ViRA

You're feeling a sense of 'numbness' which is part of the grieving process. It is perfectly normal and it seems like you are handling it well. Keep doing what your doing. Go out with friends, stay busy, and live life. It takes time, and you will get through it. I'm at a similar point. Some days I just don't think about it much and it seems like I am alright again. Other days I'm still down in the dumps about it. There is no easy way out but at least you are taking the best road. Good luck and stay strong.

Thank you guys.. You've all given me a boost in my fight. You've all managed to pin a certain part of my situation exactly. I guess I'm just afraid that she will forget me. That to me is so sad after being with someone for two years. I know it's probably silly to think that I would just be forgotten but the thought does cross your mind. I mean I still want her back and I don't want to lose that chance... But I guess from everything I've heard, this is the best way to go about it also if you want them back. Thank you for your tips, I will definitly keep a few things in my mind to get my mind off of things those odd times. I've been fine much of the time but sometimes you just get thinking and I get angry, upset, etc... I definitly know I'm not ready to speak to her again. Let the suffering continue... Thank you everyone, you guys really do help me out. This place is a god send.

Athena: I don't know if there is any easy answer to that. I guess if people are happy where they are it is easy to forget how it feels on the other side. People have the habit of being selfish, and only looking at things from their own prespective. Another question to any of you... Any tips on how to get through this no contact phase? I'm on day 8 today and yesterday was the first really tough day. It was so hard to not leave a message or phone her up or anything like that.. I wish it would get easier How can she not call or anything in a week to ask how I am or anything like that... It's so sad.

Well I have taken everyones advice and I am on Day 6 of no contact today. So far I've been pretty strong and feeling alright 90% of the time so that is good. I suppose I just worry that if I'm not around I will lose her forever since I won't be there to remind her.. But you are right, nothing else has worked so I guess there is no harm in trying this now.. It's win/win as I've read before. You might get her back, and if not then you heal from it anyway. It is amazing how difficult this is. I never thought heart break would hurt so much. Thank you all for your help. Take care, - ViRA -

My advice is stick to your no contact plan as well.. If I remember right just a while ago she was saying nasty things about you. Somebody like that is not worth it and you will figure that out sooner or later.. If you stick to your guns it will be sooner hopefully.. Good luck, we're all here to help. - ViRA -

Thank you all for your encouragement.. It does help me stay strong, and it does help me to keep going knowing that it does work for so many of you.. This is the hardest, most unbearable feeling I've ever felt and it helps to know there are others in the same boat that get through it. She wasn't my first love but the second, and the first didn't hurt this bad because I knew it was right ending.. I just can't say that about this one.. I felt, and feel like we were meant to be. That makes it so much harder. Thank you all.. Day 3 and still strong.

22 is still very young.. You've got your entire life ahead of you still. Feel lucky you are so young and you have so many options open to you still. I'm only 20 and for a bit I was really down after my breakup thinking I will never find anyone now because all the good people will be taken.. It didn't take long to figure out that I was pretty stupid for thinking that. We're in our prime and now is the time to do all the things we want to do. Learn. Experience. Enjoy life while you are young. Yeah I know.. I wish it was that easy too. Sigh...

Having been doing the calling and seeing each other on occasion thing for over two months now I wish I had been strong enough to just break contact earlier. I don't know you guys obviously and I don't know your situation entirely but from my experience so far everytime we get together or talk it just makes me feel worse, not better... Like a step backwards. It sounds like you've been very strong so far so stick to it and you will get through it I'm sure. At least from what I've read people get through this stuff eventually. Love IS an addiction and like any addiction, you have days you want to give up.. I envy you because you didn't wait two months like me to finally cut it off. Two months later I am still at square one. - ViRA -

Like you, I have to see my ex at work all the time.. I've tried to make things work but at this point it is just too difficult so I had to do what is best for myself right now.. I've taken a month off of work in order to hopefully heal up a little before I go back and focus on other things that I like doing. I understand how just seeing her again, and looking into her eyes can bring all the feelings back. Like a kick in the stomach sometimes. I don't know how your music thing works but perhaps something like this would help you out too.. Try to get some time away from this stuff.. You've got mutual friends but I'm sure they will understand if you want to hang out without her for a while.. Mine did. You might not be able to avoid her totally but every little bit counts I think and it sounds like you've got the right idea. Good luck, - ViRA - "Our greatest battles are that with our own minds."

Thanks jclaam. I am going to try my best to have as little contact as possible for the time being. Everytime I tell her that this has got to end and that we can't talk she really gets upset so I'm just going to make myself unavailable as much as possible and see how that goes.. I don't understand how it is so easy for her to just be friends when I just don't see how it is possible. I never knew this is all so difficult and downright unbearable sometimes. You all have my sympathy. - ViRA -

It has been two months now since that dreadful Saturday morning when we broke up. I'm 20 now and had been dating this girl (19 now) for two years. Everything was fantastic except for the last month and a bit. I was so totally in love with this girl and she with me, we talked about getting married one day, we spent much of our time together and even went away once or twice to her cottage for a few days. It was bliss the entire time except the last month. The last month and a bit I had a very stressful semester at school and was very busy so I didn't get to talk to her and see her as much as I did before.. She broke up with me soon after and started dating another guy five days later. It has been two months and she is still with him. Unfortunately she did the worst possible things to me after our break up.. Days later she was still telling me she wanted to marry me, and weeks later she's still telling me that if she wasn't with this other guy who makes her happy she would be with me.. She can't leave somebody that makes her happy for the possibility of something with us. I honestly don't know what is going on in her mind... Why did she have to get my hopes up for a possibility of getting back together? At this point in time I think she has let off a little with keeping my hopes up. I told her how much it hurts. She says she wants to be with this other guy but then she's told me that just last week she was crying to him saying she doesn't know if it is right or whatever.. So I don't know... So obviously throughout the two months I've been trying to win her back.. I've cried almost everyday, I've begged her, I've promised to change anything that was wrong, and so forth.. Unfortunately it hasn't brought her back.. How could she not want to try after two years? We've gotten together a few times but usually it just turns into me crying over her and talking about "us"... We've talked on the phone a few times and again the same thing.. and We've talked over the internet often. She seems fine with everything compared to me, although she says that she cries and feels bad and I just don't see because she doesn't do it in front of me.. I've tried several times to just say we can't be friends and we can't talk but each time she gets upset and I end up caving.. But it is not her that's suffering.. She isn't the one that waits up every night for a chance to talk to her on ICQ/MSN. She's not the one always waiting by the phone, hoping that I call... She's not suffering like me... She really seems fine compared to me and that is part of the pain. How can I feel so miserable and she be happy? I don't want to just give up because I do want to get back together.. I can see us together and she's never ruled out the possibility but then maybe I'm just fooling myself and making this whole process take longer.. I wish there was closure. She was my best friend and I can still see myself with her and nobody else. It seems like such a waste to just forget somebody after being with them for two years. Is there anyway to get through this without saying Goodbye? Is there anyone out there who has stayed friends with somebody they loved so much and had it work? I just want to feel happy again like I did and although I feel better than the first month I still am down in the dumps. When does this get easier? What is the best way? Thank you for any advice. I'm glad I've found a place where you aren't alone. I'm sorry for the length. - ViRA -