alonegirl

My ex and I have been broken up for a little over a year and a half. It was the hardest time of my life but somehow I managed to survive. We pretty much have had NC for the entire time except for some communication to get things back, the last time we spoke was in march. I have been dating this wonderful guy for the last 3 months but this past week I can't stop thinking about my ex. I went so long without thinking about him or when I did it didn't make me sad but this last week I keep thinking about him and it just makes me so sad. I don't know if it's because this is my first relationship since him, sometimes I find myself comparing the two and I know that's not fair. This new guy is sooo different from any guy I have ever dated. He's the nicest guy I ever dated, he cares about me and my feelings. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if it's maybe because some of our old friends have tried to get in contact with me the past two weeks ( i didn't answer the phone calls) so maybe that's why he's in my head. But last night I had a dream about him that actually made me cry when I woke up in the morning. I don't know if it's the relationship or the friendship that I miss. Yes we were lovers but we were also best friends and I haven't had that since. Yes I have friends but no one I made that connection with. While I really like this new guy there are some reservations there. I also realized that I'm not opening up to him because I'm so afraid of being hurt again. I know that's stupid that if I don't take a chance I may miss out on something wonderful. I just was doing really well and that dream last night was so real it really is messing with my head today. I just don't understand why here in front of me I have a guy that I really like and that really likes me but I can't stop thinking about my ex who's a jerk. OK, I actually feel a lot better having written that down thank you

I haven't been on here in a while but I just really need to talk to people who understand what I'm going through. My friends are tired of hearing about it seeing as how it has been over a year and they think I should be over it by now. I have just had a really big relapse and I'm not sure what to do or think anymore. I thought I was doing better but today I just feel so bad. My ex and I were together for 4 years, we lived together and bought a dog together and did all the stuff we talked about marriage, kids etc all that stuff, we both agreed that we were not in a place to even think about marriage or children at the moment and we were content where our relationship was. Well he ended up breaking up with me telling me that he didn't want to be in a realtionship he wanted to be single didn't think he ever wanted to get married or have children. I found out 4 days later there was someone else. In the year since we have broken up she has moved in, they are engaged and planning a wedding. Yesterday a so called "friend" of mine called me and told me she had found his myspace page and looked at it and she reminded me that they were getting married and she told me all this stuff and as badly as I didn't want to go look I did and I shouldnt have. It was so weird I was looking at this girl who just came right in and started living my life less than 3 months after I stopped living that life. It's just so strange to see pictures of someone standing in your old house with your old boyfriend. You could see in the background of the picture a picture frame that used to have pictures of us in it and he just replaced the pictures with pictures of them and it just hurt so bad. She has a picture of our dog and called it her dog (I know that sounds stupid but it's hurts) I just feel so replaceable and not special this is the life that I was so used to and that I wanted to live the rest of my life and here is this other girl living it. It killed me. He just gets to walk away and doesn't have to deal with the aftermath of the breakup like I did. I had to start my life all over again, all he did was replace me with another girl and kept living the same life. He's robbed me of so much, How do you ever open yourself up to someone again? I was so shocked when we broke up there are times I still don't think it's hit me. He robbed me of thinking that people are really happy with me I thought he was happy he acted happy the day before he broke up with me he told me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. My whole life has changed and I hate it. My apartment doesn't feel like home it just feels like a place I go. I went back to school but not because I wanted to but because I wanted to keep busy. I haven't dated anybody since we broke up I don't think it would be fair to that person to get involved with anybody but then there are times I just wish I had someone to take my mind of him. I just feel so used and stupid how long was he living a lie with me? How long was he miserable and talking to her behind my back? I just feel so stupid not to have seen it and to trust him so completely. And to know that they are getting married just kills me because I realize he didn't want to marry me. I just don't get how you just write someone out of your life like it's nothing, I feel as though I meant nothing to him and him and our relationship meant so much to me. I talked to him about 2 months ago and we had a very long talk about what went down in our relationship. I let him know how much he hurt me and he apologized and hugged me and told me he never meant to hurt me that we were together for 4 years and that I meant a lot to him and he loved me and he'll never forget me. It's just such a weird feeling. I feel like in back to the future when he's looking at the picture and his family starts to fade away that's what I feel like I feel like I just faded out of the picture and she just came in and took my place. My heart still really hurts for him, everytime I hear his name or think of him my heart hurts. I hate feeling this way, I hate that over a year I still feel like this. I just miss him and our relationship. I just want to run away because there are memories of us everywhere around this town, but I know that I need to be strong. And most of the time I am I am just having such a hard time. My self-esteem really took a hard shot with all this and I don't feel attractive and I don't feel like people really like me and want to be with me. Sometimes it is just hard still. I wish I had the power to erase him from my memory to just forget that he ever exsisted. Everytime I meet someone new I just think he's not him and I don't know why I can't let go. It just kills me to know that I still feel this way and he has forgotten all about me and just got on with his life. I just try to push all these feelings away and act like they aren't there and I guess they are just catching up to me, I thought I was doing better. I'm sorry for going on so long.

