Paternity Leave - how much is enough?

[Ash]

I'd like your unbiased opinions here, particularly from the ladies, but all are welcome and encouraged to provide their input.

 

Many fathers take no paternity leave. Where I currently work, in the past two years there have been perhaps half a dozen births, and the guys generally take a couple of days up to a week vacation, then return to work. On the other hand, I know most women take quite a large amount of leave. In Ontario, there's 37 weeks can be taken as allowed by law, and can be split between the parents however they see fit.

 

This leave is not at full pay, and in fact there are further conditions applied. Specifically in my case, before I can take leave I have to exhaust my vacation. That's not really a problem. There is a two week waiting period in which nothing is paid, after that I become eligible for unemployment benefits which I believe are 55% of my income.

 

In understand this, it's easy to see why many women take the full amount. With only one parent taking leave, only a two weeks of a person's salary is unpaid. In other words, if both parents take leave, then each is without pay for two weeks bringing the total to four. In many households as well (though of course by no means all) the father tends to have the higher paying job, so again total family income is kept slightly higher if only mom is on leave.

 

All of this of course totally ignore the fact that sometimes mom needs some adult help around the house and dad really ought to be there for more than a day or two.

 

I've had four kids so far, the fifth is on the way. I've never taken leave. Just vacation.

 

This time I am considering leave. I work 1.5 hours from where I live so it's not like I can drop in to help out at lunchtime, or for a doctors appointment etc. The last two kids I've had came just after I'd switched jobs, and that's always tricky with a new employer. Employers in general do not like giving dad's leave. It seems to expect them, at least that's the way it is here. You're expected as a male to get into work ASAP and mom is to look after the kids. This has become unacceptable to me as of late.

 

The issues with taking leave are difficult too. I'm still required to make support payments to my ex. That's right, even in the two week, no pay waiting period I still am required to pay support as if I have a full salary, same as the 55% benefits part. This is a severe financial issue and one of the many loopholes in Family Law in Ontario. I'm the only person here that does the job I do (electronics design) so if I go on leave, they will have to bring in somebody else and once that new person is here ... regardless of what the law says about holding a job open I fear that somehow it won't be and they'll just hand me a severance package.

 

I have a couple weeks vacation left for this year, and will be using that first, followed by two weeks unpaid. I can't see taking any less than four weeks off.

 

Question is, and particularly for those of you having delivered by section with other children at home, how much time would you have liked (or how much time DID) your significant other spend at home? We're due in late September. I'd love to take until Christmas but there is no way we could afford that. (She is not actually working at the moment so in theory I could take up to 37 weeks). She's not supposed to do much for 6 weeks after delivering.

 

I'm considering asking my manager and the HR department if telecommuting is possible in this case. Sounds reasonable to me. That puts me in the house most of the time where I can help as needed, yet I'm still working. Perhaps this is something that makes sense even to write into the legislation, and if not then at least our employee benefits. Of course, not all (not even most) can work from home. I'm lucky in a way that it would be possible for me.

 

Any thoughts or comments on all of this?

[BellaDonna]

I'll be having a c-section in August. My husband is going to take 3 weeks off, maybe 4.

 

I think any less than that becomes really difficult, unless your wife has other people that can come and help her- but then it can complicate things having other people in your home a lot, etc. My husband and I decided we wanted to be a team and not have relatives stay overnight or anything like that. So 3-4 weeks seems best for us.

 

If you have the option to work from home, that is great- but be careful not to end up getting overwhelmed. Sometimes when you work from home boundaries can be blurry- people may call you for work-related matters all the time- whereas when you're in "a place of employment" you have a set schedule when you arrive, and most importantly, when you get to LEAVE and be done with "work" for the day.

[rocio]

Are you sure your company doesn't cover the 2 week waiting period? My employer paid my full benefits for that period. It's worth checking into.

 

How big is your company? Any company large enough to know the law wouldn't dare take your job away after taking parental leave. That would be incredibly stupid, since you would surely win if you sued them for that.

 

I like the idea of you taking parental leave, and I admire you for wanting to support your wife. Surely you can find a way to make it work.

[Clementine orange]

Take as much as you can and as you can afford. Life is short. No-one on their death bed ever wished they worked more.

[Shadows Light]

I think its wonderful that you want to do this. I wish that my X-spouse had been as supportive. I'd say take as much time as you possibly can... and yes, offer a solution.... see if you can telecommunte it shows the company that you are trying to find alternative creative solutions.

[Ash]

I'll have to double check with HR to see if they do cover the two week waiting period, but I don't think they do.

 

One of the unfortunate things I've run into in the corporate world is the bigger the company, the more they take liberties with. Huge companies just fire people with a big severence package then bury them with lawyers if it ever goes to court. Far better to take the package, find a new job and have a double income for a short while.

 

But honestly, thinking on it, it's not likely to happen and I think the work from home is the way to go. My boss is pretty good that way, and I just got some pretty decent news on what my team's next assignment is likely to be.

 

Hazey, don't you work for the government? They tend to have excellent benefits. They're decent here, but not quite that good.

 

I hear you on the work from home difficulties BellaDonna. Im a night owl anyway, so I may end up shifting my work to when most (except for perhaps the newest sometimes!!) are in bed. I can nap during the day. With two of us and a baby that should be possible. Heck, we both tend to nap on weekends as it is already. Problem of course becomes when the sleeping patterns of the baby, toddler and kids ends up only leaving a three or four hour quite time at night. Even now between the toddler and the older kids it's sometimes only a six or seven hour window. Throwing into that mix the time I have to get up for work and considering spending a little time with my partner I'm already down to five to six hours sleep! So, working from home I think is something that although would require some discipline should be workable. At least I save the three hour (total both ways) commute. That, and eliminate the "dead time" I have while at work where I'm just sitting spinning my wheels.

 

Clementine, how true that is. I don't plan to go out that way either!

 

Thanks Shadows.

 

I'm thinking of something like 6 weeks. 8 would be nice, 4 is the absolute minimum I'd consider. Going until Christmas would be a nice dream (since I'm inclined that way and perhaps this would be the year I could make all those things I've had on the back burner for years) but financially I really don't think I can swing it.

 

Thanks for the input.

[isisastaria]

Honestly, I have done it myself the last two times. The second, my SO was around maybe a week here and there. He had to work. We're divorced tho...for good reason!

 

I was just fine by myself after that. I really have not had it any other way. It would have been nice, but I was doing great in about a week.

[southerngirl]

My husband took 2 weeks paid vacation. I was in the hospital for the first 4 days of that, having had a planned csection..

 

I can honestly say though that by the time the two weeks were up I was up and around and did just fine. Sure, I could have wished he were here longer but we dont have the same paternity leave benefits here in the usa that you must have there. All he could take was his vacation otherwise he would have lost pay and we could not afford that.