Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[shwede]

is see all sides to this trust me i do ,

my ex uploaded 68 photos of me and her and some just of me to her facebook then got up and left , then dumped me by text message . then 3 weeks later was with someone else who doesnt seem to be as commited to her as she is to him ,she seems to do all the running about.

yeah i know its hard , i know what people are saying , and maybe somewhere down the line i will move on but i choose just now to live with what and do what my heart says , and as for the dumpee only being in a rebound ..... 8 out of 10 dumpers go onto a rebound .. mine was with me 10yrs and went off with someone else within 3 weeks NOONE can tell me this isnt a rebound . I AND I ALONE CHOOSE TO WAIT FOR A BIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENDS .. maybe i will find someone during this time .

if so then so be it but for now i wait and i live my life and move on BUT at my pace

[Puckdog27]

You can call it a rebound, an apple, or a horse if you like. Doesn't negate the fact that they are with another person.

 

No one is telling you not to do what you feel is best for you. Im simply telling people in general who are reading this general advice thread (i.e. the OP didnt intend this to be his situation, or anyone elses) that its not a good idea to sit and wait for someone else relationship to fail just because it happened in short period of time. Sorry you are taking it as an attack on you.

[shwede]

this is what im saying .

if you choose to keep an open mind while on NC then good for everyone who does but at the same time its helping you heal and be ready to move on if thats what you want..

 

i cant move on in two months after giving someone ten yrs .. if i could then i didnt love them to start with .. i know she may never come back.. but who can say whats guna happen down the rd ?

[Puckdog27]

this is what im saying .

if you choose to keep an open mind while on NC then good for everyone who does but at the same time its helping you heal and be ready to move on if thats what you want..

 

i cant move on in two months after giving someone ten yrs .. if i could then i didnt love them to start with .. i know she may never come back.. but who can say whats guna happen down the rd ?

 

Well perhaps start a thread of your own and many excellent people in this forum will give you some good advice specific to your situation.

[beautifulangel]

Hi Man, Ten years is a very long time pal. I can imagine what you are going through right now. I was with my ex only for a little more than two years and I went through a 'roller coaster ride' emtionally. I had never ever in my life experienced the kind of pain my ex's decision has caused me to go through. So your feelings are respected, please take your time to heal. And i do hope that some sense prevails and your ex gets back to where she belongs. But ride it out. Shout, yell, cry, jump, bring the roof down man. Express yourself. It's very important that you go through all the emotions and feelings both physically and cognitively. There will be denial, let it b. Just right now think of yourself do things that will heal you, things that will make you feel better man. We all re there with you bro. Just wait and let time take its own course pal.

[shwede]

i have just found out from a friend of mine that keeps her on facebook that the ex girlfriend isnt happy ,

her new best man ever isnt really contacting her anymore after she spent the night with him and i think or so ive been told that he is going to dump her or just isnt wanting anything to do with her anymore ....

 

 

 

what goes around comes around people..

[Puckdog27]

There used to be a great thread on here started about the time this one did. The guys ex went to a jerk, she strung him around while this new guy treated her like crap, used her, abused her, she had sex with the OP to keep him on the string....I still love you, the whole 9.....she always went back to the abusive jerk....wish they hadn't removed that thread, it was 1000 pages long, we all stood by the OP....

 

She married the abusive jerk...the OP is now a facebook friend, he's doing spledid

[wildestkabs]

RARELY is a DUMPER in a rebound, because they have long ago closed their feelings on the person they dumped and are ready for something new.

 

I would have to disagree with this. You are making a generic assumption (maybe based on your ex wife) that a dumper has moved on and "have long ago closed their feelings". This may or may not be the case. Every relationship is unique and why things went bad can vary from one relationship to another. There is just an equal possibility that the dumper dumped the dumpee because they thought they had moved on when in reality, they hadn't (has happened with me). After being with a new person, or even being single for a while, the dumper realized that this was not what they really wanted, thought about the good things the dumpee had to offer, the good memories they shared with the dumpee and wanted to come back. Of course, it could go the other way too (especially if cheating was involved, or if the relationship was otherwise abusive).

