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futured00d

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  1. futured00d
    Hmm, Thanks shikashika But I know she thinks I don't hate her. After all, if anything after all I have done, I wouldn't even expect her to talk to me. Read my story in the link if you like. So I don't know, should I reach out to her and try to get her comfortable again or just let things be? Thanks
  2. futured00d
    Hi All - I've spent alot of time on these threads since my ex of four years broke it up with me on the 21st of August. Things have been pretty tough since then, but I'm gradually getting better and thinking although little, more and more about myself without her. Anyway, here is my story in this thread I'm wondering, she is albeit slowly I think trying to get in contact with me again. Messaging me on MSN and sending a forward. I'm appearing very cheerful and optimistic but TOTALLY cutting the converstaion short prematurely because I'm scared of getting hurt. I've started reading books on improving myself and changing, learning how to not blow out and really learn that communication is the way to sort out things when angry. Come to think of it, I see myself as bordering emotionally abusive at times during the relationship which I am EXTREMELY GUILTY of. I hadn't realised it until now...and I'm thinking even if I do get her back, It won't work because I haven't fully learnt from my mistakes. But part of me wants her back, to heal all the wounds I caused her. And be the person I was supposed to be... Anyway, my friends have been reccommending I call her every now and again to keep the communication open. See how shes doing.. and I have been doing that but she seems very protective. Shes been doing these random hints of kindness like she came over and gave me a present for my 22nd Birthday. But I have no idea what to do - I want her back but I don't want to be the person I was to her before. Yet I don't want to completely disappear and come back when I have fully learnt all my wrongs and become a better person and realise its way too late.... How should I go about fixing what I broke? (Totally understand if you guys think I am a selfish bastard and should be hung out too dry) Any suggestions are much appreciated!
  3. futured00d
    Hmm... I don't know..we don't usually contact via email... it was all by the phone..if anything i'll contact her by phone, if i do decide to contact her, who knows, i might be over her by then... But the things I have done to her, I've never hit her but the things I have said and the way I have yelled, I don't expect her to take me back... LOL the clingyness is what I am craving right noW!!! I feel like being clingy to her now!!
  4. futured00d
    I have contacted her twice briefly since the the begging/pleading stage... with short brief upbeat conversations that I have cut short. Seems that she would like to talk more but I keep it at a minimum and yes, it does feel good when you contact them again....momentarily. I sent her a text last Tuesday under strict rules to have NC from then on, its Sunday, 5 days....man it kills......all the way im thinking two things...oh i don't need her anyway, im young, good looking, pretty successful for my age...she'll come back in the future... then other times i have the lowest self esteem, where i think theres nobody who can love me as much as her and i'll never love and be close to anyone as much as her and then the fact that she was/is attracted to some guy in her class just adds salt to the wound. I AM SO CONFUSED!!!
  5. futured00d
    Hi Audrey, Yes, its crap how we only realise when its too late, again rings true to the old adage *rolls eyes you don't know what you got till its gone. But you got to learn from your mistakes and I intend to learn from mine...if I get another chance that is. I wouldn't hurt this much if i didn't care or love her. I'd be fine...fine with it. So what did your ex do to get you back? you said he contacted you after a month....what did he say? So he did NC for a month?
  6. futured00d
    hi, but what if she thinks i have moved on and don't care... she always thought i didn't care and didn't give a sh*t about her...n never showed any love or care to her which is probably why in addition to leaving me, she has been attracted to some guy in her class. i don't know...... shouldn't i at least have a nice talk with her n then do NC from then on? to show that i care? what does LC do? maybe i should do that?
  7. futured00d
    I guess thats something to hold onto........... but don't get your hopes up....you never know what will happen... as i write this right now, im thinking, expect the worst and you'll feel alot better........as for me well, no such thing, but shes said i don't want to get back together right now, cos we'lll just break up again, it'll ruin the chances of us really getting back in the future, there is truth to that everyone says... but holding out for that time is just foolish
  8. futured00d
    I want to contact her...ask her how shes going, keeping the convo upbeat but the state I am in now where my chest hurts I don't think I'll be able to do that...so calling her would just be a total waste of time. I really want to find out if shes starting to see that guy.......im afraid of finding out, its best not to know and it'll kill me if they are...
  9. futured00d
    Hi, Well i feel really insecure about where she is and what she is doing. I can deal with NC for now, and have so since Tuesday where I sent her a text to have a nice day and a lil joke we share. Since then I have been passively waiting for her to contact but at the same time feeling good about myself and being confident again...but then the feelings of loneliness again... I'm not sure what to do...whether with shes starting to court that guy or shes working I have no idea what shes doing, I wish i wasn't thinking about it...I have leaned on my friends too much...i think they are a bit tired of me talking about it....im so lost..
