Avocado Rivalry

One night, we went back and forth telling each other one thing we loved about the other person. It was cute and fun, but romantic at the same time and we had a very romantic night after that without even leaving the house.

A small update to my situation from my other post...if you want the backstory, you can check out my post in the same forum from a few days ago. Since I have no job for a few more months and I am done with school, the boredom turns into thinking about my ex rather quickly. This is our 2nd time going non-contact (or was)...the first time was for about a month (which she ended up breaking). I was ok with it at that point because I had really gone sort of crazy and I thought there was a finality to our relationship that warranted that type of behavior. More recently, with my ex sending me mixed feelings and dating around, I decided to go NC just because I thought it would be easier for me. Well, three weeks in, I couldn't handle it and I called her. I said something along the lines of "Well, if you love me and you think I deserve a second chance, why can't we do it right now?" Her reasons are logical--She's away at school and she only has a few months left. This means she wants to focus being with her friends and having those last few months of college experiences that she'll never have again. I agree with that, but I believe that if she really wanted to make it work, we could do long distance for the next month while she's away at school and then she'll be home more often after that, making it rather feasible. We haven't talked since then, which has been almost a week, but I've been really missing her a lot. I've been looking for an apartment to live in on my own for the first time, and when we were together, we always planned to live together, so naturally, it's upsetting. I feel like I have several choices, but none of them really strike me as being good ideas. First, I thought about giving her an ultimatum, but either way, if she chooses me, she may not be out of her "phase," and if she doesn't, then I haven't gained anything and I know I wouldn't be able to keep that side of the bargain for very long. Next, I thought about asking her to go on a trip with me when she's done with school and living here half of the time. This would be appealling to her, wouldn't rush her into it (she'd have about two months or more depending on when we went) and gives her time to get out of the phase. Finally, I figured I could tough it out, or at least try to, and wait til she's home and for her to call me. When we talked the other day, she said she'd been talking to her friends about giving me another chance and that it was funny that I had called. Although she's done some surprising things in the last few months and is acting like she's confused as to what she wants, when she says things like this, I know her well enough to know she's being honest with me. When I mentioned our anniversary, she actually sounded interested in having a little date/get together/whatever to "celebrate," but then again, when we have hung out in the last few months as "just friends" we've gotten closer and closer and when I make a move, things get weird and she says things like "it's not just hard for you, it's really hard for me to not do the easy thing." I know a lot of people here are advocates of NC, but in my case, it's not working. I haven't looked at pictures, her away message, facebook, etc. The only "contact" outside of our one phone call is my thoughts and conversations I've had with others. I'm doing considerably better compared to how I was the last time we had NC and in the "bad" months leading up to our break-up. I've accomplished a lot of personal goals and feel better about myself, but this is just bugging me too much to let go, much less be left in this state of limbo. A lot of you who read this may think I'm doing the wrong thing or know I will get hurt, and if that's the case, then please don't comment with that. I realize that what's right for others isn't always going to be right for me, and I'm not ready to go cold turkey on her or give up on this relationship. I just want advice on how I should handle this period where she's at school and I'm at home. Just for summary, here's the timeline of how things will be. I'm at home for the next 6 months before I start working, she's 500 miles away at school until the end of February and then will be splitting her time between school and home until the middle of May. Thanks in advance!

I just wanted to compliment you for respecting her wishes and not trying to pressure her. Respecting a girl is a really important quality to maintain even if at certain stages of your dating life, girls seem to like being ignored and treated poorly...

My ex and I gave it tons of "second chances," but we never really discussed what had gone wrong in the past. We were happy, but I knew things weren't right in the long run. Now that we've actually been apart for a while and we've discussed the possibility of getting back together once she's back home for good from school, it actually seems like it could be a better relationship because we've worked out a lot of the old problems. Two words of advice are make sure you know what caused the break-up in the first place and have both you and her work to correct it (it has to be something BOTH sides work on) and take things slowly. You have a history together, so things may seem natural, but intentionally slow things down and go on "dates" again just to put the relationship in a new light.

