Capricorn3

He treats you like crap because you allow it. Think about it.

^ THIS. ^

Agreed. But then again I am really old school, lol. I guess this would really be "old fashioned", but I don't ever recall anyone asking someone to be "exclusive". People just used to date and if it went into months or longer, everyone just assumed they were a couple. There was never "discussions about being exclusive". But life was so simple then, lol. Everything seems so overly complicated these days.

I was wondering the same thing.🤔

^ This. One gets the feeling that because you have a tough time with dating in general, this married woman is just a lot easier and you don't have all the hassle of "finding" someone single. It's easy. It's no work. Sometimes, one has got to look in the mirror and ask yourself where all your morals and values went to, your obvious lack of self-esteem, lack of self-respect and disrespect for other peoples' relationships etc.

Not sure if I understand this correctly, but are you saying both guys are married and you're wondering how many women would give their number to either one or the other? 🤔 Is this some kind of study you're doing?

I was going to ask the exact same thing, lol.

^ I second this post. Worth repeating.

OP, if I may ask, how old are you?

All this is much ado about nothing (imo). Simply act like adults. It's not a crime that you are not sure about something. Be an adult and simply call him to confirm. Seriously, what's the big deal?

I am not suggesting anything, but in any event, what's the big deal is asking for confirmation? "hey, just want to confirm, are we going #A or #B tomorrow?"

The way I see it, he was happy enough with your second choice.

He DID reply. When you asked if it's okay to meet at another restaurant, he replied and said "Yes, of course. Let me know which one". Not sure what else he was supposed to say? 😕

^ I like this idea. That way he has a full understanding of where you sit on the issue. Ball is in his court as to which direction he wants to go.

I have to admit, I just cannot relate at all. I have been married longer than you have been alive and I can't for the life of me imagine being this angry, frustrated, miserable and upset and feeling so low, before we had our wedding ceremony and/or living together. My brain can't comprehend this, but I am old school. I wish you well.

OP, after reading your thread several times, I am struggling to see how this is going to be a long and happy, successful marriage. All of this anger and frustration and feeling so low and miserable before you are even living together? Don't think that when you live together that everything will magically disappear and he'll turn into some amazing attentive partner etc. It won't. If anything, it will only get worse. The writing's already on the wall and you haven't even had your wedding ceremony yet? I know this will be a really dumb question, but: WHY are you even marrying this man when there are so many issues already? Is this an arranged marriage where you have to follow through? (Trying to understand). Maybe time to rethink this relationship.

If any guy told me that, I would believe it and be out the door so fast you wouldn't see me for dust. Seriously OP, think about it. Why would any person say such things if they know it's not true? What would the purpose be? It seems he's very self-aware and you really should take heed. "But I love him!" is not going to change him. It's not going to make you happy. Indeed the opposite - you could be living a life in fear never knowing when he "might hurt you". Is your self-esteem so low that it makes you stay with a guy who has so many issues?

Define "luxury". Is it studded with diamonds and more appropriate to wear in the evenings when going to fancy show or opera? In what way is it not suitable to wear to work? (Trying to understand).

^ This is worth repeating. That's what therapists are for.

The sweetest revenge is living a good life, with dignity. No need to get all petty - all that shows is immaturity and reflects badly on you.

I can only say that when one is consumed by such intense envy and jealousy and "tormented by some kind of deep resentment that she had it easy in life" , betraying a brother's trust and privacy and breaking into his computer etc, then it's time to look into professional therapy to help you figure out where all these issues come from and how to deal with them in a better way.

I'm also wondering why this "friend" would share this with you instead of seeking counseling to help him sort through the issue. He certainly can never trust her again. As to why she cheated? Like any other cheater, they enjoy the attention. The thrill. The ego boost. The list goes on and on. Low morals - shows disrespect to the partner, and zero self-respect. Low values, etc. Perhaps she's the one who needs therapy more than he does.

You once stated that: - ........ "I have the opportunity to move somewhere else where I have heard people are VERY friendly, the weather is even better than where I live currently, and there are TONS of things to do." If you have that opportunity, why don't you take it? Sounds like a much better and happier life with a lot of friendly people and chance to meet and make new friends etc. You are only "stuck" because you choose to stay stuck. That's on you.

I have only one question: How would you feel if your brother betrayed your trust, "broke into your computer" and "investigated" you, to the extent you did to him? Serious question. That said, I second Wiseman's post above in its entirety.

I understand one can be lonely etc, but that doesn't make it right going after a married man. You have no place there. He's taken. Have you ever thought about volunteering somewhere? It's a very good way of meeting people and making friends - far better than any married man.