I'm not sure where to begin I have just had a major setback and am so upset with myself, and so angry and hurt for still feeling this way. To make a long story short my ex and I were together for 4 years he started talking to a girl from his work and then broke up with me and she moved in less than 3 months after I moved out and less than a year later they are engaged. My ex and I have talked a couple of times mainly just about things that needed to be finalized. We never really talked about what happened with our relationship the few times we did he acted like he had done nothing wrong, lied about the fact that he knew her when we were together. A couple of weeks ago we finally finalized everything he came over to bring me my stuff and we somehow started talking about our relationship and I told him how bad he hurt me and from there the conversation just snowballed I started crying and I couldn't stop I had been holding these feelings in for 1 year and once they came out I couldn't shut myself up. At first he seemed to be happy to know that 1 year later I was still this upset I explained to him that he left the relationship way before I did so he got to express these feelings I never did. I could tell at first he was letting it all roll off his shoulders but then it must of caught him somewhere inside because he got teary eyed and grabbed me and hugged me and told me how sorry he was that he never meant to hurt me. This was so hard for me because since the day we broke up I have thought about us having this conversation and him grabbing me and wrapping his arms around me and me just balling in his arms and that's what was about to happen, so I pushed him off me. I felt a lot better after our conversation I felt like there was some closure I realized that our relationship didn't mean nearly as much to him as it did me, he was over it so quickly. In the stuff of mine that he gave back to me there were some photo albums that we has a couple put together well a lot the pictures were of his family and his nephwes and such so I sent him a text asking him if he knew that these albums had some pictures that he would probably want back (his nephew baptism) he told me to keep what I want and throw the rest of it away so that's when I realized this is how he handled everything just threw everything away and pushed it out of his mind and got someone else to occupy his time I'm not that type of person I feel to much to do that. Anyways a couple of days after that was the year anniversary of our breakup and I actually did pretty well I had just started to date this nice guy and we had our first kiss the night before so I had that as a distraction. However this guy that I am dating (taking very slowly) goes out of town a lot and I find that when he is out of town I seem to be double depressed, I start thinking about my ex and getting upset. Well today he found me on myspace, why he looked for me I have no idea and as much as I wanted not to go look at his page my curiousty got the best of me and I looked at it and I saw her for the first time and I saw other pictures of him and for some reason it hit me like a ton of bricks. Seeing his face to this day over 1 year later still makes my heart go in my stomach. I just feel like I have been kicked in the gut, he just looked so happy and even when I talked to him he acted like everything was great and I know not everything is great he lost his job, got his car repossessed and from what I hear he has gotten involved in drugs but accorindng to him his car getting repossessed was the best thing that ever could of happened because now he has more money so even when I try to think of stuff that should make go thank god I'm not with him anymore I have his reaction of everything's great. I have done much better things with my life since we broke up I got my own place for the first time I went back to school, I made new friends, I go to the gym, but really I don't know that it's done much for the inside of me. Now it is going to be so hard not to go on there and look at his page and his pictures I just want to cancel my account now. I just want to move away from here so I can push all of our memories away it was so easy for him to do and yet I can't stop thinking about us 1 year later. This for some reason has been such a big setback for me and I don't know why. I really just needed to vent.

Well it's official my ex is engaged to the girl he left me for. It hasn't even been a year since we broke up. I just feel like someone has punched me in the stomach, when we were breaking up he told me he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get married but I guess the truth was he didn't want to marry me. We were together for 4 years and it just hurts. I also found out that my ex is heavily additced to drugs so badly that his car got repossed. Which just hurts so much but at the same time gives me a little justification. His car was his baby he loved that thing so much I can't believe it got repossesed. He quit the job he had when we were together and works a minimal job and has to borrow money from his mom to pay the bills. It's hard to see someone that you loved and cared about going down this path there is nothing I can do to help him. Everyone keeps saying I am better off without him but I know he wouldn't be living this life if we were still together. He's 27 with a 20 year old and he's acting like a 20 year old. I am just in so much pain and I just wish I was getting better.

