GoingForIt_77

I NEVER touched her. I NEVER would. I am seeking help now for a reason. I would never be so foolish to expect her to come back to me, if I didn't have professional help... She knows I have remorse and am taking action and still am, even knowing she is not supporting me through this in any capacity. Even though she broke up with me, my therapy STILL will continue... It's only been a week. No, she hasn't broken contact and I don't expect her too. She may also be seeing how long I can respect her for too, because she IS expecting me to contact her again and as long as she is expecting me to, she won't.

Thank you Lady. I appreciate your kind words. I don't know if she'll ever let me back in in any capacity. Do I have false hope? No. I have hope. Take that for what it is.. I will not make her come back to me against her will. I will not manipulate her. I will not stop her from having a life NOW and having fun in the process, with girls and guys.. The ironic thing is, we are both UP now. I don't know if what we are feeling is that much different from one another. We are both trying to distract ourselves... Again, contact must resume anyways, if anything for the mere fact of exchanging our stuff...

I KNOW what I did to her. I am a sensitive guy too and have beaten up myself 24/7 since she left. I am seeking help and still love her and that is why I am respecting her space now.. I know how I made her feel and it wasn't only bad. I have shown nothing but remorse and short of that, I can do no more, but be ME.

She IS moving On. She is moving on from her hurt feelings. That doesn't necessarily mean she is moving on from me permanently. As much as you want me to entertain YOUR possibility, why can't you entertain mine: That perhaps she needs to clear her head and LIVE a little.. No, there is NOTHING wrong with that. She is allowed to have a facebook account and go out with girls and guys. I want her to be happy. I always have, even though I may not always have shown it.. I am STILL giving her space and NO, I will not confront her on this, because it's her entitlement.. We are broken up now. I know, but guys, contact has to resume at some point. If anything, at least to exchange our stuff back and she knows it too.

Yeah, I won't be telling her that I know she's on there. No way. That would be the worst thing I could do, but the truth is, I KNOW.. Whether it is to meet a guy, or just merely to go out with friends, she is trying to move on, YES. She is trying to move on from the hurt, but NOT necessarily ME... She asked for time. She did NOT say I want nothing to do with you ever again..

The obvious???? and I am disturbed???? WHERE ARE THE MODERATORS HERE???? I will not stand being verbally abused when I came here for comfort!!! If you have nothing nice and compassionate to say, please stay off my thread, because you have NO idea how hurtful your incensitive words are!!!

By the way, it's not just GUYS she's asking out, but girls too. She just wants to GO out. I think she really is just looking for friends and is just being friendly.

Jazzykat, you really are cruel....I'd appreciate you no longer post on my thread anymore, unless you want to be responsible for my continued depression.

You are you to say that she HAS moved on after a WEEK??? Yes, it appears as though she is TRYING to move on, but after one week, how do you know that she already has??

Hi Lady, thanks! Seeing her and I spoke on Monday and she was very hurt and still scared and said she needed a little space which I am respecting. It's just I don't want to be played the fool. She doesn't know that I know about her profile and her forward attempts with these men and women. I think she is just being sociable truthfully and trying to keep herself busy... but, is she drowning herself in THIS, so that she can get over me and replace what she had with me with someone else??? Is this normal behavior for someone who is sad, lonely and in need of male attention/companionship??? Is it normal that she is doing this so soon after??? It makes it that much harder to respect the space she requested when she is doing this. I don't want to let her know that I know and she IS entitled to do what she wants, but if she loves me with all her heart, are these actions of hers reflecting that??? This also makes me want to call her and just plain out tell her that I would like to have my stuff back and vice versa, seeing she doesn't look like she has much intention of initiating THAT on her own now. I didn't want to have to call her up for THAT reason, but I prefer I see her NOW while she is still single, then in a week when she is already dating someone (that guy she asked out). That would hurt TOO much.. She doesn't know I know. I wonder if I should let her know that I do. How sincere can she be about her feelings for me. I'm that replaceable?

