jul-els

If it’s important to you to share the information with her, which based on what you’ve said, it is, then you should just shoot her a quick text and be done with it. She has clearly demonstrated that she doesn’t care and therefore neither should you. 

More often than not, humans are incompatible with each other. This why we have jobs and make money, it forces us to get along with each other, lol.
 

If you’re coming from a place of loneliness, it’s going to cause you to fixate on “lack of friends”. If you’re doing things that genuinely make you feel fulfilled, you will naturally meet like minded people upon that path, opening the potential for genuine friendships to develop. You’ll find it’s really not about finding friends, but about finding happiness. The rest falls into place from there.

Follow your intuition and do what makes you happy. Instead of fixating on outcomes, you can make the decision trust yourself and to let yourself enjoy the process of following your chosen journey. 

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Think it was the hint I am HER friend and how dare I go out with these other people to a restaurant she hates etc and then have a nerve to make her house cleaner sick. I just sat their like *** . There was no how are you kiss my behind or anything just attack and now today acting like nothing happened after a week. 

This is crazy nonsense. Don’t tune your radio to that station. 😉 

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Pretty much when she gets no response she might get the hint she wasn’t appropriate. I feel bad because she does have mental health issues and ADHD like my husband so she is super scattered but I don’t owe anyone to be abused for no reason. I am not her punching bag 

Exactly. Just switch it off. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. 

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I have a friend I will use the term loosely. I met her when I moved to our present posting . I have come to find out she is very emotionally unstable and lashes out. When you are with her you also never get two words in like ,ever. It is like you don’t exist except to listen to her woes in life.  I am usually pretty patient. I reached my limit last week. 
 

Last week the 16th I went out for dinner with new friends. She was mad because she couldn’t afford to go. I didn’t know I was Covid positive as I had no symptoms. By Monday we were all positive . One of the new friends was supposed to the clean the house of the one who is unstable because she is selling her house. 
 

I get a “ shi$$y “ graham from Miss Unstable via messenger that obviously I went out and made everyone sick and THANKS because I now can’t sell my house and my husband and I are breaking up and blah blah blah. Yeah, because you know I wanted to get Covid 🙄and purposely gave it to others. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Today I get a message of, I just wanted to see how you are dear friend and yay we had a showing today blah blah blah….

 

I don’t feel like answering. 

Then don’t. Problem solved. The severity of the situation is directly proportional to your reaction to it. Just switch it off. 

6 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Ok so thanks to everyone for the advice and this is the update….we did see each other this evening. It was not romantic nor did anything happen. We talked and agreed that this is no longer a good idea to even be friends. It just got weird with all the hugging and I wish we would’ve just kept it light. So we are going to take a break and work on our own lives for now, give each other a nod if we run into each other but otherwise try to not see each other. After evaluating what everyone has said and talking to him, I realize that we did have a fantasy that was never on either of our part going to ever materialize into anything but drama and pain. It’s done thanks for all your help!!

Glad to hear it. You’ve made a wise choice.

You’re being very naïve about all of this and you sound as though you’re lonely. It’s a perfect situation for him to get what he wants, sex, and for you to get hurt. Keep toying with the idea and it’s going to end badly for you. 

But if you insist on learning this the hard way, then that’s what you’re going to do.

Once it’s all said and done and you find you’ve been used and your heart’s been broken, you can come back to this thread and see how many people warned you.

But it won’t matter then. The damage will be done. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way. And that’s exactly what you’re setting yourself up for.

2 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

Is it though if you’re saying like goodbye or does it like depend on the type of hug? So it can’t be innocent after all? I got married at 18 and am now in my 30s so I have like zero dating experience. He knows about me ending my marriage soon too so I do feel like maybe I was a bit more vulnerable than I should’ve been with him.

A chiropractor hugging his client is inappropriate and unethical. It’s a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed in any medical professional setting. You should terminate your relationship with him, personally and professionally, and find a different provider. 

1 minute ago, HLDrago said:

I don’t mean to take up for him but it really wasn’t like that. Getting to know each other was what when on during my appointments as well as getting care. Yes we met at the gym so he could show me stuff and say hi to me but we didn’t do anything or he didn’t hit on me. Is it hitting on me just to show up though? I am asking cause I really don’t know. But the whole feelings beyond future friends didn’t come until we started making physical contact via hugging or massages and the whole dramatic hug didn’t happen until I was discharged from his care a few minutes later. So he technically didn’t do anything really wrong. And what if his marriage is as messed up and on the way out like mine? I don’t know because he has never told me. I found out via a coworker that I am also friends with. Anyways just to check to be sure I pulled up marriage records for our state and it is true! But if he only wanted a fling or secret friendship or something why didn’t he just tell me? 