Just thought I would throw my two cents worth here. The same thing happened to me, my ex of 4 years left me to be with someone who he worked with. I was/still am devasted. I thank god I don't have to work with both of them, I wouldn't be able to do it, she knew about us being in a serious relationship. It is such an awful feeling, my self-esteem has gone down the tolliet since this happened, I keep wondering why is she better than me? Why didn't he tell me he was feeling this way? The ? will die down eventually and it gets easier to deal with, it will probably always sting a little bit when you think about it. About the whole karma thing, I was a believer in Karma when this happened to me but now here we are almost a year later and him and her are still together and he seems to b pretty happy, so I guess Im not a big believer in karma, I thought that if something was going to happen it would of by now, don't wait around for karma to happen because if it never does it makes you feel even worse (trust me I know)

Thank you all so much for your helpful replies. It really helps to know that I am not alone in all this. I am just finding this so hard, I thought almost a year later I would be a little better than this. It's just so unfair that his life just goes on as normal and mine went into shambles, his life is the exact same just with a different girl, I had to move out of my house, get new friends, move in by myself, all sort of things that I thought would make me stronger but I really don't think it has. I just can't believe that almost a year later I have only gone on one date and he was been with someone this whole time. It's just not fair I deserve to be happy too, and I'm trying to change my attitude and have a different persepective but it's just so hard, to deal with all this over and over again. I think about him all the time and I just hate it. I just want to move away and I know that wouldn't do anything for me but maybe being far away will make it easier, I don't know what to do I know I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I hate him for what he did to me, I just wish I could stay with this feeling, I have tried to only think of negative things but it's really hard because you start thinking of that but then you say to yourself well it wasn't all that bad and then you start thinkgin of the good times. Aggg!! I just wish I could shut my mind off.

have been coming to this website off and on for almost a year now, I am doing better but really I don't think I am. (if that makes any sese) I still haven't let go of him and that scares me, I don't know how to let go. W did complete NC for almost 7 months or so we have only been in contact a couple of times in the last two months or so (nothing big) so it's not like he's been in my life this whole time. I just really feel that deep down inside I'm not moving on and I'm not letting go. I went back to school, I made all new friends, I go out, I got my own apartment all kinds of stuff but it never feels like I am doing anything to get over this. I hardly meet guys but when I do none of them compare to him, when I met him I felt a strong connection to him immediately and we instantly had that chemistry and I keep expecting that with other guys that I meet so when it doesn't happen I get upset. I can't even find guys im interested in. I think about him all the time. I have zero desire to go out with anyone and I don't think it's because I'm waiting for him to come back but at the same time I think part of me is waiting for that. That would be my heart because my head knows better. I was talking to someone the other day who had just broken up with his fiancee and he was telling me that he's not really sure he was ever in love with her because if he was in love with her would he really have fallen out of love with her, if he really really was in love with her why would he fall out of love? And it really got me thinking because I swear almost a year later and I am still in love with him, I just feel that we really were meant to be together and obviously we weren't because if we were we would be but I think part of me is waiting for us to find our way back to eachother. And I don't know why I am thinking that. Even if I do go out with someone I think about him the entire time, I hate this feeling .He was acting like he wants to be friends with me and I can't do that but now he's pulled away again I think he felt that I was pulling really far away from him so he dragged me back and then left again. I went out last night and by the end of the evening I was so sad because it just makes me miss him more, I have never been good with going out and I just kept thinking how much fun we used to have hanging out with our friends, now I have new friends and am trying new places and I hate it, I want my old life back. I see a counselor and she tells me it's normal that I went through a major shock but I just feel like I am at a standstill in my life I just don't know how to let go, i don't want to let go I'm too scared, I'm just so scared to let go, does anyone have any advice?

I wish this feeling would end, the feeling of love I have for him I should hate him he hurt me more than words could ever express, he broke my heart in a million little pieces and it will be a long time before any one can put it back together. I don't know where things went so wrong between us how we went from a year ago to being together to now me being alone and him being with a different girl in our house and addicted to drugs. I never wanted to be controlling of him I was always trying to look out for him and keep him from the life that he has now, I miss him so much, I miss talking to him I miss sitting on the couch with him, I miss spending time with him. I just miss it all, my life has been so upside down the last 10 months, I am doing things that everyone tells me to do but it doesn't work, I keep myself busy but my mind still works, I go to the gym, I went back to school, I got my own place but it all just seems so surface to me. I heard today he never went through any pain when we broke up not surprising he jumped right in another relationship. I have talked to him a couple of times in the past couple of weeks and we seemed to be friendly at times he was a little more friendly then I would have like, never tried to come on to me or anything but just was acting way different than I expected. Everyone tells me to prepare myself for him sneaking his way back into my life but I tell them I'm not going to worry about something that probably will never happen. I never hear from him except when he calls about the dog, I did something stupid and text him today, I didn't say anything crucial just something along the lines of I saw our friend and I'm sure he's going to tell you that I called him we all know what a liar he is!! Ha Ha (it was always a running joke between us)_ I heard nothing back from him, not that I expected too but I guess my mind got all messed up by us being in communication again I figured I could text him and he would respond, and I guess with people telling me that he might try to sneak back into my life why wouldn't he respond to my message? We just talked this weekend, he actually hung out at my house for an hour or so and it was like we were never apart, we just sat there and laughed and talked and my insides were screaming I miss this, I love you, but I didn't let any of that show I was very calm and distant until today when I text him and lost the control. This just gets so hard to deal with. How do you get over someone, that you felt was so right for you, everybody I have met since doesn't even come close to comparing, I still get the same feeling I felt for him when I see him the first time I saw him 4 years ago, he takes my breath away and makes my heart skip a beat isn't that what people look for in love? I'm just having such a hard time and had to get all this out.

