Sprink

Thank you. That was helpful.

There is a chance that my bf's grandfather might pass away soon. My bf is flying back to his family from afar to see him. I live in a different city a few hours away from his family. I am wondering what I should do. I want to help him and support him through this tough time in any way, but I can't directly do that. His distant family doesn't know me personally so I can't be around and interfere. I don't expect him to come visit me during this time either. I want to offer my condolences, but not sure how to do it without interfering with their family business. Should I send flowers or something? I don't want to seem apathetic or uncaring, but it doesn't involve me really, yet I should show my support somehow. Any tips? Like, I don't even know what to say to my bf. I tell him if he needs anything I am there. Otherwise I just end up talking about normal stuff, but that feels like I'm being uncaring. Hm...how can I remotely offer him my arms?

This seems to be such a common occurrence with LDR. I'm on the same boat. My bf and I are both working full-time, our time zones are off by 3 hours, so he usually goes to bed first. He's busy at work all day so he can't chat much, but I have more freedom at work and would always wish he is there to talk to. Of course I can't help that, work is work. He usually calls me while he's driving home from work, have some small talk, but I don't like it too much because I would have to talk out loud in the office with many people around, or walk a long walk outside. After work we are usually both online. Chatting with him is sometimes like talking to a wall, or a bot. Yeah like in your case with those short responses. Drives me crazy! But I know guys want their alone time or whatever, and he loves to surf the web. So I don't feel like I should be disrupting that if he wants his own peace. Sometimes we have more lively conversation, but somehow I want more. I know I shouldn't be too clingy though, and I do have my own life.... But I mean, we are on opposite sides of the country, it wouldn't be so hard to get some remote attention would it? Gah. Sorry, I don't have a solution for you either.

I envy you. I just called him and told him about an exciting night I had. And his replies were just "mmm", "uhuh", "oh"... I think he does listen but he's not engaging in the conversation at all. I try to be very attentive and engaging when he talks to me about his stuff.

I think it's great that you talk on the phone still. Just don't be too shocked or surprised if one day you or she decide to cut back on it, because one of you may decide that you need some more breathing space. Your phone conversations are probably more intimate than what you can say to each other at work, so maybe your girl enjoys it much more.

My BF and I are on the phone at least once a day, but we don't actually talk that much, there's a lot of petty talk just to fill in the silence. We are on LDR so communication should be key...but we just don't seem to 'click' verbally. We do chat daily at a moderate pace, but it is not always that exciting. I guess since we are always connected to each other it is not unusual that we run out of things to talk about... When we do see each other in person though we are very intimate and are comfortable with each other's touch, but that verbal 'click' is missing. We've known each other for a long time and have dated for a while. It seems like the dating makes us more...quiet or timid, I don't know. What can I do about this? Being a girl I always have all kinds of emotions and thoughts in my head, but I am pretty reserved about expressing them, and usually they're just dumb thoughts so I disregard them after a while. It would just create drama anyway. I don't know...it just feels like it is so much easier talking to my friends than it is talking to someone I love. Hm...

I've been dating this guy long distance for over 4 months now. I've known him for a long time and I knew about the girl he previously dated (also LDR) for about 2 years before we ever got together. I know he was really into her and was ready to spend his life with her. But then she cheated on him so he broke it up. Now he is with me and sometimes I feel like I am living in this girl's shadow. He and I do activities that he and she had done before (there isn't really an escape from that), and I feel like I am competing with a past image of her. I happened to snoop into one of his conversations with someone talking about us. He stated that he is not over her even though he can never trust her again and don't intend to get back together. But it's just that he had felt something so strong with her that even I can't match. That is so painful to hear! I feel like I'll never be able to compete with this girl even though she isn't with him anymore. Any sort of sporty things we do I think this girl was able to do better. But why should I be compared with her in the first place? I know he likes me still, and he mentions about long-term with me sometimes, so I know he is for reals...but still...am I always going to have to be second-best? What am I supposed to do? Tell him about my insecurities? We had a wonderful holiday together, but I kept feeling this kind of insecurity the whole time. Advise please! Sprink

Well we were together before LDR. We had known each other for a long time as friends as well. I just didn't want to have it seem like sex was the reason we need to see each other in person. It's not that I don't want it, but I value other kinds of initimacy too, you know?

