Jedi Bartender

Back in June I posted a story simalar to many of the posts i've read here. About sleeping with my best friend and about how it was what I always wanted, be careful what you wish for. You can find the whole story on page 17 under ended up sleeping with best friend, mistake? That was 4 months ago. Well we ended up a full on couple and I was the happiest i've been in years! As I said when you get what you wish for, then what? It was quite an overwhelming thing. She is a gourgeous,educated,professional, women who knows what she wants in life and strives for perfection daily. I, well i'm a bartender with a depression and alcohol problem, who's biggest goal is...wait a minute I never had any. We were perfect for each other. When we were friends things were great! We would talk for hours, analyze the world, laugh, and try to help each other through the inconvience of life. When we became a couple the analyzation turned to each other and I believe that we became each others biggest inconvience in life. We recently broke up. I had forgotten just how much that hurt. The worst part is wondering what could have been. Could I have been a better person? Could she have been more understanding? Should either one of us have had to change? She would always tell me that I couldn't be that guy! The guy that she needed as her partner in life. I pressed on telling her to give me a chance. When I finally heard the words my boyfriend come from her mouth as she looked at me I stopped being myself and tried to play a role. I should have known better than to think I was up for the part. All she ever did was try to make me a better person but in her own demmanding way. I needed to be the stronger person, to help her through her own imperfections. To bring a sense of balance and emotional security. Well i'm not a shrink, I don't wear a tie to work, and her father would never approve of me. How could this possibly work? It didn't! We all forget that our significant other should effortlesly make us a better person. Not that a relationship doesn't take effort, but that it shouldn't become a chore. We could all use a little change, but you can't become someones doll. A opinionless poseable pet that gets no respect, only a reward if your good. I do believe we are in love, but cannot be together. Love is a strange thing! We can't control who we fall in love with or when that changes. Respect yourself and be proud of the person you are! Afterall there must have been something about you that got their attention in the first place. As i've been feeling miserable for about a week i've been trying to boost up my own self esteem. I wanted to remind all of you to stay true to yourself! There isn't an answer to every question regarding your heart. God i'm going to miss her! But i will get out there and get back that feeling I had the first time I kissed her! Good Luck!

Yeah, that post helped me too! My situation seemed unique, but everyone thinks that right? I guess I do wish that the reasons we can't be together were a little clearer. The fact that she can't see me in her life that way or even more possibly in anyway is what I need to deal with! The hardest part is we were friends long before we became a couple. Although we were only an item for 2 months, I spent the past 10 months falling in love with her deciding she meant the world to me! Now I'm torn between salvaging the friendship and appearing weak? I'm drowning emotionaly trying to do the right thing for me? Great advice Zero I'm just having trouble dealing with applying it to my own life! I will read it often!

I'm dealing with the same emotions right now. It's only been a week and it consumes way too much of my thought process! I think the reason we feel so miserable after any breakup is the confusion of why that person no longer looks at us with those eyes that let us know we were the center of thier universe! We wonder if we didn't say the right things? Didn't pay enough attention? Changed ourselves into someone that wasn't the person they fell in love with? Who knows? Someone told me the worst thing about love is that we don't choose who we fall in love with and we never see it coming! Well the same applies to when it leaves us, we don't choose how or when that happens! The lack of control of the situation is the frusturating part. How can the thing that makes us all feel so good also make us feel angry,depressed,empty? And why is it totaly out of our hands? Remember this! If love didn't hurt when we lost it then it couldn't be real because it would be too perfect! Everything worth having hurts when we lose it, next time you find it enjoy every second of that feeling!

Appreciate the comments from both of you! Radix , the line about marriage and friendship very true and I agree!!! One thing at a time! Things are a lot more comfortable now. We spoke for quite some time the past 2 days. Our immediate future looks much brighter! Thanx and I'll keep you posted! Ask me anything anytime!

I must say that Gilgamesh put as perfectly as one could!!! I agree with those comments and think to should read what they were again! Well said!!

The 2 of us have known each other for 8 months. She was in a relationship at the time , and I had been single for a VERY long time! I had an instent crush on her but of course respected her unavailable status! The first 2 months were spent getting to know one another as my attraction towards her grew! Everything changed 1 night that she came into where I worked. She mentioned the unhappy nature of her relationship as well as how pleased she was that we were developing 1! The next two months (now out of her relationship) were spent going out as often as our schedules would allow. Still only friends at this point I was constantly becoming more and more interested in our relationship evolving! She was dating other people , I was not! I one night hinted to the fact that I was far better of a catch than any of the guys she had been seeing! I don't exactly recall how I said that? But she took it as stop wasting your time and comit to me. Which is exactly how I meant it! It was not received well! There was an uncomfortable period of a week when she expressed to me that she would only hurt me and can't comit to anyone! Afraid of having her out of my life I tried to understand. We became closer than ever after that! Becoming emotionally attached friends! I still in the back of my mind had a heavy curiosity of our future but was pleased that things were as great as they were! We were out one night as usual (she was in an odd mood) I asked what was bothering her and she began to cry! Telling me that she felt much stronger to me now and felt terrible that she had pushed me away when now she wanted to pull me closer! She said I love you , I said it back and we had our first real kiss! The next 2 days were spent showing mutual signs of affection , we went out on our first real date, and then!!! Our botteled emotions came out and we ended up in bed! All seemed O.K. (great in fact) afterwards , but the last 5 days have been filled with this strange desire to want to be with her every moment ( I've seen her once since) I've developed this odd feeling of codependency and I've sensed her distancing herself (not entirely , but more than usual) from me? Is this a normal reaction to what happened? Should I pursue her more aggressively? Should I ask about our status and our future? Should I try my best to put our friendship first and return it to where it was 2 weeks ago? I do love this girl and want to do everything I can to keep her in my life on any level! Preferably a intament one! Confused???