TalkTalk

Hi everyone, thanks for all the help - but I'm in a whole new situation. Ben is a close friend of mine, but nothing more, and I'm fine with that now. So, last weekend, I attended the Pennsylvania High School Thespian Conference. (Thespian means theatre geek, more or less.) While I was there, I met a very attractive, very sweet blonde boy, whom we'll call blonde boy. (you'll have to pardon my insanity, it's late.) Needless to say, I've fallen for him - but he lives 8 hours away on the other side of the state. While at the conference, blonde boy introduced me to another guy - whom we'll call curly-haired kid. Curly-haired kid immediately came on to me, repeatedly, and very strongly, and I'm not interested. Two-pronged question, basically. A) how do I get over blonde boy? B) how do I tell curly-haired kid that I'm not interested without being hurtful?

I would have said yes, until I read the "would not introduce you to friends" bit. If you're going to date someone, it shouldn't matter what gender, you should still introduce them to your friends.

If you've never seen the movie/show "Rocky Horror Picture Show," Dr. Frankenfurter is the transvestite alien doctor who brings Rocky to life.

I was thinking about it, and planning on it next time I get to talk to him. And here's where the story takes a strange turn. At the same time as Fall Play, I'm also participating in my theatre school's production of the Rocky Horror Show. (let's not get into my stress levels.) At which, there are two extremely cute guys. And I mean WHOAH. Drop dead gorgeous. Anyway, one's 19, he's gay. The other's 17 and bi. They're both really cute and I just kind of want to, as my friend so delicately put it, "use my hormones," but a. the bi guy is apparently a player (he's made out with my sister, who is basically like a best friend and we talk about everything) b. I'd never have the courage to speak to one of them anyway. The 19-year-old because he plays Frankenfurter and is just so...cute. The 17-year-old because I'm really shy and I don't talk to people well. c. if I end up making out with them or something, I know I'd get attached and then be really torn because of this whole thing with Ben... So...I really don't know what to do. (But thank you so much for your help! I didn't mean to sound ungrateful...)

At first, I was being obvious that I was joking. But for most of the time, I had a serious face, since we were talking about a serious matter (that really isn't important to this situation). He didn't really have an "I'm just joking" kind of face, either, which makes it more confusing, since he had talked about this girl he's trying to get to be his girlfriend (needless to say that hurt a little, but if he's straight/doesn't like me, what right do I have to him?) just the day before. I'd really just like to be able to tell one way or another...does he just think of me as a best friend, which he's told me multiple times? Or what...? I mean, we're both really touchy-feely with each other, and while I'm pretty touchy-feely with other people (just my friends, though, not like...random people), he's not really that much of a touchy-feely kind of person.

Oooookay. Today, probably the most confusing thing ever happened. At rehearsal, jokingly, I sat on his lap. It was just gonna be a quick little joke type thing, but he puts his arm around my waist, and so I put my arm around his neck (again, joking) but he didn't do anything...we sat there and talked for a minute or two like that, until I got called out on stage cuz I missed my cue...but argh! How confusing! What do I make of that?!

As of recently, I'm almost completely out; the only people who don't know are my parents (having told my younger sister about a week ago.) Mostly everybody who matters to me is alright with it, although it has provided for some humorously awkward situations. But I still can't tell if he likes me, or if he's just abnormally nice. He consistently calls me his best friend, hugs me, tells me he loves me, listens when I have a bad day (and I do the same for him), offers to beat the * * * * out of people who aren't nice to me (which I find incredibly funny, but cute at the same time). Does anybody else have any advice at all? I'm stopping just short of ripping my hair out over this...(only because I'm obsessive about my hair)

Do you really think so? That seems basically the opposite of the way it is to me...

It's pretty certain that it's just friendship. On Friday, we went to our school's football game (I just had to get out of my house...I don't feel comfortable showing emotion there). Lately, I've been really depressed, and just had thoughts that I don't belong, that I shouldn't be alive, etc. Not gonna go into that. Anyway, he and I ended up talking for the first half of the game. I ended up getting really upset, and he hugged me for a while. We made sure that we knew we'd both be there for each other, and he told me that if I were ever to need him at some ridiculous hour of the morning, that I should just walk to his house (since he lives pretty close) and wake him up. It had me feeling better. Until... He asked me, "Are you sure that you want to be bi?" As if it's a choice...I didn't really know what to say to that, other than to point out that it's not actually a choice. So, I don't really know what to do now. I'm still going to be his friend (after all that we've said to each other, I couldn't just randomly stop being his friend), and I guess take solace in the fact that, even if it's nothing more, it's still a pretty good friendship.

We both made it, so we'll be seeing each other alot more often. We talked on the phone for a while tonight. Mostly about how I've been feeling awful lately. At the one point, he told me he loved me, but I'm pretty sure it was just in the friendly sort of way.

I came out to him today. I told him how some of my "friends" didn't take it so well and are teasing me for it. It does bother me, though I know it shouldn't and that I should move on from them and not care, but they've been my friends for five-ish years... Anyway, he was fine with it, and he promised me that he wouldn't make fun of me and even offered to beat up the kids who were! We both got a laugh out of that one. Today were auditions for our school's Fall Play, and we hung out for a few hours while it was going on. He treated me exactly the same as always.

Sheesh, what's with all the stereotyping? This is supposed to be an open-minded, welcoming, non-judging place here...I thought.

