intrigue_

The confidence point is key. I will appear more attractive if I radiate confidence and feel that way inside... guys will pick up on that. If you're insecure they'll think you don't like them and won't approach you...

Hi LadyBugg, Thanks so much... did you read my previous thread? Maybe that influenced your comment, lol.

Hey Rennaissance Woman, Thanks a lot for the comment, I feel like we can relate a lot. I second guess myself all the time. I think it might have been because my parents were over-protective when I was younger and always made decisions for me, never really trusted myself... and it's just been harder to trust myself now. But it could also be my personality... I just sway from decision A to B to C and never know which decision would be best. I have to ultimately just accept that whether or not it's the 'best' decision in an objective sense, it is what is 'best' for me at the time and I made the decision under those circumstances and in that mindset. You can't change the past. I think I just have to learn to accept that, but it is hard. Did you find you were always this way, and how long did it take you to earn that confidence you have now?

I have a tendency to overreact to things... i.e. tend to extremes. Something minor will happen but I'll often blow it out of proportion. Another poster here said that to be more confident in myself I have to learn to make the right decisions, and I'll eventually learn to be less paralyzed. But I still tend to seek advice a lot. I guess how do I know when I am making the 'right' decision, and I'm not being too dramatic/tending to extremes about it? How can you develop that confidence? I always doubt myself so I'm not really sure... I'ev never really possessed that confidence I guess.

ugh I shouldn't have even e-mailed him. I'm such a loser.

RelationshipCoach, when you're done looking at this, please refer to my pm. thanks! sorry for the interruption...

someone PMed me and said that I was taking this too seriously, I probably shouldn't have apologized. I think he's probably right. I blow things out of proportion too much, what I did wasn't that bad... ugh.

well he e-mailed back and said not to worry about it, flirting on the 'net is bound to end in trouble. I don't really see how that's necessarily true though. I sorta don't like his response. But oh well, lol. I think he's probably embarrassed, as am I.

Thanks for the quick reply. I was just being sincere about what i thought... I was being a * * * * *. I know the reasons for it too, but I'm not sure they're justified either... in real life I'm not a that mean though. even though I'm sure it appeared that way...

ok I sent it. Took out the part that I should see a counsellor though and added that "I guess it started off just being playful but got out of hand." I don't know, I'll see what happens...

thoughts? I'd like to send it now that I'm in the mood and feeling sincere about it...

yeah, I think I'll send this. Hi, I just wanted to apologize about the whole thing. I'm sorry, I didn't even realize how much of a * * * * * I was and how horrible that really was to do... that is just honestly not right and you didn't deserve it. The message wasn't directed towards yourself though, it was meant to just be playful since I didn't expect to meet you anyway. But what would compel someone to post what I did in the first place I'm even asking myself... even if someone is sleep deprived they don't just go and lose their moral sensibilities. Well I guess there were a few reasons, I don't just do anything without a reason entirely, but the justification is still somewhat flawed... Anyway. Just dismiss it as some psycho girl on the internet which you're probably doing, and that'll be fine, because I can't entirely justify it either... I suppose it started off just being playful but got out of hand. I just wanted to apologize... I am a * * * * * and just realized it, I guess. Better sooner than later. Thanks for not being totally rude about it though. cheers.

I don't really want to meet him anyway after that though, I just don't want him to hate me I guess. Why shouldn't I put myself down? I was a b*tch and might as well admit it... shows I can at least acknowledge that fact.

You're right and just read my mind. See above. I don't even know if I'm worth meeting to be honest, after what I did. I just should apologize. In my last e-mail to him I said that my comments on his site were meant to be taking facetiously, not seriously, because then I'll come accross as a * * * * *, etc... I guess in a way I blamed it on the people for not understanding my 'humor'?? No wonder he didn't respond...

