jul-els

2 hours ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

What do you mean incompatible? We share similar interests, similar beliefs. We have very similar personalities. Our future looks the same. I even asked her when she ended things if she thought we were incompatible and she said no. 

That’s all well and good, but without mutual interest, it means nothing. Don’t waste any more of your time wondering about this person. Just move on and find yourself a match. 

5 hours ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

I do not believe her because her family seemed to be a happy and united one when I met them. Also, if I had family problems, I wouldn't carry those emotions into a date. But if those emotions were so huge, she could have just canceled, which she did not.

And the biggest reason I do not believe her is because when she ended things, she said that she felt that "God" told her we wouldn't end up together before the we went to the movies. Obviously, I do not believe that God told her that, but maybe she changed her mind after the stupid stuff I did on the second date. So maybe that is why she acted the way she did and not wanting to hold hands etc.

I want to figure out what I did wrong because if I was not able to get into a relationship with her, it means I somehow failed along the way. I want to improve. High quality girls like her are so rare to find, and if I happen to meet another woman like that in my lifetime, I certainly do not want to screw things up again.

You didn’t fail at anything. The two of you were just incompatible, that’s all. It’s an extremely common occurrence, as you’ll find out as you make your way through the dating world. 
 

A “high quality woman” doesn’t blame her disinterest in you on god, lol. That’s a big glaring sign that this isn’t the right person for you. 

This happens when you don’t know your own worth. It causes you to settle for scraps. You need to become accepting of the idea that you are worthy of a loving and happy relationship. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve. When you do, you get less than what you settled for. Every time. Trust me, I know, voice of experience here, lol. It’s a bad way to go. 

It’s a package deal. It’s fine if you’re fine with it. If you’re not, it won’t be. It 100% depends on what you’re comfortable with. 

Just now, wheredowegonow said:

You're definitely right about that. But I know it'll wreck me later if I go ahead with it. I'll feel even more connected and will be even more difficult to move on.

Exactly. So you can be happy with things as they are with him or you can choose to move on. It’s completely up to you. 

She isn’t into you and is too cowardly to say it, so she’s hiding it behind a smokescreen based on her religious beliefs. Take that for what it is and move on. 
 

If you want to hold hands with someone, reach out and take their hand. Be confident. If she wants to hold your hand she will, if she doesn’t she won’t. Either response is fine. Affection is a physical form of communication and you have to be confident in yourself in order to both express and understand it clearly. 

You’re dating. This is the dating world. It sounds like you’re both on the same page about sex being the next level of commitment and you don’t want to take that step. So, you can be happy with things as they are with him or not. You are putting all of your eggs in one basket as far as your emotions are concerned and allowing yourself to get overly attached. Don’t get overly invested. Keep your options open for seeing other people who might be a more suitable match. 

Don’t get emotionally invested in this person. He says he doesn’t want to toy with you, but that’s exactly what he’s doing. Don’t accept it. Remove him from your life.

It’s important for you to remember that no one ever does anything to you that you don’t allow them to do. You like him, but he’s not a good guy for you. Communication between the two of you is poor. You would be best served to forget about him and find a better match. 

I think DP means domestic partner. I would just leave it be and not stir the pot. His child is something he has to deal with on his own terms. If he wants your opinion, he’ll ask for it. Otherwise I’d leave it alone. 

Don’t say anything. Forget he contacted you. End of story. 

Not sure what you mean by setbacks, but the incompatibilities are numerous and frequent. But that’s just life. Finding a special someone is like finding a needle in a haystack. It happens if and when it does and you can either be patient with it or get frustrated. It’s a lengthy process and it depends on the perception that you choose to have as to whether you feel ‘setback’. 

Just like anything else, if you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get it. Speak up. 

The four am text is a tip off that he’s not really sure of what he’s doing. I’d worry less about if he’s ghosting you and more about if you want to keep talking to him. If it were me, I’d just move on at this point. 

You’re carrying a torch for a woman who was verbally abusive to you. You might want to look into why that is. The past is done. Let it go and move on with your life. 

You’re letting yourself get all worked up over it. Not worth it. Let it go. 

You’re doing a lot of overthinking. You can either enjoy your time with her and take it as it comes, which is what she is doing, or over-analyze every detail and make yourself crazy, which is what you are doing. Or you can just move on if you don’t think this person is right for you. 

Bottom line is you need to put your own self preservation first. You made your grievance with your higher ups and did so in a professional manner. Nothing wrong with that.  Now start implementing your exit plan should he get hired. Focus on your priorities and options and don’t worry about hypothetical scenarios. It’s irrelevant and keeps you stuck in a state of negative rumination. Hold your ground. Maintain your professionalism and do what’s necessary to take care of yourself. 

On 10/22/2022 at 6:13 AM, Chris21324 said:

But why does she keep making contact with me then, she starts it up. I don't search the contact even though i sometimes want it so hard. But yeah what is there to say for me, nothing. She just sends some cute vids or funny vids to me, i respond on it like i would respond to every other person.

She’s giving you crumbs. Don’t accept it. Know your worth. Move forward. 

His reaction was irrational, but so was your reaction to his reaction. Let it rest for a bit and give cooler heads a chance to prevail. 
 

The test of time has proven the two of you to be incompatible. It’s time for you to let it go. 

She’s manipulative. She told you so herself. If you’re ok with that, then stay. If you’re not, then the only thing keeping you there is your habit of being with her. Feelings don’t matter when someone doesn’t respect you. You need to do what’s best for you. 

The two of you don’t have a good personal connection and you’re coworkers. He isn’t a suitable dating partner for you. Tell him you want to keep your relationship professional going forward and leave it at that. 

Your insecurities are taking root and affecting your thought patterns. What you’re doing in the coffee shop is normal, garden-variety, everyday human interaction. The shame you’re feeling is being self-created. A therapist can help you to discover where your feelings are coming from and how to resolve them. Or maybe just some self-help books on social anxiety. 

On 10/22/2022 at 2:17 PM, Daisy Brown said:

 I would rather spend time doing activities I find meaning and that add to my life.

But then I go to social media 

 

You have contradicted yourself here. Social media is not something that will proactively add meaning to your life. It is a passive time waster. Find the activities that add meaning to your life and spend your time enjoying them. The vast majority of social media is simply a toxic digital dumping ground that will give you no return on time invested.