 

My ex (before the current one), 48 hours after dumping me, met me in the parking lot of my work to take her stuff back and told me that she still loved me. I know she would have been open to reconciling.

 

In fact, I would make the argument that the dumpee is probably less likely to go on the rebound than the dumper. As an example, the few times someone has left me, I have been so overwhelmed with emotions, that rarely has dating someone else come accross as a viable option. Most likely, a dumpee would be so overwhelmed with thoughts of their ex, that it can make it very difficult for them to see someone else (a lot of dumpees on this forum would probably relate to this). I have seen quite a lot of dumpees go into isolation to heal themselves. On the other hand, it is the dumper who can immediately get into a relationship with the false presumption of having moved on, when they may or may not have.

 

However, I would agree that it is not a good idea to assume that the dumper is in a rebound and simply wait on the sidelines hoping that the relationship would end soon.

[Puckdog27]

Actually my opinion is from being on here a few years lending advice, seeing people wait for an ex on the premise that it will all be OK, its just a rebound, they will be back....then watching them more or less suffer the feelings of the breakup once again when the ex stayed with the new person, or moved on to the next person.

 

As for my own experience with my ex wife, when she told me she had someone new, it was all the closure I needed, and like I said, I'm glad I didn't wait that out.

[Puckdog27]

I would venture the only people who ever use the word rebound are those that have been dumped and hope to have a second chance. No one ever says "so and so dumped her ex, met a new guy, she's sooooooooooo much happier now.....but its just a rebound"

[wildestkabs]

Actually my opinion is from being on here a few years lending advice, seeing people wait for an ex on the premise that it will all be OK, its just a rebound, they will be back....then watching them more or less suffer the feelings of the breakup once again when the ex stayed with the new person, or moved on to the next person.

 

I would agree with this. Though not easy, it is best to move on. Making the assumption that the relationship is a rebound is simply a bad strategy. Period.

 

I would venture the only people who ever use the word rebound are those that have been dumped and hope to have a second chance. No one ever says "so and so dumped her ex, met a new guy, she's sooooooooooo much happier now.....but its just a rebound"

 

I would agree and disagree but probably disagree more. I think it is impossible to tell what is going on in someone's head (in this case, the dumper) and whether the relationship is real or a rebound. Problem is that regardless of real or rebound, both start off great (for the most part). The ex could be a lot happier but to me, initial happiness is meaningless. What matters the most is how the relationship develops as time passes by and that would separate the real from the rebound. But like you said, the dumpee should not be around to try and find that out.

[beautifulangel]

I completely agree with your thought process, nobody can assess whats goign on in the other persons mind. Though its a good though to see your ex coming back to you, the best thing while hoping the ex comes back is to MOVE ON and not wait for anyone. The success ratio is very low. But the best way is to move on and also date another men/women.

[beautifulangel]

Actually I have stopped feeling anything for my ex now... I have reached such a stage wherein I am asking myself was the pain and trauma really worth it. I feel like I have come to terms with her leaving me... Though I still love her very very much, but don't know if i would ever want to spend my life with an untrustworthy partner. BUt yes I would still wish her happiness...

[beautifulangel]

Or maybe I have closed myself from feeling romantically for her... or maybe I have come to terms with reality. I feel stronger and in synch with my surroundings and in suynch with my reality and this the best way to feel so. I realize that it was ME who was so attached to her... whatever she did she will earn or pay for it. One thing i feel happy about it that I didn't let her walking out on me destroy me and my mind. Though I am changed person now, my outlook at looking towards relationships has changed a bit and I feel happier that the next person who comes in my life will value my love and affection for her. Because when I love, I do so with all my heart and soul.