I have not been on these boards in a while, to make a long story short, my ex of 4 years broke up with me about 10 months ago to be wih someone else that he met at work. We only spoke twice in last 10 months, the 1st time we talked he was a jerk yelled at me for 45 minutes on how horrible I was. Last week he text me about some stuff he still has of mine (long story) and our conversation then moved on to our dog and how much I missed her and wanted to see her he then called me and asked me if I wanted to take her for the weekend (last weekend) I agreed and tried to make arrangements so we wouldn't have to see eachother (drop her off at a friends house etc) none of that worked and he ended up bringing her to my new place. He gave me ahug and told me how good it was to see me and all that, it was pretty normal conversation he kept calling me mommy, he kept telling our dog you be good for mommy or don't mess up mommy's house. I thought it was really weird. The next day he came over to pick her up and we were talking and he told me he will always love me, and that he's really sorry things went down the way they did, that if he could do it over again he would becuase I didn't deserve any of that. I asked him why he was so angry at me and he said that he thought it would be the easist way to be, he kept referencing how busy I was, how I was big money and we left things with call me this week and let me know when he could bring my stuff and my cat to me I said ok, couple of minutes after he left he text me again let me know this week when y ou can get the cats. I thought that was really weird, we just had that conversation 10 minutes before, why the text? This entire week I have been obsessing about this, thinking that maybe I got under his skin, but I have heard nothing from him since, I text him yesterday and said sorry about this week i GOT REALLY SICK, and he said well I hope you feel better just call me when you want them. I knew I wasn't over him but I didn't realize that it would effect me this much, my advice to people is not to see or talk to the ex if you don't have to, I threw up before he came to my house, I was shaking and full of nerves, This is why NC is so important, As far as I am aware of he is still with his girlfriend because at first he told me I could meet them at the dog park to see the dog, she was probably in the car when he came to my house I don't know, the thing is I have been trying to read to much into this, he may just want to be friendly with me and I can't take it just for that I have to obsess about it and it sucks. So if you don't have to talk to them DON'T!!!

The first time my ex and I talked after he broke up with me to be with a 19 year old (he's 27 what's up with that?) he yelled at me for 45 minutes. Told me I was the worst girlfriend he's ever had (I think our exs are related!), that I mentally and emotionally abused him, that he was miserable for the last year and half of our relationship. Here I am thinking ok he's over me he's with her maybe he can look back fondly at what we had but instead he hates me for no reason. I was upset about the call for a long time, then the next time I talked to him a couple of weeks later the conversation started out the same way him telling me how horrible I am then somehow I got him to admit the truth to me, that he was blaming me because it was the easiest thing to do, rather than blame himself or anything else he was blaming me. I haven't talked to him since that was about 4-5 months ago. It's easier to hate someone then it is to realize what is really going on and feel guilty. I know it totally sets you back, it's like they are going through some kind of crisis and need someone younger to make them feel better. You sounds as though you are doing well just keep on that path.

I know exactly how you are feeling right now. My ex of 4 years left me to be with someone else 8 months ago. Less than 3 months after I moved out she had moved in. That hurt like hell. The whole thing has hurt, it hurts even more to think that you meant nothing to that person that everything you did meant nothing that's how I feel, my ex and I haven't spoken since and this was someone that I spent 4 years with and now we can't even be friendly. Maybe it did mean nothing maybe it did but it doesn't matter anymore. We are not together and I am trying to learn from the experiece as much as it sucks. It will be ok and everything will work out for the best. You will find someone new that won't do this to you.

My ex and I broke up in March after a 4 year relationship, we spoke twice since then only to clear some issues with my stuff and the house up. Other than that we haven't spoken and it's almost 8 months.

So tomorrow (the 13th) is my birthday. I'm excited and I have plans but I am also sad about it. This will be my first birthday in 5 years without my ex and it all just seems so strange. We broke up almost 6 months ago and have only talked twice. I don't expect to hear from him but that doesn't mean that little voice in the back of my head won't be saying maybe you'll hear something. I have a pretty boring job during the day so I know it's going to be hard to keep my mind off it, I was just wondering has anyone gone through this? Any ideas on keeping my mind occupied during the day? I get anxious just thinking about it, not sure why I know I won't hear anything.

