Creep

I have been cutting for quite a long time now, and nobody really knows it. I am a mutilated mess. I cut myself daily. I am addicted to cutting the same way some people are addicted to cigarettes. In a way I do want to stop. But I know I'm not strong enough. I don't know, nothing makes sense to me anymore. Does anyone know how I can help myself? I really think one of these days I will end up cutting too deep. Thanks for your time.

I don't know if they would understand. I came very close to telling my mom about the voices at one point, but I didn't because I was afraid that she would get upset. The whole situation is just so complicated.

Music and writing makes me feel better.

I just don't know how to tell them. I am not close to them at all. I hardly speak to them, I hardly speak to anybody.

My parents would have to set up an appointment with a doctor for me, because I believe I'm too young to do that myself. But they don't know the half of it. I'm too scared to tell them everything.

When no one is watching I sometimes cry, or scream.

Last night as I laid in bed, I had to keep myself from crying. I don't know why exactly. All these thoughts of everything kept racing through my head. I pictured killing myself, again and again. I cannot cope with the world. I smash my head against the wall so violently it makes me vomit. I don't deserve peoples sympathy. I do it to myself and thats what really hurts. Just me. I am always alone. No one really cares about me. I am impossible to get on with. In the end I will be alone and not care. I wish everything would go away and leave me alone. But there is no escaping from myself. Everything goes wrong. I regret being born. I want to puke everything out. I don't want anyone in my life. I don't want to see tomorrow. I want to die. It is like an obsession. Every day, the same feeling. I am struggling for nothing. It is all killing me slowly. The pain is becoming unbearable.

Every creature on this earth dies alone.

Almost everyone I know has stabbed me in the back. The poem is particularly about one person I know. That person has hurt me many, many times.

I will get help. I hope the voices will go away soon. They are driving me nuts. It's hard to refuse them.

A lot of people have made me feel like that. I've had a lot of trouble in my life. I find it easy to express my true feelings through writing.

Untitled You must do whatever I say now, you will finally repay You will suffer for what you did to me, for that you denied me to be the person I wanted to be You made me pound, now I will turn your world around You will be left in the cold, for all the crap that I have always been told You ruined my life, now I will soon get the knife You will be the sucker this time, for that you made me commit all the crime Now I will retaliate, now I will decide your fate I am sorry to see our friendship end, but the broken bones can no longer bend I have taken care of everything, everything except for the sting You All my rage, you made me fight I am locked up in a cage, you turned off my light All my sorrow, you made me sick Soon there will be no tomorrow, you pulled me over by one little trick Now I lie down and dream, because of you I died Rest so I can be able to scream, was it murder or was it suicide? All my sadness, you made me kill Now I have less, you gave me no pill All my control, you won me by fake charm You broke my soul, you only harm All my dirt, you took me down You gave me no alert, you made me drown --Creep =)

I fear the voices inside my head. I am afraid that one day they're suddenly going to control me.

Yes, I'm still alive. I will get help. I am trying slowly to get myself back together. I will get there one day. I'd like to thank everyone who has posted in this thread; each and every word has helped. =)

No, I haven't seen a doctor and told them how I'm feeling. I'm willing to try anything just to make the voices go away.

I sit down here to write and I wonder why I am doing this. My life is a tragedy. Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood. The only reason I'm still alive is hope. I hope that things might get better. I don't know what is happening. My head just doesn't work right. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I am nothing! I try so hard to find happiness. I know I should be happy with what I have, but I hate living. I just don't want to live no more. The bitterness and anger inside me has made me hate everything. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I feel like I'm made of pain. My head is exploding. My brain is on the point of bursting to bits. I'm sick in the head. I feel like crap. I'm going insane by the voices inside my head. They scare the crap out of me. I'm so confused. It seems like something is seriously wrong. Sometimes when I hear voices I think the voices are outside my head because they are so loud. I get pissed. I get angry, hearing these voices. I have never talked to anyone about the voices, and I don't intend to. I don't really want to talk about them. When I start talking about them, sometimes they come back. I am trying to avoid that. Some days I don't hear the voices. It depends how much stress I'm under. How depressed I am, how angry I am. I've tried so hard to get rid of the voices, but basically nothing works. I argue with them. I tell them to shut up. But they ignore me. The voices are all I hear. I hear two of them. "You pathetic loser. You're a peace of shit," the first one says. "You have no choice. Kill them. Kill everybody," the second one yells. I've heard those two sentences over and over again today. I spent all afternoon banging my head against the wall trying to make the voices go away. The voices are putting me through hell. I can't stop them. Life is not worth living. I have a choice. Harm, or not harm. Keep the rage, or not keep the rage. I want to have a meaning, I see a life without meaning as a pointless life to live. I have no meaning. I think I might be more afraid than anything. More than angry, or frustrated, or sad. I don't like my life very much. I just don't know what to do anymore. The only way I get through a day is by telling myself it will all be over soon. --Creep