wildworld

actually, the thing is the mind games probably werent intended to make me feel jealous. more like to ward off my strong advances. Ermm see i kind of already made her them pissed off with me due to my threats and insults throughout the break up to an extent that i dont think she will forgive me anytimes oon. Sigh so actually my intention is to somehow get her forgiveness first. Seems a little bit like mission impossible. Today she messaged me saying that the electricity in her house got cut off. (due to financial problems)I said that Im sorry and i didnt know. Then she said i was a self centered b****d. hey how am i supposed to know cos she doesnt tell me anything anymore? ha guess i have hurt her too much probably should let her cool down. The only doubt i Have is should i even show some concern about her plight? occasionally?

Yeah i feel so alone too. Buddies? what do they care? just give u the run of the mill advice. Doesnt help. All in this alone? who can we turn to? who can save our souls?

I just had something to drink to ease the pain. anyway, i got this to add....Its like i menationed that she mentioned that she is attached now. But somehow initially i didnt believe her. i thought she was just telling me this so that i would give her space. Ok heres the scoop. u guys tell me what u think. i was being my usualy persitant self and one day halfway through a conversation she tells me that she is attached to another guy. So i asked her when she got attached and she seemed rather hesitant. she said last saturday. i called her that day and she said she was with her female frens. then he said he was there too. oh well then i asked her what date u got attached, she said she didnt know. i always thought girls were pretty sensitive about such dates. She actually sounded me out about this guy before and she showed me his photo. I said why would u want to be with him (cos he was a little plump) and he said she was joking and that it wasnt him and she just wanted to see my reaction. well a few days later, I insisted she got him to call me.....and a guy did call and i lost it. that was the beginning of the the end cos i went to her home to confront her. there was a guy but yet they didnt seem to close like when they sat down they were a little distance apart. In the end the father even gave me a slap and a kick. Pretty dramatic stuff huh. well, in retrospect i dont know if i am in denial. did "he" really exist? that aside a couple of days back i actually sent a cellphone message to apologise to her dada for creating a scene at her house. but instead of scolding me he said if u really love my daughter u should talk to her. he further added that he would talk to her. he adviced that maybe i should leave her alone now but "make my presense felt". now I mean if she was attached would he be advising me on what to do? After literally assualting me. What do u guys think? thanks for your time.

hey basically i am in pretty much in the same position of trying to get my ex to forgive me but there is only so much i can do. she says we can never be Just frens and we should avoid one another so I empathise but what can be done?

yeah I know even friendship cant be forced. the thing is i got into some major trouble as a consequence of my depression. i was desperate so i called my friend to ask her to call me back. She did. She sounded a little aggitated but who could blame her. i just told her that i did something stupid and was because i was exteremly depressed over what i have done and because she was ignoring me. She took it as though i was blaming her. Anyway throughout the next few days she gave me some support throughout my ordeal. i went overseas for a short holiday and she replied to me thru msn. She seemed pretty concerned and told me to email her and she would reply. i felt really happy cos i thought she had forgiven me. i thought the ordeal was worth it after all at least she started talking to me. however, when i got back i guess i blew it growing a little too dependant on her. Since then she refuses to reply to me saying that its not that she doesnt care but didnt want me to be too emotional dependant on her. Now i really dont know what i can do to redeem myself? How do i get her to understand? As i said my mum calling her to tell her not to reply to me doesnt help. im at a loss...whats the best course of action? To give her time and not contact her? i just worried that that wont help. Please help.

Thanks a lot for the replies. I dont know if i am particularly susceptible to messaging her thru the cellphone but I cant seem to stop. Man, I got to stop doing this. Any suggestions? erm of cos the most common suggestion would be to erase the number...but unless i suffer some sever brain damage in the near future that aint going to work now is it....obviously I got the number down by heart. Well she said that its impossible for us to be JUST friends, which i guess is true...guess feelings can never totally fade forever, but if u realise that u cant be lovers either, then whats the big problem anyway? Wouldnt that lead to the next alternative which is very good friends which is what i want? maybe not now but in the future? makes sense, no?

This is my first post here but i really need lots of help. Basically, I just had a break up from a 3 year relationship and like most people I loved the girl very much. We spent almost every single day together because either i would be staying over at her place or vice versa. well, to cut a long story short I started taking her for granted, insulting and belittling her. Each time she would be unhappy but ultimately she would give in. I made a big mistake of thinking everything is all right. I was into my final year of studies and had this thesis to do. upon completion, I had some minor complications and confided in her. She seemed disinterested. i sensed something was wrong and she said she didnt want to try anymore. I flew into a rage because i felt that she lost her feelings because i had not spent enough time with her not realising that it was actually me taking her for granted and venting my frustrations that was the root of the problems. Again to cut the story short this sparked 4-5 months of quarrels after the break up. On the one hand, she was considering getting back together but often placed a cold and distant front (she later admitted.) I on the other hand was angry as it seemed that only I was trying to patch things up. I often lost my cool and basically flew into a rage and pushed her further. so after about 5 months i realised that she had met this guy who she confided to and basically acted like the mister nice guy which i was apparently not. She said that I was more her type (entertaining) but he was the caring and nice guy she always wanted in a bf. Basically, i just lost it and that lead to scenes of ugly confrontation. Subsequently, we arent on talking terms now. She still occasionally replies to me but thats about it. Everyday i reflect upon this whole incident and i cannot find anybody else to blame but myself. (objectively) i read some of the emails i sent and messages and they were outright nasty and outragous. I hate myself for doing all this. She couldnt understand why if i loved her i could do what i did to hurt her. i guess love can trigger many other emotions like rage and jealousy. But above all, I pray and ask for her forgiveness. Mind u I KNOW ITS OVER AND I DO NOT EXPECT HER BACK. I am filled with remorse and guilt that i cannot shake off no matter how hard i try. That leads to my question, of course having read so many posts most people would say the best solution is to ignore her and not contact her. I tried that but it does not seem to help. In fact, I would feel a whole lot better when she does send me an email, cos i feel that she might be trying to forgive me and she still cares a little. Now this email does not give me any false hopes mind u, but it does make me feel better as i do not want to be her enemy. My mom has even called her several times to tell her not to talk to me if i do try to reach her. To me i just feel that everybody thinks they know whats best for me. But basically there are 2 scenerios. 1) Get ignored and feel like u didnt mean a thing to her over the 3 years. 2) keep the communication channels open and gain her forgiveness. What doesnt make sense is what's with all the hoohar of hope of getting back with the ex? My rationale is if that keeps u SANE why not? the only problem is, if because of that hope u CLOSE your eyes to everyone else and refuse to move on when the opportunity beckons. Now that's a problem. Any advice?

Frankly, like many people here have experienced, trying to convince the ex to forgive u is a really tricky if not impossible task. For me it was a 3 year relationship but we have spent everyday of those 3 years together. its like the hardest thing that i had to experience in my 24 years of existence. like u, i have resolved to not contact her for sometime. Also, I feel that feelings especially with somone whom u feel so close to cannot be turned off like a like switch. Additionally, She recently got attached with this guy who became her confidant after our break up. ( After about 5 months.) I feel terrible, i cant imagine her being with someone else. hell, I have tried persuading her to be frens and stuff. But what she said is true. Can we ever JUST be friends? And think about it for us the inentions of being friends is so that we may get back together with our exs right? So i no i aint offering any advice but im just empathising. For me, Ill just continue my regime of not contacting her and i leave everything else to the hands of fate. Anybody with some advice?