taking gift back?

[mariab.]

So my ex had bought me a bike for my bday last year (in July). Well, he sent me a text telling me he wanted the bike back! Besides being a douchebag move are there any legalities involved?

[Scotcha]

Don't give him the back back, it was a gift. Tell him to suck it up and get lost.

[star2008]

Legally it's yours. He has no right to take it without your permission and if he did it would be theft.

[RebeccaChow]

Don't give it back to him! He's being sucha jerk for wanting it back. Just ignore him.

[hennypenny3288]

I'd ignore him. He gave it to you as a gift. He doesn't deserve it back and no court of law will side with him.

[mariab.]

I told him he gave it to me as a gift-it's been a year. Has anyone else have this sort of thing happen to them and if so what was the end result?

[hennypenny3288]

Why does he want it back?

 

I've never had this happen to me, but I would think the worst he could do, is email and call you about it for awhile. Eventually, he'll lose interest in it and move on.

 

What a cad.

[mariab.]

I guess because he needs the money? My take is don't buy expensive gifts.

[annie24]

So my ex had bought me a bike for my bday last year (in July). Well, he sent me a text telling me he wanted the bike back! Besides being a douchebag move are there any legalities involved?

 

the only way there would be any legalities is if he was able to prove this was a "loan" not a gift. did you tell him that you would pay him back for it? if not, and it was a bday gift, then I think there are no problems for you, you get to keep it.

 

the only "gift" that can be taken back is the engagement ring with is a "conditional gift" - as in it is given on the condition that you go through with the wedding/marriage. if you back out, then you don't get to keep it.

 

good luck

[mariab.]

thanks, now he says he bought me the bike so I could go bike riding with him more as a way to spend more time together and now that the relationship is over the bike is his. However, I already had 2 bikes prior and never had him tell me that before just that he wanted me to have a "nice" bike as a bday/anniversary gift.. any comments or suggestions on legalities?

[browneyedgirl36]

Maria -- I'm not 100% sure about this because I'm not an expert in the law, but my understanding is that if he tried to take you to municipal ("small claims") court on this, he'd have to prove that it was his bike and that he just "loaned" it to you, which would be pretty hard for him to do since you were in a relationship at the time he gave it to you AND since it is an actual object as opposed to money.

 

I doubt he'll take it to the extreme of suing you in small claims for the value of the bike, but just in case he does, a few questions for you:

 

Did he give the bike to you on (or at least NEAR) your actual birthday?

 

Do you remember any conversations you had about the bike at the time (i.e. Did he say anything along the lines of "I thought this bike would be a great b-day present for you -- now we can go for bike rides together" or something of that nature? Or, when he presented it to you, did he say "Happy Birthday!" or something of that nature?) Actually, what you said in your previous post about what he said about giving you the bike "as a way to spend more time together" tells me that it was definitely a GIFT -- in his own words, no less!

 

Do you have any friends, acquaintances, or family members who were around at the time you received the bike who would indicate that they too believed he was giving it as a gift?

 

I strongly doubt he'd try to take legal action, and if he did, that would make him a total schmuck, but if he does, honestly, I doubt you have anything to worry about. Unless he has a paper you signed stating that the bike was on loan to you only, or he has witnesses who heard him tell you the bike was just on loan, my hunch is that he has no legal leg to stand on. I have watched a lot of those court shows (most of which are based in California, so the laws may differ), and very few people win cases like these without concrete proof that the item or money was a "loan." It's especially hard to prove with objects -- I've seen a lot of people sue for the cost of TVs, cars, video game consoles, etc., and they almost always lose. Generally, they sue out of bitterness, and the judge catches on to that right away.

 

My advice: If he calls you, do not answer his calls. If he e-mails you again about the bike, and you feel like you absolutely have to answer, state calmly but firmly "XXXXX, I've told you before: You gave me the bike as a gift a year ago when we were still in a relationship. At the time, you clearly stated that the bike was a birthday/anniversary gift. There was no agreement made at the time that the bike was on loan to me, and, in fact, you stated very clearly just recently that you GAVE me the bike as a means for us to spend more time together, indicating that your intention at the time was for me to *have* the bike. I will not be giving it back." Then, do not reply to any further e-mails he sends.

