avman

I think you are doing the best job that you can under the circumstances.

It is silly to try to prohibit sex or to keep her locked up. That is impossible and it only will encourage her to try to keep things secret. Then you'll never know if she is having sex and you'll be even more concerned.

I think your only real option is education. Give her all the information she needs to make informed decisions. Yes, I know none of us want our 14 year old daughters to be having sex. But we can't watch them 24 hours a day, no matter how much we might think we can. If they are bound and determined to have sex, then they are going to have it.

I'm assuming for the moment that her partner is somewhere around her age give or take a few years and that age of consent isn't something to be worried about.

Make sure she has all the right information about birth control, stds, and so on. Talk about the importance of love and trust in a relationship before having sex. And make sure she knows she can always come to you no matter what the situation and that you'll listen to her. Do not make her afraid to tell you the truth.

I also agree with you that it is important not to go through her things except under the most extreme circumstance (like you believe she is on drugs or otherwise in serious danger). She needs to have her own space and some privacy.

I also vote for the personal approach. Stop by and ask for an application and to talk to the manager. Making a personal connection is really key to getting a job.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. These kind of things happen all the time. Priorities change. People get busy and forget about things. Politics interferes, etc.

You were right to tell him that you couldn't commit more than 25 hours per week. Then they'll have to make the decision whether they need someone to commit more than that, or whether they are comfortable with what you can offer.

Take a look at the part that he's asked you to now and check out the analysis. Then perhaps you'll be in a better position to work on the next project.

I guess I wouldn't bother sending any kind of card or anything. You weren't invited and you aren't close so I would not see the point.

As for why she ignores the wedding questions, I'd just come straight out and ask her. "Why do you avoid my questions when I ask you about the wedding?". My hunch is that she's embarrassed about answering them when she knows you aren't invited, but you lose nothing by asking and bringing it out in the open.

Well the child support payment is for the CHILD. It really is irrelevant what his ex is doing. That's her problem. I know it seems very unfair, but stay focused on what the purpose of the payments are.

I am unfortunately not as up to speed on the system in the UK. But perhaps there is an appeals process that your friend can use if he's been denied a review at the lower levels of the process?

A quick review of that payment would not indicate it is out of line in the USA. That payment is about 18% of his gross pay which is probably 20-25% of his net pay. Thats a pretty typical child support payment here in the US. I know that causes him financial pain, but child support agencies are really unconcerned about that. The thought beyond it is that the child needs food, clothing, shelter, medical care, etc and parents are obligated to make sure that happens - regardless of what they have to endure to provide it.

Technically it sounds like you were unable to consent. Intoxication has a way of doing that. If you had something in your drink that makes it even worse. I don't know how long ago this was but maybe you should get tested to see if there is anything left in your bloodstream.

Don't feel bad about yourself. He had no right to take advantage of you like that.

impulse I can hardly read your post. Our posting guidelines state that you should not post in netspeak (u know wat 2 care about som1).

Please write out your posts and do not use netspeak.

Just to clarify my point (and I'm totally fine with others disagreeing) I do not think it is right for a parent to ignore behavior just because their child "doesn't do it with them". I agree with you blackdiamond that it is important for both parents to present a united front and so he should be going to this counseling session to make sure he has a full understanding of what is happening. Clearly he should realize there is something going on with his daughter.

Also, for him to immediately end the relationship merely because you brought up a problem like this is a big red flag. Others can disagree, but to have that kind of a hair trigger response to a problem is very concerning to me. That is not conducive to a healthy relationship and that jumped out at me even before you said he does this repeatedly.

I still maintain you are better off without this guy but I do think SB and the others also have valuable insights on other possible reasons for this guys behavior. I think you did the right thing in speaking up about the situation.

This may be hard to hear but I think you are going to be better off that the relationship has ended.

I think there are many red flags here about his relationship (or lack thereof) with his children and his refusal to acknowledge problems. Refusal to go to the counseling session is ridiculous and I really wonder how much of these kinds of behaviors may have contributed to the end of his first marriage.

While I can understand that your boyfriend really wants your mother out of his life, it is unreasonable to expect you to do the same. It may be very difficult for him to accept a really close relationship between you and your mother if your mother really treats him as badly as you say - but he will have to try.

Unfortunately this type of situation can destroy many relationships. You should really talk to your mother and tell her she has no right to talk to your boyfriend that way and that it is to stop immediately.

I feel like he's trying to turn me against everyone so he has total control over me or something?

Everyone? You are saying he's trying to turn this into something more than just your mother? If not, then I think you might be overstating the issue.

I also remember you Princess. Welcome back, though I do wish it was under better circumstances.

Would you consider a professional intervention? Gather friends and family around and sit down together with a counselor and lay it all out. He either gets help immediately, or you are filing for divorce and kicking him out. No middle ground. The counselor will help you with some support as will the circle of family and friends. It might give him that one final chance you would like to try before cutting it off.