So I haven't been on here very much recently, I have been doing much better, 5 months after the breakup. Last night I had a minor setback and just needed to vent about it. I received some mail that had been delivered to my old address (ex's house) I did a address change but those are only temporary and I forgot to call this paticular company and change the address. Anyways on the envelope he wrote the word "forward" and had her write my address underneath that. I don't know for sure who's writing it is, but it's not his and it is for sure a girls. It may sound dumb that this set be back a little but for some reason seeing it there in writing and him sending it to me like that just really bothers me. He seems to want to hurt me and I don't understand he was the one that cheated on me, broke up with me to be with someone else then moved her into our house less than 3 months after I moved out. I have only talked to him twice and the first time he spent 45 minutes telling me how awful I was, the next conversation , he acknowledged that he was blaming me because I was the easist thing to blame and it ended with him apologizing for treating me the way he had. That was the last time we talked, over 2 months ago. I haven't called him, cried to him, bothered him nothing. We were together for 4 years it doesn't need to be handled like that, why can't we just be adults. It's been almost 6 months with very little contact, why is he still holding onto all this? I'm still unsure what I have done to make him hate me. It bothers me that this has set me back a little but it is just a minor setback and I am still doing much better than I was and I am also stronger than I was.

I have 6 tattoos and one of them is on my lower spine. That was the most painful of all the tattoos I have. Yes it will hurt and unfortunately there is nothing that a tattoo artist can do to make it less painful, but the result of the tattoo is worth the pain in my opinion. Be careful they are addictive! That's how I ended up with 6!

I just wanted to let everybody out there especially people who are in the early stages of the breakup know that it really does get better I never thought it would but it does. I found this site 4 months ago when my ex boyfriend broke up with me after 4 years to be with someone else. I was devastated, I felt like I was dying inside. I couldn't get out of bed for the first month, I cried all day long, I was so depressed it was scary I was the lowest I have ever been in my life. Things are looking up, I am feeling much better. We have pretty much had complete NC for the 4 months except for 2 phone calls that did set me back a little especially since I found out less than three months after breaking up with me she was already living in our house. I highly recommend NC, it really does help you break away from that person. It is the hardest thing to do but it really does help, there were times I felt like I was trying to break an addiction and in fact I was, I was addicted to him. It gets easier to do NC the more time that goes by you can really start to see that person in a different light, the person that he really is. I have been doing things to better myself these last 4 months at first it was for him to realize what a mistake he made but now it is for me. I have been going to the gym, the beach, looking for my own place, I even signed up to go back to college (something I talked about the entire time me and him were together I just never did it) it is very impowering to do these things for yourself and to start to realize that you can make it without this person. Me and my ex did everything together, I couldn't even go to the grocery store for the first month after we broke up because we always did that together. I'm still a little uneasy doing certain things but it has gotten so much easier, I am beginning to see I can be without him. This really is a time to look deep into yourself and find the strength from within. No one can do this for you, it is good to talk to people and have a support system but no one can make you feel better except yourself you have to decide that you don't want to feel this way anymore and it took me a while. One thing I struggled with for a long time was closure "how he could do this to me, how he could just walk away," I searched the internet looking for answers talked about it non stop trying to get answers from people that don't have the answers. I was obsessed about it, everyone told me closure comes within and I thought that was a bunch of garbage but it really is true. I woke up one day and realized it didn't really matter why any of this happened or how he could do this what mattered is that it happened and I have to deal with it, what mattered is that he was able to do this to me in the first place he wasn't the person I thought he was. That was very hard to realize, that the person that I loved and that I thought he was wasn't there anymore but it happened slowly, we are no longer part of eachother's life and if he can walk away from me that easily than I don't need him. I slowly started to make more friends and started going out and making plans and that really does help. Getting dumped for someone else had my self-esteem to the floor and going out and having guys look at me and flirt with me made me realize I am not all those things he said I was and that I am a catch and I am a great person to be around, it's just to bad for him that he can't see that. I never thought that I would be ready to date again it all seemed to weird felt like I was cheating on him or something but slowly I have begun to. I have been on a few dates and slowly started to date someone these past couple of weeks nothing serious, taking things very slowly but he is the first guy that I have met since my ex and I broke up that has made me nervous and gave me butterflies, I never thought that would happen again. I am nowhere near totally over it, who knows if I ever will be I still have my bad days and my bad moments but I now have more good days than bad days and more good moments than bad moments. I slowly started to realize I just went half-an-hour without thinking about him then it just kept getting longer and longer and now I can go almost the whole day without thinking about him. I am finally at a point where if he tried to come back I wouldn't take him back and I NEVER thought I would be able to say that. I would never be able to trust him and if he can leave that easily once he will be able to do it again, although I would love the chance to tell him I'm sorry I don't want to get back together with you, but that is just my immature side. I will always love him and he will always be a part of my past but that's just what it is the past and it is time to look towards the future. Sorry for this being so long I just wanted to let people know it will get better, we are all strong people and will come out of this stronger than we ever have been in our lives. I know that me not jumping into another relationship and really looking within myself is making me much stronger where as he will never deal with his issues he will just jump from relationship to relationship maybe one day he will realize what a mistake he made maybe he won't it doesn't really matter anymore. Good luck.

