jul-els

If you know his hiring would cause you to leave, then I think a more proactive approach would be to start getting your resume updated and begin scouting out new opportunities. You have a good history in your current position and your experience will reflect positively on you going forward. Bottom line is the company will always do what’s best for the company no matter where you work and the onus is on you to do the same for yourself. 

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Exactly -food is a really sensitive issue for so many people and not an issue at all for others an I think it's hard to relate to the wide range of attitudes, quirks, etc.  

Just my opinion. Feel free to take it or leave it. 

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I have a particularly sensitive tummy so I have to be careful about certain ingredients- I get easily ill from doughnuts and deep fried food.  So if someone offered me that I'd have to say no even if I knew it was perfectly fresh and clean.  

I do think this is a layperson issue as he describes it since I don't see his thinking as over the top at this point.  Like I wrote if he was avoiding going into a store or other daily living stuff that would be over the top.  

Ok. Different strokes for different folks.

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I think it depends on the extent and I think many were triggered with lasting effects from the pandemic (even though we learned the virus couldn't survive on food surfaces).  I do think if he stopped buying food at stores all together and went to more extremes I would agree.  There's such a range. 

Yesterday my local Starbucks put out samples of cake in little cups -has been years since I've seen that (meaning pandemic too) - I thought better of consuming one because it was out in the open so I wouldn't know if anyone had touched one or sneezed near one -it was crowded. In the past I would have taken one.  We have a ton of flu going around right now so why take the chance.

I don’t know, everyone has their own limits. I have no problem with accepting food from people. I love food. I never get the flu, but to each their own. The op’s asking about his psychological aversion to it. I don’t think that’s anything a layperson can answer for him, imo. 

You should see a doctor about this. This a problem only a trained professional can help you with to find out what makes you think/feel this way. 

51 minutes ago, GotMyLifeBack said:

Almost zero second guessing of my decision. My second guessing is about how I exited the relationship, particularly whether I was emphatic enough about how unacceptable (painful etc.) her anger behavior was. Thank you so much for your support.

If you were trapped in a forest fire and managed to escape, would you worry if you could have done more for the trees? It doesn’t matter. You did what was necessary to protect yourself. In time you will come to see this. 

You don’t explain anything to your ex. She’s your ex. You move on. 

It was a painful experience, and one that you were meant to learn and grow from. Bottom line is it was toxic for you and moving on was what was necessary.
 

You have to feel it to heal it and unfortunately there is no shortcut, but on the other side of your healing you will find you have cleared the space in your heart and in your life for a more suitable partner. 

Was the video for personal use or professional? If she was in porn, I’d be more concerned with std’s than anything else. 
 

Either way, the video is a part of her past and she’s obviously allowed to have it. Not sure why she’d want to share this with you, and she may have made the mistake of over sharing, but that all depends on how you choose to react to it. 

He’s not worth your time. You helped him through a difficult time that most people wouldn’t have and he’s now showing you that you shouldn’t have either. He doesn’t respect you, but if you respect yourself you won’t tolerate it. You will leave him and not look back. 
 

Edit: I see you’ve decided to cut him out of your life. Excellent choice. Keep going.

The dynamic has been shown to you very clearly. It’s also very clear that it’s not something you’re happy with and have a very hard time accepting. Your feelings are as valid as anyone else’s.
 

You need to consider your own happiness. While a breakup will be painful, that pain will pass and on the other side of it you will find the freedom to find yourself a more suitable partner. The pain you have now will continue on for as long as you remain in this relationship.

Do you want to put the importance of the well being of his child before the importance your own happiness? Staying means that is what you’re choosing and there is no way around it. Leaving means you will choose to find your own happiness. The choice is yours. 

This relationship is emotionally draining you. This is the dynamic. You must decide to accept it or move on. You may feel love for him, but if you feel as though you’re feelings are being squandered, then you should step up and take charge of one last thing; that thing being the end of your relationship. You should never settle for less than you deserve. If you do, you’ll get less than what you settled for. 

5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Can you move to a studio apartment?

This is putting a strain on your marriage and you are losing your wife because of it.

How long do you think it will be before you can afford living on your own as a family?

No. The mistake would be NOT standing up to your wife. You don't need her permission on this. You grab your mom and give her the talk. You need to put boundaries with her and to draw a line on how she treats your wife. You let her know that if she mistreats your wife, she's mistreating you and she better get her act together. You do that ASAP. Your wife is the one you promised to live your rest of your life with, not your mom. You need to show loyalty to your wife and the mother of your kids. Do not let your mom walk all over you even if you live with her.

This. That’s the first part of your solution. The second, and most important part is finding other living arrangements. Find a different roommate or roommates and move out of there. Once you’ve done that, limit or stop contact with your mother until she can treat your wife with respect. 

You have to be really honest with yourself about whether you really want this guy, or if it was just your ego that was bruised. Based on your post, it sounds to me like it was probably the latter. But only you know the answer to that. If it is, be fair and let it go. 

If it’s not, and you genuinely do want to pursue a romantic connection, then you’ll need to be more openly demonstrative towards him in showing how you feel. You may or may not get rejected, but that’s life.

Don’t take up any course of action that your heart doesn’t truly want. 

Being angry with you for something you dreamt is very unreasonable and irrational on his part. He may want to go to therapy as well to get help with his own insecurity and anger issues. If you can’t have an open and respectful discussion about it with him, then he isn’t the great partner you think he is. 

It’s your health and you’re the only one responsible for it. You have to do what’s best for you. 

If there’s a significant reason why his help is important to you in this instance, you should kindly verbally communicate it to him.
 

It would help if you also did the same with this thread so we could have the complete picture in order to give more informed advice. 

I don’t know if he’s a narcissist. I think that’s a hot button armchair diagnosis that people like to bandy about. He’s just a jerk. And a manipulative one at that. You are well served to be rid of him. 

Wait and see if she responds. If not, maybe you’ll see her around again and you can talk to her then. Ask your friend. Perhaps he’d be willing to help you out. 

You’re getting to know her. She’s showing you who she is. Are you attracted to her behavior or not? For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t be, but it’s your call. If you’re ok with this behavior then continue. If you’re not then tell her you don’t think you’re a match and move on. Don’t waste any more of your time. 

Edit: apologies, just saw your post. I think you made a good choice. 

1 hour ago, DesignerPrize2 said:

You have been making the most wisecracks, Wiseman, but I don't believe you cannot see how my daughter is acting selfishly here.

She has just moved out. What parent does not want to visit her child, especially after such a big life change? And she won't do this one little thing (just masking outside! Just putting on a mask when she is going up and down her apartment's steps in case someone passes by!) and is ready to throw away seeing us for these small little freedoms. THAT is selfish.

That’s your view and your entitled to it. But you aren’t entitled to attempt to force your views on your daughter.
 

If you don’t wish to respect your daughter’s autonomy, that’s your choice. Then you have to accept the result of that choice. You aren’t entitled to be indignant about it. 

Not wearing a mask is her choice. Sounds like she’s tired of your attempts to control her. If you can’t respect her personal choices, you will continue driving her away. 

I concur with what the rest have said here. Lots of red flags. Lack of boundaries and way over the top. Say goodbye and block. 

Dump him. He’s highly toxic. Don’t subject yourself to his abuse any longer. 

He’s on the rebound and not coming from a stable head space. Just move on.