avman

Do you have a problem with that????

Yes, I do. If you would like your post to remain I suggest you drop the attitude or I'll delete your thread and all of the responses in it.

I think he probably just needed someone to listen to him. I doubt he's looking for you to actually do something or try to "fix" the situation. A lot of times people under a lot of stress like that just need to unload on someone they trust. They just want a hug and a "there there" pat on the shoulder.

This thread now closed due to repeated disrespect.

A reminder to all posters - you are to be respectful of each other even if you disagree. Disrespectful posts will be removed by the moderators.

404, I do understand the feelings that you have. It is going to take awhile for you to come to terms with what happened. However you decide to proceed, just take as much time as you need to digest things.

I do suggest you talk to a counselor. You've got a lot to work through even on your own. At a later point, perhaps you and your wife might consider some joint counseling and see whether you can work things out, or not.

I would tell your family. You need some support during this time and your family will be there for you. It isn't necessary to paint her as an evil person and turn them against her. Just talk to your family about what happened and how you feel. Don't bottle these things up inside. It will make the feelings much worse.

This post under investigation

If you have a rightful judgement you could turn it over to a collection agency. They'll take a 30% cut or so if they can get the money. But they'll be the ones doing all the calling and bothering him to get him to pay.

You can't be scared to bring up important issues just for the sake of keeping the peace. This is something you have to resolve one way or another. Yes be cautious, right for the right time, and choose your words carefully. But you will have to face this if you think this relationship will progress to the next step.

Anyway, back to the OP's question.

Yes I think you should bring it up to her. This is a fundamental thing that you two will need to resolve before having your own kids. Otherwise it's going to cause some serious problems between you two.

Talk to her about it directly without being accusatory. Just tell her how you feel and why you feel the way that you do. Use a lot of "I feel" or "I believe" type statements so it's really about your beliefs and not a criticism of hers. And see where the conversation takes you.

Ah, I see the problem. This thread is a duplicate of one in the off topic forum.

This thread now closed.

I disagree. I've seen plenty of children from homes where they don't believe in disciplining their children this way and their children exhibit that kind of hitting behaviour.

But this child is 18 months old, not 5 years old. They've barely had time to be exposed to anything except their parents. And 18 month old children imitate. That's how they learn to talk and how to interact socially. If they see hitting and get hit, then that's what they learn.

Yes, as children get older some may hit out of frustration and anger. But as parents we need to teach them not to do that. And I don't see how hitting them when they are 18 months old achieves that objective.

I think the whole reason the child is hitting her mother is because thats exactly what her mother is teaching her. She's 18 months old, so she imitates the behavior that she sees. Her mother hits her, so she hits her mother. To her, that seems like the way it should be.

You might mention this to your girlfriend that it seems she is imitating her and maybe alternate forms of discipline are more appropriate. Personally I very much oppose spanking as you do. Hopefully your girlfriend will be open to alternatives and the hitting back and forth will be stopped.

This thread closed.

Personally I do not believe in spanking. I don't see how you correct a child's behavior by striking them. There is nothing my children have done which strong words, time outs, and removal of privileges haven't taken care of. I don't want them to do something because they are afraid of me or afraid I'll hit them. I want them to do it because it is the right thing to do.

Hello David and welcome to the forum,

You seem like a guy who has finally come to his senses, but from your wife's perspective I can see how she might feel your words are nothing but empty promises. I would imagine you had made similar promises in the past to her and not kept them. So she is probably very skeptical of them.

As others will tell you, words are meaningless right now. It is actions that count. You need to live your life as a changed man, and let her see the man you have become. This is not a guarantee - she still might not come back. But at least you have grown and learned some important life lessons.

For the next few weeks, leave her alone. You mention you've made some slip ups even since you've been separated, so give her some time to heal. You focus on yourself right now. Work on your issues. Continue therapy. Get your mental state together. Then try inviting her out for coffee. And just have a normal conversation. No begging, no empty promises, no strings. Just be yourself and let her see what you have become. Take it slow and easy.

Date her again. Get to know her and let her get to know you. And see if things can be repaired.

I don't agree that he's a dirt bag. He was clear up front that he didn't want strings attached. As Mun said, you accepted that. If he's noticing you are becoming attached - which is what he didn't want in the first place - then he's doing the right thing by breaking it off now.

You can't now fault him for accepting gifts that you gave unconditionally or sleeping with you when he said straight off that he didn't want a serious thing. You went along with it.

Wish him well and let him go. If you cannot bring yourself to be friends with him now, then don't. That is fine. You need some distance to heal yourself.

Wow, thats awesome news! I'm glad to hear it Beec. I'm sure they will tell you soon. Maybe they just want to get past the point where most miscarriages happen.

FallingTooFast, you did come here asking for advice. People are giving it to you straight. I know it may not be what you want to hear, but everyone posting here is posting from experience. They are trying to give you the benefit of the mistakes they have made, and the knowledge they've gained.

Of course you will need to make your own decisions. Nobody here knows your boyfriend, but they do know that there are some common things that teenage boys do. Nobody is saying your boyfriend is exactly like that, but they are giving you things you need to be aware of so that you can make an informed decision.

Try to have an open mind and read these posts for what they are - well meaning advice from people who just want you to be happy and not regret anything later on.

A reminder that you are to be respectful to each other when you post. Posts which are not respectful, name call, etc will be removed.

Why are you giving the shot? Are you a healthcare professional?

Actually Rose I also have given those shots. They do teach the husband/partner/coach how to give those shots at the right time when you are going through infertility treatments.

That's so strange that they wouldn't have told you if they have asked you to help with such an integral part of this. Maybe they are scared or embarrassed about things?

If they are two/three months along is she showing at all? Maybe if you can see that, I'd bring it up to them that way.

"Hey by the way I can't help but notice you are looking like you might possibly be pregnant. Is there some happy news?"

Or something less specific like:

"I just want you both to know how excited I am for you and that I'm really rooting for you. I'll be with you the whole way no matter what might happen."

Maybe see if that shakes it loose so that you can talk openly with them.

I'm a little confused. You say you have been called upon to render assistance. Who asked you for assistance? Was it the couple? If so, then I'm very confused about why they would hide the fact that they are pregnant, and that there is a possibility of birth defects.

But nobody prosecutes those things seriously anymore if it happens in your home(s) so nothing to worry about...

That is very wrong. They can and do prosecute these things and they crack down harder and harder on this.

This thread is now closed.

Ok you two, please stop this and stay on topic.