nicorette

perhaps i came off sounding harsh, im usually not vicious. and i wasnt trying to be. but if it is the same guy you guys should be ashamed. even if not, i think its lame and not tryna be rude but kind of slutty. making out out of "boredom"? i dont know, ive only ever made out with my boyfriend, maybe thast why im speaking this way, it just sounds kind of dirty to me. its not the worst thing that could happen. i guess its the "boredom excuse" that bothers me. and i hope it wasnt with the same guy.

if he doesnt like you that way, and is seeing osmeone else i dont see anything wrong with him paying dinner for you. he offered im assuming.

i think there is something wrong wtih a guy seeing someone else who you make out with, and hes just a friend. i think thats pretty lame on both of your parts for making out because you are bored. and especially lame for making out when he is seeing someone else. and you knew he was seeing someone else.

ya, i agree. if its my guy then im all for it. but if some stranger just comes up to me i leave right away. it is rather repulsive. ive only been to a few clubs, in bc, canada the drinking age is 19, but in alberta, canada its 18. ive been there a few times to the clubs and ive had guys try wtih me. perhaps if a guy came up to me, got to know me and he seemed like a nice guy maybe id think differently.

hopefully things turn out the way she wants it. but yes there is definetly a HUGE chance. that why im on the pill and i use condoms. its always good to be extra safe. especially when youre at sucha young age.

no thats great news! good. and you CAN do so much better. have you been on any dates at all?

hmm, you defintely shouldnt have filled out a profile, and i could understand her getting angry with you for that. i do think that if thats the biggest problem in your marriage, then the marriage can be saved.

if you do wnat to get back together with her, counseling is great and i think itll help out. you need to let her know that you werent going to act on the site, even though that would be hard to believe. if i was your wife i would probably do the same thing. however, its not a lost cause. you need to learn how to convince her that youve changed. and actions speak louder than wrods. so you need to SHOW her.

i was frustrated with the lack of sex that had been going on for a year.

this is obvoiusly a problem in teh marriage. you two need to address this probelm and figure out a way to fix it so that it is no longer a problem.

she is devastated and calls me every two minutes crying and telling me we won't get back together and i ruined her life.

she has major insecurities, which is expected. but, from her calling you she obvoiusly does still have feelings for you watn wnats to get back together. and the fact that shes willing to go to counseling with you is a good sign. you need to of course take your profile off the sites. never go to one of them again, show her how little it meant to you adn how stupid it was. you need to SHOW her youve changed. good luck.

Or does it make her "forget" about me and move on?

of course not.

After this initial phase, for a few days I went NC and things were going ok. Then she emailed me (the first contact from her since our breakup) telling me how she had heard I had taken up new hobbies and seemed to be doing well.

NC is obvoiusly working, either to make her realize that you are changing, or to move on. theres no way using NC could go wrong. its very hard to do but itll make things better, one way or the other. and from your post she obviously was surprised at the improvements youve been making. keep doing NC. youre doing great.

just think about how your ex neglected you all those times when you guys were dating. you seem happy wtih your new guy. i think you are having doubts, but i think you shoudl stay far away from your ex. he seems to have an influence on you dating your new guy and your opinions. you guys broek up for a reason, and that reason is that he failed to meet your needs. defiently, do not call him. and if he calls you then dont answer.

if you would go out and cheat on me.

cheat on him* sorry about that.

i agree wtih kellbell. you obviosuly arent "feeling" the relationship, if you would go out and cheat on me. i wouldnt tell him that you cheated on him, but id end it if i were you. theres no point in hurting him, and i dont see any good coming out of you telling him you cheated, considering you dont seem to be very interested in him. itd be a good thing if you broke it off.

i dont know if its pot. it could have an affect. i smoked pot for about a year when i was 13 or 14 and i got so depressed. all it did was make me think negatively adn hate my life. im not sure if its pot thats affecting you, but it is a good possibility.

yes, dont break up wiht him, i think you would regret it, and i dont think this is something to break up over. give it a little while. you need time a part from him thast for sure, but i dont think a break up. as an above poster said prior, go out with your sister, hang out wtih your friends, or have just some YOU time.

