avman

Well at 29 I think just having a direct talk with her is the way to go.

Don't be accusing or nasty about it. Just tell her that you aren't comfortable being touched like when she braces herself to get up from the sofa. If she's trying to cuddle the dog and get up from the couch those are incidental contacts. But just tell her directly that you don't know why, but you are uncomfortable being touched.

I do tend to think the contact has all been accidental and innocent given what you have described.

hardcharger, you've received some terrific advice from females of all ages. They've been letting you know that this is what teenage girls do and they've tried to reassure you.

Now hear the advice from a fellow father - if you continue the way you are going you are going to lose both your wife and your daughter. Your daughter is 16, not 6. Your role is changing from commander to advisor whether you like it or not. Fighting it is only going to make things worse. Your daughter is changing, thus you must also change or get left behind.

One of the skills you must convey to your daughter is her ability to be independent. And that means making her own choices. You must guide, and not command. If you command, then you invite rebellion and she's going to do things you object to on purpose because it is the only way she can establish herself.

Why does it matter if her friend's parents are divorced and her mom is an alcoholic? That doesn't dictate the kind of person her friend is, she can't help the circumstances that she is raised in. Perhaps her friend needs your daughter as a helpful influence in her life and maybe your family can provide a safe place for her to be and where she can go if she is in trouble.

As a teen, your friends are everything. Hanging out with them is what it's all about. The life with the parents gets less and less important. And that is a normal and healthy thing. You can't choose her friends or dictate things. You need to provide basic rules and guidelines and let things run their course. You must begin to let go.

Your daughter is going to be exposed to all sorts of people with all sorts of motivations. You cannot shelter her from it, and you should not even try. What you need to do is keep an open line of communication and give her the tools she needs to make the right choices on her own. And she will also need to fail sometimes in order to learn. That's when she comes back to mom and dad to be picked up, dusted off, and sent on her way again.

This may kill you inside, but you've got to learn to let go. If you don't, then I see your daughter at age 21 coming to your wife (or worse, your now ex-wife) saying "I need to talk to you because Dad won't understand". And you'll drift away from her and it will hurt much, much worse.

Buck up my fellow father. This is one of our rights of passage. We've got to let our little girls grow up and become the woman they are destined to be. Have faith and trust that you've raised her right. Let her stretch her wings and be there to catch her if she falls. She'll thank you for it later.

There are many posts on this topic. Please search the forums for the answer you are looking for.

This post now closed. It has degenerated too close to a flame war.

Yes, it is time to return to the doctor. Numbness or tingling in your extremities (arms and legs) needs to be evaluated by a doctor.

Oh my. I'm very sorry to hear about this.

Do not feel like a bad parent. You aren't the one creating the problems. Your significant other is doing it. But it is also going to affect the children and you and they must be protected.

I too recommend getting advice from a shelter. They have free counseling available, legal advice, and a safe place to go if you need it. They will help you examine your options and make the best decision you can.

You are NOT a loser.

Well your parents don't see it as depriving you. They see it as protecting you and caring about you. You really didn't help the situation by lying about it and then tried to ignore them and do as you please anyway. That doesn't establish any trust.

While I agree that at 19 you shouuld have slack in your life and be able to make the majority of your own decisions, when you live at home you do have to realize that you will be sacrificing some of your freedom for the sake of lower rent, board, food, etc. The only REAL way to be out there making all your own decisions is to move out. And I know that's not always practical.

You'll have to come to some sort of a compromise if you can't move out. Sit your parents down and talk to them about what they feel is reasonable, and what you'd like to be able to do. And then stick to it so that they can trust you.

Please continue to post. You are more than welcome. One person's opinion does not constitute fact and if it helps you to talk things out then please continue to do so.

I'm glad you posted. There's never anything wrong with asking for help or admitting you've got a problem. We've all been there.

You do not have to put on a strong face for any of us. You just have to be yourself. We're just here to help.

Before we get into this I'm going to let everyone know that opinions are to be stated respectfully and without getting personal. Posts that do not conform to this will be removed and other consequences may also result.

6-8 pounds is an average birth weight. Not 6-8 ounces. A baby could not survive if born at only 6 ounces.

Well are you at the point where you are ready to make a committment to one or the other and be exclusive? Or are you supposed to already be exclusive with both of them (and then you have a mess)?

