After reading some posts from men who have a women cheat on them....

[Zorba]

Thus, proving my point, which was that you just contradicted the OP and showed that women can, indeed have more than one man, and bear children and have another man raise said children that were the product of the more genetically "superior" male.....

Not quite. I don't see how I proved your point at all. Maybe we're engaged in a different argument.

 

I showed why the OP's position holds the position he does. He never suggested that women couldn't have more than one man at the same time. He suggested that female infidelity is more potentially damaging to the relationship as a whole, than would be the case with female infidelity. I quote:

Although both are shallow and nasty acts in itself, it is definitely more serious if a woman cheats.

He acknowledges that infidelity is serious in both genders, but posits that it can have further reaching consequences in the case of the woman.

 

A man can NEVER forgive a woman for cheating on him. But a woman CAN for forgive a man. There are various reasons for this. One, a man can't get pregnant. Two, a woman is suppose to be loyal, pure, genuine, and sincere.

His first point is applicable to the argument. So is his second actually, just couched in simplistic terms that denote sexual fidelity in a potential female partner, that would be attractive to a male who wished to ensure their progeny was his own.

 

While the terms and description of his point are with respect not fully realised, the basics behind how he feels have some biological, evolutionary and psychological roots. That was my contention. My argument if you will.

 

I've actually backed up the biological basis for his personal "moral" supposition, by showing that female infidelity at least is objectively more damaging to the male. The OP didn't suggest that women couldn't have more than one man and be cheating on one of them. He suggests the aforementioned damage arising from that and suggested that a man should not forgive or countenance any infidelity from a woman as the male would likely not want to raise children that he thinks are his.

 

Anyway, I am glad that this discussion has turned more into an intellectual exercise, than a flame war.

True enough.

[luvmykids]

Is it not as damaging for a mother to be raising her children with her man and have some woman or worse yet...some child knock on their door and say : is so and so here..hes my daddy?

 

This hasnt happened to me but I know a few..not just one woman in my lifetime who have had to deal with this side of the coin.

 

Its damaging either way you look at it.

[cabbytyreburna]

I have to say, a man sleeping with another woman is unforgivable.

 

As much as I love my ex, he broke up with me to hook up with his cousins ex. I will never forgive him. Based on his behavior and past, i highly doubt he will ever come back to me, He is in "love" with this girl, and thinks she is so sexi... Blah blah blah, heard from others she aint.. but whatever, thats his opinion. Either way, I would never forgive him for leaving me to sleep with her. I dont care. I doubt he will ever come back to me, even though he used to claim he loved me so much, and would be with me forever, he has moved on and is with a new girl. In "love" with a new girl I should say. So I dont have to worry about forgiving him. As much as I love him, and want him back, I could never ever forgive him for leaving me to sleep with her.

 

I see him as a dirty trampy . And always will. No matter what. he could come tell me he was drugged the whole time, and I will not forgive him for sleeping with her. Especially not since he was with her less than a few weeks after being with me.

[Zorba]

Oh no it is damaging for both sides. The big difference is simply that even if another child shows up that is not yours and your partners, you know your kids are yours. You have no doubt. You carried them for 9 months, went through labour and gave birth to them. They came from you. No amount of infidelity on the part of a partner you have can ever take that away.

 

Those children of yours will grow up big, healthy and strong and go on to have kids of their own and generations from now some part of you will be still out there with a link to their great great great etc grandmother.

 

The same is not the case with a man. We may believe it's the case and love the mother of our kids with all our heart and the gift she has given us of those kids that are part of us as well, but infidelity can and does steal that faith away in a much more profound way.

 

A man could be loving and raising what he thinks are the kids he shares between you and then one day find out that they're not after all. While he will still love them, something vital in that connection is sure to be lost. So again from a man's point of view that is a worse situation.

 

Maybe from a woman's point of view this connection with her children is so obvious and complete that it is easy to forget that with a man that is not the case. He has that connection from his own heart and the trust he feels for the woman in his life. Any break in that trust has more profound impacts and that in a more simplistic way is what the OP was talking about.

[ycmanvs]

I do not think there is any right or wrong way of dealing with infidelity. Some people choose to forgive eachother and try to work out their issues and stay together after the indiscretion. I doubt that a male cheating is less painful to a woman, then a woman cheating is to her male partner.

