Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[dont bore me]

that old post is so so true,feel the same way.not a big deal in my thoughts anymore anyways.learning a lot along the way.

[shwede]

hi guys great forum ..

my girlfriend of ten yrs left me 7 weeks ago and is in a relationship with another guy after 3 weeks who lives like 2hrs away ... what i dont understand is how she can leave me saying she just wasnt happy then jump into this long dist relationship where she sits at home every night on msn waiting for this new guy to chat to and like sees him now and then ????????

 

she also blocked me on msn after i deleted her off my facebook , THEN after changing her status on facebook to in a relationship UNBLOCK ME ??????? .

 

ive been doing NC now for two weeks and zorba was right it does help u to get over it and feel better about yourself... but as to whats going on here im stumped !!

 

any ideas would be good to hear guys . ive just finished all the pages and seen some good ideas , some great advice , and just thought id put this ball if fo you lot to kick about ?

 

 

This isn't a destination it's a journey. shwede x

[hotrod8472]

It really sux watching the person u love go with a rebound like me I know that my ex still loves me but she has to much damn pride that it clouds her and so know I guess she met a "rebound" but I'm still in the picture so I guess I'm goin to exit the picture now and see what results that produces.

[shwede]

hi hotrod,

 

Thats what i would do my friend , ive been NC for 2 weeks today and god it hurts , get out of the way and let it take its course, go NC it seems to me after all the reading ive done on here to be the way to go .

 

i know what you mean about pride but you find a lot of the time with an ex that its hollow pride.. mine has become so cold to me so i just went nc when i found out about this other guy and like the rest of us im living on hope now taking it day at a time..

hoping some day she will wake up and smell the coffee

[dreamygirl]

It really sux watching the person u love go with a rebound like me I know that my ex still loves me but she has to much damn pride that it clouds her and so know I guess she met a "rebound" but I'm still in the picture so I guess I'm goin to exit the picture now and see what results that produces.

 

I'm in the same situation, my ex had a rebound right after breaking up with me, It couldn't have been worse right after my breakup. I have been in contact for almost 3 months now. I feel better but I hope the rebound is not going to turn into something more. My ex suddenly turned cold towards me after he found his rebound for no good reason.

[shwede]

hi dreamgirl .

 

i did some reading and someone came up with the idea that they become very cold so that to themselves they can justify what they have done , which to me makes sense..

 

spmeone posted way back a good post which gave me hope on here il try find it and post it for you to read ok ...

 

chin up dreamgirl its heart breaking i know this myself. i didnt love my girlfriend i worshipped the ground she walked on and still do xx

[shwede]

this gives me hope aswel as the post from zorba

 

I have been doing alot of research lately on rebound relationships. i have checked out many forums that included many people that have been in them. Not to many good endings in i would say about 95% of the time. This is what I have come to realize is a certain pattern for them. My ex is in one I am sure because all of the signs are there.

 

She jumped in it a week after our breakup of seven years and she had just met him that night that she first went home with him.

 

She moved in with him in less than two weeks. Moving real fast.

 

She said that he has saved her from an addiction she had that was not true.

 

He has some similarities to me as far as career. None that are physical though.

 

She thinks they have so much in common but her friends that have met him see it differently.

 

She does not see it as a rebound but her family, friends, and I all know the truth.

 

I did this research because I wanted to know what to expect. I wanted to try to know what it was that she was in for. I nead to protect my son and I so I need to know what could happen. i have initiated no contact with her from my son and I. She is not my sons mother.

 

So here it goes for what I might have to expect from this.

 

Many of the people who have been in them have similar stories. The new person that they were with seemed so perfect and they seemed to be the one. they all thought that they were so much better than there ex. Even if they were not more physically atractive then their ex.

 

There ex stayed in the picture for a peroid of time usually a month or two. during this time the exes were begging, pleading, and pushing them away. I did this for a few weeks myself. But they were also reashuring the rebounder the whole time they were in another relationship that they still had the ex no matter what. This is what feeds the ego of the rebounder. Shure thing no matter what.

 

Most seemed to be numb to feeling anything for there ex during this period. Then the ex starts to pull a way little by little first with LC then to full NC. During this time the ex of the rebounder seems to undergo a transformation. We heal and we let go. We become more attractive. We live our lives without them.

 

During this time the rebounder is unaware of the ex and their transformation. they still think the ex is a sure thing even though they are in NC. There rebound relationship is going along well but then comes the crash soon to follow. it seems at around the 3-5 month mark of the rebound relationship in most cases the rebounder wakes up and realizes that the person they are with is not who they thought they were. it just happens usually a dream, a good memory, or they see their ex and it triggers it. They realize that their sure thing is gone. They realize that they do not love the new person and that they actually were still in love with the ex. they are no longer attracted to the new person. Then it starts to hurt them because they can no longer be comforted or numbed by the new person. they usually end it at this point. They are on day one at this point and do all the stuff that the ex did during the beginning of the breakup.

