Makes me sad when I see other people

[solacean]

The definition of envy is such: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc. Nowhere in that definition is there an implied meaning of wanting to steal anything or anyone away. That sounds like your own interpretation.

 

I derived that aggressive implication of "envy" directly from your earlier post, which you started off by describing envy as "an ugly emotion". The desire to have a relationship and a feeling that one cannot do so is not ugly in and of itself. The thing that WOULD make such a longing into something "ugly" is if it was manifested in a desire to somehow either steal it away from the lucky couple or simply destroy it, and so I could only conclude that your earlier post was meant to classify the "envy" of lonely people in that aggressive, ugly sense.

 

As far as lacking family and friends, that's not my problem, and it is somewhat fatuous to suggest that it is. If it were family and friends that were missing from my life, I would feel bad about my life when I see a parent playing with their kids, or a bunch of friends out on the town and laughing together, rather than when I see couples making public displays of affection.

 

The statement that the jogging metaphor is faulty because "finding a mate is always a possibility" suggests to me that you've never experienced and are unable to comprehend the feeling some of us are talking about. See, in my heart I KNOW FOR CERTAIN that no one will ever want me, so it is simply not possible for me to derive any sense of hope when I look upon others who have in their lives the thing that I lack. That is why I used that metaphor - because in my mind it would be equally as easy for me to grow new legs as to have someone actually love me. If you cannot grasp the utter finality of such a feeling, then I'm glad, because I don't wish it upon anyone.

 

All I'm saying is that, in the eyes of someone who experiences this feeling, your post came accross as accusing me of having ugly feelings and suggesting that I am somehow being unfair to others by even having such feelings, both of which did indeed hurt, regardless of your intention.

[Leonhart]

I can think of FAR worse feelings than envy. Hatred, prejudice, malice, lust, greed, pride... the list goes on. (And resembles the Catholic 7 deadly sins list, too...)

 

And unlike most of those emotions, envy is perfectly normal. It's normal to envy someone who has something you want. Doesn't make you a "bad person" in and of itself.

[bulletproof]

I never said wanting a relationship is an ugly trait. I said envy is. And unfortunately, the situation that the original poster describes is the definition of envy. No one emotion makes someone a bad person or not. I was simply commenting on the feeling, not the person.

 

I, like many others, have plenty of days where I am afraid and worried that I will never find love. Don't assume otherwise simply because I have chosen to have a positive attitude towards it, and because I encourage others to do so also.

 

As I stated earlier, no harm was intended. I realize this is a sensitive issue for people, but being in the same boat, I feel somewhat qualified to comment on the benefits of being single and positive as opposed to single and miserable.

[flower99]

How could you say that? do you understand the power your mind has.It controls what you feel, think & how you act. You're mind controls your life....Whether you believe you can or can't you're right.

 

You've made up your mind, that no one will ever want you...so It becomes a self fulfilled prophesy.

And it's not that we are unable to grasp the utter finality of such a feeling, it's because we won't. We have hope. And that is what bullet proof is saying, it's in the light you choose to see it. I suggest you begin to change the way you see it & find hope, because it's apparent you don't like feeling this way, yet you've pre determind your future to be this way. why?

Feeling this way is normal, everyone has had it from time to time... But staying in those feeling for long periods of time is unhealthy & yes can and does become an ugly emotion if it's sat in for too long. I know that may hurt you to hear, but I'm certain it hurts you more to feel that way for the rest of your life.

It sad to hear that you are so certain that you aren't worth loving. And it hurts to hear you say that....Give yourself more cerdit that that. Please look at yourself in a more positive light. and see that you ARE worth more than that. I know it, you should too.

[Leonhart]

Genius-embodied, thine name is flower99. lol

 

As you said, it all goes back to our beliefs. We believe we're goblins and that no one would ever want us, no one will.

 

(I wish Tony would get this hint!!!)