If you haven't gone exclusive with either one yet, well then you don't necessarily have to make a decision. But I'll warn you that you risk losing both of them by stringing them along.

You are looking in from the outside. There is no way for you as a casual observer to tell that.

Why are you interested in whether your ex is in a rebound or not?

Is your mate an expert in eating disorders? Does he have any experience dealing with them?

Sorry to be harsh, but when you say the food is in control - you are not fine. Sweetie, people DIE from this.

Please, please I'm begging you. Give that hotline a call and at least talk to them once. That's all I ask.

I don't know if she'd qualify. She can state that as income, but its up to the lender to see if she meets their financial guidelines.

She's entitled to 1/2 the equity in the house. If you want to give it all to her and just transfer the deed you can do that. But getting your name off the deed does nothing for the mortgage. She'd have to refinance. And if she's not working and doesn't have the income/credit to justify it then that's going to be tricky. You might be better off keeping the house/mortgage and giving her something else.

I don't know what the court will do regarding work. You'll need to talk to your lawyer. That's a very discretionary thing.

Yeah I know food is in control. That's where it becomes an eating disorder. Once you lose control, then you have an issue.

As far as how to control the feelings, unfortunately I don't know. That is where a counselor can help. Someone who is very experienced in eating disorders. We can all help you with support and understanding. But we aren't specialized in eating disorders and how to treat them.

Please give that hotline that I sent you a call.

Remember, you aren't alone. I care. Others here care. We don't care what you weigh, in fact we don't even know what you weigh. But we still care about you.

If she were to drain an account, you would be able to recover that by taking more property elsewhere such as retirement accounts, house, car, etc. Judges look very unfavorably on things like that during a divorce.

You say you want to do this amicably, yet she's ultra vindictive. Do you really believe it's possible to do this in an amicable fashion? Only you can answer that question.

If you believe divorce is inevitable, then it's time to take some reasonable precautions. That includes closing joint credit card accounts to prevent your spouse from running them up. Moving 1/2 of the money from a joint account to a single account is also reasonable. Do not move any more than 1/2, and make sure during the divorce you disclose what you did and why you did it to the court. They'll be fine with moving 1/2 as long as you are up front about it.

Leave your insurance policies alone until the divorce is final. You'll be restricted with what you can do with those during the divorce. So just maintain current coverage for everything until it all gets sorted.

Good luck.

You do not need to get skinny before you get help. Your weight has nothing to do with how people feel about you or whether they care about you or not. People who really care about you will do so because of who you are inside. What you weigh does not matter.

It may be scary to lean on someone, but that's exactly what you need to do right now. Friends that are your age are good, but they don't have the experience to really understand what is happening to you and they won't know how to help you.

I'm sending you some hotline numbers to call. That will be a good start to talk to someone who cares and who understands what you are going through.

Alright that is enough. I'm closing this thread and reminding you all to be considerate of each other even if you disagree.

That all depends on the situation, your location, the laws in your area, the judge, how good your attorneys are, and so on. There's no way to predict exactly how it will turn out.

Generally with a very long term marriage like you have they will split the net worth somewhere down the middle. Child support is calculated by fixed guidelines in most locations in the US and Canada. If you are somewhere else then you need to check the laws where you live.

Spousal support (previously called alimony) is at the discretion of the court.

And the divorce will cost you in direct proportion to how much you two fight. If you agree on everything, the cost will be minimal. If you fight every little detail, the cost will be astronomical.

$800 is a pretty typical rate for children under 2. Child care facilities are subject to extra restrictions at that age so the cost is higher.

You can look into some tax breaks to try to pay for some of the child care like the earned income credit and child care tax credit. Your employer also might have a program to pay for the child care expenses pre-tax which will save a little bit of money.

Check with your local human services department to see if they offer some breaks on child care costs. Depending on your income, many locations can provide some assistance.

This post now closed.

I had many guinea pigs growing up and it was so sad when they died. I know it's horrible to watch, but just be there with your animal while he goes. Comfort him and pet him so that he's not alone. It will pass and then he will be at peace.

You go ahead and cry. You're supposed to cry at a time like this. Grieving is totally normal so go on and let out your feelings.

Yes you will be on the hook to help provide support. As DN said, the court does not care how the child was conceived. The child needs food, clothing, shelter, medical care, etc and both parents are expected to contribute to that.