For a long verison of my situation, you can refer to For a trimmed down version, my gf left me 8 days ago, because I was hot and cold with her. I would give her tons of confidence, lift her up, compliment her, treat her well and then at the same time, I would be very critical, raise my voice and doubt her feelings, intentions and sincerity (feelings for me) at other times. It hurt her tremendously when I would bring her up, only to non-intentionally put her down... She left me crying, telling me that she loves me with all her heart, but it hurts too much to be with me. I am going for help now, to control my anger issues. She is aware of this and REALLY tried to make it work, but her fear and hurt stood in the way at the end... 5 days after the breakup she re-joined facebook.com and created a profile. She has since (Monday) added 300 people and is in correspondence with MANY of them on her front page, one of which was REALLY happy to hear from her and told her so and she asked him out and he accepted... Meanwhile, her and I spoke on Monday and she was very hurt and still scared and said she needs a little space... I don't want to be a fool. She doesn't know that I know about her profile and her forward attempts with these men... Is she drowning herself in THIS, so that she can get over me and replace what she had with me??? Is this normal behavior for someone who is sad, lonely and in need of male attention/companionship??? Is it normal that she is doing this so soon after??? It makes it that much harder to respect the space she requested when she is doing this. I don't want to let her know that I know and she IS entitled to do what she wants, but if she loves me with all her heart, are these actions of hers reflecting that???

I am feeling defeated now I checked her profile on Facebook that she added on Monday (300 people since Monday) and she is putting herself out there. She asked a guy out on his page comments. Someone who she had known before, seeing he was happy to have heard from her. He wrote that they should keep in touch now and she replied saying that NOW they can and SHE said that they should get together and he replied saying for her to tell him when and he'll make himself available and she has yet to reply. MEANWHILE, I am beating myself up over this. Feeling bad for hurting her so much and only a few days after the break-up she is already trying to find a NEW boyfriend????? I want my stuff back. She has TONS of my stuff at her place and vice versa. I don't want to wait to do this, when she already has a new boyfriend at that point!! I feel like a fool now....

I am finishing off DAY 3 right now!!!

Understand THIS ladies. I have not once asked her to come back to me. I have not ONCE told that she is making a mistake. My contact with her from Wednesday to Monday was me demonstrating SINCERE remorse and regret and telling her I UNDERSTAND where she is at in herself. I have NOT pushed her to come back. No need to WORRY. I showed resolve for 5-6 days. She was kind with me on Monday and I was kind with her. She did not say NO to having contact with me. If she wanted to end ALL contact she would have asked me for her things back, which she wanted to do originally. She has NOT done so just yet. She is NOW putting me to the test for the very LAST time. She asked for a little space and guess what ladies? This is exactly what I am giving her and myself as well. NONE of you KNOW how she is going to react once contact is made. Only SHE knows and me allowing her to heal now, which is showing her that I care CANNOT make me out to be the bad guy. I am NOT a creep. I am NOT crazy. I am NOT a stalker, or a harasser. I am NOT YOUR ex-boyfriends ladies, so please STOP treating me like YOUR punching bag. I am thinking of both of us now and there is NOTHING wrong with that. It's MY decision to do so and I am NOT doubting that.

No poem guys!!! No way!!! I reconsidered. I am not going to do any grand gestures of ANY KIND.... Each day I am growing stronger. I am still hanging in there!!! I am taking care of me now and as much as she does need her space and enjoy her chat line and all those people she is connecting and reconnecting with, I NEED to enjoy myself too and live for ME. I am not giving up hope entirely. I just had a great therapy session tonight and I am still respecting her space and myself in the process... So, as I said, no poems, no flowers, no love. I am thinking more logical now. My heart is STILL engaged and will be when I DO contact her, but my head will be leading the way. I am in charge of my own destiny!!

Thank you for your concern ladies. I do appreciate it. It is one week today since the breakup and I am on day 3 of no contact... Just reading over some poems by Pablo Neruda (her favorite poet). I came accross the poem entitled: "If You Forget Me" and she may just receive that poem in the mail in some weeks. Asking nothing of her, but a mere, "this made me think of you". I think it is a beautiful poem. I continue to live my life and continue to go for my help. I am ACTUALLY practicing NO CONTACT and giving her the space she asked for. I am all for contact, but when you are strong and calm enough to do so. At that point, your allow your ex to see you in a positive light and someone to perhaps be desired again and in my case, no longer feared. When she says never again, that may not be never. That may have been what she felt at the time, or maybe what I pushed him into saying, because I wasn't respecting her at first, so she wanted to give me no hope. When someone speaks that harshly, it's usually because there are hurt feelings involved. No, I don't think I should give up on her just yet. I am not throwing in the towel just yet. I am continuing to live my life and give her some time to heal, miss me (the good) and decide in her own way, what will be right for her. What she may feel is right for her now, may not in fact be right for her in the future and NONE of you can say otherwise, including me. She changed her mind from wanting to be with me ALWAYS, to not. That can reverse as well. That's something all of you NON-BELIEVERS are in denial about. Can't is NOT part of my vocabulary. Good luck to all of you and never give up on your dreams. Just learn to pursue them in a different manner is all, if you feel they are out of reach. Nothing is out of reach. We won over their hearts ONCE. It is possible to do again.