However, when a man sleeps around, sometime he is considered "a stud" and virile, while a woman engaging in the same behavior is considered "a * * * *", "insecure", "etc.". Depending on where you live and what your morals are, you may or may not agree with these terms.

 

There are some who consider polyamory the norm. In those types of relationships, both men and women have multiple partners and love relationships, and everyone is ok with it because they have established their boundaries.

[tray25]

Haha. I love the fact that it brought you guys out of your holes and put some excitement in your day.

 

I am going to put this as simple as I can.

 

A man cheats, a woman has a decision to make.

A woman cheats, there is no decision. It is over.

 

A woman that you are interested in should never be seen naked by anyone else. I agree, like I said in my original post, that when both do it, it should be over. It is just that it is more severe when a woman does it. There is no doubt that when a woman cheats, it is and should be, completely over. Women can think of forgiveness but a man shouldn't. Stop the feminism.

This is not a sexist post. It just simply states that a woman cheating=DONE

I am not a woman so I don't know what I would think of forgiveness if a man cheated on me. This is the male perspective.

 

 

 

I really don't care if you ban me. I state the truth here. I don't piss on your head and tell you its raining. If you listen to me, you (men) will have an easier time dealing with situations like cheating.

 

And please get over her.

[ycmanvs]

So, does this mean that if you cheat, your girlfriend should try to forgive you? But if she cheats on you, then you are done with her? And this is based solely on the fact that you are male and she is female? We are all trying to understand why you have made this statement and why it can't apply to both sexes equally.

[Zorba]

I have to say, a man sleeping with another woman is unforgivable.

Regardless of what if anything you had to do with the breakup(and everyone has some responsibility however small), what he did to you was very very nasty, selfish and immature. No doubt. I would not have forgiven him in your shoes. I wouldn't even begin to entertain the idea of still loving him, beyond what I would extend to any human being that I didn't know. He would lose that right by his actions.

 

That's another thing to take into account. What is unforgivable for one person, may not be for another. Indeed what is unforgivable now may be forgivable in the future. People can vary so much in what they will or will not forgive and can vary throughout life. I know that things I would have flipped over when I was 20 would not register half as much when I was 30, even less when I'm 39. I suppose that's why I always felt somewhat opposed to people getting married early before at least 25 for that very reason. Even though I have changed with age in many of my responses, there are basic lines that someone cannot cross with me that have remained largely unchanged. Betrayal is one of them.

[anggrace]

We are not animals. We, men AND women, are humans that deserve equal respect. While outcomes may vary (arguable obviously), it is just as wrong for a man to cheat as it is for a women to cheat. Why? Because both sexes feel pain. Because we should be loyal and trustworthy as lovers and humans.

 

It scares me that there are people out there who think it is worse for a women to cheat... for WHATEVER reason. It's not about genitalia, it's about trust, love and comitiment. We deserve that equally.

[Zorba]

I do not think there is any right or wrong way of dealing with infidelity.

Agreed.

I doubt that a male cheating is less painful to a woman, then a woman cheating is to her male partner.

Personally yes and that may vary between people, but a man does have more to lose if the paternity of his children are in question because of that infidelity. I have noticed with friends of mine that when the woman cheats it's far more likely to end the relationship. When a man cheats there does seem to be more of a chance, especially in very ong term relationships.

However, when a man sleeps around, sometime he is considered "a stud" and virile, while a woman engaging in the same behavior is considered "a * * * *", "insecure", "etc.". Depending on where you live and what your morals are, you may or may not agree with these terms.

And the reason for that double standard? Pretty much what I've been saying about the difference between men and women and their infidelity. Society in general(and this goes for pretty much every society from the Greeks to today) is far more accepting, forgiving or even in extremis, celebratory of that double standard. Precisely because before reliable contraception male infidelity was less damaging and dangerous to the perceived fabric of society than female infidelity. We live with that legacy today.

 

There are some who consider polyamory the norm. In those types of relationships, both men and women have multiple partners and love relationships, and everyone is ok with it because they have established their boundaries.

Which seems to be an evolution of social mores since contraception as before that it was quite quite rare. In earlier societies when such encounters occurred the women involved were in the main courtesans and prostitutes, not equals. When such equal couplings occurred it wa among very wealthy women who could procure alternatives to a pregnancy.

[Zorba]

A woman that you are interested in should never be seen naked by anyone else.