I also have read that if a woman rejects a man of sex, then the man will take it badly and feel denied...

My BF is coming back for the holidays in a few days. We will probably spend some amount of time together the first few days, but we won't be staying the night together the first few days because we'll be in different cities, just spend the day together. I was wondering...what if he wants to have sex during the first few days? I would feel like he is in such a hurry to do it if he does try. Should I hold back and tell him later, make him wait? But then again we haven't done it in a while cause we've been apart...but I don't want to make it seem like sex is so important at this point in the relationship. What do you think?

I feel that girls say "nothing" because they are afraid to speak up. Sometimes when they do speak up, the results end up for the worse than if they had said nothing at all, although nothing would've got solved that way. They act differently to hint that yes there is something wrong, but maybe they think the guys should know what is up and comfort them.

My BF and I have known each other for a couple years as friends and have started dating for a few months on long distance. In the beginning we talked a lot on the phone and over IM. I went to visit him for a week a month ago and that was great, and he is coming back home to spend the holidays. My problem is, for the past few weeks, communication between us became very weak. Now we talk much less on the phone--he used to call a lot. Over IM he responds to me very slowly. I talk about all kinds of stuff to him, but sometimes he doesn't give a response to what I say but goes off on other topics instead. I hate that. It's almost like what I say has no importance, even though I talk about little things that happened during my day and whatnot. Does it not matter to him? However he always gives me virtual hugs and kisses and tells me that he misses me. He's been working long hours to rack up vacation hours so he can stay longer here. I haven't pressured him to talk much because I know he's very busy at work and he is tired at the end of the day, and in part he's doing all this for me. I know I am going to see him very very soon, so I don't want to create a storm before that happens. Am I overreacting or is it inexcusable to ignore me despite the circumstances? I know guys need their own time too, but I know he's always online talking to other people yet he ignores me. Sometimes I wonder if it's only the physical intimacy that he craves and not some greater connection between us. But what do you think is the deal? Do you think he doesn't care? Or it has come to a point where he is just comfortable with not talking because he feels secure about the relationship?

Of course I want him back, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be friends at all if that wasn't possible. He wants to be friends, and if that's the most I can be I'd want to be friends too. Doing NC would mean we don't even get to be that.

So I said my bf broke up with me last wednesday because he didn't love me and couldn't go on pretending in the relationship. We had never initiated NC. We both know we want to talk to each other still. The first day I wrote in my blog numerous times and he read it by his own choice. The second day he wrote me emails telling me he was at loss for words but I really meant a lot to him, just not romantically. Then he asked if I hated him. I replied back to him in the blog. I did that because he was the one who left me, I don't want to seem like I was bombarding him with emails and not leaving him alone. In my entries I poured everything out. Long long and tearful entries. Then he wrote me a really long email telling me how depressed he was and how he kept thinking about me and couldn't even eat. This time I wrote back by email because he requested it. I asked why he can't love me if now he can feel all these things because of me and that NOW he thinks about me all the time, but not when we were still together. We write to each other so openly about everything that went on in the relationship, good and bad. Communication is at a very deep level between us right now. We cry about the things that could've been, the things we could've done if we were still together. I feel deeply hurt and sad still, but I think I would be way worse off if we had never contacted each other at all. I contact him because I still love him and will care about him no matter what. But now he is telling me everything and tells me how he is affected by the breakup. What is that supposed to mean for him? I DO NOT feel wrong to have kept in contact with him. He means everything he says and I know I can trust his words, even after he left me. Could there possibly be a chance for us to get back together? I feel like maybe there's a chance after having laid out everything on the table about what went wrong. But then I don't know if I can keep my hopes up either... Why must people insist on NC? If we are two trusting, honest people, I don't find anything wrong with contact.

But both of us do not want to lose contact with each other. He's going through a lot right now with other things and I need to know that he is surviving! I really can't do NC...not even just because we broke up, but I care for him as a person and worry for his physical wellbeing.