comets_21

I'm starting again.. day 1 of NC. I'm going to make this last through the holidays. It's going to be very tough seeing that she is home for the holidays and her best friends are some of my best friends. She also lives 2 blocks away. This does not matter. I know what is best for me. She does not deserve my comfort.

Hi, Lately things have been tough on me. Just like many of us on here I want my ex back. She left me for another guy who she is still dating. This is where my mind is in shambles.... After I did NC, she realized what she was missing. I seen her once and I could tell she still had feelings for me. She has told me things like "I would want another chance" .... "I'll never feel the same way about the new guy as I do you" and I have even heard from her best friend that she would take me back in a second. Although I am still hurt , I still always think about her and still feel that love towards her. I have not done NC lately and feel it's done more harm then good. I find myself thinking about her more often and I feel as though she is just playing with me again. As though she knows she can come back to me if she wants to. She acts like she wants to talk to me and is interested but she is still dating the other guy. For example she will be home over the holidays and asked if I wanted to come to a NBA game with her? This is where I need advice... Should I try to win her back (go to the game with her... talk to her, etc) or should I go back into NC. I am getting those urges again that make me want to just tell her how I feel, and ask her if I decided I wanted to work things out if she'd end things with the new guy. What should I do... Thanks again for being there..

OCD, I am going through the exact same thing you are going through... but what I experienced is what NJ had said.. as soon as you give in to easy and start showing them feelings, they pull away. My best friend told me something today out of the blue when he was talking about his gf. He said... shes going to be there for me when things aren't going well for herself and when she has low self confidence, but as soon as she gets some confidence she'll start treating me like crap again... To me this made so much sense.

I agree with you so much. After NC and improving myself my ex currently wants me back, shes hurt me many times before. I am hesitant to go back to her even though I still feel so strong for her and miss her. I know what you are feeling. It makes me feel better knowing that another "nice person" that has been taken advantage of. She had me at a low. The truth is they don't deserve us. It's so just so hard for us to realize that. Thank you for writing. Remember by writing your story you are also supporting other people.

Hi guys, thanks alot for the responses. I thought about the situation. Sometimes the question is more complicated then the answer. I am going to do nothing. There is no need for me to do anything. I do not trust her, and she is still with another guy. I am happier now after healing myself. I remember Superdave's one piece of advice. Show them that you can handle anything. (believe me, even if you can't handle the situation... pretending you do sometimes makes it into a reality) So as of right now, I will continue to show her that everything is fine in my life. As long as she is with this other guy, there is no way I could trust her or feel the way I used to about her. I am going to use my mind over my heart for now...

Hi, I've posted here before about my situation. Many times where I was really hurt and other members support got me through. But now after NC my ex who is still with the rebound guy wants me back. Her best friend said she is a mess and she can't stop thinking about me. Hey friend also told me that she would come back to me in a second if I wanted her to. I've had little contact with her. The ex asked for me just to listen one day and get together to hear what she has to say. She also told me that what she did was stupid and she hates herself for it, but yet she is still dating the guy she started dating as soon as she broke up with me. I guess the grass wasn't greener. Although I think I am healed, I do have feelings for her and do miss her. We were very close when we were together. I was just wondering what advice or experience anyone could give. I have already posted a similar question before and got excellent advice. I told her best friend it is hard for me to take her seriously when she is still dating the other guy. Feel free to read my other posts. Anybody's previous experiences would be appreciated. This forum has helped me and i appreciate everyone that takes time to visit. From now on I will always be here supporting others.

Thil, You came to the right place. This forum has helped many people heal, including myself. I find whenever I can't stop thinking about my ex I log on to the website and read what other people are going through. Right now you need to worry about yourself more then anything. If it's too difficult just being friends I suggest you tell your ex that. Worry about yourself right now. Best of Luck

This forum is a great place. Kept on track

Same thing happened to me... My ex started dating this guy a month after we broke up. Its now been two months into their relationship and I still remain in NC except for when she contacts me (believe me it helps you heal). She now wants me back more then ever and her close friends keep trying to talk to me about it but I remain strong. . I guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side. From my experience NC is the way to go. It helps you get control of yourself again.

