angelic_spirit825

Hi Gilgamesh, The guy was not involved with this girl when i told him how i felt (or at least that's what he had me believe - turns out he is still with her but i only found that out today !) He hasn't said that he prefers either one of us - he's really not that kinda guy - i wish he was that straightforward in a way! I don't expect him to leave her for me - i would just like him to be honest with me y'know - a little convo like 'you know i'm flattered that u like me and i like u too but i'm already involved with someone and don't want to leave her at the moment-can we still be mates' or words to that effect would be nice just so that i could hear it from him and try to move on instead of what he's doing - which incase he is a master at giving mixed signals he still likes me but is keeping quiet. I do see your point which is something i hadn't thought of i guess if he did leave her for me whats to say he wouldn't do that to me at some stage with someone else he meets down the line - that would turn into a bit of a paranoid relationship huh! I admit your third suggestion is probably closest to the truth i guess he is acting in a way that is best for all involved i just couldn't see this before - i'm a little blinded by feelings as you may imagine and again you're correct i haven't been involved with anyone else during the time that this 'situation' has been going on and because of this i have missed out on several opportunities actually! Thankyou for your advice i guess i'm going to have to be happy with being 'just friends' with him even though i know it's gonna hurt like hell for a while because like i said it's not even as though he's said he's not interested - that would make things a hell of a lot easier to deal with actually! I guess it would be unfair of me to try and talk to him about it again because i didn't realise this but i would really be asking him to choose between us and that would be pretty selfish on my part! Once again thanks for the advice, if you have any more after reading this please do say and likewise anyone else out there if you agree or disagree please let me know - all advice welcomed....

Hi everyone! Could do with some advice here! if you're interested in the background to this problem my last post is called Why??? and is in falling in love with friends forum. Anywayz, my dilemma..... I have known this guy for about 9 months now and we have become close friends telling each other things that don't tell anyone else etc. and there's been the chatting and the hugging and the cute txt msgs great, but my problem comes.... i've recently realised how strongly i feel for him and would dearly love more than friendship and i decided to 'tell' him how i felt risking everything i know, i only did this because he had been giving all the signals and had been telling friends that he liked me, going red when he sees me, laughing at really unfunny jokes y'know the usual stuff. After i told him we didn't see each other for about a week but when we did see each other i was actually pleasantly surprised it wasn't awkward at all and we're back to how we were more or less but and it's a biggy.... i am still in the dark as to how he feels and also he told everyone he'd broken up with his girlfriend (another reason y i told him how i felt), turns out today whoops, a lie has been told he's still very much with this girl, i got completely ignored before he rushed out of college to greet her, lovely that innit (by the way she doesn't go to the same college as us and this is first time she has visited him incase your thinking this a little odd!)! I'll get round to my questions for you guys now!..... should i just confront him and ask him in so many words, fess up mate whats goin on in your head! ask him to just be honest with me? or should i be content that the friendship has seemingly survived one test? He has recently been through some family problems which i can emphasise with and i'm trying to be there for him but because of my feelings i'm finding it difficult. I do feel hurt by the situation and feel like he is perhaps playing games a little because I am pretty certain he still likes me because of the way he acts and the things he says and he has recently said that he still likes me to friends. If it gets any harder to deal with i am kinda afraid that i may have to walk away from it.... i mean everything but i really don't wanna do that because he is a great guy and i don't want to lose his friendship but i dunno? How should i react here, any advice would be most appreciated! ...... p.s i'm 17 and the guy is 18 if this helps. thanx everyone, luv angelic_spirit

Hi I'm guessing you're fairly young or at least that's the vibe i get from your post, i dunno? Anyway, my advice to you..... i have a quite a few guy friends infact i am friends with more guys than i am girls and it's great the old saying men are from mars, women are from venus is kinda true in a way, girls and guys are different and that my friend is what makes life interesting!! I know from experience though that guys just like girls to be themselves, putting on and act infront of them, thinking that you have to talk to them any differently to how you talk to your girl mates is so totally untrue! I'm guessing there is a guy you're interested in? Just be yourself hun, honestly i guess it can be intimidating at first but hey, it's what comes natural after a while! 8) trust me!! Your post was kinda general and not really asking specifics so i don't really know what else i can say! if you need any help or advice on more specific questions feel free to send a message or email or something and i'll check back here too good luck luv angelic_spirit