I've been trying to keep myself as occupied as possible, but the most difficult part is when he calls and wants to hang out. Of course I want to see him. Of course I want to talk to him. But I know that I shouldn't, for my own sanity sake.[/QUOTE]

 

I think you should go NC. DONT answer it when he calls.

awesome job. most of us would not have the courage to do that, or perhaps the need. but great work, it really took strength and i applaud you. keep going, and DONT call him

i think NC is best. think about it. this is going no where right? as hard as it is to hear, it is something you must do. you cant be friends wtih her right now, itll only prolong this and hurt you more. and thats great you want her in your life, even if it is just as a friend, but i think you should wait til you are healed, til you can do just that, think of her as a friend and hang out with her as a friend and dont want aynthing more than that. i know it hurts, the pain is unbelievable, but its better to do thsi now, then keep staying "friends" with her for another few months and be in torture the whole time. i know it hurts but time will make it better. please do NC, at least for now.

continue to stay active. itll help, that and time. the fact that he would say that about his ex shows his arrogance and immaturity. think about how awesome it is that you ARENT with someone who is so cruel. why would you want to be with someone who would purposely try to make you feel liek crap?

things WILL get better. ive been through it, when i was 13 and 14 i was depresed adn suicidal. i got help from friends and counselors and honestly its 4 years later and i couldnt be happier. i am so glad i got the help when i did. youre talking baout grades, so obvoiusly you are young. you have SO much ahead of you. i promise things will get better if you work on it and think positive.

the other posters were right. i have had thoughts of suicide when i was 13 and 14. i reached out to a friend and she gave me exactly what i needed. she told me she was there for me, reassured me taht things get better..and so on.

i absolutely LOVE it when my boyfriend tells me how beautiful i look, when he brings me flowers just for no reason and kisses my forhead and tels me im cute. any of that. seriously, i think you should tell her what you told us (about how you can fix it) and if seh gives you a chance tell her what i just told you i loved. all of my girlfriends are jealous that i have a boyfriend who does these things. they always say "oh i wish my boyfriend would do soemthing liek that" i can understand her not wanting to be with someone who acts like they dotn care. even if you did care, it porbalby doesnt seem taht way to her. lether know that you can change this.

yes, i definetly think its the rigth one. youre doing great. stay strong wtih NC. he isnt ready for a marriage, as hard as it is to hear. from your post he sounds very immature and if you stayed youd only get your heart even more broken down the road. i think you made a good choice and got out while you could. things will only get better wtih time, i promise. go find a real man who will treat you the way you want to be treated

i think that if you still love him, and want to make thsi work, do it. either go in for it or dont. dont leave him waiting. of course you should think things over, but dont keep him waiting too long, itll only prolong this whole thing. if he is genuine in trying to make this work, and you love him id say give it a chance, as long as youre willing to work at it.

it is completely understandable, no doubt.

You mention thinking about the good times with him. It is hard for me to do so just yet.

i went through the EXACT same thing. it has been about 3 months or maybe 4 since my fathers death. i only recently started being able to think about the good times, and trying not to remmeber the fights i had with him, and not thinking negatively about how he is gone. listen to everyones advice here, were all here to help adn well be with you the whole way. with time, things will get better i guarantee it. adn thanks for the advice! honestly, just keep busy, as hard as it sounds. stick to a routine. i am so busy with graduating from high school that i dont have much time to grieve. not that i dont miss my father, but it does definetly help to keep my mind off of it. i think the xmas holidays will be harder, but at least that isnt for months. honestly, just think forward. think about it this way: can you change it? as much as youd like to, you cant. and im not trying to be harsh, but you need to heal. no matter waht and how hard you try it can not change. so what you need to do is deal with it in the best manner. as hard as it is, try to get outta the house. do you have a wife or a girlfriend or anything liek that? im sure shell help you through this and keep busy. if not, then do you have any great family members or friends to support you? hang out with them, i knwo its the totally opposite of what you want to do. you probably want to sit around and mope, thats all i did for 2 months. i got tired of it. just try your best to keep busy and not think about it. go out with friends, keep busy with work, see a movie, support your family. that doesnt mean you dont miss your father deeply or dont care, but im sure he wouldnt want to see you moping about his death. hed want you to miss him, but to move on and live your life to the fullest. i knwo it has only been a short time, but the sooner you keep busy, the sooner you can come to terms with it. good luck and keep posting we all want to help.

shes 25. i understand that she wnats to please them, but the parents are never going to stop. tlel her to have a talk wtih her parents about how bothered she is by this. if she already has, and they still continue then she shoudl ignore them. shes 25, and can make her own decisions, if her parents dont like it, then thats too bad. that is, if these are minor, trivial things they are picking on her for. tell her to have a talk with them.

hmm, youre going to have to deal with arrogant people liek that. i can somewhat understand where her parents are coming from, but i think theyre taking it to the extremes. if you really liek the girl know that this is what you are getting into, and if shes worth it, then go for it. meet with the parents, let them know how mature you are and that youre a gentleman. they cant be that bad. just meet up with them and be extremely polite. let us know how it went.

i dotn see anything wrong with it, as long as you know what you are getting into. i wouldnt have too many expectations till you talk to her.