[flower99]

Genius-embodied, thine name is flower99. lol

 

As you said, it all goes back to our beliefs. We believe we're goblins and that no one would ever want us, no one will.

 

(I wish Tony would get this hint!!!)

 

lol...thank you tantalus.

When a person changes thier thoughts & thier beliefs, It will change thier life.

[solacean]

I suggest you begin to change the way you see it & find hope, because it's apparent you don't like feeling this way, yet you've pre determind your future to be this way. why?

 

Feeling this way is a relatively recent thing for me (just in the last several years have I become certain of it). Prior to that, I did hold onto some hope, throughout two decades of adulthood, but it was eventually impressed upon me by the reactions and behaviors of others toward me that I'm simply unlovable. In my view, my current feelings about this didn't create these circumstances ... rather, my circumstances eventually created these feelings.

 

staying in those feeling for long periods of time is unhealthy & yes can and does become an ugly emotion if it's sat in for too long.

 

Why does it need to be described as "ugly"? In what sense do you feel that such a pejorative term is applicable? If someone I know is depressed for a long time, I might ask them "what is making you so sad?", but I'd never say "what is making you so ugly?"

 

It sad to hear that you are so certain that you aren't worth loving. And it hurts to hear you say that....Give yourself more cerdit that that. Please look at yourself in a more positive light. and see that you ARE worth more than that. I know it, you should too.

 

I'd just like to make the observation that there's a difference between feeling worthy of love, and being lovable. I do believe I am a person with enough good qualities to be worthy of love. Unfortunately, I have been taught through long experience that women are unable to see or appreciate any such aspects of me. And lately ... well, things have changed to the point where there can no longer be any question about that, and that in fact the one truly ugly thing I can do is to dare to entertain such hopes.

[flower99]

Solacean. you will believe what you want regardless of what I say. But I get the vibe, that you aren't open to change. is this a state of mind you want to remain in??

 

You can't convince me that you are unlovable, I don't believe that.. but if you believe you are, try to develope yourself & become more lovable. And feeling this way for a number of Years...that's not recent, that's too long.

 

why I use the word ugly, is because it describes it well....by definietion it means : disagreeable; unpleasant; morally revolting; threatening trouble or danger; mean; hostile; quarrelsome - All of those are true, these feelings sat in for a long period of time, can create an ugly emotions and frame of mind.

 

"I've been taught to long experience women are unable to see or appreciate any such aspects of me."

There is a lesson to take from every relationship, but I really believe you choose the wrong one!

not all women are unable to see or appreciate you, just the ones you've been with. You only need 1 to appreciate you. And if you choose to believe there is NO ONE in the whole entire world who will - than you wouldn't even notice if walked right into her.

Please dont' decied who you are based on others opinion or recation to you. Life is 20% circumstances 80% how you respond to them.

Careful what you let yourself believe. because your beliefs control your life, and you're writting of your entire future. Based on women? crappy relationships? we've all been bashed down, regected & abused. Pick yourself back up & rebuild your confidence and look at yourself in new eyes.

Like I said before, If you choose to believe this- it will become a self fulfilled prophesy.

[solacean]

I will only say one last thing on this: I appreciate your efforts to help, and I am honestly very, very pleased that you cannot accept that my circumstances are as I have explained them ... because it means your circumstances aren't that way, and I wouldn't want them to be. This is one situation in which I really hope that I am entirely alone.

[easyguy]

Years ago I used to feel depressed when I saw couples in public, but at some point I began to change my attitude about life, and ask myself, Who am I as an individual? Only now have I reached the point where I am manning my own well-being and looking at couples, thinking inside, Oh the complications they have to go through, but may I wish the best of luck to them. This isn't saying that I will never be or never want to be in a relationship, but right now is not the time.

 

See this time as an opportunity to make yourself worthy of your own love. It has been said before so I won't say it again. There is great work to be done on one's self.

[flower99]

I will only say one last thing on this: I appreciate your efforts to help, and I am honestly very, very pleased that you cannot accept that my circumstances are as I have explained them ... because it means your circumstances aren't that way, and I wouldn't want them to be. This is one situation in which I really hope that I am entirely alone.