But to be honest, you've been going through hell as long as I've known you here and I do so want you to find peace and happiness. He has made the choices that affect both himself and you so negatively. You can't force him to make the right decisions and honestly I don't see much hope that he's really going to be a person that will make you happy.

He is a big boy and he is responsible for himself. There comes a point where all the love and devotion in the world cannot save someone and the relationship merely ends up as a co-dependant mess. Please see a brighter future for yourself my friend and take those first steps towards a happier life.

I would go in and talk to her starting with the phrase "I'm a little confused".

Then tell her how you modeled the second catalog after the first catalog including having the style numbers in the same place and having similar types of looks on the clothing styles. And that you are wondering whether there has been a change of direction since she gave you such praise for the first catalog.

Next I'd suggest telling her in the future you'd like to schedule a formal review with her at a couple of checkpoints within the job. This is fairly standard project management stuff having milestones established and then having your customer review the progress to date and then sign off / approve on the milestone. So try it here. If you have a catalog of 200 pages to do, then establish a milestone say at 10% of the pages complete. Let her review them, make direct comments, you take notes, and publish the results of that meeting formally. Then ask for her sign off to continue on to the next milestone which perhaps is at 75% completion or whatever you both agree to. This way there are not major communication gaps which don't show up until the very end of the project.

Hopefully this helps you a bit. While she may indeed be being unreasonable about this, that can be somewhat typical out there. The milestone technique is a way of protecting yourself against a huge surprise at the very end.

I'm not really satisfied with these categories on ENA. It seems that most of them are focused on relationships and dating.

That is because ENA is focused on relationships and dating issues.

Oh and Dako I'm very sorry to hear you are having a downturn. I'm actually having one myself so I can sympathize.

Hang in there brother.

Hello all,

Actually we used to have a Depression forum some time ago but it was folded into the Health forum due to low traffic.

I'm sorry I only just realised I probably posted this in the wrong forum

I've moved it for you Principessa.

Healing is different for each person. I wish I could tell you exactly how long it will take, but I don't know. This is a journey you just have to go through. But you don't have to go through it alone. Make sure you have your friends and family with you the whole way. You are going to need them.

It DOES get better with time. You will eventually look back and realize that you don't feel quite as bad one day as you did previously. And then little by little it'll keep getting better.

I would however make one suggestion. You have said you aren't allowing his girls to see you or your daughters to see him. I would really ask you to reconsider that. That is kind of punishing all of them for the split between you and your husband (I know that isn't your intent, but it will feel that way). So now they are also cut off, and are going to suffer as well. Is there any possibility you can arrange some time for them to see each other if it's acceptable to both parties? Take some time and explain in advance that you won't be getting back together with your ex, but that you did want to try to allow them to maintain some sort of relationship.

It gets better Paisley. Every one of my children had different sleep habits. My first was awesome. He had great naps, slept through the night quickly, etc. My second was a terror. His naps last 20 minutes tops. Wanted to be held constantly just like yours.

It sounds like you are trying all the right things. Your baby is still really young so I wouldn't be worried about developing any really bad habits quite yet. Do what works best for you and for him. He will eventually learn to self soothe, but given his developmental delays it might take him a little longer than most.

Hang in there.

Hmmm well ok here's my suggestions.

1. Tell the collection agency where she moved to, give them her new phone number and address, and then tell them they are never to contact you again since you do not owe them any money. Send them a cease and desist letter if they continue.

2. Block your ex's emails and ignore her. Let her deal with her own financial issues, it is not your problem. Since she threatened you with legal action if you contact her - then don't. Let HER deal with the collection agency. The account was in her name, thus it is her problem.

3. Sit back, make yourself some tea, and be thankful you are rid of such a nasty person from your life.

I'm sorry this happened to you. But do not blame yourself. It does seem as if the accident changed your husband in a way that neither you nor he could have anticipated. If anything, I might even consider it a case where the husband you knew and loved actually died, and the person that emerged is someone completely different.

Ordinarily I would be critical of your husband had he simply up and left you, but I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that his mind has turned on him and he literally cannot understand what it is he is doing.

I feel that your pretending that he is dead in a way will help you to cope. You need to grieve the loss of your husband. If you need to blame something, blame the accident. It may help you to find some forgiveness in your heart for the subsequent actions of your husband and let you move on with your life

Thread locked

Do not tell her how you feel.

Keep things 100% professional or else stop working with her.

Those who play with hand grenades eventually lose their hands.

This thread has gone off topic and is starting to be disrespectful.

Topic closed.

Your friend is under no obligation to continue working for the company if he doesn't want to. He certainly shouldn't do it without being paid.

Asking an employee to continue isn't illegal. But the employee can turn them down if they wish.

I can totally understand you being upset. It would be one thing if Tom cooled the friendship just so his girlfriend didn't get the wrong idea. But for him to say you two were never good friends is just plain hurtful.

Sorry this happened to you my friend.