[beautifulangel]

And though I am being practical and realistic, even if she comes it will take a lot of work on her part to really earn the respect I had for her before she left me. To much work on her part which i doubt she will be really ready for. Besides her pride might never let her see herself doing so... Its ok... irrespective of anything or whatever happens. I am not letting myself bog down. I know for a fact that IT'S HER LOSS, major loss.

[randomname]

Beautifulangle i am in exactly the same state of mind, it is their loss, and it will be too much work for them to want to try, but atleast you know that if they do come back and want to fix it and go through it then you know they mean it.

 

but don't wait, go out have fun and see what else comes your way

[wildestkabs]

the best thing while hoping the ex comes back is to MOVE ON and not wait for anyone.

 

You statement is a little bit self-contradictory. If you keep hoping the ex will come back, then you will never move on. You have to let go.

[beautifulangel]

I agreee with you maybe I used the wrong word. Instead of 'hoping' i should have said 'let go' because if we are hoping we are still expecting them to come back, and if we let go, we are moving on with a fresh approach to life and relationship... irrespective of the fact whether they do or don't which has nothing o do with us moving on in life.

[beautifulangel]

Just heard that my ex is back in town from her work assignment abroad. She is the one who has stopped contact with me. Never met me as she had already started going around with her rebound and I was not informed about it. After she told me about him being with 'someone' i have initiated NC its been a month and I intend to be like that till she bends or she is never gonna see my face and name flash on her cell. I am committed to do so come what may. What say people? Please guide...

[beautifulangel]

Feel so wasted guys...

[beautifulangel]

hurt, betrayed, cheated on... by the one for whom I would given my breath, my life, my soul in one second.

[Puckdog27]

You guys have hijacked this thread. Its a very meaningful thread thats a few years old.

[Mclovin99]

this is a crazy long tread? must have some traction my orig post is below this one about all critical 1st contact with the ex. I agree NC is best she decided to split up after 4yrs within 2 weeks is in a rebound living with him everyday, etc. I figured why waste my time with this loser if she can after 4yrs do this she isnt worth my time. I never expected her to contact me by txt yesterday saying how much she missed and hurt not being with my daughter(ex isnt her mom) the bond was greater then she thought? DUh kids will do that, I was shocked that contact came after 1 month besides a nasty txt a week ago saying why do i keep seeing u, back off? but she txtd me today saying she needed to meet and talk before she could move forwrd in a new Rship. She said its extremely hard for her considering all that I have done for her but she needed to move on no string attached becuase she was really happy with the rebound guy and hadnt completely shut the door with me but needed to. NO Fu*&$# way am i meeting to give her that support so she can be with the new duchebag? or should I based on all these great reverse Psy thrds so I can get her emotions in it. she obv still has feelings she is in a typical rebound her anger means she has a ton of unresolved feelings we ended on a good not iin fact it came as a shock by what she did no ansers yet may never get them from her. U cant put energy into someone thats putting love into someone else which is her motto so do I just push her away for a few months while im out dating? will that create a desire for me based on these txts. Im glad we made contact to establish communication I kept it very upbeat until emotons got the best of both of us its only been 4-5 weeks so its fresh but I need help what to do?? her BF's husband is my frnd he told me that my ex was flying to west coast to met the rebounds mom after 2 months? and that they were having the parents meet this upcoming holidays? are u kidding me I cant wait until another month or so when the honeymoon is over and reality sets in. So she is txting me shows me she still has feelings how do I play this in my favor? she actually has the nerve to ask for her expensive watch I bought her back lukcily I still had it what a joke? I love her and feel I have to honor the fact we werent together when this rebound started but I just never thought she would do this but women do this. SO the big question is does the fact she after 1 month txt me all this crap about wanting to see my daughter and it breaks her heart that my daughter has to endure this by our breakup...excuse me ur actions to breakup not mine, and she wants to meet mean anything?? Sorry for the spelling !!

[wildestkabs]

People! Seriously, stop posting your stories in this thread. Start a new one!

[kennyc90]

this is the most helpful thread i have ever read in my life. i feel like i have new life whenever i read this thread especially the first few pages