bird

Omigosh, I totally forgot the most important thing: Don't depend on someone else for your happiness!!

Don't lose sight of who you are. Maintain your friendships, and have some activities/time/dreams independent of the relationship. If you notice your self-esteem at an all-time low, ask yourself why it happened and how you can fix it. Love yourself first. (Like on airplanes when they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.) Don't stick around in a relationship that you know isn't working. Don't tolerate abuse in any form. Pay attention to the red flags. As Oprah once said, "The first time a guy shows you who he is, believe him." And a few repeats: --Maintain healthy skepticism re: love and long-term plans. --Proceed slowly. --If your friends/family disapprove of the partner/relationship, find out why. --People change, you have no control over it, it just happens. --Treat yourself kindly, and accept no less from others. --Don't allow him to play on your insecurities. --Set boundaries and stick to them.

I've had two serious romantic relationships in my life. My experience in the first (as dumper) was that I threw myself into another relationship, which ended up being short-lived. I didn't process the breakup or learn/grow in any way. My more recent experience (as dumpee) has been, surprisingly, immensely gratifying. There have been hard times, but through these I've regained my self-confidence, self-respect, sense of humor/adventure/openness/joy, and I feel tremendously optimistic about the future. I lost 20# from being more active, and I'm making new friends and trying new activities, and am so grateful for how things are turning out for me. The dumper in this case threw himself into another relationship (shortly before said dumping), and I believe it's been a struggle for him. Time will tell, but it isn't my concern anymore...

Yeah, my ex stayed in the house for a week after he broke up with me (and he was already seeing someone else) and it was miserable!! Things got better fast after he moved out. It's normal to feel lonely after a breakup. Try to find a friend or family member to reach out to, or just go to a movie...even if you cry through the whole thing (and it's a comedy), you'll at least have people around you. You won't feel lonely forever! You won't. Breakups are hard, so be kind to yourself. Let yourself feel the pain, and know that things will get better.