It’s irrelevant why he did what he did. Hugging you is hitting on you. Do you not know this? I think you do, but for some reason you’re choosing to deny it. I know you’re unhappy in your marriage and maybe you’re lonely, but you can do better than this. 

2 hours ago, HLDrago said:

Why would you want to be involved with someone, romantically or platonically, who’s married and hits on his clients? You’re not thinking it through. You should be asking yourself why you think this is a good idea, because in reality it isn’t. 

3 hours ago, HLDrago said:

It’s the latter. And you are openly welcoming it. It would be wise of you to rethink that.

If you don’t know which to choose, neither is an option. Based on what you’ve written here, I’d say it’s your best one. 

A newlywed is your long lost soulmate? You need to raise your standards. End of story. 

Iconoclasm means nothing to me, so no. Efficient way to find who I’m incompatible with, imo. 

6 minutes ago, jul-els said:

Edit: Saw your update. Glad to hear your meeting went well. Sounds like so far so good. 🙂 

You’re ‘in love’ with an image created in your psyche via shared screen time.  A fantasy. If you want to meet him in person, go for it, then you can start to get a small idea of who he actually is. I would say don’t let yourself get carried away, but it’s too late.
 

Instead I’ll say dial it back enough to make a logical decision about whether you want to meet him in person. If you decide you do, get rid of your expectations beforehand so you can have the ability approach it clearly and fairly and with a reasonable outlook. 

 No, but if I worked indoors I’d be tempted. Mostly because I don’t like working indoors, lol. During lockdown/furlough I thought I was going to go nuts. I did have a few drinks sporadically whist confined at home when it got boring. Had a lot of a personal stuff going on at home too at the time, so maybe a bit of self soothing going on there as well. So yeah. That’s my tmi, lol. 

53 minutes ago, SteveWalker said:

Yeah I regret looking 100 percent but it was like my mind knew I'd find something bad about me. 

Since the breakup she's actually been very loving towards me and every ounce of my body is telling me not to leave because I know how much of a mess I'll be 

If you choose to stay with someone who’s wrong for you just to avoid the pain of a breakup, that’s on you. It’s a bad way to go, but if keeping yourself in an unhealthy place is all you want for yourself, then it’s all you’re going to get.

You shouldn’t have looked at her personal correspondence, but you did, and what you found should tell you everything you need to know. She is dishonest and resentful, yet wants to keep you around because she sees some personal benefit from it. This is a clear indicator that this relationship is bad for you and you need to remove yourself from it permanently.

This is a lesson for you how not to behave in a relationship. Take the time you need to work on your mental health in order to put yourself in a good place, where you’re ready to have a healthy connection with someone, not rushing into things and investing yourself completely into a relationship with someone who you know nothing about.
 

You found out the hard way. You need to change your outlook and behavior. The time to do that is now.

Who knows? You like him, so you could make the first move or wait and see. It’s up to you how fast you want an answer. The first option will give you an answer quickly, while the second option will take a little longer. Either way you’ll get an answer, so do whatever you’re comfortable with. 

Unfortunately, there is no shortcut. You have to feel it to heal it, but in that time you will also learn and grow. We all go through it. Stop looking at his online presence. It’s an unhealthy behavior that will hold you back and keep you stuck in the past. Keep the focus on you, your health and what you want going forward.
 

Although time doesn’t move as quickly as we would like, it always heals, 100% of the time. Iron clad guarantee. All you have to do is to be willing to learn from it. The potential to find your greatness always lies at the other side of heartbreak. Be strong and keep moving forward. 

He has shown you through his words and actions how he feels. You should believe him and stop setting yourself up for his rejection, which will only hurt you. He needs his space and so do you. You need your space in order to heal and move on. I’m sorry, but it will get better with time and the sooner you remove yourself from his life the better off you’ll be. 

I don’t think you need your gut to tell you this wouldn’t be healthy for you. You’re not obligated and are perfectly free to politely decline, which is exactly what I would do if I were to be put in the same spot.

She still has a thing for her ex. Not telling you her ex would be on her trip was dishonest and then using you as an emotional cushion after feeling hurt by seeing him was completely uncaring and disrespectful. I’m sorry to tell you, she is using you. You would be best served to walk away from her and don’t look back.