Wondercookie

What gets me through my day is just having something to do. It would be a lot more boring sitting at home day after day after day. I've tried that and it got old fast. So I get out of bed every morning, come to work...and I try to do a better job than I did the day before. Not for the money, heck no. I mean, money is a good thing...with money you can buy the things that you need to survive. You can also feed your family, buy your girlfriend a bunch of flowers, put shoes on your kids' feet. But I try to look at it as a challenge. A personal accomplishment for myself. You can go to work every day and do the same thing every day, no problem. It gets boring that way. But I try to go to work and do something a little bit better every time. This gives my life purpose. I enjoy my job, and I'm payed well for what I do. Each payday, I can look at my check and know that this is something that I accomplished on my own. I didn't have to ask anybody for this money, I didn't have to borrow it, I didn't have to steal it...I worked for it. I can do good things with the money (donating to a church). I can do bad things with it (stocking my cupboards with snacks even though I'm diabetic). But after two weeks of hard work, this is my reward--to make that choice. Anyhow, that's what gets me through my day. Thanks for asking.

Hey, tbone22...three years ago, I bought a new house; I found myself to be in a fantastic relationship with someone I really loved; I got a promotion at work; I bought a new car; I had finally reached my fitness goals. But I still felt like crap. I rarely smiled. I wondered if this was all there was to life. I dwelled on dark thoughts. I thought a lot about death and how it would happen to me. I felt like nobody could help me. By chance, I mentioned this to my doctor. I have always been against anti-depressants all my life, but he suggested that I try them. He started me on sertraline...and POW! I came back. The sky was bluer. I would bust out laughing, remember something hilarious that happened a long time ago. I could really smile again. Something in my brain was messed up, it wasn't my fault. Sometimes the chemicals up there can just get out of whack. This is what happened in my case. I'd strongly recommend that you talk to your doctor. He'll talk you through a series of questions that will help you to diagnose whether or not you're experiencing depression. Good luck, my friend.

Shadowcat...if anybody at the gym is looking at you (like I would be staring), the only reason is because they're probably hoping that they can look more like you! I go to the gym, I work out...because I want badly to lose this weight that I've had all my life. I would gladly trade my bulk to be skinny, and that's why I work out. We tend to see the bad things in ourselves, but I've given you another point of view. Maybe the guys at the gym are there to lose weight. They might be looking up to you, you never know..."Gee, that guy over there working out on the weights is able to stay fit and trim, so maybe I can too!" By going to the gym, you'll have several advantages: social interaction (which humans crave), assistance (spotting, which is required), and lots of times there are guys at the gym that will give you help and advice. They'll work with you to show you a good training program, they'll show you the right way to do each exercise (there is a right and a wrong way, believe me). And most guys who make the gym a frequent hangout can also tell you what you should include/exclude in your diet. Think about it...you can help big people (like me) by giving them something to shoot for (in you). And at the same time, all you have to do is ask the guy working out next to you for pointers and tips. At home, it is possible...but it's just you. Go to weight-lifting sites. Read about the proper way to do the exercises. Read everything, including nutrition. You sound so determined, I have faith in you that you'll make it.

As you age, your priorities are going to change. While youth and beauty may be important for you today...perhaps your children and your husband will be important to you when you're 30. Think back when you were 10. What was important to you back then? Dolls? Rollerblades? As we grow, we mature. I'm a guy, and I remember back when I was your age; someone told me that by age 40, I would have a dramatic decrease in my sex drive and this terrified me! I couldn't think of a worse punishment! I felt like I was going to die and go to hell, it was that scary! I'm 37 now, and the thought of losing anything doesn't frighten me so much. What's important to me nowadays is my career, my house, my family. Just don't be afraid of the future and what might happen to you. Things change, priorities change, age changes, and it's all going to happen to us whether we want it to or not. The thing that matters is today, now, here, you're who you want to be.