hi chris, first of all... slow down here honey! you seem very uptight about this (or am i wrong?). I think you'll find that your girlfriend is a little scared by these notes you write her (maybe scared is the wrong word here - perhaps even slightly ... concerned?) It is a little strange to receive notes from guys detailing how hot you are and about how good you are in bed and stuff (although an ego booster i grant you!) she may just feel a little uncomfortable with what you are doing, hold off on the intimate details just be natural with her and tell her about yourself and your hopes and dreams and things - i know you are probably thinking of it on the surface that you are just trying to compliment her but she obviously doesn't care much for this method, girls think about things in more depth (generally) than guys do - she may be very concerned about her friends or worse still her parents getting hold of these notes.. have you thought about that? just ease off on the notes - if you still feel the need to tell her these things ... tell her at the time!! this will probably even enhance things for the both of you if you get me!! i wouldn't worry about her keeping this as 'ammo' against you in the future i just shouldn't think this will happen and also don't hate yourself for what you've done, ok, you were obviously just acting on your impulse and trying in your own way to be romantic and tell her how good she makes you feel - time will heal in this situation you'll see! hope this has helped, good luck! take care, luv angelic_spirit

hi, I would love to know the evidence you have for this claim! I am a 17yr old girl and i don't consider myself to be particuarly stupid and many guys have told me i'm beautiful! - ok i know some of us girls are seen as being and acting very stupidly sometimes - but doesn't everyone! most teenage guys are not exactly Einstein and Romeo rolled into one now are they! As you haven't given any specifics i can't give you any advice here apart from maybe to lighten up a little and start seeing other people (and quite possibly yourself) in a more positive light! angelic_spirit

hi, May i first say that this is like a mirror image of my situation at the moment - with the roles reversed i.e. i'm the same age as the girl you like and the guy i'm interested in is older by a year (and a bit) and it indeed was his last day of college the friday before last, txt msgs are our primary source of communication and yes i did only realise how much i felt for him and get enough courage right at the last minute to tell him and in case your wandering yes i too didn't get a chance to express my feelings then, kinda freaky huh! So now comes the advice what i did next is not advised! i really wanted (sorry wrong tense there - i really want) to be with this guy and i kept bottling it every time i saw him and just chatting like usual so on his last day i hung around all day (skipping lessons i may add) to hope to get a chance to tell him - but time slipped by and he didn't show on his last day. So i went home wimpering about what could have been, until i got to a point - that same evening when i got so annoyed with myself i decided to do something about it! I confessed all through sms msgs (not advised) anyway to cut a longish story short i still don't know where he's at with it all - he's confessed to mutual friends that he really likes me but is yet to tell me and this hanging around is killing me! what i'm trying to say is... after reading your post above and the one on the link it is very clear that this girl likes you - she is giving you major signals here, us girls do exactly the kind of things you describe when we like a guy but are either to shy to approach you or are worried about the outcome if we do (girls fear rejection too y'know!) - this is a strong hint to tell all if you feel the same way - which may as well be flashing above your head - you're into this girl in a big way from what i can gather from what you've said and you owe it to yourself to do something about this! but please, please, please do not do as i did and confess over a txt even if this is the main way you communicate instead use txt to arrange to meet somewhere or go round to her house. Another thing don't come on to strong and suddenly spring it on her - this was my mistake and it has led to a panic about whether or not we are still friends as there's been no communication between us for days (very unusual). i'm having to give him space for him to think about things and all i want to do is try and contact him and make sure he's not too shocked by it all. Anyway i'm sorry that theres a bit of my story in there too but i thought because its such a similar situation you may benefit from my experiences! above all be yourself, be honest with her but the key is to try and make her feel special and not scared - you could be the nicest guy in the world but any girl will get a little freaked if you come on to strong and suddenly say ok heres the thing.. i love you!! .... anyway you get the point. Also i don't suggest buying her gifts at this point (unless it's her birthday!!)because that could be interpreted as trying to buy her love and you don't want to be seen in that light! - instead invite her out for a meal or to see a film and pay for her - this is a much greater gift and the memories attached will stay with her! i hope this has helped, good luck and let me know how you get on! take care, luv angelic_spirit

