why am i always the one to initiate sex??

[Scout]

Seems my bleak outlook isn't that far off the mark, and not as unwarranted as some say.

 

I guess I still see your situation as very different. From what you say in this thread - and in many others - it's usually several months before you and your girlfriend have sex. These girls are saying they're waiting a week, or two weeks before having sex.

 

Now, I know it's hard to give a "normal" statistic on frequency of sex, but I just don't think every one or two weeks is a sign that things are doomed. Especially since these girls have been with their partners for a while.

 

That being said, I don't mean to discount their feelings, I think they have valid concerns. But I also think the OP's situation can be reversed if she just backs off for a while on initiating/pressuring her boyfriend for more (I don't know anything about the other poster's situation).

[SexySadie7]

I don't know.. i don't mean to be difficult but it seems odd to me that a 24 year old guy only wants sex like every few weeks. That's is a pretty intense hormonal time for guys.

If he was 34 or 44, then maybe.. but 24. that is YOUNG.

And i still have to agree with foglifter. I'd be unhappy if my partner only wanted sex every few months. That's not exactly satisfying even from an emotional point of view. I'm sorry you are having these problems with your gf foglifter. Hope things get better soon hun.

[Scout]

I don't know.. i don't mean to be difficult but it seems odd to me that a 24 year old guy only wants sex like every few weeks. That's is a pretty intense hormonal time for guys.

If he was 34 or 44, then maybe.. but 24. that is YOUNG.

 

I know there is a common perception that young men are always up for sex anytime, anywhere, and just about with anyone. Not saying that's exactly what you believe, Sexy Sadie...I'm kind of paraphrasing a bit...but anyway, the problem with such a general belief is that we then place expectations on our partners that aren't really fair.

 

We're going to expect them to sexually perform no matter what, even if the relationship is currently experiencing conflict or even on the rocks. It's like we're saying, "A real man doesn't let his emotions get in the way of getting laid."

 

Is that really fair?

[Scout]

lambskin condoms?? i've never heard of those. we just use regular ole' trojans.

 

And you're best off just sticking to trojans. Lambskin condoms are porous, which means they aren't as effective as preventing STDs or pregnancy, plus...well, they're made out of lamb's skin, for heaven's sake! Poor little lambs.

[SexySadie7]

Okay, I know that lambskin condoms are considered not good for preventing STDs, but I've never ever heard that they weren't good for preventing pregnancy Scout. Why bother using condoms if they won't prevent pregnancy???

Also... yeah.. well, we eat lambs from the supermarket and chickens from the supermarkets too. Unless you are a heavy duty vegetarian, i don't really see that being a problem.

Are you a vegetarian btw?

Okay.. and sure not everyone is going to have the same sex drive... but i wasn't aware that anneeleizabeth and her bf's relationship is on the rocks or in a stressful mode right now.

I think too, you are sort of twisting my words a wee bit too." We're going to expect them to sexually perform no matter what, even if the relationship is currently experiencing conflict or even on the rocks. It's like we're saying, "A real man doesn't let his emotions get in the way of getting laid.

Is that really fair?"

 

I'm not saying he should be expected to perform 24/7. I just find it a bit odd that a guy of 24 only wants sex just every few weeks, that's all.

Hey annaelizabeth, is it possible that he masturbates alot and that is the reason he's not really up for sex?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_______________

[Scout]

Okay, I know that lambskin condoms are considered not good for preventing STDs, but I've never ever heard that they weren't good for preventing pregnancy Scout. Why bother using condoms if they won't prevent pregnancy???

 

Truth be told, I did assume that due to the porous nature of lambskin condoms, pregnancy prevention would be less certain. But I just did a bit of research on the subject and didn't turn anything up that confirms that.

 

Also... yeah.. well, we eat lambs from the supermarket and chickens from the supermarkets too. Unless you are a heavy duty vegetarian, i don't really see that being a problem.

Are you a vegetarian btw?

 

Yes, I am, and a big believer in animal rights!

 

Okay.. and sure not everyone is going to have the same sex drive... but i wasn't aware that anneeleizabeth and her bf's relationship is on the rocks or in a stressful mode right now.

 

I got the opposite impression reading her posts. I got the impression that this is an issue causing a significant amount of conflict and stress.

 

I think too, you are sort of twisting my words a wee bit too." We're going to expect them to sexually perform no matter what, even if the relationship is currently experiencing conflict or even on the rocks. It's like we're saying, "A real man doesn't let his emotions get in the way of getting laid.

Is that really fair?"

 

I'm not saying he should be expected to perform 24/7. I just find it a bit odd that a guy of 24 only wants sex just every few weeks, that's all.

 

Would you think it as odd if a 24 year old woman preferred to have sex every few weeks, as opposed to more often than that? Be honest.

[aNnAeLiZaBeTh]

i'm not even going to comment, really. i'm just learning a lot a lot a lot from reading the two different sides of people that see the problem differently. thanks yall!

[TheFoglifter]

... hope it wasn't just to shut me up, and that he really did want it-- but at least now he knows how I feel. "

 

This is a natural question now that you got what you wanted, that you would wonder whether it was real. I say the best outlook is that, as you said, he recognized how important it was to you, and came through for you. That in and of itself is worth a lot.

 

Not sure I wrote this here, but I've thought of htis a lot lately. There are over 320,000 minutes in a month. Is it really THAT HARD for someone to give 40 of them (less than .014%) to something that makes a world of difference to a partner? I know the times my gf does give me sex, I try not to nitpick whether it was for 'me' or for 'us' and just be glad she is making the effort.

[aNnAeLiZaBeTh]

good for you, zampotne! i'm so glad you finally got yours! lol seriously, that's quite an accomplishment. nice work

[aNnAeLiZaBeTh]

i know what you mean! just make the damn thing stand up and i'll do the rest of the work! is it really that hard (no pun intended) to do?! i wish he would think about me more, than just how tired he is or whatever. it's not like i ask for it alllll the time either.

[ProtestTheHero]

I don't know.. i don't mean to be difficult but it seems odd to me that a 24 year old guy only wants sex like every few weeks. That's is a pretty intense hormonal time for guys.

If he was 34 or 44, then maybe.. but 24. that is YOUNG.

And i still have to agree with foglifter. I'd be unhappy if my partner only wanted sex every few months. That's not exactly satisfying even from an emotional point of view. I'm sorry you are having these problems with your gf foglifter. Hope things get better soon hun.

 

Age is hardly an indicator either. I'm just about to turn 18. My gf loves sex. I could care less if I get it in the next 3 months, it's just not a big deal to me. I guess the difference is sex is only fun for me because it pleases her. Don't really care about what it does for me. As a result, I very rarely reject her when she initiates.

 

So yeah, I don't think it's abnormal to be young and not care.

[aNnAeLiZaBeTh]

but he rejects it...that's the abnormal part.

[aNnAeLiZaBeTh]

and yall, guess what?!?! last night, he was all over me trying to get some!! cuz i acted like i couldn't care less about it the past week or so. unfortunately, i'm on my damn period....excellent timing, huh??

[SexySadie7]

Well.. annaelizabeth, at least you know he still wants you though, which is a whole lot better than nothing, n'est pa?

I just had a dream this morning in which I was with my lover, (but he looked like this guy I just met in the grocery store) and in the dream, he still rejected me! I started to get upset and told him, "you've not been with me in months!" he said I should get myself cleaned up and then we'd get together, and then he held my hand and we kissed. At least in the dream my lover had an erection!"

Gosh, how bad is it, that you get rejected in your dreams yet?

I guess this is really really bothering me it what it says.