Your pinpoint of focus seems to be on your parents...you don't want to turn out like them. Perhaps you're spending too much time with your parents? Do you still live with them? If you want to be somebody and make a difference, then you have to start on yourself. You're 26...are you in college? If you still live with your parents, get moving! Spread your wings and fly, move away, get a job (any job you can find), enroll into school to learn how to do the things you want to do. I know it sucks, but a lot of people who are instantly famous were usually born with great talent. I don't know how they do that any more than they know how I can sneeze with my eyes open. They had such talent that sooner or later, they were discovered. Chances are, by 26, if you haven't been discovered you may not have been born with that kind of talent. Read some biographies of the famous people that you look up to. Some of them really had to go through hell to get to where they are now, it takes discipline and hard work. They didn't just wake up one morning to find that they were famous. They starved, they played instruments until their fingers bled, they danced until they collapsed from exhaustion. It takes work. In college, you can learn to sing, dance, play an instrument. Your chances are better in school, where other people may notice you.

Think about it this way...yes, you are ugly. So am I. So is the person who told you that you were ugly in the first place. Look at the President, even he is ugly. All of the people who are reading this right now are ugly. Because we're human, we all carry a little piece of ugliness around with us in our pockets, and we guard that little ugly monster with all we can. There are people out there who don't like people of other races...that's ugly, but when you point it out to them they protect their ugliness. There are people out there who are insecure about themselves, and one way they have to make themselves feel a little bit better is to point out flaws in other people (saying "I feel ugly today, so I'm going to make you feel uglier than me"). One thing to consider is this: although we are ugly, at the same time we're all beautiful. Different people have a different idea of what beautiful is. Just as an example, in one episode of Cheers, Sam (who considered himself to be an adonis) couldn't get the shapely beauty that was hanging out in his bar. He could get any other woman, but not this one. Come to find out that this woman was a "chubby chaser". She liked the fat guy with the good personality. That was her idea of beauty. Fat was beautiful. Sam and his athletic build was not. For many years, I believed that I was ugly, too. I could never find anybody to share my life with and I had given up. I figured that it was my destiny to watch my friends jump from person to person...finding the perfect one, and then breaking up and doing it all over again, when I couldn't find even one person. But the Indians (Native Americans) have a saying, and that's "There's someone out there for everyone." Somewhere out there, there's someone who thinks that you're the ideal image of beauty. It all goes back to the beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing. No matter what you look like, nature has balanced things off so that there is someone for you out in the world, somewhere. Do a little work on yourself, it's going to boost your image of yourself a lot. Start lifting weights, get the daring haircut you've always wanted to get but was afraid to try. Get a tan. Buy some sexy underwear. Little things like this make a difference...not because you're trying to fit into the world of the helium-heads who just KNOW that they're beautiful. But because by doing little things like this, it's going to boost your self esteem. Speaking of self esteem: I know a few guys out there that are unattractive in physical terms. But they just don't give a squat about it. They behave as any other person would, they don't seem to mind what other people think of them, and they have fun interacting with people. They have wonderful personalities, and women just can't seem to stay away! It's true. Personality can sometimes be more attractive than physical looks. Girls, I think, would much rather go out with an average guy with a great personality than an adonis who only wants to talk about how beautiful he is. In that light, go out and do something. That's the only way to meet people. Drop your friend that told you that you were ugly in the first place (no true friend would ever say something like that), and start a new thing for yourself. Join a group who does something that you enjoy. Take classes in something that you've always wanted to learn to do. Every day, find a reason to compliment at least one person. And give that compliment with a smile on your face. Gee, I really like the way you did your hair today. That's a nice dress. You're losing weight, it looks great. If we all did this at least once a day, nobody would ever feel ugly again. And every night, before you go to bed, look into a mirror and concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Throughout history, people have been inflicted with diseases that can deform and make some people feel like they are physical monsters. God gave you the face that you have now for a reason. In His eyes, you truly are a beautiful child. And if he can see that in you...shouldn't you? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So the first thing, the first step, would be for you to go through a little self-help session. Do it for yourself. Begin by learning to love yourself, because nobody else will ever be able to love you until you're able to. Give yourself a break. Lighten up. Love yourself. All the rest will just fall into place. Good luck. (oh, and by the way...I finally did meet the one person who thought that I was beautiful. We've been together now for 7 years.)