Your post really helped me too. I too was with my ex for 4 years and he cheated on me and broke up with me to be with the person he cheated on me with almost 4 months ago. I was devasted and was having a really hard time with everything, then last week I had to be hospitalized for something unrelated and that is when it hit me, life is way too short to feel the way I was feeling. I was allowing his stupid actions to ruin my life and take away my life. He is the one that made a mistake not me and you are right karma is a b%%^h. One day he may or may not realize what a mistake he made but I don't really care anymore, I am a better person than this. I really appreciate you posting this, I felt this way inside but to see it written down has really driven it home for me. Thank you very much!

Studygirl, It was the hardest decision to make not to have contact with them. I haven't even spoken to them since we broke up. I sent them a card instead because I figured my ex would probably freak out if I went and saw them. I just basically told them how much I loved them and how much they meant to me and that I appreciated everything they had ever done for me. I told them that I was lucky to have had them in my life as long as I did. His step-father is very sick so that is another thing I talked about in the card. As much as I want to call them and see how they are doing and see how his step-fathers health is I just remind myself that we are no longer together and as sad as this is it's really none of my business anymore. This was the most serious relationship I was in as well, and like you agree that I wouldn't have gotten that close or let him get that close to my family if I knew it would end like this. My little niece asks about him all the time, she just doesn't understand that she won't be seeing him anymore. I am doing much better at the 4 month period. I still have my bad/sad moments but they are not nearly as often as they were. I know exactly what you mean when you say everyday is a struggle, that is exactly how I felt still feel really. Just getting out of bed and going to work everyday was an accomplishment. It does get easier day by day, I slowly find myself not thinking about him/it for longer periods everyday. The hurt is still there but it is not such a raw hurt as it was at first, it just kind of subsides. I know how hard this must be, the first week for me was the worst, things will get better but one thing I learned is not to rush things just to feel your emotions as they come, don't put a time limit on yourself and your feelings. If you ever want to talk just send me a message, it really helps to talk with people that know what you are going through.

I agree that you should not just stop calling them but I would talk with them and explain everything. I really feel for you I know exactly what you are going through. My ex and I broke up almost 4 months ago after being together for 4 years, I was extremely close with his family as he was mine. My 4 year old niece (who has known him since she was born) called him Uncle, his nephew called me Aunt, my mom loved him as if he was her own son. Now that we have broken up, there is no relationship between my family and him or me with his family. It is heartbreaking, these people were just ripped away from life and he just ripped himself away from my little niece and the rest of my my family. It is a very sad thing, I think if you can maintain a relationship with them then go for it, I would just worry that it might stop you from healing or letting go. Good luck.

I will have someone else go get them, the problem is he says he has my stuff packed but I have no way of knowing if all my stuff is actually in there. He broke up with me after 4 years saying because he wasn't in love with me anymore but he really had met someone else at work, she is now living there.

