jul-els

Turn off the noise. Spend time with your grandmother. Care for her. Give her your love. That’s all that matters. 

You just met her. Making assumptions about her character or history are unreasonable and unfounded. If you want to get to know her better, you need to slow down and do so. She’s probably sensing your anxiety and it’s not attractive. To answer your question; you’ve been on two dates, there’s no “worst” to prepare for. I don’t know if you’re being paranoid, but you are jumping the gun in this case. 

From what you described, it sounds like she enjoys being with you but isn’t looking for anything serious. You however, are entertaining the thought. The only way to know how she feels about it is to ask her. Or just be happy with the status quo. Those are really your only two options. Based on how you say you’re feeling, I’d advise that communication is the best option. Then you can decide if or what you want from there. 

Be yourself. Always. Anyone who’s worth your time will like and appreciate it. Anyone who isn’t worth your time, won’t. Simple. 

I see the online chatting as a volley. I say something, they return it or don’t. If they don’t they’re not interested, plain and simple. Nothing vague about it. I continue my search. 

17 minutes ago, applejuice88 said:

The people I know would have just said "no". I have said "no" myself when asked by someone I'm not interested in. If it was a "no", then she shouldn't have agreed to go to lunch 1-on-1. Communication should be both ways and it should be direct. Unfortunately, now I have to work with her. I have been trying to avoid her but she still initiates conversations and tries to banter. I don't engage anymore. I'll be leaving this job in 2 months so I think it will be good for both of us.

This is why it’s not a good idea to try and date at work. You have to be ok with the possibility of being around the person if it doesn’t work the out way you wanted it to. Otherwise you make it awkward for yourself at best or have it affect your employment at worst. Not worth it when there’s far more people to date outside of your workplace than in it. 

The world is very fast paced these days and there’s a tendency for people to get so wrapped up in their own lives that they don’t have the time to make genuine connections when it comes to love and romance, imo. Of course that’s not true for everyone, but to a general extent, I think it’s true for a lot of people. Online dating is a good example. Just push a button and meet someone. Like products on a shelf. It’s not natural, but it’s the way the world is turning these days. The expectation of instant gratification many times lends itself to missed opportunities, imo.

You liked her and she liked your attention. That’s it. Basic incompatibility as well as a misunderstanding on your part. It happens. Nothing to feel hurt about. Did she lead you on? Perhaps a bit, but that’s life. Like the old saying goes, resentment is like drinking poison in the hopes that the other person dies. Don’t do that to yourself. She’s not available. Oh well. Next. There’s literally millions more out there. 

If it was your car he puked in, then yeah, you’d have a reason to be mad. Otherwise, no. Because he didn’t tell you he puked? It makes no difference. Do you think he should report to you whenever he has a bodily function? If so, I’d say your expectations are more than a little bit unreasonable, lol. 

You’ve exhibited poor boundaries with him. If you want to remove him from your life, then you need to do so. 

You have to decide what you can accept and what you can’t. You say you have compassion for her, but aren’t comfortable with her being there. You have to decide which is more important in order to get yourself out of the emotional rut you find yourself in.
 

If you know you aren’t ok with this arrangement, you need to remove yourself from it.
 

If it is something you can understand and accept, then you can stay there comfortably.

Anything in between will only mean suffering for you. You must choose. 

Him being into porn is something you have to decide if you can accept or not. The bigger issue here is he’s not being honest with you. His actions don’t match his words. He’s in a relationship, claims to have a low sex drive, but uses porn. He is being dishonest. This is a red flag you need to pay attention to and address. 

If she does her job and isn’t difficult to deal with, it doesn’t matter. Unless you’re attracted to her. If that’s the case then I’d advise you to date outside of your workplace. Mixing work with your personal life lines you up for a lot of potential headaches that are easily avoided by not considering your co-workers in a romantic capacity. 

The best and only way to get the answer to this question is to ask her. No one here can tell you what she’s thinking/feeling.

He was cold calling you. A numbers game. No style and very desperate. Your gut was correct. 

If you want to rekindle it, then the onus is on you to take the initiative. That’s just the way it works. That being said you might want to stop ask yourself why you want him back and if those reasons are valid or reasonable. 99.9% of the time, exe’s are exe’s for a reason. Or sometimes several reasons. 

Pick your battles wisely. This one isn’t worth it. 

None of those things you’re asking about matter. You can let them go. There’s only one thing that matters. And that’s finding someone who will take you as you are and for whom you can do the same. That’s it. Nothing more and nothing less. 

I keep my texting to a minimum and when I do, it’s short and to the point. The reason being I don’t like to text. Maybe she’s the same way, who knows, but either way she’s very into you. I wouldn’t overthink it. 

If he doesn’t ask to call or meet within the first few texts, either ask him or cut bait. Whichever you think is appropriate. Just don’t waste your time with pen pals on a dating site. 

Here’s what you do. Next time you’re going to see your friend, go and get the biggest cucumber you can find. Wrap it in foil and stuff it down the front of your pants. Then when your friend sees you, you win. I can’t believe this is actually a post. Lmao 

I don’t use online dating apps anymore, but when I did, bumble was one of them and I didn’t like that feature. It cuts down your chances of making contact quite a bit imo/e. Mainly because the onus is on the woman to reach out first and most of the time they don’t. I’m guessing for reasons similar to yours. Doesn’t make much sense. They swipe, they match and then crickets, usually.
 

But after trying online dating for a year, I really didn’t find much of anything I liked about it, so take that for what it’s worth. But as a guy, my advice to you is if you’re interested, reach out. That’s what you’re there for, right? You can start the conversation and see how much he takes charge from there and whether or not you’re interested. 

Oh, just noticed this was an old thread. Oops. 

Yes, 100% normal. You have to feel it to heal it and the only healer is time. But you can be assured that at some point, sooner or later, it will run it’s course. This is how we learn and grow. 

No, her actions weren’t unreasonable imo, but the bigger picture here is you appear to have too much emotional investment in your friend’s relationship. They’re adults. They’ll handle it. Leave it be.