 

Here is when they may try to reconcile. But in most cases the ex has already moved on and reject the rebounder. Or in a worse case scenario they fall victim to another rebound and the cycle starts again. some people remain in this cycle forever after a long relationship. But it was all because of the initail breakup of the long term intimate relationship and the love that they still have for their ex. Many had actually thought that they did not love there ex anymore at all. We all know that you cannot just sweep the dust under the carpet and expect it to go away.

 

So take this as a warning they our ex who are in rebounds may come chasing back after you, but by then we will have healed and more than likely know better. They also might fall into the trap of relationship jumping from one bad rebound to the next. how sad huh.

 

so lets all move on and let them go.

[dreamygirl]

hi dreamgirl .

 

i did some reading and someone came up with the idea that they become very cold so that to themselves they can justify what they have done , which to me makes sense..

 

spmeone posted way back a good post which gave me hope on here il try find it and post it for you to read ok ...

 

chin up dreamgirl its heart breaking i know this myself. i didnt love my girlfriend i worshipped the ground she walked on and still do xx

 

Thanks Shwede,

I think you are right about why they are cold towards the end for no reason. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope she comes back to you. You seem like a really nice person and don't deserve the situation you are in. I think some people just have the habit of jumping from one relationship to another because after a while, they think that the grass is greener on the other side and for a while, it may seem that way in a new relationship.

[shwede]

this is so true dreamgirl but when they get there they are still picking up the shxt lol,

 

what im doing now is doing all the stuff she wanted to do but never had the time with her work ,

im learning to horse ride , to ice skate , and the next time i go out of my way to see her in a few months i will just bring it up about how im doing all this new stuff now ,

 

this is not like me and this will make her think about how much ive changed , you have to change to make them think about you ,

she got a new car thinking it was the one i liked but i didnt , i wanted it for her lol just to try make me jelouse ?

so next yeah im getting the car she really wanted lol ....

[dreamygirl]

this is so true dreamgirl but when they get there they are still picking up the shxt lol,

 

what im doing now is doing all the stuff she wanted to do but never had the time with her work ,

im learning to horse ride , to ice skate , and the next time i go out of my way to see her in a few months i will just bring it up about how im doing all this new stuff now ,

 

this is not like me and this will make her think about how much ive changed , you have to change to make them think about you ,

she got a new car thinking it was the one i liked but i didnt , i wanted it for her lol just to try make me jelouse ?

so next yeah im getting the car she really wanted lol ....

 

LOL, you two are so funny trying to do things that each other likes and buy thinks that they think the other wants. I think there's hope for you and your ex yet LOL. Unfortunately i'm not in communication with my ex as I'm in no contact and so is he and he's busy with a new relationship. We were also in a LDR when we broke up

[shwede]

oh dont get me wrong we dont speak at the mo , im in NC and have been for 2weeks today,

i took my car off her when i found out about the other guy to break all contact from her.

she was still using it and i was putting all the petrol in , cleaning it and never once did i even get a thanks for it ?

Im just going by what my friends tell me lol .. i kicked her off my facebook so she cant see what im doing and never ask about her to our friends and never never tell our friends what im upto or she will be told lol

 

im in hiding lol for another month or so yet , i keep well away from the town when she is working , i go shopping at night when i know she is at home , just so i dont meet her just now

[shwede]

does anyone post on here any more ?

[beautifulangel]