Does this go for being seen naked before you were interested? If you split up and 6 months later she is naked with another man and then a year later you get back together, is it the same?

 

I am going to put this as simple as I can.

................. Nothing to see here folks. Move along...

And this is based solely on the fact that you are male and she is female? We are all trying to understand why you have made this statement and why it can't apply to both sexes equally.

Ehhhh I've been ranting on boringly in loads of indigestible, pretentious and pseudo intellectual posts on the last few pages explaining his position, or at least why his midbrain has vomited this forward to his frontal lobes and conjured up his opinion. Good God woman you're not even listening! Typical... Don't know why I bother. I was reading a good book at the time too.......

[Zorba]

We are not animals.

We are, but we have one grace, we are aware of this and can choose to rise above the parts of our animal natures that restrict us. That is what truly separates us and can even be seen as touching the divine. Although an unbeliever, that what touches me deeply about Buddha, Jesus and all those men and women who made great moral strides on behalf of the rest of us. It's their humanity that inspires. Their deity I leave for others to describe, worship and emulate as I'm not nearly close enough in my humanity alone. If I get someway there I'll leave the devout to worry about the rest.

We, men AND women, are humans that deserve equal respect.

Agreed. While realising there are equal but different repsonses to things that effect one gender more than another. EG As a man I may have a right to voice an opinion on how a women conducts her pregnancy, I have no right to impose said opinion.

While outcomes may vary (arguable obviously), it is just as wrong for a man to cheat as it is for a women to cheat. Why? Because both sexes feel pain.

I agree, both do, but in some circumstance the pain may be different and the falout may be higher and that goes for both genders.

Because we should be loyal and trustworthy as lovers and humans.

Agreed

 

It scares me that there are people out there who think it is worse for a women to cheat... for WHATEVER reason. It's not about genitalia, it's about trust, love and comitiment. We deserve that equally.

It is worse form the point of a man from what I've been saying. Does this mean it's not equally hurtful to a woman? Of course not. It is. In some examples it can be worse. If a man leaves his wife of 20 years for a much younger woman similar feelings with a biological root from a different angle can be felt.

 

Respect is everything. On both sides.

[Bunney]

It's so pathetic that the OP just loves to annoy the heck out of people. He just made the thread to get attention and annoy people, and now that he did achieve what he wanted (and strutted around about it), I think this thread should get closed. A real troll.

[Zorba]

I think this thread should get closed. A real troll.

While he may or may not be a troll, the thread has a life of it's own well beyond the OP, so that in effect is the best response for trolls if that's what this is.

[vinnee]

I think I feel like throwing some gasoline on the fire..........

 

If a woman cheats, it has nothing to do with being selfish or low. It is TOTALLY because the guy was neglecting her physical and emotional needs. Or maybe HIS SEED IS WEAK and he couldn't get her pregnant. If he had been a REAL MAN, she wouldn't need to look elsewhere. Only INADEQUATE MEN get cheated on by their women because women are sooo delicate, sensitive and pure and they all yearn for children. Why else would a woman cheat?

 

Jaysus!

[tray25]

 

 

63 replies and counting.](*,)

 

 

I think we hit a spot

[Dominic_M]

I think I feel like throwing some gasoline on the fire..........

 

If a woman cheats, it has nothing to do with being selfish or low. It is TOTALLY because the guy was neglecting her physical and emotional needs. Or maybe HIS SEED IS WEAK and he couldn't get her pregnant. If he had been a REAL MAN, she wouldn't need to look elsewhere. Only INADEQUATE MEN get cheated on by their women because women are sooo delicate, sensitive and pure and they all yearn for children. Why else would a woman cheat?

 

Jaysus!

 

That post was about as painful to read as my ex's letters to her new guy...

 

 

I really hope thats sarcasm. If not, ouch.

[vinnee]

Tray,

 

Society raises their girl children to be more understanding of the family needs. This is the only reason why more women stay with a cheating guy. Society raises their boy children to be prideful and dominant. This is why less men can get past infidelity.