Hi, I've only just joined and have noticed too that this message is getting alot of viewing and no replies and so i will try to formulate a reply the best i can! i know you said not to say this but....... talk to him girl!! there is absolutely no point in trying to second guess how a guy feels believe me i've tryed and it doesn't work! you'll come up with many theories for his apparent lack of interest in you and most of them knowing the thought processes i go through will end up with the fact that he doesn't love you anymore. and this simply may not be true - you say you're spending less time together right try this - something may have happened recently during the time that you've not seen him that may have knocked him for 6 - to do with his friends or relatives or something - try and get talking to him openly and steer him onto the topic that you feel you are drifting apart a little and you have a feeling that it may be because something is bothering him. There is normally a reason for a guy's silence but not always and if there is don't automatically fear the worst, ok - you have to try and de-stress over this so you don't imagine scenarios that aren't happening. Another idea - all relationships are normally fantastic at the beginning with the new and exciting things you discover about each other, then theres a stage when you are just happy to be with each other and everything seems right with the world, yeah, but that stage ends unless you do things to keep the fire alight so to speak - it is true he may be getting a little bored and 'too comfortable' and may feel that the relationship is just bobbing along on a current with nothing unexpected anymore, so - surprise him! i'm not talking corny gifts here - i mean invite him over for a candlelit dinner or depending on how much you truly like each others company try a romantic weekend getaway to put the sparkle back in your eyes like a new relationship all over again apart from it has a firm foundation! above all it is important to not start thinking you have to change for him ok, be yourself, talk to him or surprise him or both! enjoy! good luck! and let me know how you get on! luv angelic_spirit

Hi, Can i say thank you to you both for your replies with advice on my predicament! You've both helped to knock a bit of sense into me and make me slow down a bit with this. Before i was looking at it all very one sided and just getting very frustrated and upset with the fact that he hadn't contacted me. But now i realise putting the boot on the other foot so to speak that if one of my best friends told me that he'd got feelings for me and wanted more than friendship, i would of course need time to think aswell and i simply wasn't thinking of this situation from his point of view. So i will take your advice and not get in contact with him, give him some space and hope that in time he will be honest with me about how he feels and what he wants to happen. Thankyou both again for making me see this! luv angelic_spirit

Hi, I have already posted 3 replies to others on this website but i have realised that i actually need a little bit of advice myself! I have many guy mates and so am constantly surrounded by loving affection from the opposite sex and i love it really i do and what woman wouldn't! but lately i've felt myself falling for one of my better guy friends - we've got to know each other pretty well (have known each other for nearly 9 months now and it feels like forever in a nice way cos we tell each other everything and he truly is one of my best friends i've ever had!) So you can understand my anticipation about potentially ruining our friendship by confessing all to him. So i did the logical thing and asked a mutual friend to find out how he felt about me and if the feelings i had were in any way returned. You see he had a major thing for me when we first met and for a couple of months afterwards which he made very obvious but never actually told me himself but he did tell several mutual friends that he was in his words 'besotted' with me! at this time i have to confess i didn't feel the same for him and nothing happened. Anyway then he got with another girl and was with her for a about 4 months then she wanted commitment and he didn't (apparently) and he broke it off with her. During the last couple of months of their relationship i started to develop strong feelings for him, so i see when they split that the field is open, but i be ladylike and not rush in a) because still worried about what it might do to our friendship and b)i didn't want to be the rebound girl! anyway i really wanted to tell him how i felt for ages and i kept bottling it every time i saw him (wimp i know!) and anyway time slipped by and before i knew it it was his last day at college (he's 1 and 1/2yrs older).I hung around all day and it appeared that he wasn't gonna show on his last day so i went home with tail between my legs wimpering about what ifs and it got to a point where i couldn't take it any longer! (i had previously done the detective bit again and got a mutual friend to find out if he had any feelings for me - turns out he did, infact he still felt as strongly for me as when we first met) so knowing i would bottle it if i saw him face to face i sent him a text message (well 4 actually) confessing all - i know never a good idea! anyway we saw each other a couple of days after and we were fine together but nothing was said about the way we felt. So i sent another txt just chatty and we talked for a while over the phone and sms but still he wouldn't tell me how he felt - not even an indication! so i decided to ask him again over txt and have not to this moment received a reply - that was 3 days ago (and he is the type that replys immediately usually) i even tryed to suggest we meet and go for a drink to talk about things but no response! what am i to think? have i ruined the best friendship i've ever had or is he just taking time to think things through? please help me here guys because i want to understand him and i thought i did but this no talk act is just so out of character for him - i'm really confused, feeling hurt and still in the dark about how he feels - all advice and help, so much appreciated.