So today I receive a text message from my ex that says something to the effect of not being able to afford to feed our animals and buying food every week. I assume this is his response to the message I sent him on Tuesday that just was about tying up some loose ends and then I ended it with tell the animals I love them and miss them. After receiving his message, I decided I would call him. He answers the phone and I say hi and he just kind of says hi kind of snotty I tell him "if money is the issue I will pay you half for the food each month" he then makes a point of saying "I am trying to save $up for something and I can't with having to buy these animals food all the time."Get real a bag of cat food is like $7, I'm sure it's really breaking his pockets. Then he says plus I may be moving, and I say you are? and I say ok let me know when you are moving and I will get the cats before you move, and he says I'm not moving if I was moving you would be the first to know about it.WHAT? I noticed he was being really snotty with me (mind you he broke up with me after 4 years because he met someone else at work) so I ask what is his problem with me why he was being so rude, we are both adults we can discuss this like adults. He says what's my problem? and then he just starts ripping in to me saying that he hates me, that I was the worst girlfriend he's ever had, that I emoitionally and mentally abused him, and how he is so happy that I am out of his life because he is back to being his old self. He continues to go on about how he was miserable for 1 1/2 years and that he didn't love me (he started his job which he HATES 1 1/2 year ago coincidence I think not), that he can now do what he wants blah blah, friends come over whenever he wants. This is funny to me because he never wanted to do anything because he was always so tired, and his friends came over every weekend. The only time I tried to stop him from doing things is when they could have gotten him in trouble again. And you know being in a new relationship he isn't spending time with his friends now. He then tells me I never loved him which really upset because we have been through a hell of a lot together and if I didn't love him I wouldn't of stuck around. I hear her in the background and he says I have to go and I say why because she's right there now and he says no she's been here the whole time. He continues yelling at me and saying very hurtful things that he knows will really get to me, I then find out she's living there, 3 months after we break up and of me moving out. So we are going back and forth debating our relationship and he was being so rude and I just said you know after 4 years I thought we could settle loose ends like adults not yelling and screaming at eachother.We didn't have a mean breakup, I didn't know about her when we broke up. Throughout the whole conversation which lasted like 45 minutes he kept saying that he was happy, and that he is over it, we are done. I just said I know that's why I haven't contacted you in 3 months. He then tells me again that he is trying to save $ for something and I took the bait and asked what, he then tells me it's none of my business (well then why tell me about it) so I say what are you getting married? and he didn't answer and I said oh my god you are and he said I'm not getting married and starts laughing. He's probably blowing smoke up her butt about getting married and buying a ring just like he did me the first couple of months we were together, he even went as far as telling me he bought one, 4 years later no ring. This is a 26 year old man who is now with a 19 year old and now I understand why, because his mentality is that of a 19 year old. (No offense to anyone around 19 don't mean it as an insult) It's really weird how things happen because today I have been so down and I never thought I would be able to let go and start getting better, well he did that for me today. I am so mad at him. If he were so happy and so over it why in the world does he feel the need to share it with me? If he was happy and over it wouldn't you think he would be more of an adult and just say look let's tie this stuff up and be done with it? wonder if it was all for show for her, why he felt the need to have this conversation with her there I don't get. I really tried not to let what he said get to me, but it's hard not to, I mean everything he said to me was a total shock. I keep thinking was I that bad of a girlfriend? Am I that stupid that I can't tell my own boyfriend is miserable with me for 1 1/2 years? He sure didn't act miserable, he was the one always wanting me to come home so we could spend time together. He sure didn't look miserable when he saw me. Oh well it's not something I am going to try not to dwell on, I know I did the best I could, and if he didn't like it, tough s$$t!