 

nope you're not alone.

and you might be amazed at others circumstance...Includeing mine.

It's what you take from the circumatances. Hugs & smiles

I pm'd you (:

great words easyguy.

[TheRedQueen]

These days I feel sad and depressed when i see Couples who are happy, or even pics of couples...makes me feel alone...ive always been alone and its just getting to me now....

 

Even when I overhear my friends talking to their boyfriends on the phone, i get all moody....even though on the surface im composed and cheerful.

 

I mean im happy for them..but it affects me. Why cant I have that kind of happiness too?

 

how can i stop feeling like this and just be normal?

Whenever I see two people who appear seemingly in love, I can't help but to smile and think warm thoughts. After all, seeing one happy person is reason enough to make me smile, but to see a happy couple is a rare and momentous thing, such occurrences should be received as messages of hope, not despair.

[Jason_72]

why am I being punished??? this is torture

 

Maybe I could love you, maybe you could love me. I'm not so bad, maybe a little shy at times, Maybe I'm not totally GQ.. maybe youre not some gorgeous "babe". Is that such a crime? I dont care, just give me a chance...

 

we can face all this adversity, and destroy it. Together

 

It's ridiculous to even type that, I know. I'm pathetic. Why dont I toughen up, go grab a woman by her hair and drag her back to my cave. Yeah, I know.

 

It just felt good to type it. So what.

 

Just a plea, a cry in the dark, a desperate hand reaching out and thinking that there is someone who would maybe take it for once. Just once, give me a chance. Kiss it, hold it to her cheek. Someone who could adore someone such as I, with such a yearning heart..

 

Just for tonight. Please just give me one night of solace, I beg of you!

Let me sleep in peace for once in so many years. Just holding you close to me. Just to feel your heartbeat close to mine. To know that i truly am alive, and not just existing. I'm not just a shadow. I am alive, dammit.

 

Even for just one night, i dont care if I die the next day. Just for tonight, just for one. f%#. night. before I die.

 

If you should ever find your way to me, I swear, I'll never take you for granted. Every night will be as my last with you. I swear

 

i know, i know. Felt good to type it anyway.

[solacean]

Know what's interesting? Much like the feeling of watching couples expressing their love for one another, even reading that gives me a bit of a sick feeling in my belly. The thought that there may be people in this world that can say such things and have them be heard and appreciated by the people they love only makes me more aware that any such words or sentiments would never be welcome if they were to be spoken by me.

 

The world of love and romantic relationships is a warm, cozy, firelit room, and I'm the guy outside in the wind-driven snow, with his nose pressed up against the window, able to see that it exists but lacking the key needed to get inside and out of the cold.

[Leonhart]

Whenever I see two people who appear seemingly in love, I can't help but to smile and think warm thoughts. After all, seeing one happy person is reason enough to make me smile, but to see a happy couple is a rare and momentous thing, such occurrences should be received as messages of hope, not despair.

 

You're also in a relationship. Big difference.

[bulletproof]

Whenever I see two people who appear seemingly in love, I can't help but to smile and think warm thoughts. After all, seeing one happy person is reason enough to make me smile, but to see a happy couple is a rare and momentous thing, such occurrences should be received as messages of hope, not despair.

 

I agree with this. I think that is a great thing. I'm single and I know, logically, that at one point those people were single, too. Maybe they waited a long time to get where they are. People getting along, no matter whether it's family, friends, whoever, is a really welcome sight in general, I'd say.

[LN99]

I'm single and have been for two yrs now. I understand how depressing it can be to see other people together. To me, it's not couples in general out and about. What bugs me is that EVERYONE around me has someone! My sister is married. My two best friends are married w/ kids. My last remaining single friend who claimed she would "never get married or have kids because she didn't want that" just broke the news to me that she is pregnant and is marrying a man she met 5 months ago. They seem incredibly happy and she is completely opposite of how she always was. (I have known her for 6 yrs now.)