Heu Guys,

Just finished reading all the 132 pages. I am a dumpee too. My ex girlfriend was working with me we fell in love and we had a great two years of companionship. She was a divorcee and a single mother. I was genuinely in love with her and wanted to be with her for the rest of our lives. She had married young and divorced after a 10 yrs. She never wanted to marry, so I had said that I will never force her to but will be there for her as long as she wanted me to or let me to be. She said she would love to have me with her even in our old age. I was very close to her family and her son. Time went by and she took up another job. It was also the time post recession that my work (rather financial) situation was not looking so bright. The moment she joined this new assignment I realised a change in her behaviour.Cutting the whole story short. The phone calls reduced, the smses i used to send were replied late, she even avoided talking to me on phone. Till one day when she called me over and told me that she didn't wanted to continue, as she was not meant to be in a relationship, that she wanted to do girlie stuff and she wanted to do things. Somehow I agreed, never begged, pleaded and went by her decision. I kept messaging her, in between as i was not convinved with her reasons that she gave me and the standard '"its me, not you stuff" I kept emailing her she kept calling and responding occassionally. I wanted to meet her once to which she agreed but never did, till the time I once called her and she complained to her dad. Her dad a sweet gentleman told me not to disturb her and that its not the time to call. The next morning i sent him an sms apologizing that he had to interfere and i didn't intend to disturb him or my ex. I requested him to meet me that day to meet me for a coffee which freaked my ex out... she called me and wanted to know why i wanted to meet her dad? I told her just becos i don't want him to feel that I am stalking you etc. Before that I had also shot her an email telling her that I didn't believe the reasons she gave me for the break up and probably she was hiding something from me. To which she for the first time came out with the truth of her started seeing another guy. She told me she was for the first time feeling so spiritually and emotionally connected to someone, she also remembered the occassional fights and blamed it on things not being right between us. I asked her how long was she going around to which she just did not reply, I asked her to meet me saying that now i have agreed to her new relationship and wish them well, she just never had the courage to meet me in person for the fear of seeing me in the eye. MAybe due to guilt... I was the man who is single, committed myself to her had agreed to stay unmarried for her sake and even not demand a child. I was ready to go all the way for her sake, for love sake, BUt she just spoiled it by choosing to go to the new guy. She did have problems with regards to hormonal imbalance, and at times i had even taken her to see a psychiatrist which she wanted to, but never continued with the Shrink. She was largely affected by her divorce, she was also wanting to make a career (hence the job with me, it was me only who put her on this new job). She is still fighting her custody case etc. Hopes to be successful one day so that she is in a position to take care of her parents and son etc. And i was also there while she wanted to do this. But still she choose to walk away from me to another guy, as her work timings were odd and I couldn't be there when she would have otherwise wanted me to be there. Besides, she is a very outgoing person... Did i loose my beautiful angel to the 'grass is greener' on the other side stuff or does she seems to be emotionally messed up? IN two years of togetherness we must have had like two to three nasty fights where she had lost control and was extremely furious. This was much before we knew that she was suffering from hormonal imbalance... other than that, it was very very cordial and peaceful. SEX WAS OH LA LA... AMAZING!!!

[beautifulangel]

This has been going for the last three four months... I am in NC since June beginning. Had my share of feeling cheated on, betrayed, even ended up seeing a shrink myself. Though I am recovering now, healing well since the last four five months now, yes its been happening since Jan/Feb. I must have met her three four times max. Just want to know what you all think her behaviour was, why this sudden change of mind? Why would someone actually leave such a man who is fully committed to her? especially someone who is in a situation like hers...

[beautifulangel]

Though I am healing myself and with every passing day I am coming to question myself that do you really want her back? and the answer is "I really don't think so" maybe if she does come back if at all and IF she does, I am not sure what my reaction will be. She tends to be emtionally fragile at times... And its most likely that I would have moved on, as I am taking time to get over her and the attachment i have for her. I just feel extremely worried for her well being. I was/am genuinely in love with her, and had thought, SHE IS THE ONE FOR ME

[beautifulangel]

This is the first time I have been betrayed and cheated upon in a relationship where I was so serious about the woman and I was SOOOOO loyal. Always there for her... but she just left me for another man. I politely asked in our last conversation who the 'gentleman' was but she just didn't divulge his identity. Though I don't have a grudge or hatredness towards her, i am amazed at the behaviour. What must have triggered her to take such a step to compromise on a man who is a sure shot to a 'rebound' who is probably temporary fun.

[beautifulangel]

How strange the feeling of love is... inspite of whatever has happened to us 99% of us want our exe's to be Happy. And the ones who have left just don't know the gems they have left behind... What a loss...

[beautifulangel]

hi shwede, did you read my thread? can u please help me? Guide me? Please... I am so devastated.

[beautifulangel]

Zorba. Love4life and all those like minded people where are you? I need to hear from you, what you feel about my situation pals... Please comment. Guide me, help me please... I am so devastated. Bitebenot... where are you pal?

[beautifulangel]

what kills me is the thought that she started going around with her rebound much before she terminated my relationship with her.., guess it was her way of making herself emotioanlly secure so that she doesn't have to go through or get over the break up with me. I feel like being such a fool that she kept fooling me, a guy who would otherwise never come into anybody's sweet talk. And here I am where my own love managed to fool me successfully... only becos she had ll my trust.

[shwede]

hi friend ,

people can be in a rebound before they even leave the old relationship..

[Puckdog27]

Zorba. Love4life and all those like minded people where are you? I need to hear from you, what you feel about my situation pals... Please comment. Guide me, help me please... I am so devastated. Bitebenot... where are you pal?

 

you really need to start your own thread. This is a very old thread you are posting in and many of the people in it no longer post on this board.

[beautifulangel]

HI Shwede,

Guess that is what has happened to my ex. She just fell into the trap, though i will never blame her rebound for what has happened. It's my ex who would have been more in control of herself, especially knowing when she was supposed to be in a serious relationship with me.

[beautifulangel]

Hi Puck... How does one start a new thread pal?

[beautifulangel]

so is my ex in a rebound? She doesn't feel so though. She is in her honeymoon stage with her rebound and seems to be too happy and satisfied.