 

I would never want to be a man, but you need to curb your preconceived ideas of what a woman should or shouldn't do. You've never been one. You have no idea what it is like to walk out of your home every day and be seen as less than human. You have no idea what it is like to have people treat you distainfully or like you have some mental issue if you happen to run to the store without perfectly coiffed hair and make-up and then, if you did leave your home with these "duties" seen to, having men treat you like you did it just for them and they should say all manner of comments in the way of what they think is a compliment about how you look. If you don't like what they said to you, then the response is "why do you dress like that then if not to get my attention?" You have no idea what it is like to work your ass off for a male boss for three years and watch his opinion and respect you earned all be undone because some bitter ex-boyfriend had a business lunch with him for an hour. Or what it is like to insist on paying for your own meal on a first date and find out that the guy told someone the reason why there was no second date was because you were a "raging feminist who would've broke his nose if he had tried to hold the door, let alone pay for your meal" and then, when you go on a date with the next guy you meet and DON"T insist on paying, getting a bunch of flack for being a gold digger.

And you will never know what it is like to have a guy cheat on you and EXPECT you to forgive him for something he would NEVER forgive you for.

[vinnee]

That post was about as painful to read as my ex's letters to her new guy...

 

 

I really hope thats sarcasm. If not, ouch.

 

Of course it was sarcasm; how would anyone so stupid not get eliminated from the gene pool by some darwin award worthy accident........oh wait.......sorry OP!

[Toki]

Welp I'll guess I need to be more specific.

 

Cheating either way is something I think is disgusting and pathetic. I didn't read the thread as a man being forgiven but a women not or the other way around, I didn't see it as a sexist claim.

 

Maybe I should of read it better. But I gathered that cheating is unforgivable and the best thing you can do is keep your pride and leave.

 

Oh yeah and I didn't read the rest of this thread. People might be sexist, people might see it as that it is sexist, but I am not - I don't like cheaters and I gathered a good point and whether or not the wording is off or if the thread creator is defending his claim. Either way I'm on to a better thread.

 

And cheating is horrible no matter who does it and I lose respect for anyone who cheats.

[WaterIsLife]

We are not animals. We, men AND women, are humans that deserve equal respect. While outcomes may vary (arguable obviously), it is just as wrong for a man to cheat as it is for a women to cheat. Why? Because both sexes feel pain. Because we should be loyal and trustworthy as lovers and humans.

 

It scares me that there are people out there who think it is worse for a women to cheat... for WHATEVER reason. It's not about genitalia, it's about trust, love and comitiment. We deserve that equally.

 

^^ I'm with you on this one. How could a betrayal of trust and loyalty be any less to the other?

[Zorba]

^^ I'm with you on this one. How could a betrayal of trust and loyalty be any less to the other?

Because in one case the consequences are debatably higher for more than the person directly affected. There's been a few pages of this, explaining why this may be the case and rebuttals on the side of why it's not.

Welp I'll guess I need to be more specific.

How can you be specific if...

I didn't read the thread

Maybe I should of read it better.

 

Oh yeah and I didn't read the rest of this thread.

?

[Toki]

I was referencing this.

 

I was one of the first posts in this thread. Anything after is in debate of what the differences are of cheating between a guy and a girl and forgiveness.

 

I'm just saying I saw it as if your being cheated on leave, they have no respect for you. And if its a guy or girl its all the same.

 

Because for the most part after people have been cheated on they stick around. I didn't find the thread sexist from the start so I'm clearing my name that I'm sexist.

[servedcold]

Why else would a woman cheat?

 

Horny? Personality disordered? Highly suggestible? Low self-esteem? Impulsive? Saying that women don't cheat unless there is something missing in their relationship is laughable, there are lots of crazies in this world...

 

Also, as women become more comfortable in roles of power in society, many of the reasons they cheat are exactly the same reasons men cheat, they want to get laid by someone else, and think they can withstand the consequences.

 

My most recent ex said she cheated because she knew she was going to lose me eventually, so she lined up the next guy before that happened. Probably one of the most honest things the crazy _____ ever said.

 

The worst, kind of sad reason women cheat is power/control IMO, and this reason has been quite common among my friends. "He didn't notice my new hair color so I blew his best friend..." "He flirted with the waitress so I f___ed my boss..." Sure, you could -try- to lump reasons like this under emotional needs not being met, but they really don't fit there, do they?

 

Eh, sorry missed the sarcasm...

[vinnee]

Servedcold.....there is no reason to argue with me. Everything I put in that post was modeled after the OP's stupid post but from the flip side. I was being completely sarcastic to point out the stupidity of the OP's post.

 

 

sorry, I was typing when you realized I was being sarcastic