 

I am happy for her, but I started to cry when she told me the news. She thought I was just being emotional because I was happy. (Which I am to an extent) But deep down, I was crying because I was upset. My last single friend is settling down. She is also younger then me. She is 23. I feel so left out and feel like something is wrong with me. I spent the last 2 yrs of my life taking care of my mom and not dating because honestly I had no time. Then my mom died in April....and now I feel so alone. My friends are all in relationships or have kids. My sister is married and planning a family soon. Its just me now. I hate it and its VERY lonely. The only thing I have going for me is my career. I graduate in a yr. But then I wonder, whats next? The only person I have found myself attracted to in the past yr is taken. I wasn't even looking for anything and he started hitting on me. Then I find out he is in a LDR and planning on marrying this girl. I felt crushed when I found out. Another guy that wants to be with me is my ex. But, he keeps referring to me as his "sugar momma" and is in and out of rehab these days. To me thats just bad news. So it's like, where are the decent guys and why can't I find happiness? It just seems unfair.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Whenever I see two people who appear seemingly in love, I can't help but to smile and think warm thoughts. After all, seeing one happy person is reason enough to make me smile, but to see a happy couple is a rare and momentous thing, such occurrences should be received as messages of hope, not despair.

I agree, everytime I see a couple in love, I smile and think pleasant thoughts. Of course to me, a pleasant thought regarding that couple is fifteen anvils falling on their heads, ony by one. After the third anvil, that is when I smile. The other ten anvils are release therapy. To be honest, the anvils pummell the guy and the girl flocks into my arms.

[solacean]

I agree, everytime I see a couple in love, I smile and think pleasant thoughts. Of course to me, a pleasant thought regarding that couple is fifteen anvils falling on their heads, ony by one. After the third anvil, that is when I smile. The other ten anvils are release therapy. To be honest, the anvils pummell the guy and the girl flocks into my arms.

 

Hmm, you're damaging my case that lonely people don't wish harm upon couples here.

 

Anyway, I for one don't think anything like that. And if I did, after the anvils pummel the guy, the girl would flock into anyone's else's arms but mine. I can't even fantasize about women liking me at this point ... the concept is too far-fetched.

 

I don't think I have any specific thoughts when I see a happy couple. But I do experience a very specific sensation when I see them: I feel my heart turning into a cold, hard, lump of coal through lack of use.

[shyguy1]

What a sensible way to look at it.

 

Wish I could feel the same way. Count me among the group that gets bitter.... depressed even a little vengeful at couples that I see.

 

Hell I'm so bad that I even have a genuinely hard time being happy for friends and family that have found someone.

 

Case in point:

 

Didn't even attend my little brothers wedding last year... he's 22 so around six years younger than myself... because I was so depressed and bitter about his happiness. I've since apologized and feel guilty about it to this day... but at the time I just couldn't get myself to go. Currently I'm *still* a little bitter about the fact that he's having a child in a month or so.. because I want to be a parent more than anything and don't see it ever happening for me.

 

God I'm * * * *ed in the head if I can't be happy for something like that... I mean he is my brother and all.

 

 

Whenever I see two people who appear seemingly in love, I can't help but to smile and think warm thoughts. After all, seeing one happy person is reason enough to make me smile, but to see a happy couple is a rare and momentous thing, such occurrences should be received as messages of hope, not despair.

[Pippy Longstring]

I agree, everytime I see a couple in love, I smile and think pleasant thoughts. Of course to me, a pleasant thought regarding that couple is fifteen anvils falling on their heads, ony by one. After the third anvil, that is when I smile. The other ten anvils are release therapy. To be honest, the anvils pummell the guy and the girl flocks into my arms.

 

I can't believe you are single. No, seriously. You are funny, bitter but funny. You have such interesting ideas! I have just come accross this forum, read your posts and well... very much enjoyed them!