Hello all, My ex-girlfriend and I started dating in our second year of high school. I just graduated college in December and she'll graduate at the end of February. In high school, things were as perfect as I could imagine a relationship being until I broke up with her. I did so to date the girl I thought I had loved, or at least liked a lot, before we had started dating just because it was something that would have always been on my mind. She was crushed, but we ended up getting back together when I realized I had made a big mistake. Things were back to normal and we ended up staying together in college. Our first two years were great, but after the summer going into our junior year up through the point where we "broke up" as opposed to being in an "open" kind of relationship at school (which was early October of 2006), I knew things weren't going in the right direction. She began to drift away from me more and more, but she was never unfaithful. I had expressed interest in other girls because I was lonely and wasn't strong enough to be in a long distance relationship at that point and eventually that wore its toll on the relationship. This summer especially, she basically gave up on me. It was a combination of all these disappointments, the stage of depression I was going through that often stopped me from going out with our friends, and my temper which was far from being under control that put us where we are now. So, we decided in October to stop talking to each other. It was really hard for me, and when we started talking again, she said it had been hard for her. I've been the only person she talks about regarding her family problems and other big things where at school, her friends don't hear much of her serious problems and she felt that she really needed that at times. She called me first, so she either felt bad about it or she really missed me. When we came home for thanksgiving, we hung out a lot and talked about the problems in our relationship (in the past we had just fought about them). In my mind, we were really making some progress, and after that break, I was really optimistic about us getting back together come Christmas time. Also, over this time, I had made a lot of effort to correct the problems I had created in our relationship. I was seeing a counselor who really helped me figure out who I am, how I can make myself a better person, how I can control my anger, and how I can just be more accepting and happier with what is going on and especially what is out of my control. I really feel proud of all the progress I've made regardless of whether I get back together with her or not, but I'm not going to lie and say the personal growth I experienced was at least a result of our problems if not also an effort to make her realize that I can change. She did in fact notice these changes and was really proud of me, but... We didn't get back together. Over Christmas break, we saw each other A LOT. I learned that she had been somewhat dating a guy who she was "only really dating for the attention and because he was seen as a 'top-prospect' among the girls in her sorority" and described him as having no future potential and a minor alcoholic. Basically, he was her guy to have fun with at Greek events and she was using him as a distraction from the fact that all her other roommates were in relationships. She also worked as an intern close to where we live and had found out one of the guys there liked her. Over break, she saw him a little and said while he was nice, he wasn't her type at all. However, she never told him about her situation with me and never told him about her pseudo-boyfriend at school, which in my situation or not, I would've thought that is not the way to handle the situation. I also learned that she had been with other people sexually which was really difficult for me to hear because we were each other's firsts, and while I had been with one other person after we had broken up, I still really regret doing it. So, I have no idea how to interpret her actions right now. While she's obviously exploring other options, she's also told me that she loves me still, that this is a hard thing to do for her, and to wait until June when we're both working in the same city. Knowing how we've worked over the last years, I'd say it's more likely than not that we'll get back together at some point within the next 6 months, but it's not that about which I'm worried. I'm worried if things can actually work again. I feel like she has stayed with me through so many issues that she may not be able to love me like she used to again. Yes, I wouldn't have changed if things didn't work out the way they did, but it's a lot harder to look at the future benefits than the current situation, especially when I love her so much. I couldn't deal with talking to her and not being with her, so I decided we wouldn't talk anymore at the beginning of this month, and so far I've stuck to my promise. The last time this happened, it took her a month to call me, and as of now it's been about 3 weeks. I feel like I've passed that peak of me being ok with everything and now I'm back on the way down. It doesn't help that I'm done with school and my job doesn't start with months, making me completely bored all the time, but distractions or not, I need help. I miss her so much and I feel like things could be great again with all the personal progress I've made, but I don't know if it's possible for her to "start over" or at least make the necessary compromises and accept that I apologize and worked on my faults from the past few years. I'm also scared that she has too much power at this point in the relationship. While I'm trying to become more independent and happier with who I am as a person outside of a couple, the struggles I went through at school, being away from home, her, and having very few friends still weigh heavily on me. I need her to be there to help me through this and realize that I'm willing to work rather than criticize me and delay my progress. I feel that I'm very realistic and perceptive about where I am. If I tweaked my situation to go along with what I wanted to happen, any advice wouldn't help me, so I've tried to be as real and honest as I can. We're both very motivated people with great futures ahead of us. I also feel that there are very few, if any, people that can treat a girl like I can, especially with the feelings I have for her. I've always been a romantic person and it shows through the small things I do for her on a regular basis. I have never cheated on her nor have I intentionally harmed her in any way. I feel that everything I have going for me warrants a better situation for me, but unfortunately life doesn't work that way. I know that I deserve and can/will eventually have someone that appreciates me as much as I want, but right now I feel that that person can still be her. So, our anniversary is coming up on St. Patrick's Day and she'll be home for at least a little while at the beginning of March. I kind of expect to hear from her around then, if not earlier than that. I don't know if I can wait that long though. I want to talk to her, but that's probably not a great idea right now. So, what should I do? At this point, the uncertainty of our relationship and the hope that we'll get back together or at least have a big conversation about it keeps my mind on her all the time and stops me from moving on. I have no problems with her and even when I try to follow some people's advice of making a list of all the "bad" things about her, I end up thinking about everything good about her. I'm most likely not going to be in the situation to even meet a potential new girlfriend any time soon, and even if I were, I'm nowhere near ready for a new relationship right now. How should I handle this? Should I call her now, should I call her ever, and what should I look out for when/if we begin to discuss a reconciliation? I've never believed in intentionally ignoring someone to make them miss you. I believe if I love her, I should be able to say so and she shouldn't have to go through this experimentation phase anymore. Are we too different at this point? Has she moved on and hasn't admitted it to herself yet? Is there any ever hope for situations like this to remedy themself? Sorry this is so long, but thanks for the help!