Thanks everyone for your support. It really means alot to me. This forum is a great place.

Hi, my ex, whom I shared a year and a half with... had very deep, caring relationship left me for another guy. She began working with him at the beginning of summer and continued to spend more time with him and other co-workers outside of work. They became close and she began to distance herself from me (Probally because she was having more fun experiencing new things... I take this as being very shallow) Our relationship fell apart and we broke up. She began a relationship with him about a month later. At that time I began NC and stayed strong (other then when she contacts me) and have not shown any feelings towards her. I still feel hurt and still feel deeply about her. Lately I have learned from her good friends that she is not happy in the new relationship and misses me alot. I am left not knowing what to do. I still am remaining in NC since it has helped me heal thus far. I don't know if I can ever look at her the same way after she left me for another person. She has tried to contact me and bring me back in her life, but so far I have pushed her away pretty hard. I was wondering if anyone has gone through something similar or has any suggestions or can offer any support.

Hi guys, After I broke NC, I felt terrible... but then I got right back into it and I am feeling awhole lot better. I owe it to my knowledge from this forum and your help on this thread. But here is situation now. She tried contacting me but I kept the conversations very short, less then two minutes always letting her go. But yesterday, she sent me 3 messages on the computer, and I didn't reply to any of them. Her last message being... "well.... its ok if you dont want to talk.... just wanted to say hi and tell you that i made strawberry salad today ...and it was good, but not as good as yours.. really hope everythign is going good for you dan..." She has also been leaving away names that send the message that she lost someone or is feeling pretty hurt.. like someone broke up with her? Some quotes make it pretty obvious that it is directed at me.. I believe she is still with this rebound guy but I havent heard much. I am getting confused on what to do now? If you have any advice please respond. As of right now I am sticking with the no contact.. Although I do not want to give her the impression that I am still fuming over the situation.

Hi.. Thanks everyone, I've been keeping up to date with my post. The answer to Lovesick64's question.. No I do not want to get back together with her after what she did. I don't think many people would after deeply thinking about it. I deleted her off my msn even before I read Superdave's post. She sent me a msg later to wish me good luck since she knew I was preparing for my LSATs this weekend, but I didn't reply. Truth is Superdave, I don't think I can handle the breakup. I don't want her back, and I am still hurting. I think I might need to spend my time in the healing forum instead. For example I seen a picture of the new guy she is dating and my heart felt like it dropped into the middle of my stomach. I need to heal, and after everyone's advice I believe that NC is a must. Do you suggest I get as far away as possible from her? Meaning delete her from msn, never answer her messages, and put great effort into keeping her off my mind? I really felt this quote by L8RISER was so true... "Letting you ex into you life like that is allowing them to plant little time bombs in your heart. Even if they don't intend to hurt you, it's too much confusion when you trying to repair the heart."

I know, I began to realize that during NC. Who would actually want to be with someone after they do something like that to you. But it's so much harder then just saying it. How am I suppost to handle innocent conversations? Just ignore her and show her that I'm pissed?

Hi, Tonight is the first time I broke N/C in about 3 weeks. I have talked to my ex previously but kept conversations short and did give any information about me period. Things were getting so much better. I was not thinking about her as much, taking time to myself (lots of workouts which I suggest to everyone, I've gotten comments that have boosted my confidence already). During n/c I never attempted to talk to her. Lately she has been messaging me and even called once. Tonight I decided to message her on msn as I felt in control and even started to feel like I didn't need her. I asked how things were with the new guy she is seeing. She said alright.... I guess. The rest of the conversation did not make me feel good in anyway either. I again feel pretty hurt or whatever you call this terrible feeling we get. I made a big mistake by contacting her. I now plan to do NC for at least a month. Not even answering her on msn. Any suggestions by experts on what I should now do? I think I already know the answer. Please learn from my mistake tonight...