Ok, hi! firstly i would say i feel slightly unqualified to be giving advice here because i am only 17 and although i am in love at the moment and have been once before i haven't been around the block that many times if you know what i mean but i'll try and give you a hand with this one! Ok...you've been out with this woman before and had a good relationship i'm gathering until a sudden argument split you up but whilst together you were even considering moving in together. Now the fact that you say you love each other i would've thought would've been a flashing neon light to tell her how you feel! you must surely by now know that honesty and open communication is whats important to make a relationship work - you have already been out for a while and so you know each other ... tell her how you feel but don't be too direct you're trying to make her feel special not scared here! but it seems obvious to me you should go for it! hope you get along ok with this, let me know! take care, laterz p.s. be yourself!!

Hi, I don't mean to be too direct here but what exactly is the problem with this! to clarify yes you're right it does appear that this girl is flirting with you - it may be because she likes you and is interested in you but it may also be that she is the flirty type who likes to have fun and play abit! If she is your neighbour it may also be the fact that she has seen you around her block and it is her way of saying hey you're alright, wanna get to know me a little better? but you say that you do have interest in her but not an awful lot so just ride with it - everyone like to be flirted with right? just enjoy the attention! she'll make it clear to you if she is acting this way because she likes you soon i would guess from the way you've described her behaviour. However if your feelings for her develop in the mean time and you can't make out the signals she's giving you - either try asking out right or if you don't want to (and there are many reasons why people don't like doing this-i for one get s*** scared to ask a guy if he likes me sometimes!) - try asking a mutual friend to ask her how she feels about you - you could do this anyway even if you are just curious about why shes flirting with you so much? anyway i hope this has helped and remember when there's no strong feelings involved you have far more room to have a bit of fun, be yourselves and things may develop naturally. let me know how you go! laterz

Hi, First off can i say i really feel for you in what your going through at the moment - i'm actually in a similar situation myself with having very strong feelings for my best guy friend! my advice here goes..... I can understand exactly what you mean about thinking that an initial attraction to your friend may be just lust and full marks to you for thinking that and not acting blindly...the problem comes in your mind when you slowly realise you are falling for your friend and are developing much stronger feelings and know just by common sense it is not just lust (even though this may still play a part?). What i think you should do is to honestly ask yourself what you want the outcome of the situation to be, by this i mean - is she all you can think about day and night?, are you imagining a future together?, do you know that there is a chance she may feel something for you? (if you don't know the answer to this one it may be well worth asking a mutual friend to find out). Anyway if once you have thought about these questions you keep coming to the conclusion that all you want is to be with her....for goodness sake please tell her! the worst that can happen is that she will be flattered by your attention and she will say that she doesn't share your feelings at the moment - but its a strange thing with us girls (and i don't know why this happens - so please don't ask!) but once we know someone is attracted to us we tend to pay them more attention and in some cases actually begin to feel the same way about you guys (it's weird but it's true and has happened to me many times!) If you do decide to tell her - please for your sake tell her face to face! I very recently decided to take the plunge and tell my best guy friend how i felt for him but because my feelings are pretty strong i had such a fear of rejection and bottled it every time i saw him - i decided to txt him and have regretted it since because we have seen each other since but nothing was said about our feelings, my heads spinning because he's admitted he has feelings for me to mutual friends but for some reason won't confess all to me dispite knowing full well he won't be rejected! What i'm trying to say is i'm now left hanging waiting for him to tell me how he feels for me, the ball is in his court - i don't regret confessing my feelings to him - i'm extremely pleased i did because i won't be left wondering what could have been if i'd had more courage but i do regret the way i told him as you may be able to gather! anyway like i've said if you feel confident enough to tell her your feelings and you want more than friendship but at the same time won't feel devasted if she doesn't share your feelings...go for it! and also don't worry about the fact that she seems to have a lot of attention from guys and has many guy friends - i am too one of those girls and i can honestly tell you it may appear that we like to play a bit, may even break a few hearts but we still want someone special in our lives - and it seems to me that you could well be that someone special for your friend hope this has helped a bit, good luck - let me know what you decide and how you get on! 8)