Hey, Do you think there's anything I can do to sorta make it up now? I was just thinking of sending an apology or something... because I didn't do that before in my e-mail. Saying something like "I just wanted to apologize about the whole thing. I'm sorry, I didn't even realize how much of a * * * * * I was and how horrible that was... I think I'm going to see Counselling Services or something, that is just honestly not right and you didn't deserve it. The message wasn't directed towards yourself though, it was meant to just be playful since I didn't expect to meet you anyway but what would compel someone to do that in the first place I'm even asking myself... Anyway. Just dismiss it as some psycho girl on the internet which you're probably doing, and that'll be fine, because I can't really justify it either... well I could give justifications but it would still seem a bit odd, so I won't... I just wanted to apologize... I am a * * * * * and just realized it, I guess. Better sooner than later. cheers..." do you think sending something like that is worth it? at least it shows I'm not completely crazy as I realized it...I dunno.

lol, I knew this sort of thing would come up. I can't really be more specific though... but I just wanted confirmation that I should leave it alone I guess, and not think about it. It appears my reaction, as I suspected, led him to believe I'm crazy as well or I don't know, * * * * *y, etc. etc...Anti-love SuperStar, I think you gave the best response even though u are rightly confused as well. I didn't even see that he wanted to get to know me I guess, until after... I thought it was sorta a joke as well. To the guy that just responded... hmm. The reason why I partly can't get him out of my mind is because I know his friend. I don't think it's 'scary' to be attracted to someone you don't know well though. But yeah he probably thinks I'm crazy.

I won't go into the whole story 'cause I haven't slept all night basically... but I met this really great guy over the internet. It started off as a joke, I asked if he would be interested in dating me even though he didn't know who I was... I said I was 'hot.' he's somewhat of a local celebrity. I didn't really expect him to reply seriously but he said he'd be interested in meeting me, we e-mailed a bit and seemed to hit it off. For some reason though I couldn't meet him because it'd be a conflict of interest. But I acted like a real b****, basically like I was too good for him, and ruined any chance I had with him anyway... I just feel sad thinking about how perfect he was in general, he's incredibly good-looking and we both had a very similar personality and got along great essentially... I just acted like really stuck-up and I e-mailed him apologizing somewhat but he didn't e-mail me back... I'm really not sure any of this is making sense now. But people write on his website about how he is such a great guy, and he's very good-looking, etc. etc... I think I just e-mailed asking if he'd go out, out of curiosity to see if he'd say yes. But once I realized it was a conflict of interest, I was like "hmm... I can be facetious and have fun with this..." and wrote on his website something like "sorry ___, actually I don't want to go out with you. You're not my type." but then to be funny I was like "and to know what you're missing, this is how hot and prestigious I am (!)"... and listed some instances of prestigious guys that hit on me... It was totally meant to be teasing/lightly humorous but came off as being arrogant and conceited instead, I guess because I already rejected him... and people were like 'omg, what a b****...' I suppose we shouldn't have met in any case, although I could have if I really wanted... I don't know. Ultimately he is too good for me anyway, so there's no point in feeling sad about it....right? it probably wouldn't have worked out in the end... but why can't I get him out of my mind? ](*,)

I had a guy do this before. Except he was my TA. I felt an attraction develop between us, he gave me his number, we takled for a bit, but then he slowly began to just ignore me/become really distant from me. Like when he was walking with other grad students (the other TA in the course) he would just avoid looking at me altogether, and in the class where he gave a presentation he'd pretend he didn't know my name (I assume because he just blindly graded one of the assignments, he didn't give regular classes so it might look weird that he knew one student's name but not the rest?) Regardless, I think he felt uncomfortable about developing an attraction to me, so he just decided to ignore me and hope it goes away. But then I called him out on it. When I saw him one day, we were walking the same way and he just pretended not to see me and walked away. I could also tell he was tense. I felt sorta bad myself and e-mailed him and said something to the effect of "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something, i should have been more distant... but thanks for your help that term, it was really appreciated." And then there was a dramatic change, everytime he saw me he smiled, waved hi and wanted to talk... but then I started playing hard-to-get and would avoid HIM. It was a weird situation, but nothing happened for various reasons... I think in THIS situation, he may also feel for some reason odd about developing an attraction towards you (IF at all he is.) Maybe he has a girlfriend or wants to date someone else...and thinks that avoiding/ignoring you is an easy way to forget you, like my guy in question did. Secondly, you could try ignoring him and see if that works to bring him closer. It worked for me... because then the tables have turned -- YOU'RE suddenly the one to be sought out, and when people think of you as unavailable, they're more likely to want you... it's just human psychology. Draw away a bit, make him think he's ignored a bit, and then if he likes you, he'll want you even more. It's that 'push/pull' part of flirting that largely accounts for sexual tension. Hope that helps...