 

My sense is that he is bitter about something or that he desperately needs some money, hence his desperation to get back something that he clearly gave you as a gift. If you sense that he might try to steal the bike or if he threatens you and you fear that he might do something drastic, talk to the police. Honestly, I would not respond to him at all if he contacts you again. You've already told him that the bike was a gift and that you're not giving it back. That's all he needs to know.

 

(And, I agree with you, if he can't afford to be giving gifts like that, then he shouldn't be -- if he doesn't have the money to spend, he shouldn't spend it.)

 

Keep us posted on this...

[mariab.]

Well, he told me yestaerday that he was going to report the bike stolen. We broke up in early January and he moved out then...I contacted a lawyer who is willing to represent me-I just think it's so lame! How can a gift be conditional? You give someone something because you want them to have it and enjoy it! I guess for me it's the final nail in the coffin for us- I don't think I could even try to be friendly with this guy. He is a jerk! Does anyone have anything like this happen before? When someone gives you something then wants it back? and the outcome?

[laugher]

From what I understand, and I consulted a lawyer about this, a gift can be taken back if it is a conditional gift - like an engagement ring. The other gifts are just that...gifts when you two were together. Sounds like he is just bitter and petty

[mariab.]

Thanks Laugher! and what do I do next? My lawyer doesn't think it's a big deal but it's stressing me out. We broke up well over six months ago. Why is he being a jerk now? If he is hard up for cash why bother and threaten me? Now I am thinking that maybe he's a little unhinged. Who gives gifts and then asks for them back? Sorry to ask these questions but I am stumped.

[laugher]

I would just sit on it. If he goes to the cops, let him. The more he fights for a bike the more of an ass he will look.

 

If he gets in contact with you again I would just tell him to do whatever he thinks he thinks is necessary and I would forget about it. i would tend to think that he is just blowing alot of hot air. My exwife and her friends did the same thing. A ton of threats till I said the line and nothing came of it.

 

Same thing happened when my recent ex walked out. I got my engagement ring back cause it was a conditional gift. She didn't understand that thought process either..heh

[Captain34]

i would just ignore his request. i was dating a woman for about 7 months, then took a new job which literally took ALL of my time. our reltaionship suffered, and once i realized, i bought her a diamond necklace and a dress to take her out - not to pay her off, but that she would know that i was committed and would share with her the benefits of my new job.

 

she accepted the gifts and was thrilled...only to want out a week later. i think it was wrong of her to accept the gifts, but i would never ask for them back. i went nc for a month, then she called me out of the blue asking where she could send them...said she was too busy to work out returning them to me earlier.

 

that really made me thin less of her. regardless, i was kind about it and let it go, wanted to go back to nc. but she refused, said she wanted to try again at the end of the summer when we are both done traveling. then she sets it up so ill see she lost her job, so of course i would call...then i get no response. im starting to think shes just immature and playing games??

 

bottom line, these gifts seem to be an excuse to keep a connection there. as i said, id just ignore his request for the bike. either that or give it to charity...

[annie24]

seriously, don't get stressed out. don't do anything. he has no case. ignore him and move forward. in the unlikely event that he hauls you to small claims, the burden is on HIM to prove that it was a loan (and he would likely have to show a contract). no worries.

[EricAK]

Did you break up with him over the other way around?

 

If you ended it, it is most likely just hurt and a desperate way for him to have ANY contact with you, positive or negative.

 

I have ben on the other end. Just try and be compassionate if it was you who dumped him.

 

Pain shows itself in very odd and biter ways.

 

Eric

[mariab.]

Mutual, although he seemed to get over it quicker, so that's why I am so stumped. I am just upset over this whole thing, but looking at it from the bright side I realize what a jerk he's always been. When we 1st broke up he was getting unemployement cheques and mail to my house and I would dutifully send them to his mom's house where he was living till realized why was I doing that for, especially since he was so nasty to me during the break-up (telling me he was free to sleep with other women, how he liked the fact I'd lost weight over the break-up, etc). Now I see him as a spoliled boy trying to be a man who probably has a touch of megolomania, for real. But why can't he just leave me alone, why do people want gifts back and are soo nasty about it?! sorry to vent like this but it was so stressful, his threats to me yesterday...