Could use some encouragement!

[bird]

My ex (who left me in June of last year) called me last week to see if I wanted to hang out. He does this every month or so, and we chat and it's fine. I'm usually pretty happy to see him, although it does open the old wounds a bit--or, in this case, a lot.

 

He said he'd come over to my (formerly our) place at 1:30. At 1:30 he called to say he was running late. Then at 1:45 he said his girlfriend (the one he left me for) had called and wanted him to hang out with her, and could we get together later in the day.

 

Of course I said no, but it still stung. I put it in perspective and told myself this was a nice reminder of why it was a good thing we weren't together anymore. It also helped me see that this woman means more to him than I ever did, which is important for me to keep in mind.

 

Also I was thinking it was a good thing I'd just started dating someone I thought was a really nice guy. Then tonight we were supposed to get together--he was bringing dinner over; I'd rented a movie--and here's how that went:

 

--at 15 minutes late he called to say he'd be here in a half hour....

--an hour later I called to see if he was okay and no answer...

--when he was an hour and half late he called to say he was just getting going and would be here in a half hour...

 

By then it was 9pm so I told him not to bother. I mean, sheesh. But I feel so sad now, like I'll never find anyone who thinks I'm worth a little respect.

 

What is the matter with me? Why do I keep finding these guys who treat me like * * * *? And how will I ever get over my ex if I never find anyone else? I'm trying to be patient with myself and the universe, but enough loneliness and rejection already!

[Coyote9]

I know....we still give all kinds of breaks and make excuses for our ex's because we loved them so much. You did the right thing by getting angry and telling him off. It's hard to do, but perhaps next time don't even respond to his overtures to get together. Even as we fight it so, we still harbor hopes that these ex's will change in how they treat us and of course they rarely do, even as "friends"! Hang in there....I like you George Bernard Shaw quote by the way...

[lonelylight]

I understand the loneliness and pain of rejection...and that behavior is pretty bad in both cases, particularly in the case of the ex boyfriend.

 

The thing is, if you still have strong feelings for your ex, I feel you have to deal with those and be okay on your own before you can get into a relationship with someone else. Otherwise, it will just be relationship hopping in order to avoid the pain of not having anybody. And I don't think that will feel good, either. Never get with somebody out of fear of aloneness, and never not get over someone out of fear of being alone.

 

You can do it.

[HurleyBabe6917]

Man, oh, man.

Poor girl.

Sounds like all these guys are jerks!

They all like to make you wait.

Next time, make them wait.. a LONG time.

Show them how it feels.

It's rude.

I'm sorry about you're issue though.

Keep your head up, Mr. Right will find you. =]

[Mun]

But I feel so sad now, like I'll never find anyone who thinks I'm worth a little respect.

What is the matter with me? Why do I keep finding these guys who treat me like ****?

 

Hello there,

The way I see it if you keep telling yourself these two things, guess what?, you will keep finding these kind of guys.

 

Change what you tell yourself. You do deserve to be respected and you will find a great guy. Tell yourself that instead.

 

At the first offense keep walking. As long as you don't waste your time waiting for them to fix it you don't have to keep feeling bad about what "they " are doing.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, it's what you are putting up with that is wrong. Know that you deserve better. KNOW IT and don't settle for less.

 

Forget about your ex. He has already showed you what he thinks about your friendship. Now show him that you are better than this. Don't give him any more of your time.