It's not a pickup line. I frequently have guys come up to me and go "hey, aren't you in ___ class?" (even if I'm not, in most cases it's true though.) It's a good conversation starter, and I don't think of it as a pick-up line at all. I've seen people who went to elementary school with me and they've come up and gone "hey, didn't you go to __ school?" (and they're girls, not even guys so it's not like they were trying to pick me up. It's just a NORMAL thing for friendly people to do when they see someone they think they might recognize. So GO FOR IT. She won't think anything badly of you. And soon enough, who knows, tomorrow, she may just leave the job and you'll never see her again. If you want to solve the mystery, then do it soon...trust me. =) And if she says no, then say that she looks like someone familiar, and carry on the conversation by like 'what are you studying here?' or something like that...it's up to you. Hell, I've had guys come up to me in the library and just been like "hey, what's the time?" and then try to hit on me by that... even though I wasn't interested I'd still chat for a bit. So just do it... and let us know how it goes. It's honestly nothing, I talk with people all the time in the library/public places, without thinking of whether the person is trying to 'pick me up' or not... you only start to wonder that later, once you get to know the person.

I agree with what OceanEyes suggested -- that you can't tell for sure if you'll even like her unless you talk with her. But eye contact is often telling. Studies show you can usually tell within 3 seconds whether a person is attracted to you or not. Although attraction often develops once you get to know a person as well, so it's definitely worth talking with the person. But if there's even an initial 'vibe' you get -- that's almost ALWAYS a good sign. Usually that 'tingle', gut feeling I get is right, and worth exploring.

I think what hurts as well is that this situation happened a few times before... where a guy would lead me on but then just ignore me/not call me back, that type of thing. It hurts...

hmm. I just also want to point out, Kyoto, that even if you DO feel a "connection" (because ultimately that 'look' and 'tingle' feeling is that), it's not 100% that you're going to find her an amazing person and that she'll want to go out with you. I think that you should definitely at least introduce yourself, there's no harm in that (and indeed I have done this before in similar circumstances, most people do) so DO IT. But I'm just saying that I've done this and flirted with guys before, they've flirted back, gave me their number and then hurt me by ignoring me because they didn't think I was 'good enough' for them in the end (i.e. the guys turned out to be med students/Ph.D students & wanted someone older/more prestigious than I) or they already had a girlfriend. But they still liked me... but nothing could work out. Not saying this to disappoint you or anything but just to caution... if she doesn't automatically ask for your number or something don't get all heart-broken and think that this means no women wants you (your posts in the past indicate this type of pessimistic thinking.) I just want to say that there will be some women who may be shy/have a boyfriend or for whatever reason may not act on those feelings of mutual interest. That dosen't necessarily mean that she didn't feel that connection and attraction but just that now might not be the right time. In your circumstance it's probably different, but if that is the case, then don't give up. As you told me there is plenty of fish in the sea. I just don't want to see you get hurt like I did if sparks don't fly or something like that. BUT you only truly fail if you don't try. Then you'll be wondering 'til infinity, right? So DO IT. lol Take care.

Definitely... but only approach her if you're attracted to her, of course. After reading your previous posts I assumed that this was the girl you were referring to who was around your same age. If you don't feel attracted to her (if she was around the same age as your grandma.. i'd assume not?) then don't approach her. If you were only asking that as a hypothetical, one can feel attracted to someone that age, but it's not likely... I meant that I 'definitely' know what you mean about there being a difference between a 'look' and "the" look... and I think the above poster explained it well.

I think this is one of those things that depends on the couple entirely. Some amy have the willpower, some won't. Most guys probably won't and will try to get you to have sex. But some will be able to hold out.

I'm glad. Suggesting I'm ugly is never a good topic for discussion in any case...