact is that we do not live in thoses times anymore.

No but we still inhabit the same 130,000 year old bodies and brains. We are a very adaptable species and that is the main reason for our success. We will adapt further. That's our thing. I always worry when people put "science" in parentheses. I'm about to get a roasting methinks. Better duck.

 

There are lots of things that "used" to be accepable that now have very harsh laws protecting the practice of such beliefs.

True and thank god for that, but this male female sexuality angle does go very very deep. How many laws have in place in the past and today against many aspects of sexuality, yet those laws were and are flouted everyday.

[Clabs]

"Tact is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that s/he actually looks forward to the trip."

 

Hey shes2smart - I loved this!

 

mark

[Zorba]

Yea I liked that one too. with me people are often looking for tickets to hell as the alternative of listening to be rattle on is far worse a concept....

[shes2smart]

I've also seen a similar definition of "diplomacy."

 

Really, I like to believe that people can behave themselves...sometimes they just need to be reminded.

 

Speaking for myself, I do know that every once in a while I come accross a post that really gripes my cookies. If it does, I know it's one I should NOT reply to right away because I'll probably type something I shouldn't. I think about it a while, put it in perspective and try to work out a way to get accross my point without going off. If I cannot do that, then I don't post at all...which requires me to do exactly nothing.

 

I can do nothing real well....for hours at a time, even.

 

It takes a lot more self-discipline to delay replying or not reply at all than it does to get all ticked off and pound the hell out of your keyboard.

 

Some days, I have to wear mittens while surfing the site, but I have never regretted things I didn't say or type in the heat of the moment, while there have been things I have said or typed when in a fit of pique that I wanted to take back later.

[ycmanvs]

Thus, proving my point, which was that you just contradicted the OP and showed that women can, indeed have more than one man, and bear children and have another man raise said children that were the product of the more genetically "superior" male.....

 

Anyway, I am glad that this discussion has turned more into an intellectual exercise, than a flame war.