I think I am finally having an emotional breakdown. I have been pretty good up until this point but now I don't think I can handle it anymore. I am on medication, I am seeing a therapist but it is not helping. I feel as though I am going through withdrawls from a drug. It has been 3 months since the breakup, 3 months since the last contact. I text messaged him on Tuesday just about some things that still need to be settled in regards to some stuff of mine, it did not require a response but I guess that after 3 months of not talking to me I thought he would respond. At least with ok, some sort of confirmation that he received the message. I just never thought that after 4 years of being with someone he could just walk away and get on with his life and want nothing to do with me, he acts like I am the bad person, he is the one that broke up with me. Was I that bad of a girlfriend that he is so happy to be away from me? I just want to call him and ask him what the f%%k his problem. I feel as though he doesn't even think about me or our relationship and he doesn't even care that he hurt me so bad . I did something so stupid today I drove by our old place (his place) I don't know why, there was a car parked in my space which I'm sure was hers. I haven't done anything like that since the day we broke up mainly because I didn't want to know, but for some reason I just want to know if she is living there and I know it's none of my business and it shouldn't matter but that doesn't help the pain of being replaced go away. I was just replaced,I'm sure less then a week after I moved out she was pratically living there. It hurt so bad to drive by my old house and see soemone else's car parked where mine should of been parked. I have really handled this well until today, I know that I've handled it better than he ever imagnied I would. When my last ex and I broke up I became that crazy ex-girlfriend and my current ex knows about that and in the beginning of our relationship we broke up for like a week and I called him non-stop. I'm sure he is schoked that he hasn't heard anything but at the same time is probably thinking thank god, and I don't understand that. I was a part of his life for 4 years, doesn't that mean anything. After all the craziness of my last breakup I vowed I would never allow myself to act that way again, but I feel some of those feelings coming back, wanting to drive by, wanting to call him. Part of me just thinks that if I could talk to him and tell him how much he hurt me (he doesn't know that I know about her) that maybe he would at least feel bad and show some sort of emotion. I just think what if we saw eachother maybe then he would feel something. The day he broke up with me he cried, I went over to him and we hugged and just cried on eachother, he gave me a kiss why the hell did he bother crying? If he can get over it that quick then he obviously doesn't care about me or the relationship. Then as we were saying goodbye I accidentally called him baby and then I said sorry and then said his name and he said Ashley don't be like that, you can call me baby, you'll always be my baby. What a bunch of bull. He told me he would call me after our dog's vet appointmet 2 days after the breakup, I never heard a word, the agreement we always had about the dog was that if we ever broke up whoever didn't keep the dog would still be able to see it. He has never called me about that. There is so much that I want to say to him, I have written letters and never sent them but that doesn't seem to help because I think about actually sending them and what his reaction would be. There is no closure, there are so many questions I want to ask him but I know that he is not the person I think he is and to ask him those questions now his answers would probably hurt me more. I know that if I did talk to him he would probably be so nonchalant. I did talk to him once since the breakup but I don't really count it because it was in the middle of the night, I was passed out drunk and he called and I talked to him but I don't have a clue what I said or what he said. The only thing I remember is us saying we missed one another. I have been wanting to hear from him for so long and when I finally do I don't remember any of it. I know that I need to try to let this go but it's so hard. The pain is so deep, I have been having chest pains all day thinking about it. I feel like a junkie wanting to get their next fix, my leg is shaking uncontroably and I am just so jittery. It almost feels as though my body is giving up, telling me that it can't deal with this anymore. I then came up with this brillant idea (joke) to text him again tomorrow and say the my phone has been acting up recently I just wanted to make sure he got my message. I keep telling myself don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. I know it will only make me more upset especially if he doesn't respond to this one. He eventually will have to talk to me as he volunteered to watch my cat until I got my own place. I wonder all the time eventhough he is with her and has her occupying his time does he ever think about me? Isn't it weird for him to have another girl there after I lived there for 4years? He is probably pushing all that to the back of his mind so he doesn't have to deal with it, and he is probably jumping head over heels for this realtionship. He is probably madly in love with her, I remember how he was when we 1st got togther. I just don't understand, I could never imagine hurting someone that I loved to this degree. I feel better now that I have wrote all this down and got it out. Thank you for reading.

I can tell you from the experience I am having with NC right now I am longing for him. I want to talk to him so bad and it seems to get harder not to call him everyday rather than easier. I hope it will get better soon, it;s been 9 weeks.

Newts, He ended the relationship, he has called me one time about a month ago didn't leave a message, I called him back left a message never heard from him. Nobody initiated the NC rule it's just something we have both decided to do I guess. I'm sure his biggest reason is because he is with someone else (he basically broke up with me to be with her) which is why I haven't contacted him. I also know that it would be so hard to contact him, I'm so hurt I know that there is no way I wouldn't show it if I called him. I will have to contact him soon though as there is still some my stuff there and he also said he would keep my cat until I find my own place. As much as I shouldn't want to hear from him I would be lying if I said "I don't ever want to hear from him again" but that is just my heart talking I guess. HajiMaji, It doesn't really feel like I have any courage right now so it really helps to hear that you admire my courage. It's just so weird I really thought maybe even still do a little that he was on vacation or something. NC is very hard I would love to call and see how our animals are,we had 3 cats and a dog that I loved more than this world and she would freak out if I went to the store so I can't imagine how she was after this first happened. We are both stubborn and prideful people which is a huge reason why I'm sure neither one of us has contacted. Neither one us probably doesn't want to do the first contact. He probably didn't leave a message on purpose just to see how many times I would call him or something I don't know. I know that contacting him is something he wants me to do just for him to know yep I still got her or something and I just won't do it.

So I'm driving down the road and for some reason my brain told me to look to your left so I did and who's car was on the other side heading the opposite direction? My ex's. My heart just sank to my feet and I couldn't breathe and I just lost it and started crying and have been crying all night. I didn't even see him, I just saw the car (his windows are tinted too dark to see inside) I never imagined I would react like this. My heart is still in my feet and it's beating really fast. That is the first time I have been that close to him in 64 days after a 4 year relationship, it really hit me that he is not on vacation like my mind seemed to be thinking, we just aren't together. So of course now I wonder did he see me? What was his reaction to seeing me, was it anything like mine? If he did see me is he thinking about me? This was a definate test to my NC, I wanted to call him so bad after seeing him but I called my best friend instead and have her talk me out of it. So of course part of me hopes that maybe he will call now after possibly seeing me, I know it won't happen, it's just my heart hoping. It's so strange and unreal to me that he is no longer in my life, he was a part of my life day in and day out for 4 years and now to have absolute no communication it's just mind blowing. I'm sure it's for the better that we are not talking but I haven't totally convinced myself of that yet.