  10. futured00d
    Parky, My situation is probably 100% exactly the same as yours. She would always run back to me and be the clingy, needy type. And she would always need the affection from me, which I withheld ALOT of the time. If not all the time. The coming over uninvited and me still playing the computer and pretending she not there made me realise i wasn't the only one. Thats one of the biggest things i regret. My one has been fed up after getting super angry about something and doing saying some of the worst things a guy can say to a girl. Now shes fed up and left after 4 years. I don't know, I have no idea what to do now....NC or occasional contact, I'm not sure
  11. futured00d
    hi guys, Thanks for all your input. I am not sure what to do as yet....Im thinking of just calling her once in a while to see how shes going. Thats it As for getting back, the choice is hers.
  12. futured00d
    i don't think i can love anybody else ...its so bad, well at least its bringing me closer to my family..
  13. futured00d
    hi, does anybody else have any advice ?
  14. futured00d
    thanks for your advice viper, im glad things have worked out for you, even if its without your ex.
  15. futured00d
    ouch that sounds so painful, is everything okay now? Why did you break-up?
  16. futured00d
    how can you use NC as a means of getting him/her back? Your not doing anything..
  17. futured00d
    Its hard, I keep subconsciously keep telling myself she'll call back like she always has... but I don't know if she will...thats the hardest part. And I feel so alone so I am just piecing together the social life I neglected over the past 3-4 years....
  18. futured00d
    Hi, I accept all the blame for the problems, as they were all caused by me. She just kept giving me love and all I did was take it for granted. She kept giving and I kept taking and rarely giving back... I have contacted her twice in the past week, just a casual how you going? and I sent her a text to have a nice day, but thats it. Should I leave it at that?
  19. futured00d
    So your saying, if there is real love she'll come back on her own?
  20. futured00d
    As of right now, I am feeling so alone and insecure about the future. I have realised of how such a bad person I have been to her for the past two or so years and nobody deserves to be treated that way. I am really trying my best to become a better person, but it is tough. In a way, the break-up is a blessing otherwise I wouldn't of realised how bad my behaviour was and how I will never forget to not treat anybody like that ever again. Everyone has told me that, at least you realise now... I have joined a Christian Youth Group and trying to be a bit more sociable at work now but sometimes I just feel so down I don't feel like talking to anybody, but then other days I feel fine because I think, I want to change and she'll see that me and want me back. But in a way, I see I don't deserve her, she did EVERYTHING For me. Back then she supported me when I was down, she was there when I had no job, no money. She supported me when nobody else would. Till now, I started my own business and got a cushy job in a major corporation. And she deserves someone who can make her truly happy, I really wish I could be that person again that made her happy at the start. But this is where my question lies, should I move on, better myself as a person to make-up for all my sins and totally try and forget about her. That is NO CONTACT whatsoever, blocking her out of my life. i.e Totally give up because once she breaks-up she means it, under the impression that girls think through this more than guys, once the decision is made to break-up odds are they won't change their mind. Whereas guys make rash decisions and do it without thinking (I have done it about 4-5 times). Or should I try to hold on and try and get her back one day, contact her every once in a blue moon to ask her how shes going, communicating to her without saying it, that I care and am still here. Hoping I won't be lumped into the friend-basket and her telling me about her new boyfriend. Or is it possible to do both, hold on and move on? I understand if you guys think I don't deserve another chance after all what I have put her through, but I think I have learnt my lesson and won't go back to my old ways, even if something does happen. Thanks guys =O)
  21. futured00d
    After about a week or so, I composed myself and started lying myself that I was okay with the break-up, acting all fine, wishing her well and yadda yadda yadda. Whenever I acted like this, it would upset her and make her start crying. So for the past two weeks, I have been trying to feel better about myself and working on piecing together my life and talking alot with my old friends on how to get her back. I've also read some of the articles on NO CONTACT which I guess I plan to do soon. I have contacted her twice in the past 7 days just for some light-hearted conversation, asking how shes doing and all, then cutting the conversation short to keep it brief. Each time it seems that she wants to talk more but I've heard of the thing of giving the gift of missing you. I contacted her again last Sunday again with the same lighthearted conversation too, again keeping it very brief.
