jul-els

You were both kids. The perceived slight was nothing other than growing pains. A minor hiccup. You’ve had a great relationship for 40 years which is something many people don’t get to experience and is something for which you should have gratitude.
 

There are far more egregious wrongs people have and do commit against each other in the dating world. You’re crying over spilt milk. Let it go. 

A lot of drama between the two of you due to the insecurities you both cling to. Therapy would be helpful for you both. Both separately and together. 

You are both exhibiting very poor boundaries with each other, hence what’s leading to your confusion. You’re trying to fix a situation where trust is lost yet staying together while neither one of you wants to make an effort to repair it. It’s a lost cause for which neither one of you has the strength to walk away from. You should be the one who takes the initiative to end it.

This is who she is. You have to take her as she is or leave her the way you found her. Don’t want to talk about it? Fair enough. Just move on. 

Don’t tell any of your co-workers. It would cause a giant ish-storm, particularly for you. I would let your boss know that the information in the software is being exposed. It will demonstrate your trustworthiness to the company. 

Uninterested in him. That’s how you should feel if you’re asking my opinion, which you are. Walk away from him and don’t look back. 

2 hours ago, SleepyOwl1969 said:

Yes, I agree.

There is no doubt in my mind that he does love me, that's for sure. And I do know that he takes the idea of a relationship very seriously. So, having me meet his parents and his friends and being introduced to my children are not things that he takes lightly.

Am I willing to throw away a great relationship just because he doesn't use the words that I would like him to despite his actions aligning with my expectations? That's another question. 

It comes down to your happiness. If you are truly happy, then allow yourself to rest in it. It seems as though self-doubt is one of things you have in common in this relationship. As I was saying earlier, love doesn’t come with guarantees. If you’ve managed to find love, that’s a blessing. If however there is a part of you that says this isn’t right for you, you should pay attention to that and address it sooner than later. 

There’s no way to assess that based on a random photo of a puppy. Not sure what you’re asking here. 

57 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

To me it's not semantics in this context -he wants her to know he does not feel the same about her as she does about him - that there is an imbalance and he is happy to be with her, he loves her but it's the Meatloaf lyrics -2 out of 3 aint bad.  Now in that song he says "there aint no way I'm ever going to love you" but this guy in this situation is basically saying the same thing -he's never going to love her the way she loves him.  It's all substance.  Not semantics.

Yes, but the question itself is a matter of semantics. That was my point. I agree the real question is as you said, whether or not what he has to offer is enough for her. That’s something only she can know and will have to determine for herself. 

It’s semantics. You love someone or you don’t. He’s saying he does, but based on what I’m understanding, it sounds like he’s a little bit scared of it. You, not so much. You know that you’re happy in love. That being the case, enjoy it. There are no guarantees in love, and his self-doubt may dissipate or it may not, but as you know you love him, you can have the joy of doing so for as long as you’ll both allow. No one can predict how long that will be, but it’s a universal truth, regardless of who you choose to partner with.

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed or proud of. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it means you’re human. 
 

If you’re uncomfortable with the amount of or method by which you choose to engage in this, then it signals a problem. You should heed these signs. This is what’s motivating you to make confessions to your girlfriend to put yourself in the light of being a bad person. 
 

This is about the patterns you choose in engage in, it’s not about being good or bad. If you feel you have a problem with this, you need to reach out to someone who can help you, such as a 12 step program, as opposed to dumping your guilt on your girlfriend. Be honest with yourself. If you need help, seek it out. There are sources available to help you. 
 

You’ve crossed a boundary that can’t be taken back unless the two of you agree to forget about your dalliance and never speak of it again. Otherwise this is going to blow up. 

His interest in sex is non-existent for whatever reason. Yours is not. This is a basic incompatibility. Unless you can be happy with a sexless relationship, you should move on. 

Laziness is not an attractive quality and I can understand how it would be annoying, but you picked him. If you’re unhappy with him, you need to leave. Trying to train him like a puppy dog will exhaust you and is unrealistic. The onus is on you to take him as he is or leave him be. 

This isn’t a question for him, it’s a question for you. Are you okay with it? Whatever your answer is, that’s your answer. And you go on from there. 
 

Edit: ok, sorry, didn’t read the thread. Glad everything worked out! 🙂

This connection is about sex. Nothing more and nothing less. If that’s what you want, that’s fine, but if you expect anything else you’re going to be very disappointed. 

He has problems that you are willing to try and understand and work with. You have desires that he doesn’t care about. It’s one sided. You deserve better. If you can’t get on the same page, which is something he has openly expressed no interest in, then you will be left in the position of continuing to give while he continues to take. Great for him, bad for you. You are best served to walk away from this draining relationship. 

You are seven months out now, and with good reason. Keep going. Don’t go back to the landfill looking for treasure. Free yourself. 

All relationships have good and bad qualities. If the bad parts are toxic or abusive, it’s not the right relationship for you. If they’re not then you have to make an honest assessment if the good outweighs the bad, or if there are things you know you can’t accept.

If the good outweighs the bad and you’re happy being with the person, then you are in a good place.

Ultimately you have to be honest with yourself about whether or not it’s a place that’s healthy and good for you and in which you wish to remain or not. It’s about your happiness, which only you have any knowledge of or control over.

Fear of change is not a good reason to stay, but any reason that you feel is valid to leave, is valid. You are the sole owner of your destiny. 

The problem isn’t her coming in. The problem is your reaction to it. You’re doing this to yourself. So you made a mistake, no big deal, we all do. What matters is if you learn from it. The reality is she’s another customer to you. That’s all she ever was, nothing more and nothing less. Anything else is a fabrication of your mind. Treat her as such and move on. 

Regardless of what your sister says, he mistreated you once. He’ll do it again. It’s in his nature because that’s who he is. Don’t make the same mistake twice. 

He’s not the wrong or right person, he’s just someone you’re going to meet for the first time. Once you’ve met, you can know if he’s someone you want to keep talking to. Don’t get ahead of yourself, just go meet him and see what you think. It would be nice if it goes well, but if it doesn’t, you’ve lost nothing other than a very small amount of your time. 

If you’re interested in her as a platonic friend, you should call her. If not, you shouldn’t. There doesn’t seem to be much more to it than that. 

If he’s unresponsive, then let it go. Don’t waste your time. 

Personally, I’d leave it be. If she wants to reach out, she will. If she doesn’t, she won’t. Life goes on.