She hasn't heard the last of me. I am not letting her go that easy. If we are meant to be, we will be. I am letting her breathe now and enjoy the single life again and reconnect with old friends and the new ones (guys included) she's making on her new chat line (profile she created on Monday)... Notwithstanding I AM getting stronger. I don't back down in the face of adversity. I am not only fighting for her with getting help, but more importantly for MYSELF. Will she miss me now even though she had TONS of male attention from these new guys on her chat? Well, I see it as a smokescreen (a distraction). She needs it to validate to herself that she is attractive and CAN find love elsewhere. Again, will she miss me now? Well, NOW is the time to find out. From Wednesday (day of breakup) to Monday, my presense was always there, thereforeeee her NOT being able to focus on the good and actually appreciate it. She now has NO reminders of me, only those that she will be faced with BECAUSE I am not there. This is the test. Respecting her is HUGE for me. Her curiosity will grow and when I do reach out again, it will be welcomed that much more, because she will take me that much more seriously, seeing I have not only respected her, but myself. To all those who believe that I should never contact her again, well, DUMPERS for the most part do NOT re-initiate contact and I AM realistic about that. Going back in tomorrow would be fatal and it's not only something she would be expecting me to do, but I need more time for myself as well, which is priority on my list!

Thanks Ellie, Yeah so, I thought I began forgot who I was. I was losing my independence. I was losing my direction. I was losing myself. THAT was NOT her fault. It was my own. There was WAY too much projection on my part. I am confident I can hold out for a bit (weeks, not days). During this time, I am NOT expecting her to contact me. In fact, she will PROBABLY be hoping that I WON'T for at least a little while (maybe she is rooting for me deep down to nip this in the bud...maybe not), but she will most likely be expecting me to. Will I be marking each day off on the calendar? Well, whatever it takes. This will NOT detract from me taking care of ME in the interim, as she is doing with HERSELF, which is something I DID help her learn for herself. These next few weeks will be doing some sick introspection while still trying to NOT only get by, but LIVE, besides, if I have ANY chance in the world, why in the world would she come back to a sad, depressed and lonely guy? Goodnight everybody and thanks for all the replies. We're breaking records here in only 3 days! Peace, Never stop believing

I just competed my 1st day of NC (24 hours). She left me 6 days ago.

Ellie, I'm doing just that. I am living my life. I have been down this path before. This one is different though, because I should have known better. Regret isn't what's keeping me holding on and having hope. You see, in order to have hope, I not only have to believe in her wanting to, or being able to trust me again, but more so, MYSELF believing in ME again and that's the truth. Being happy with me is what's top on my plate, becaue without that, I will never have her, if I don't have me first. How am I doing today? Well, I am taking the conversation her and I had yesterday afternoon seriously. I am continuing to go for help and work on understanding why I did/do what I do and getting a hold of it. I am laughing at work with my coworkers. I am being positive for me and guess what, I am NOT losing FULL hope either. I am NOT expecting HER to make the first move. She will not be secure enough with ME just yet to do so. Her missing the good time won't be enough for her to contact me and I'm realistic about that. I know I will be the one to do it. I am doing what I said I would do: Give her space, while taking care of MYSELF and then, well, we shall see. I'm not giving up on myself or on her without a fight, without having to resort to fighting that is.

Thank you Dako. I'm really sorry for my actions and she now knows that and she'll know it even more after she sees that our conversation yesterday was sincere and I'm backing it up with my actions now. We both need some space to recover from the emotional we descended into. Once the hurt is gone, or at least lessened and not necessarily the feelings, then we will see where we are at, both where I am at in my therapy and in my resolve and where she is at, as to how open she will be to letting me back in in any capacity.

krnelson2 wrote: "This girl doesnt deserve you!!" You see, I don't need to hear that, because it's plain not true. My actions were wrong and I will not think she doesn't deserve me. I will not excuse myself of any wrong doing AT ALL this time. krnelson2 also wrote: "She WILL realize what she has done and maybe she will come back, maybe she wont." SHE has done NOTHING at all, but merely protect herself. She will NOT even consider coming back to me, love or not, until she knows that it's safe (for starters to have contact with me and then MAYBE more).

