jul-els

You should seek a legal remedy, asap. 

Follow your gut. If something seems off, which it does, then there’s a very high probability it is. Big red flags here. Heed them. 

9 hours ago, Willowgirl55 said:

For one example:

I had a neighbor that asked me to pet sit for them. Over the years I would do this often and I didn't mind as I loved caring for all their pets. One of their cats loved being at our home and we loved him. They volunteered to watch my dog once and it went well as they adored her also. My dog passed away and they came over to say goodbye.

We always stopped and talked with them when out walking our dog as she got along well with their dog also. We were neighbors for about 8 years. 

3 months ago I heard from another neighbor they were moving far away. This made me sad. Not once did they mention it to us. 

Days before they asked me if I had seem their cat and I told them yes he was hanging out on our steps in the morning. They then told me "oh by the way we are moving in a few days ". 

I really enjoyed them and their pets. I stopped and bought some nice flowers for them to plant in their new home (they are gardeners) and bought goodbye gifts for cats and dog. We had a beer and talked at their house. 

They moved and ghosted me. No invitation to their new house , no further communication from them at all. I sent a couple texts to say hi and ask how everyone was adjusting to the new home. Id get quick responses back saying everyone is good. I miss them and their animals. It makes me sad to walk past their place and it's still empty and now overgrown with weeds as the owner hasnt kept it up (they were renters )

Oh well. 

I've reached out quite a few times and I guess I should just let it go. So it's things like this that make me sad. 

I also have a story about reuniting with a half sister that my mother gave up for adoption that had ghosted me also. 

It's my life. 

 

 

 

You can’t be the owner of other people’s actions, or lack thereof. You made the effort, they didn’t respond. You will find this often in life. People are generally self-centered beings. It’s got nothing to do with you. You can’t spend your time on people who don’t reciprocate. Not worth it. 

From your description of yourself, you sound like a genuinely kind person. There’s nothing wrong with that. There should be more people like that, but it’s rare. You also sound like you’re somewhat introverted and shy. Nothing wrong with that either. Find people who share your interests, passions. They’re out there, you just have to make the effort to find and connect with them. But if you don’t want to, that’s ok too. There is no wrong choice, just knowing what you want and following your desires. 

1 minute ago, limichelle said:

I would block her. She’s definitely something, whether it be a scam or not. The moment someone gets pushy or asking questions you don’t feel comfortable with block and unmatch. You don’t owe her an explanation just block. 

100%

Putting your focus on what would please someone else enough to make them want you is like shoveling smoke. Instead, spend that same time and energy knowing what you want, and then do that. If, once you’ve established that, someone comes along who fits in your life, great. If not, it doesn’t matter because you’re already doing what makes you happy. 

Love is the strongest of the emotions. The heart can feel it, but the mind can never understand it. The meaning of love is entirely subjective. 

The fact that she’s too far away to begin with is irrelevant to the big red flags everywhere. Block, delete, and choose better going forward. 

Don’t be the owner of someone else acting like an asshat. It’s not about you. Forgive (or not, whatever feels best to you) and forget. Laugh and move on. 

It remains with you.

I know it hurts now, but he did you a favor. You deserve better than a one sided relationship and once you’ve moved on from this, you’ll be free to find someone better suited to you.

Stop placing value in what others think about you. It’s none of your business. Acknowledge the beauty within yourself and embrace it. No one on the face of the earth has as much ability to know yourself as you do. Make peace with this simple truth and rejoice in it. 

I can understand where you’re coming from. My half brother and half sister have had no relationship with myself or their mother for decades. When my mother fell ill for a year before she passed away, I was her sole caretaker. My brother and sister wanted to have nothing to do with it.
 

There’s no need for me to go back and rehash the way they acted (more accurately didn’t act), but suffice to say their behavior was thoughtless, apathetic and abysmal. After my mother passed, I decided I would divorce myself from them. No loss, because there was nothing to miss in the first place.

Sometimes family can be worse than strangers. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes that’s just the way it is. And when it is that way, the best thing one can do is to accept it and completely move on, imo. 

1. Stop talking to J.

2. Tell D it was a one time thing, it won’t happen again and keep your relationship professional.

3. Decide whether or not you want to remain married and take the appropriate steps to make that happen. 

Yes, it’s abuse, and yes, you should leave him before he starts physically hurting you, which he’s very close to doing now and it won’t be long before he does. It’s definitely not worth putting yourself in harms way any further. Leave now and don’t look back. 

