jumbalaya

I just talked to her on the phone and she blamed me, once again, for my friends not liking her. I firmly stated that it was her fault that my friends didnt like her because the reason why they hated her was because she cheated on me. She then said that i was being very mean to say that, told me she didnt want to speak to me again, began crying, and hung up. Too harsh? Guess this should help with the NC.

Just updating, I confronted her about my feelings on her ex and the fact that i didnt think she should she him anymore. she said she wasnt going to do it at first but then cried and said she would. We were then on good terms for a day, and then tonight she breaks up with me based on other reasons. The prime reason was that she didnt like the way in which my roommate and best friend treats her and the fact that she thinks that I do not do enough to stick up for her and tell my friend off. Now the reason why my friend acts like he does is because, like many posters on this board, is disgusted with how ive been treated by her (ie: cheating), so sometimes ill admit it, I really cut him some slack on the way in which he acts around my girlfriend (now ex). He'll usually ignore her and not speak to her, while my other friends in my group will be friendly to her. She pretty much said that I shouldnt be friends with him, and I told her that i was going to be friends with him. As soon as i said that, that is when she broke up with me. She didnt say that wanting to hang out with her ex was a reason for the breakup. Also, I dont think she wants to be broken up because she has been calling since the breakup and seems really depressed. I think that she may have broken up with me as a move to gain more power in the relationship. I think she expects me to crawl to her say "lets stay together and blah blah blah". Do you think this was a move to gain more power in the relationship, or a simple break? I guess I'll probably have to update you guys a little more so you have more info to go on. I believe this because she has pulled a move like this on me before and it worked out for her. So I think this is the same deal. I'm thinking of letting this thing just stick. She'll get exactly what she asked for. Where should I go from here, NC?

yes she cheated on me. She didnt go further than kissing, but kissing is more than far enough in my opinion. Anyways for an update, I confronted her about my feelings on her ex and the fact that i didnt think she should she him anymore. she said she wasnt going to do it at first but then cried and said she would. We were then on good terms for a day, and then tonight she breaks up with me based on other reasons. The prime reason was that she didnt like the way in which my roommate and best friend treats her and the fact that she thinks that I do not do enough to stick up for her and tell my friend off. Now the reason why my friend acts like he does is because, like many posters on this board, is disgusted with how ive been treated by her (ie: cheating), so sometimes ill admit it, I really cut him some slack on the way in which he acts around my girlfriend (now ex). He'll usually ignore her and not speak to her, while my other friends in my group will be friendly to her. She pretty much said that I shouldnt be friends with him, and I told her that i was going to be friends with him. As soon as i said that, that is when she broke up with me. She didnt say that wanting to hang out with her ex was a reason for the breakup. Also, I dont think she wants to be broken up because she has been calling since the breakup and seems really depressed. I think that she may have broken up with me as a move to gain more power in the relationship. I think she expects me to crawl to her say "lets stay together and blah blah blah". Do you think this was a move to gain more power in the relationship, or a simple break? I guess I'll probably have to update you guys a little more so you have more info to go on. I believe this because she has pulled a move like this on me before and it worked out for her. So I think this is the same deal. I'm thinking of letting this thing just stick. She'll get exactly what she asked for. Where should I go from here, NC?

very nice post caro, thanks for that. You made some very stong points that I think will be very helpful. I agree that i cant let this become an addiction. So far I feel that when I check I have something that raises my suspicions enough to check up on her. But also I really need to work with her and set up some boundaries. I always feel like she tries to get away with as much as she can without crossing over a "boundary line". I really need to get this to stop. I wish she would just see how nuts she is driving me . If she doesnt cooperate after our little chat I might have to move on despite the fact that i really dont want to

you are probably 100% right, that is what i should be doing. That is what all of my friends say also. I'm just one of those people who have trouble letting go. If i see anything else that irritates me than im not gonna be sticking around thats for sure. She will be firmly confronted, pretty much with the same words you put it. If she seems to do the right think than i think i can forgive her and let things go, if not I should probably end things like you said

haha my girlfriend always tells me that she would go as high as mid 30's, shes 19 . She always teases me and calls me a sleaze ball when I say that I'd go 2 years younger (in college, not really age gap). She playfully calls me a sleaze and immature for going below my grade. I then question the logic by saying "if thats your theory wouldnt the 30 year old be a sleaze and immature?" Her response, "no, older guys are mature" . haha go figure. I guess I dont really see a problem with age gaps as long as gaps arent too large and the people love each other. My cousin is engaged to get married to a 34 year old, shes 21.

Thank you! I appreciate the input, and thats what many have been saying, however why (if you dont mind me asking) was there a reason why you were snooping on yours?, 6 years is a long time to not trust someone.

yes and i guess i kinda feel bad about doing it, but I feel I have some motive to begin with. The reason why im kinda confused is that I thought I finally trusted her again. Does this mean that I don't? Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I trust her.

yes i agree that the ex doesnt want to be just friends thats whats bothering me... my friends all tell me the same thing and just not put up with it, but thats a hard thing for me to follow when ive been with her for a year and a half now. Im gonna see where talking gets me for now and then go from there. good idea?

oh yes i know its a small price to pay, never really even was so much considering moving out, was just kind of frustrated and was venting a little bit.

haha i get soo irriatated at that, sometimes im tempted to just hang up because she wouldnt even notice! Then i realize that its not worth the fight

yes moving out does sound like a good idea, but then I would get no help with my tuition bill, which has a price tag of $40,000 a year. I dont know if moving out if worth me paying that on my own.

My parents are very strict people in general. This is quite frustrating seeing as I'm 20 years old. Most of the time I dont have to worry about it since I'm off at college, but when I come back home it is a major pain. Some examples would include not being allowed to leave my house any later than 10:00, sometimes they say okay but I'd have to put up an argument. Another example would be things involving my girlfriend. Like my girlfriend and I are not allowed to sleep in the same bed. Which I can kinda see their point if they dont want us to be having sex under their roof. But I came right out and told them that we dont have sex (shes a virgin) so that is not an issue. My dad responded quickly with "I dont believe you". Which I am really hurt by this because I have never done anything ever in my entire life to lose his trust. To add to that, we are not allowed to be alone in my room, even if its DAYTIME!! It's absolutely ridiculous. Anyways, the solution to the problem is just me going over to her house and spending the night, which they sometimes put up a fuss about that too. They constantly ask if we sleep in the same bed there, and I tell them no (which is the truth), but they at least let us stay in the same room by ourselves during day or night so we can have a little privacy. Then they ask why they dont see my girlfriend around our house anymore!!, i dont respond with words, i just literally laugh out loud. I really dont think I can do much about getting some more privacy with my girlfriend at my house because my parents are very power hungry and they like to squeeze the last couple of years of control over me. They use the "Our House Our Rules" speach, so my hands are pretty much tied. My dad has anger problems and yells a lot so whenever I try to challenge authority he always threatens to like take my car away (graduation gift, and im like 90% sure its under my name haha). But yea it really isnt worth being financially cut off since I'm at college 75% of the year and can do whatever I want there, but still jeeez they are a real pain. Any suggestions? Or am I pretty much dead on with where I think I stand?

well I think after our little chat she is going to be upfront with me, if i find out that that isnt going to be, then i will have to re-evaluate the situation

She gets mad when I want to have a "guys night" I get mad when she talks to her roommate while shes on the phone with me (and its not like we even have a big gap in conversation or anything! I Should be a little more cool about that though, not really too big of a deal)