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futured00d

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  1. futured00d
    Hmm, Thanks shikashika But I know she thinks I don't hate her. After all, if anything after all I have done, I wouldn't even expect her to talk to me. Read my story in the link if you like. So I don't know, should I reach out to her and try to get her comfortable again or just let things be? Thanks
  2. futured00d
    Hi All - I've spent alot of time on these threads since my ex of four years broke it up with me on the 21st of August. Things have been pretty tough since then, but I'm gradually getting better and thinking although little, more and more about myself without her. Anyway, here is my story in this thread I'm wondering, she is albeit slowly I think trying to get in contact with me again. Messaging me on MSN and sending a forward. I'm appearing very cheerful and optimistic but TOTALLY cutting the converstaion short prematurely because I'm scared of getting hurt. I've started reading books on improving myself and changing, learning how to not blow out and really learn that communication is the way to sort out things when angry. Come to think of it, I see myself as bordering emotionally abusive at times during the relationship which I am EXTREMELY GUILTY of. I hadn't realised it until now...and I'm thinking even if I do get her back, It won't work because I haven't fully learnt from my mistakes. But part of me wants her back, to heal all the wounds I caused her. And be the person I was supposed to be... Anyway, my friends have been reccommending I call her every now and again to keep the communication open. See how shes doing.. and I have been doing that but she seems very protective. Shes been doing these random hints of kindness like she came over and gave me a present for my 22nd Birthday. But I have no idea what to do - I want her back but I don't want to be the person I was to her before. Yet I don't want to completely disappear and come back when I have fully learnt all my wrongs and become a better person and realise its way too late.... How should I go about fixing what I broke? (Totally understand if you guys think I am a selfish bastard and should be hung out too dry) Any suggestions are much appreciated!
  3. futured00d
    Hmm... I don't know..we don't usually contact via email... it was all by the phone..if anything i'll contact her by phone, if i do decide to contact her, who knows, i might be over her by then... But the things I have done to her, I've never hit her but the things I have said and the way I have yelled, I don't expect her to take me back... LOL the clingyness is what I am craving right noW!!! I feel like being clingy to her now!!
  4. futured00d
    I have contacted her twice briefly since the the begging/pleading stage... with short brief upbeat conversations that I have cut short. Seems that she would like to talk more but I keep it at a minimum and yes, it does feel good when you contact them again....momentarily. I sent her a text last Tuesday under strict rules to have NC from then on, its Sunday, 5 days....man it kills......all the way im thinking two things...oh i don't need her anyway, im young, good looking, pretty successful for my age...she'll come back in the future... then other times i have the lowest self esteem, where i think theres nobody who can love me as much as her and i'll never love and be close to anyone as much as her and then the fact that she was/is attracted to some guy in her class just adds salt to the wound. I AM SO CONFUSED!!!
  5. futured00d
    Hi Audrey, Yes, its crap how we only realise when its too late, again rings true to the old adage *rolls eyes you don't know what you got till its gone. But you got to learn from your mistakes and I intend to learn from mine...if I get another chance that is. I wouldn't hurt this much if i didn't care or love her. I'd be fine...fine with it. So what did your ex do to get you back? you said he contacted you after a month....what did he say? So he did NC for a month?
  6. futured00d
    hi, but what if she thinks i have moved on and don't care... she always thought i didn't care and didn't give a sh*t about her...n never showed any love or care to her which is probably why in addition to leaving me, she has been attracted to some guy in her class. i don't know...... shouldn't i at least have a nice talk with her n then do NC from then on? to show that i care? what does LC do? maybe i should do that?
  7. futured00d
    I guess thats something to hold onto........... but don't get your hopes up....you never know what will happen... as i write this right now, im thinking, expect the worst and you'll feel alot better........as for me well, no such thing, but shes said i don't want to get back together right now, cos we'lll just break up again, it'll ruin the chances of us really getting back in the future, there is truth to that everyone says... but holding out for that time is just foolish
  8. futured00d
    I want to contact her...ask her how shes going, keeping the convo upbeat but the state I am in now where my chest hurts I don't think I'll be able to do that...so calling her would just be a total waste of time. I really want to find out if shes starting to see that guy.......im afraid of finding out, its best not to know and it'll kill me if they are...
  9. futured00d
    Hi, Well i feel really insecure about where she is and what she is doing. I can deal with NC for now, and have so since Tuesday where I sent her a text to have a nice day and a lil joke we share. Since then I have been passively waiting for her to contact but at the same time feeling good about myself and being confident again...but then the feelings of loneliness again... I'm not sure what to do...whether with shes starting to court that guy or shes working I have no idea what shes doing, I wish i wasn't thinking about it...I have leaned on my friends too much...i think they are a bit tired of me talking about it....im so lost..
  10. futured00d
    Parky, My situation is probably 100% exactly the same as yours. She would always run back to me and be the clingy, needy type. And she would always need the affection from me, which I withheld ALOT of the time. If not all the time. The coming over uninvited and me still playing the computer and pretending she not there made me realise i wasn't the only one. Thats one of the biggest things i regret. My one has been fed up after getting super angry about something and doing saying some of the worst things a guy can say to a girl. Now shes fed up and left after 4 years. I don't know, I have no idea what to do now....NC or occasional contact, I'm not sure
  11. futured00d
    hi guys, Thanks for all your input. I am not sure what to do as yet....Im thinking of just calling her once in a while to see how shes going. Thats it As for getting back, the choice is hers.
  12. futured00d
    i don't think i can love anybody else ...its so bad, well at least its bringing me closer to my family..
  13. futured00d
    hi, does anybody else have any advice ?
  14. futured00d
    thanks for your advice viper, im glad things have worked out for you, even if its without your ex.
  15. futured00d
    ouch that sounds so painful, is everything okay now? Why did you break-up?
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