I started nc after she told me she was seeing someone else.. she tried telling me she wanted to talk about us (she broke up with me about 3 weeks ago) But since I found out she was dating someone from work I started nc. I did not answer her calls or kept aol convos short.. I was polite to her and said I didn't want to talk about it. She's instant msged me a couple times but I have not replied... Today her screenname said "So you sailed away Into a grey sky morning" I obviously looked up what song this was and it was "Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)" by Vertical Horizon... Here are the lyrics? Any advice on whats going on or what I should do or think? I still love her, even though I can't understand why since she left me for someone else. Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)" So you sailed away Into a grey sky morning Now I'm here to stay Love can be so boring Nothing's quite the same now I just say your name now [Chorus] But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had You don't want me back You're just the best I ever had So you stole my world Now I'm just a phony Remembering the girl Leaves me down and lonely Send it in a letter Make yourself feel better [Chorus] But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had You don't need me back You're just the best I ever had And it may take some time to Patch me up inside But I can't take it so I Run away and hide And I may find in time that You were always right You're always right So you sailed away Into a grey sky morning Now I'm here to stay Love can be so boring What was it you wanted Could it be I'm haunted [Chorus] But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had I don't want you back You're just the best I ever had The best I ever had The best I ever

I am currently in the process of no contact.. Although I think it is working because I have not been let down or hurt by her.. but probally like everyone else I still find myself sad and hurt by the situation and my mind is regularily thinking of her... If she's thinking of me? Why isn't she on AOL? Etc. I was wondering if SuperDave or anyone else had any advice or mindset should I take to get back up and get her off my mind?

I know she probally does... and the thing is she is stubborn about it. What do reccomend I do, keep with the NC? keep her on invisable on msn?

sorry typo, Thanks.... "guy from work, she still tried telling me how much she cared and how much what WE had meant to her but I didnt listen, said I didnt really want to talk about it "

Loved the last post... You've helped me out alot... I want to share my story as it backs up what Super Dave and everyone else agreed on.. It might be long so just ignore it if you want. I've learned so much on this forum, it has given me alot of strength. Unforunatly I had to learn this the hard way by myself, but now I am going through it again and doing much better. Here is my story... I'd appreciate it if SuperDave or anyone can add their two cents... I think my story will just show you how Superdave is so right. Alright... we dated for 2yrs, and were really really close.. she ended things once before (probally because she was to comfortable and wanted more) and I was so depressed, continued to chase after her and she continued to pull away and hurt me ...as soon a I stopped caring about her ( Didnt tell her.. it just happened from being hurt so much ....especially in one situation that lead to me not caring).. She came back, and we became closer then ever. We dated for another year and things were amazing. Then.. She began a job as a lifeguard.. The work crew began to go out almost every summer night, hanging out, getting drunk, etc... She again turned cold on me, treating me like I was nothing etc.. and our relationship went terrible (Id get pissed & she'd push away), then she broke things off. We continued to talk and hang out... she told me how much she loved me etc... She was playing me pretty bad. I continued to stick by her, being there for her. She began to separate (not return my calls, not calling me or wanting to get togesther but still talked often and about us) But to me was still a MAJOR part of my life, always thinking about her .. Then other day I called her .. She asked how the girl situation was.. I said nothing serious.. then I found out she is now with a guy from work, she still tried telling me how much she cared and how much what he had meant to her but I didnt listen, said I didnt really want to talk about it and ended the call quick .. I knew they were close, seeing they worked everyday together ...but this was a shock and hurt me.. I became depressed again .. waking up feeling terrible .. But this time I learned from my mistakes (and thanks to this forum) .. I began NC last Tuesday after we talked... I had her on invisable on msn till Sunday, where she said "Hey" I didnt answer.. the next day she called twice.. I didnt answer.. then again last night as soon I came on she said "Hey =) I called you earlier! " I responded .. "oh really.. my house or cell? Sorry I never knew you called" and ended the convo quick and made an excuse to get off. I feel much better already. This girl basically ended what we had for another guy.. and I can tell she is missing either, "knowing I care about her", or "the fact that she controls my life" already.. And I'm starting to feel in control and better already. Any advice on what to do now? Pretending to not care is leading to me actually not caring and it feels good even though I am still heartbroken... Superdave's advice really works, trust me. I'd appreciate any response. For everyone else, from my experience When you push, they pull... trust me. People want what they cant have.