  22. futured00d
    For the first half of the night she gave me the cold shoulder, she wouldn't let me hold her hand and stuff like that. I then talked with her about how sorry I was and she doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treated her then I pulled out the ticket and waited for outside while she opened the locker with her birthday card I made and gifts. Mind you, I NEVER did anything like this before only in the first year of going out. This was the sort of affection she was CRAVING and I very rarely if ever, gave it to her. She came out crying her eyes out and she accepted my gifts. Although she didn't take me back, I don't know if this is a bad gesture on her part, (i.e accepting a gift from someone you don't intend to be with anymore). From the remainder of the night we acted like we were a truly happy couple. Holding hands, laughing, touching, I kissed her but I could tell she didn't really feel anything when I did. Just before I dropped her home we had sex for the last time and I dropped her home. This was on the 21st of August. Later that night she called me up crying her eyes out because her dad slapped her in the face for breaking up with me. All this time I thought her parents hated me as they were the a huge cause of all our fights. I used to put her down and her family and get so angry which always ended up her crying her eyes out. Anyway, for the next week onwards I did the post-break-up no'nos, begging, crying, pleading etc. I know this did nothing but push her futher away. It seemed so strange, I couldn't believe this was happening, she was always at my mercy now it was the other way around. I'll post another..
  23. futured00d
    On the Thursday night before her 21st birthday I called her to pick-up something I needed from her house. In the worst timing possible, the guy that I later found out who is attracted to her came by to surprise her with flowers and chocolates. She lied about them being a collective gift from everyone when I later found out they were just from him. Naturally being the * * * * * I was, I full on verbally abused her calling her all sorts of name, swearing and screaming. She tried to explain herself but I refused to listen. The next day on her 21st I sent her messages every hour telling her how much of a * * * * i think she is and how much I hate her for cheating on me. Even despite I don't know if it is true or not, my gut senses she didn't, even though she has and probably still is attracted to him. I know this truly hurt her even worse than the fight earlier on. I felt I could be as bad as I was because every single time I broke up with her, this would be about 4-5 times she would ALWAYS crawl back to me. But later that night I realised this guy was in the picture and I truly could lose her, which scared me and which has happened. The next day I met her at her work and begged for forgiveness and she told me she didn't want to see me. I pushed her to talk to me and get her to forgive my apology. She said she wanted a break, but I was impatient and wanted an answer now and she said a break and I said no, its either we're together or broken up. She said the latter.. For the next week she had the upper hand, I did the no-no of begging, crying and pleading and she would tell me she has lost feelings and can't feel the same anymore and how much of a bad person she feels. I could tell the break-up was as hard on her as it is on me. Crying herself to sleep etc. When I came to composure we had one final date which I tried my best and did all the things I was supposed to do when we were going out. I did my hair, came in a suit (from work) and bought her the gifts that she always wanted but I always ignored her. I brought the gifts and stored it in a locker and kept the ticket so she could open it herself. I'll do another post...
  24. futured00d
    Hi all, I have been on these forums for the past couple of weeks or so when my girlfriend of about 3 years and 8 months finally dumped me after putting up with so much of my crap. From pretty much the 2nd year going out things were one sided, things always went my way and I always took her for granted, always assumed she was there, expected more than to give. We always used to have fights every once in awhile ALWAYS instigated by me which would always leave her bursting into tears and hurting. If anything, the relationship was always about me about her pleasing me. And I know she always loved me more than I loved her. Since the last year of the relationship I have been witholding affection not because I didn't love her, I just couldn't be bothered afterawhile and it became habitual not to show affection. She would try and hold my hand and I would ball my hand into a fist so she couldn't hold it, out of pure silliness, even kisses, she would try and kiss me and I wouldn't kiss her properly (I am quite immature for my age of 21). Also during this time she had made more friends at University including alot of guys whom she used to talk alot about. This is the first time we actually started having friends outside of each other, for the past 3 years we were so exclusive, all our time spent out was together. I neglected all my friends just to spend time with her. She used to tell me about them, always talking about the, "guys' and I truly got tired of hearing it and told her not to talk about them. Little did I know she due to my lack of attention, affection and caring and what not she started developing feelings for one of them ...after this major fight we had earlier on in this year instigated by me. It was the worst things I have done to anyone, I tried to break-up with her and fully ripped her heart out and stomped on it. She was crying her eyes out waiting outside my door and I wouldn't let her in and threw all her letters in the bin and let her know it. I look back and realise how much of a selfish bastard I have been and any girl in their right mind if they knew what I was like, I'd tell them to run like hell. She at this point said it was at this time when I started losing feelings for you, and I guess this other guy was in the picture that started really being nice to her and I guess this is where their attraction comes in. I'll continue the post below as this one is getting long...
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