You don't sound harsh at all, and even if you did, I'd deserve it. I'm ridiculous like that. I figured that since he hadn't talked to me in a while, NC would be easy. With the whole "dating but still being in the closet thing," my best friend dated another good friend of mine for a few months. My best friend's still somewhat in the closet, and her girlfriend denies that she was ever anything other than "slightly curious" coupled with best-friend feelings. I never said I was going to try to rush him into coming out or anything. That's been my plan all along: just to be his friend, and if it turns out he is gay/bi, be there for him when he needs me, that's all...as long as I can make him happy, make sure he knows I'll be there for him, that's really enough for me.

Thanks, carlogiovanni. Although, I'm kind of torn on the dating a closeted guy issue. On the one hand, you're right, and it could end in emotional disaster. On the other hand... On the other hand, if we ever do date and he is still in denial, I'd feel like it's something I should do, to help him get rid of his denial, because I know the pain I went through during the denial phase. You know, it figures. I was finally ready to go NC, and he talks to me today. It was only a "Hey, I haven't talked to you in a while, what's up?" in the hallway (leaving me NO time to talk back but a "hey"), but it was still enough for me to be totally frazzled and almost fall over right there. And I was with a friend, who knows about my feelings for him, so she got a nice laugh at me afterwards.

My attempts to get over him are obviously not working, as simply the sight of him still gets me weak in the knees. I haven't talked to him in around three weeks, although I have left various text messages, which tells me he doesn't want to talk to me, so I've decided to just not talk to him. It's going to be hard. But going NC (unless he really wants to talk) I think is a good choice...do you agree? I'm pretty wishy-washy, so I don't expect it to last more than ohh...a second after he talks to me.

...you honestly believe that's all the different types of women there are? I'm not even a woman and this pisses me off.

aggie- And what about guys? You seriously think guys are any better? The majority of us are just emotionless sex machines looking for a * * * * * to open up her legs for us...which is why "all women" as you say are like that: because we, as men, expect them to be. Women are the fairer, more intelligent race. But men can never be satisfied. At first, it was keeping them captive in the kitchen. But now, it's expecting to get some from every random girl you meet. Because women (generally, and I hate using stereotypes) are less aggressive and willing to fight, they comply....or at least, the weak-minded ones comply and open right up. And it's like following a trend- once the "popular" or "cool" people start doing it, then the sheep follow...lucky there are a few strays that keep humanity sane. And it's egotistical, sexist pigs like you who give us men a bad name. I realize what you're thinking - "you're only 17, you're hardly a man yet." But you're 19, and what're two years? DBL - what's wrong with using a word? A word is just a word, especially since it's not meant to be derogatory. And what do you mean, "you'll be okay?" Are you implying there's something "not okay" with being bi/gay? I realize that alot of people share your view, and I understand it so much more now that I'm opening up to people about my bisexuality, so it's understandable that people would want to go along with what's popular. And Hemorrhage? You're 15. I realize I'm only 17, but I did share your views at 15. Grow up. Trust me, it helps.

Alright guys, I came up with this "recipe" (although I'm sure it's been done many times before) that is healthy for you, tastes great, and just emotionally uplifting! (it sounds weird, but try it when you're down) The PETiT-CHOU Yoghurt-Bread Amazement: Take yoghurt (preferably the Dannon "Fruit-on-the-Bottom" type) and a few slices of bread (I like potato bread; you can use whatever). Spread the yoghurt on the bread liberally and enjoy! For a great breakfast, try making toast! Only, be sure to toast the bread BEFORE the yoghurt goes on...

How do I get over him so that he's still my friend in the end? I don't want to lose him as a friend, because he IS a really nice guy. I realized tonight, just by looking at a picture of him, that I'm still totally head over heels. Which is not good.

The concert was so lame, we left early. Well, a friend of mine and I did. We kinda left Ben there, but he was off talking to other friends, so he was fine. We decided to go down to the fair at the other end of town (maybe 500 yards away). He calls me and asks me where I was. Then, he told me to wait just a little bit and he'll be right there. At the fair, we stopped to play this game where you shoot plastic cups over with cork guns. Apparently he has no aim. Anyway, I didn't have any money, and after much talking (and basically forcing), I allowed him to buy me three shots. Lately, I've been thinking alot about this...I think I'm pretty stupid. I mean, he's a really nice guy. I've probably just misunderstood everything he's ever done, and he probably has absolutely no feelings for me whatsoever. Not like I ever really thought he did; it's all just basically been wishing and misunderstanding.

So, there's a concert of a bunch of local bands (yuck) that we'll be going to on Thursday night...letcha know what happens!

Well, it looks like nothing's happening this week. I'm going away tomorrow and won't be coming back until Sunday, so we won't get to hang out. But I'll let everyone know if he messages me or anything...

leics, I wouldn't necessarily agree with you. Not all mothers are like that. I personally haven't come out to mine yet, but I doubt that she'd treat me any differently because I'm bi.

As a bi guy, the only questions I'd have problems with are #4 and 6. #6 only because that should not have to be asked. #4 because that seems a bit discriminatory. Would you ask a straight guy if he were 110% attracted to you? #5 could also be a problem, especially if you only ask it of bi or gay guys. Straight guys get STDs too (like was said earlier).

I've given thought to the alcohol idea before. But I'm not sure about his ideas on drinking. Is the porn thing something normally done? I've never heard of that idea before, except in fiction. And that whole "I wonder what it would be like..." thing just kind of makes me nervous, lol. I'll probably just end up coming out to him and gauging his reaction to that.