aradia

You need to back off! I have been where you are, but only realised what i could have done - AFTER he dumped me! First you need to stop doing everything for him. BUT not let it bother you if he doesnt do anything instead. Stop phoning him for a few days, and stop always suggesting things and organising things. I betcha if you first off just stop phoning him, or be 'too busy' to see him some nights, then that instantly picks at his curiosity as it presents a challenge. Im not talking about being rude or creating too much distance, just a bit of backing off on your part will make him realise what he has and he will run back towards you again. If you dont often go out with friends, start doing it more. Or take up a new interest - purely on your own. Dont be a fool like me and think "oh no, if i spend less time with him, then he'll be even less interested, and i'll never see him" This is wrong! You dont want to smother him, you want to keep him interested and as they say 'absense makes the heart grow fonder' Good Luck.

I totally recommend it, and not only it, get the full package with all the books and booklets. I was like you and was wary of spending the money, but it did help me. And there is a good message board there too, and its really a whole community. also another really good site is link removed

im so sorry to hear what you aer going through. I can competely understand. and your story is almost identical to mine. Our boyfriends sound like they could have been the same person, and how they acted afterwards is the same. Also we were together 3 1/2 years and lived together. So anyway, my advice to you is to just cut all contact with him for now. you need to heal yourself first. This is what i did. first i begged and pleaded , then i tried rational bargaining, then i realised that all this stuff i was doing was just pushing him further away. THE BEST THING TO DO right now is to stop being in contact with him, and stop other people telling you how he is, etc. If he was the one that ended it, you running after him is just going t make him run further away. But if you stop chasing, he'll be surprised by this, and he may even come back towards you and lessen the distance. But please try to stop chasing, even if it has no effect on him, it will make you feel a hell of a lot better. Keep telling yourself YOU CAN HANDLE THIS.....i mean, look at you, you have handled it so far, and you are even askng for advice and stuff, that shows a smart, together kinda girl to me! The weight loss is normal, i too lost a s**t load of weight.....although this was kinda a bonus. Im now 5 weeks out of the break-up, and i am telling you this from my heart. I feel ok! At first i wanted to die, or just go to sleep forever so that it wasnt all real, but thats a normal feeling too. Everyday you get through is an achievement. Be kind to yourself. Stop thinking of him and start thinking of you. I have taken all this advice and i now feel much better, much stronger as a person, and just more positive. On top of this, my ex is now wanting us to be friends and we have met a few times. If i had kept begging, showing my upset to him, crying and pleading, he would have continued to lose respect for me, and think me pathetic an try to put more distance between us. Thing is, now we are 'friends' im not that worried about being friends anymore, and although i miss having 'someone' there, i dont want him back anymore. You too will get to this stage, everyone does, it jsut takes time. I recommend you to read a book called "feel the fear....and do it anyway" this helped me alot! also, there is a website/comunity called lifted hearts, and it has a web-book called 'this side of goodbye'.this is also a very good book. even go see a herbalist (i saw one and she made me a 'potion' which had lots of things including bach remedies in it, and this helped me lots too.) Sleep plenty, cry plenty and just take it easy on yourself. There is also anothe website which i highly recommend called link removed Take care of yourself, and know that although you feel hurt now, there are still lots of people who love you more than anything and would be feeling worse than you do right now if you were to leave them. aradia 'apathy is better than misery' if

No matter what advice people give, you know that what you will do will come out of the balance between whatever your heart tells you and whatever your head tells you. I was dumped by my ex four weeks ago......after 3 1/2 years so I truly understand what you feel. I would say that an anniversary date is definitely NOT the time to contact her. to be honest, If she's not thinking about you, then she doesnt deserve contact (no matter how much you really really want to) as to her its going to look like you are still clinging to her and havent moved on, and since she has (or is trying to look like she has) this isnt going to be a good thing. Plus as you will be feeling more down and vulnerable on that date, if she isnt nice, or doesnt reply, etc then thats going to hit you pretty hard. If she is thinking about you... then she will be thinking about even if you dont contact. Maybe more...if she's wondering why you havent contacted. And let her wonder. Isnt that a more comforting thought than knowing that you have put yourself on the line (again) and she's not reacted. If you want to contact her, do it randomly on another day and just send a text or email saying "hi, just wondering how you are doing.... Im ok, hope you are too....we should meet up sometime." or something along those lines. And then if she wants to meet, she can arrange it. rather than the rejection of being turned down for a meeting. As for on your anniversary date. Even though you will feel like s**t and like doing nothing, i say you should go and do something you have never done before. Even if its going into a shop you havent been in and trying on a dead nice suit, with no intention of buying. Or treat yourself to something. or even just do something that you like doing that she maybe wasnt so keen on. Liberate yourself and just be you for the whole day. think about whatever you want...if its her then thats fine. But everyu once in a while think "i can handle this" and also think "i am moving forward" and that you are so much a better and stronger person for having experienced this. Those little positive thoughts actually have a bigger effect than you would realise. Even saying them when you dont mean them (trust me at first you are just like "yeah whatever, bulls**t") but it works! take care and email me or whatever. actually there is another idea. why not write the email you want to write then mail it to a friend or someone here. NOT your ex!!

I would say dont buy lavish gifts or anything like that....as it will ook like you think that her love can be bought. do something from the heart, something simple but true. a poem is a good idea, but if you cant write poetry, just go for a walk with her somewhere and sit down in private (outdoors is a good place) and just tell her everything you truly feel. (write it all down first if it helps) how much she means to you, why she is special to you, wht you see in the future and how things are going to improve. Thats all i would say, dont splurge or try to impress her in any other way than with truth and honesty. I think its recognisable when something comes from the heart. good luck

well, the reasons you have given for splitting up with her sounds very much like what my ex has done to me. I can only say, if your ex can forgive you for breaking the trust and doing this in the first place, then it will be alright. you need to be honest with her....and her main concern is that if you have done this once, then you can do it again. So if you wont, you need to show her how much you mean it in any way that will mean something to her. I would not take my ex back, but thats just me. Also, you have to consider if she has now moved on too. Be honest, talk it through with her, and dont play games. Take it slow and make the situation different from when you were together before. Make sure you are oging back to her because you truly have changed your mind and not just cos you are going through that initial 'cold turkey' phase when not seeing each other drives you nuts. this passes after a little while and things are ok. anyway, honesty is the best policy i reckon. take care and good luck