Psyche06

I have driven myself insane with this sort of thing and it's pointless and self destructive. I totally understand the need to try and figure out what's going on in that other persons head, but I have learnt the hard way you just can't do it, and the conclusions you draw from their online activity are pure fantasy...let it go, focus on yourself...stuff the special message..sounds like the way she treated you wasn't so special...don't drive yourself nuts like I did..and am learning not to do anymore, they are not worth it believe me.

Hey there crvers It's good that you just went ahead and said this I think...acknowledging can be a good release. If you have contact then I think it would put you way back again and it sounds like you have done so well. I'm only on day 15 so I'm a little raw to say the least, but I've done this before so I know I will heal eventually...and so will you. Of course you will think about someone who you deeply cared for and were part of your life...but we also polish memories about someone who is absent into an unrealistic ideal...better to focus on the reality of that person's behaviour and their positive or otherwise input into our lives. If we force ourselves to really look at what good it does us to pine away for that shiny ghost then hopefully we will be less inclined to do it over time...but I do understand the sometimes irresistible urge to think about that person...because then you are almost with them in your head, you are perpetuating the connection...but actually none of it is real, it's fantasy and as seductive as that is it will not nurture you or allow you to grow from the loss..because as you interact with that virtual person, you are not interacting with the true reality of who you are and where you are at in your life right now..without them...tough to type for me right now...but I know its the only sane rational route to healing...NC and lots of nurturing... and it doesn't matter that you are 6 months down the line, it's still ok and normal to think of her...we all have seasons and rythms...and this maybe just an echo thats freaked you out for a little while...keep taking good care of yourself..dont chase any shiny ghosts and I'm sure you will be fine.

I can really understand what you are going thru here. Don't beat yourself up about it, tomorrows a new day and you deserve to be happy and loved as much as anyone, including your ex. Hang in there.

yeah those vivid dreams are a killer for sure...going thru that now...could sense him in the room as I woke up but when I realised that he is gone, he is not coming back and he is totally blanking me....the pain hits like a big truck...but I know it's a phase and I know it will pass. Hang in there major.

Thanks to both of you for posting a reply, it's much appreciated. Hang in there Salmonhead...and thanks for your reply. Lilac...yes you are right about NC, it has to be the way to go. Because our relationship was based so long around emails, msn and phone it is very much a behavioural habit that I'm breaking...even though he's broken up with me I still expect the emails etc...stupid I know...but at least I can see the pattern in my behaviour. I've learnt that people can make a lot of grand romantic promises and then spectacularly fail to deliver when they finally appear in reality...I thought I was wiser than than that but I got seduced by the romantic ideal and spiritual/karmic/meant to be junk....](*,) Everytime I go to my computer to see if the selfish a**hole has condescended to email me I shall check in here instead...it's the beginning of a plan!

I hate those dawn sudden wakings...usually after dreaming about my ex...and then it all floods back, that he is gone, and I shake and sweat and reach for something to distract me before I start replaying every damn word and action in my mind....it's tough. My imagination and mind are my worst enemy, I can torture myself for hours with all this....trying so hard to stop it now...because I know I won't recover unless I truly let go.

Hi all...I'm new here. Just emerging from the clouds of dust and heaps of tissues after my ex left without a word or a backward glance 12 days ago. I've sent far too many pathetic emails (our relationship began online between two countries...he moved here..but then left after a month) and the last one I sent yesterday was a bit more angry...but I know he won't reply...and I know I need to stop attempting to connect and interact with him...only then can I properly let go. So I guess this is the first day of my No Contact and it feels very scary and very final... There is so much positivity and support here, the few threads I've read so far have been so helpful...I hope I can contribute here as well as taking support. Brave face! DON'T CHECK THAT HOTMAIL ACCOUNT...AGAIN! ](*,)

Hello there Bridget. I hear you! I am in the raw early days of post breakup...and it hurts like hell...but I can tell you from experience it does get better and it will not hurt like this forever. Reach out as much as you can, friends, family, trashy books to take your mind off things, comforting films (that don't have any romance in them...yuck!)...make a list of all the things that really ticked you off about your ex...and a list of all your needs that werent being met...and a list of all the wonderful things about you that he didn't appreciate...and finally a list of what you will get from your next relationship. I know this will be difficult, but I did it last night and it does help. It's from a great book called 'hes scared, she's scared'.... Hang in there girl...you deserve better.