My ex's father died....ok to send card to mom?

[alonegirl]

I have not been on here in little bit, but I just needed to vent and I'm afraid my friends or family may judge me or something. Today I found out my ex's father passed away on Monday. My ex and I were together for 4 years, his dad always held a special place in my heart as I did his. I remember about 2 weeks before my ex and I broke up he took me aside and told me how happy him and his mom were that I was in his life, that they were very grateful as they didn't want to think where his life may have taken him otherwise.(He was hanging around some bad people) Anyways, we broke up two years ago and haven't really talked since the few times we have communicated he always felt the need to say things he knew would hurt me. So when I found out this morning I cried and then I thought about it, and I started worrying about what people would think of me being upset by this. That we've been broken up for over two years, his dad and I hadn't even talked, or take it to mean that I'm sad for my ex and am not over him. But I thought about it and I have every right to be sad his dad made an impact in my life, he touched my heart and soul. So I decided to send my ex's mom a card, but then felt like maybe I should send one to my ex too, regardless of anything that has happened we were together for 4 years I'm always gonna care about him and his father died a week before father's day, I am sad for him, I threw the idea back and forth and finally decided to send a card to his mom's house, and then say that my thoughts and prayers are with all of them........that's ok to do right? Some of my friends told me that I shouldn't do that, that it would look weird because I haven't talked to his family....so I just thought I would get other's opinion..

thanks

[EvaGina]

I think a card and some flowers or somthing are a perfectly acceptable, and encoragable gesture

I think its thoughtfull and kind

 

-hug-

[Zackinlaw]

OMG ... I am agreeing with Gina twice the same night ... but yes, if he was important to you and he has passed, by all means express it, his family will appreciate it! This is not about your ex.

 

Zack.

[Aueft]

I think you absolutely should send a card, regardless of your relationship with the ex, if his parents made an impact on you- they are benefactors separate from him that deserve your respect as both elders and again- benefactors in your life.

[bonneidee1017]

To be honest, I don't see anything wrong with you sending a card of condolence and I can't understand why your friends would be against it.

 

I was friends with a girl off and on from first grade through high school. She was just an emotionally unstable person and after awhile I didn't want much to do with her.

 

But in the ten years that we knew each other, I really grew to love her mom and she felt the same way about my family (she and my own mom became really good friends as well).

 

Because there was no friendship left between myself and the ex-friend (and because I moved away for college) I had no contact with her mother for years. That didn't mean I wasn't devastated when I found out she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

 

In the year before she died, I couldn't bring myself to go see her (mostly because I was too afraid to come to terms with her illness) and I didn't initiate friendship with her daughter.

 

But when she died I immediately left school and drove two hours for the funeral. I hadn't talked to my ex-friend or anyone in her family for years, but when I saw her, we both just hugged and cried.

 

In situations like this, it's not about all of the past issues you may have had with someone, it's about the love you both shared for the person who has passed away.

 

So please, send a card to his wife and, if you feel it's the right thing to do, send a card to your ex.

 

This is about showing your sympathy and condolences, not about diplomacy.

[alonegirl]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I know I'm doing what my heart needs to do, it's not about my ex or the past, or anything, it's about his father passing away and grieving it and showing my condolences for a man that was like my 2nd father for 4 years. Thank you all so much

[Hope75]

I agree with the other posters. There's no reason that you can't send a card to him and his mom expressing your sympathies over the loss of his dad.

 

His father was a special person to you as well and I think it's appropriate and acceptable.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I think it's entirely appropriate and right to send a card to the family - he was in your life, you regret his passing, and you are sorry for those he left behind.

 

Kindness and people saying they are sorry when a loved one dies: that is always meaningful and never wrong or hurtful. I don't think it can cause offence or give rise to any kind of gossip. It is what it is - you are sorry that your ex's father has died, and you want to pass on your condolences.

 

It's very nice of you.

[benga]

It would be good of you to send a card remembering somebody who made an impact in your life... DO IT!!

 

Cheers

Benga

[samross]

DO IT. If you don't you will regret it the rest of your life.

[alonegirl]

I just wanted to thank you all again for your input, I sent a card to his mother, addressed it to the family and put I am thinking of you all, I got a very nice card back from his mom today, just thanking me and telling me that's she's going to miss her husband terribly, and that she was very happy to get my card and she's happy to know I care. So thank you all very much.

[Miss Firecracker]

I once sent a card to my ex-boyfriend's mom when her husband died. I never regretted it either. This boyfriend's mom was so sweet to me, and I did it for her and all of the family. I don't think you should worry at all about doing this. It's perfectly acceptable.