anthony UK

I thanks you both for your comments. What I perhaps didn't tell you is that I love her very much and it has taken this to realise just how much. Im determined to make it work as I know we can be very happy. Yes I recognise its been my doing and I know I had pushed her to far, but shes ended it with this other guy and she says that it was a transfer of feelings from me to him, do you understand what she means by that ? She loves me as I do her so why dont you think it will work ?

Hi, Im going to try and sum up my situation in short time. I am 39, legally married with 2 children although I havent lived in the marrital home properley for 4 years. I met the lady I live with now 4 years ago and I love her dearly. All this lady has ever wanted in all that time is for me to commit to her fully, ie get a divorce and marry her. I have not let her into my life fully in all that time, ie she has never met any of my friends, family or indeed kids. This lead her to believe that I would always return to my "wife". Whilst I have been back for short periods of time a (few months), I have always returned to my current partner because of the love I have for her. This has now all come to a head in that the last time I moved back to the marital home, around Feb 06, she decided enough was enough and went out and met another guy. Then in Jun 06, I turned up on her doorstep with my stuff and asked if I could stay. She said yes in the spare room but didnot tell me anything about this other guy. We started sleeping together again after about 2 months. Then last week she told me that she had been seeing someone because she thought I didn't want her and she didn't want to be left alone again. Whilst I now understand this, the pain I feel is crushing me. We have talked and talked and I have been given a last chance to sort things ie divorce and commit to her or get out for good. Before anyone asks, I now accept that my "wife" is not in love with me anymore and that we all need to move on, although its taken this wake me up. My questions are these: Why do I feel so betrayed and devastated even though I accept that I am to blame for the most part. Why wont she answer all the questions I have concerning this other guy, she just says "I cant keep doing this". How can I just "let it go" and move forward with our relationship. I want her to tell me that she loves me dearly and wants me 100%, whilst she says that she loves me and always has, I dont know that I believe it 100%. Its a complex situation but one Im sure you have seen before, I have been very selfish and now feel the pain she has felt for 3 years, its what I deserve I know. But believe me when I say, I know I got what I deserve in the end. So can anyone offer some sound advise on how I can move things forward without the crushing pain I feel. END.

Bethany, is living with someone for two years an affair...even if you are married ? I'm not in anyway blaming anyone else, its all my doing, Im just trying to find a way out of this mess in a way that I could possibly be happy. I know my children will be happy as they have a very good mummy who will do anything to make them happy.....This may sound selfish to some of you out there, but living a lie and liveing with the "what if" question always in my head is just breaking me.....

thank you both for your thoughts......of course you are both right with your views. I guess its pretty typical, wanting to ensure all parties are happy with the outcome and perhaps forgetting your own happiness. I like a lot of other people have a dilema that is not very easy to solve, if it was just basic unemotional decisions...easy! but this is love ad very raw emotions for 1 women I have known for 18 years and has brought up my two children, but have issues living with...and the other I women I have lived with for the last 2 years and have a fantastic time with with lots in common....I really do not like myself for being in this situation and at times wish I could just put an end to all the pain I feel.

Hi everyone from the UK. Maybe someone can help, who knows........Im mid 30's have 2 children under 14 and have not been happy for a long time. This has been complicated by seeing another lady in the past 2 years. She is 42 and wants to have children asap due to the age thing.....I don't, but I do love her. The mother of my children is the salt of the earth, very loving to everyone, but we just don't get on. Infact we get on better when I don't live with her. To be honest I'm scared....scared of making a full time move away from the family home and all that that brings.....financially and emotionally longer term as I know that once the dust settles I would have moments of "what I have given up" syndrome. At this moment in time I cannot do anything apart from wake up in the morning and try to go to work...my life is a mess and I just cannot see a way out that will make me happy. Do I do whats right and stay with my children and put up with the feeling of loss in what might have been, or do I take the decision that my marriage is not working and move in with the other lady in my life? Why do we get ourselves into such crappy situations ?? As anyone out there been in a similar siuation or can anyone offer any comments that might help?

Quote: Originally Posted by Bethany I understand that you have children of your own but what I don't understand is why you don't try for a child together? thanks for the reply Bethany.......its a good question and one I ask myself, I guess its the guilt I would carry for my other children who are also young. I feel very weak that i can't make this leap but for two years now I have had the opportunity and have not been able to make the jump. Why can i not be like other men I know, they don't get emotional at all about relationships.

thanks for the reply Bethany.......its a good question and one I ask myself, I guess its the guilt I would carry for my other children who are also young. I feel very weak that i can't make this leap but for two years now I have had the opportunity and have not been able to make the jump. Why can i not be like other men I know, they don't get emotional at all about relationships.

Why is it that I can't see anyway forward with life without the girl I have lived with for the last 2 years......I just can't see a end to the misery I feel now. She wants children and I already have 3 with someone else, so its only fair that I let her go so she can follow her dream as she is 44 years old. I love her and feel like just giving up as we have had such a lovely 2 years. I also feel so guilty that for 2 years I held her back from her trying for a child...this makes me cry continuously for her. Can anyone offer me some advise?

yes we do cry......I have recently (this week) gone moved out of my girlfriend of two years house....I still love her very much indead and feel completely empty inside. I have a lump in my throat all the time, can't eat or concentrate on work.....and keep crying, which makes me feel weak....Its because we care that we cry when things go wrong and loving someone is a great feeling, when its gone it hurts like hell....yess we cry in the UK too.