partner cheated with prostitutes for a very long time i feel like a fool

[bunny2007]

oh my god maybe your all bloody right, I'm gonna get trodden into all over again, its 7 o clock in the morning the last two posts have shattered me.

[bunny2007]

I've woken up now, although I feel like going back to bed. what should I do, I just dont know.

I wanted to say cos I see alot of you are interested to know, I have been tested for everything you could possibly think of, I went private it was expensive but worth it. you can get it done free in england but you have to wait and I needed to know. I thank god everyday I was not infected with some horrible disease.

who's to say I wont get cervical cancer in the future but at least for now thats clear.

I wake up most days and find it hard to believe I'm even in this situation in the first place, when I was sat in the clinic waiting for my tests it was so surreal.

 

Girlpower I hear what your saying and I know all of what your saying is true, everyday I think god I don't know the half of it and I probably never will. As for wearing condoms I'm sure there were instances where he didn't although he says otherwise he's a natural born lier so I can't go by his word on anything really. one of the things I find hard to believe is that he absolutely hated condoms when we were young and why would he put himself through uncomfortable sex with a * * * * * when he's getting what he wants, when he wants it at home!?

 

girlpower you've hit on my biggest fear, I couldn't of said it better. What if he's laying low, smoothing it over, pretending he's changed and in the long run like you say 2 years or whatever he's gonna start up again.

 

Rabican I think you are right some people are just bad and never change, again I have thought about the fact he loves the stability, the kids,etc. He's never been faced with the possibility that he would lose all that. I think a lot this initial 'Im sorry I realise how bad I've been' is because maybe he's scared of losing all that and not because he actually loves/loved me at all.

 

He has never loved me because like you say if someone loves you they just don't do what he's done. I know all this already though.

 

Maybe I should just leave him and let him rot. Do any of you think he could love me now and in the right way, not the 'Im gonna give you aids, strip your confidence away and compulsively lie to you' type way??

[kimbo21]

Hi Bunny,

I am so saddened to hear your story, I can only imagine the hurt and fear you are feeling. My situation hardly compares to what you are going through however I feel I can relate to certain aspects of it from past and present relationships. I am new to this site and joined it as I am concerned about my own partner of 3 years, growing interest in lap dancing clubs, porn and more recently enquiries to a a local escort agency (I have been sneaking about in his phone). I am pregnant at the moment and we are having rocky times. I have come to think that his interest in escorts etc is more to do with his need for sex and to feel like a man as well as one of the boys ( he works on a building site), as sex between us two is almost non existent and I know he is feeling it. He swears he has never cheated or taken it further and I am unsure about this, my biggest fear is that the seed is planted and this is the beginning of more to come. Every time we have problems Ill be back checking his phone etc. I believe the trust is gone and yes I am driving myself mad, am not sure I will put up with any more crap no matter how petty. The reason I consider sticking it out is this relationship was good in every other way until the mistrust took over and our own sex life suffered. Having been in a previous bad relationship in which my sons father humiliated me, cheated on me, violentally abused me and more or less tore me apart, I urge you to ask yourself if the cheating stopped do you believe this relatioship would be worth saving? You posted in your first thread that your partner manipulated you and was controlling, from what you said this man sounds like he has far more faults than his sex addiction. I can't help but feel he is not worth another second of your consideration. From my experiences I feel that men who are abusive and go out of their way to demoralise you and break you down can not be changed. There is very little you can do to change his behaviour and attitudes, he sounds like a very insecure man who is using women including yourself to reassure himself of his manhood and exercise control. If it was just the cheating then I think you'de have more chance of working with him, however it sounds like there is much more going on. If the manipulation and abuse where to stop would you ever be able to trust him again? Or would you send yourself mad like I do sneaking around. One thing I do know is that every bad relationship a woman has leaves an imprint in some way and it may not be for some years later you realise the extent of damage this man has caused you, especially in terms of trusting again. I know how scary it is thinking of being alone after a long term realtionship especially when there are children involved and you are as vulnerable as you are. But if you decide to take that road you will surprise yourself at the relief and calm you feel in time to come. It sounds like you and your children could do with a bit of time away from the situation, give yourself a bit of space. I cant imagine the stress this is causing. The bad relationships I ahve been in have drained me so much that I have been left with almost nothing to give to myself, my job or my kids. Whatever your choice, (and indeed now may not be the time to make any) Its time you look after yourself and kids.

[Rabican]

Its possible that he could learn to love you.

 

I also do not think it is possible to cheat on someone that you love. Lets say you have a pet cat, and you love that cat. You wouldnt kill it... just because. You love the cat... so doing something like that would simply be like opposite ends of a magnet... it cant come together.

 

How do you cheat on someone that you love, and are in love with? At some point between leaving the house, paying for a motel, buying drinks, paying a hooker, taking off his clothes.... did you ever come to mind during any of this? Did he ever think of you? If he did... then how could he do what he did? And if he didnt? Then how could he love you?

 

That said.

 

He could change, and maybe love you. But how would you ever know?

[not2be]

Bunny,

 

You have really been on my mind. I wanted to extend my sorrow for you and your kids. I am here if you need a friend to talk to. We have some in common and I feel your pain. I can only hope you have a good support system in your hometown. We here are your online family, please use this site as it pushes me above water each day. I grow stronger by each message and messages to others with their problems.

 

I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you much peace and wisdom to push thru this safely with your peace of mind. I have no magic words for you other than hold on to who you know yourself to be. With that keep your kids safe and stash money away as you can and look for a way to get thru it or to work it out. Its your decision and I stand by you whatever that may be.

 

not2be

[djkidrich]

I also do not think it is possible to cheat on someone that you love.

He could change, and maybe love you. But how would you ever know?

 

1. If you were perfect you couldn't cheat on someone you love, but who is right?

 

2. If she gives him/them a chance...

 

I'd love to see the world in black and white like you do Rabican, just for a few minutes