If you’re asking if what you want is somehow aberrant or outrageous, no it doesn’t sound that way to me at all. But all people desire certain things from a romantic relationship. The trick is finding it. In this regard it makes you no different from most anyone else. It’s very common. You shouldn’t feel uncertain or weird about wanting what you want. As to whether the man you mentioned is compatible enough with you to meet those wants, that’s a part of the story that you haven’t provided enough information about for me to be able to answer. 

It’s wild to you because it is wild. You don’t communicate well with each other at all. Based on what you’ve said about him, it sounds like he’s just after sex and is saying whatever he thinks you want to hear to reach that end. It’s irrational, and you are a willing participant in it. If you enjoy the dynamic, continue, but it’s not a healthy connection and isn’t going to ultimately result in anything beneficial for you. If you know it’s not what you want, extricate yourself from it. 

9 minutes ago, Waltnate said:

Thank you... I think I have quite a bit maturing up to do in form of relationships. I was trying to form a relationship in wrong place. It hurt quite, a bit though and it's so silly. What was I thinking?

Also professional friend is different from normal friends I guess. This is something I will keep in mind

Sorry, I was speaking hypothetically. I wasn’t very clear. Yes, move on from this one, it’s done. Next time you’re interested in someone, ask her out, don’t confess your feelings. That’s putting the horse in front of the cart. I don’t date inside of my workplace because I don’t want to mix my personal life with my work. It makes things easier imo, but to each their own. 

52 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

All of my guests were leaving when Griffin and I decided to go for a night-walk. My birthday dinner/party had ended. (I know, I should’ve told my parents what he and I were doing. Obviously big mistake on my part.)

In case none of you have figured it out, I love spooky stuff. I’ve always wanted to explore and visit abandoned places. Another reason I was tempted to go for a night-walk the other night. 

If you cross the path of the wrong person in the middle of the night it won’t be spooky. It will be scary and will turn out badly. You won’t enjoy it and you could get seriously hurt and possibly not live to tell about it. If you’re looking for spooky entertainment, that isn’t the way to go about it. Sorry if I sound like your mom, but you need to think about what you’re doing and whether or not it’s a good idea. This is what your mother is concerned about. 

If you have this much interest in her, then the onus is on you to initiate an exchange with her. If she seems receptive with a response, then you ask her out. If she responds favorably, great, you have a date. If not, then you’ll know she’s not interested and can end your obsession with someone who represents one drop in what is literally an ocean of women on the face of the earth. 

Leaving the house in the middle of the night is disrespectful to your parents because they are housing you and would have no idea of your whereabouts. Your mother isn’t being over protective about this, she loves you and is concerned with your safety.   Walking the street at 1:30 am is not a generally safe thing to do, as predators and criminals prefer to come out under cover of darkness and could be anywhere. As far as your 33rd birthday goes, it was inconsiderate of you to leave without letting your parents know you were going. That’s why she thought it was “weird”.

This is obviously something you’re not comfortable with or find acceptable. It sounds like it will likely be an uphill battle getting him to change, but at the end of the day, why would you want to be with someone that you want to change? You deserve better. 

This is 100% about you and 0% about him. If you genuinely found it by accident, that’s fine, all that matters is how you react to it. The healthy and secure reaction is to know he lived his life before he met you and there is nothing wrong with that. Or you can let your own personal insecurities that have nothing to do with him eat away at you.
 

If you choose the latter, nothing good will come of it and it will simply bother you at best. At worst it will cause you to say or do something you have no place saying or doing. The notebook means literally nothing in the context of your relationship with him. Your reaction to it is the only thing that holds any significance. I recommend not trying to find problems where none exist. 

If you’re not feeling it, you’re not obligated and are free to respectfully decline. Do what’s best for you. 

Yes, red flags. You are at a crossroads. You can heed the red flags now and walk away completely or you can stay and learn the hard way from the pain that will ensue should you decide to pursue it. The lesson has been presented to you, now it is your choice to decide whether you want it to be easy or difficult and painful. As someone who has been in your shoes and stood in the exact position in which you find yourself at this moment, I sincerely recommend and hope you don’t choose the hard way.