I hear what ALL of you are saying. I DO!! Really... She asked for a little bit of space and I will give her that and myself as well. Mostly all my friends (girls) and a about 4 of my guy friends said that she could have told you to never call again. She said a little bit of space, whereby she could have said don't contact. I'll contact you when and if I am ready. The sporadic. but the nonetheless pressure since last Wednesday has been too much. I do realize this and I intend to move at her pace, whatever that pace may be. She asked for a little bit of space and how to quantify that is a subjective thing really. I believe what she needs IS space, but what she is also looking to see if I can demonstrate control and restraint for more than 2 days and based on that and where she is at at that point and how she interprets. I have to reiterate that NOW is too soon. It is TOO fresh for her and my not really having backed down for the last few days has put a strain on things and has given her NO time to think about things, but purely react to my impulses, versus me giving her space... I will do what SHE asked for, which is a little bit of space. That may be a week. That may be 2 weeks. I just want to prove it not only to her that I am capable of doing this, but to myself as well. I DO have to reclaim some of my own independence as she is doing as well, as in her having created a new profile on a chat line (I am leaving it unnamed). I guess I have you guys and she has THAT chat line. It's not to vent like this place is. It's to meet people (old friends and new). I can't and will not hold this against her. She has every right. Anyways, now I wait it out a little bit and for all those who are FORCING me to GIVE up entirely, I tell you to join another forum, because this one is the "getting back together one". Do I believe that this is possible for me in the near future? Absolutely not. I have to work on myself first, while not losing sight of her completely during that process.

Update: Well, I did not know whether or not my ex replied to my sister's long email. I didn't think she would. What I did do though was pretty much worry about it all day at work (my first day back in a week)... At around 2:30pm, I thought okay, she must be thinking the worst of what happened and she has YET to hear my voice since last Wednesday (the break-up) and I thought it was only fair that she knew where I officially stood. I would call her from work (once) and if she didn't want to talk to me and wanted to hang up, the so be it, but I gave it a try (having done nothing for 48 hours).. I used a phone at work, which was a # she wouldn't be familiar with (not intentionally...my cell was at home). She picked up on the second ring. I said hi. She said hi and her defense came up for a second (which was to be expected) and she said I don't want to talk to you (but not really sounding like she fully met it). Part of me felt that she really did want to stay on the phone and hear what I had to say. She had the option to hang up. She didn't. My voice was calmer. More soothing and definitely no trace of aggression. I sounded sympathetic, because I was and she sensed it... I told her before anything that I was not in control of what my sister did, however, I told her not to bother you again and that I am not one to get other people involved (which is true). I apologized on her behalf. I then went on to say that I sincerely understand how she feels right now and how I made her feel in the past and that I have taken control over it and started seeing someone new and am making that a priority in my life, for ME and I emphasized that, because I MEANT it. I told her that I am not thinking relationship until I start healing in myself and that everything I said and did to her was merely a projection of how I felt about myself and never about her. I reassured her that she was always more than good enough and I understand why she is now protecting herself and that I would like to work at regaining her trust, in a slow way, by keeping in contact as friends, while I go for help, because I value our friendship above all else and there are tons of great memories. She asked me what about the bad ones? She said they can never go away. I agreed with her.. I asked her if it's okay that I call her back because I was at work. She said she doesn't think she wants to talk right now. I asked her what she needed straight out at this point and told her that her feelings are what's most important and she answered me this: I need "a little bit" of space. That's what she said. I told her I understood. I didn't so much as ask for clarification, but I told her, so if I email you or call you...She interrupted and said, "I can't promise anything. I don't know. I don't know if we can have contact then, or ever again for that matter. I dont know right now. I just need a little bit of space." She was being sincere and not DAN, I don't want to ever hear from you again. She was honest with her feelings. She is still hurting. Still scared, but she was also very attentive and even at one point, when I said I missed her, she really seemed to be emotional and did NOT cut me off at all. I left it at that and said I had to go back to work. I ended it by saying that I'm getting my * * * * together and that she was ALWAYS good enough and that I understand. I told her to take all the space she needs, because she deserves to. We said goodbye and now I give her a little bit of space, while doing what I said I will do (continue to go for help) and I will not lose her #. I will get stronger for me now and allow her to clear her head and see me respecting her at the same time.. All in all I don't regret the call. It was good and productive. We now know where each other is at.

I have not caved in since Saturday, but am upset with my sister for having chatted with her on MSN 2 nights ago and now that she knows that my ex never emailed me back on Saturday, my sister on her own said hi last night to her (as a follow up to their chat) and when she didn't respond to her, my sister sent her an email this morning, pretty much upset with her for telling my sister that she would correspond to me by email and not cancel me out completely like this and that I still love her and am going for help and don't deserve to be ignored completely. I fear this will put pressure on my ex and upset her and now if she reaches out, it will be purely out of guilt. I didn't want that. I'm going to work now and won't be able to check my messages until after supper. I hope you can offer me some advice.