zod
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Yes maybe! Sundays aren't always the best days, because we go to church and my husband is very much involved with church, but getting away, just the two of us, now that sounds like a plan. But I can't afford to get away as often as I go out, any other suggestions?
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occasionally I like to go out to clubs and meet and dance with different men, this makes me feel wanted and special. My dilema is, I am married with children. When I do this, am I disrespecting my husband, or am I unconsciously admitting that I don't find my husband attractive enough. I would go dancing with my husband, but unfortunately, he doesn't like dancing and I don't want to force him into anything he doesn't like. Although, I feel we are missing out on sensuality and sometimes when I'm dancing with another man I does almost feel as good as sex. I have explained all this to my husband and he thinks that maybe because I'm a full time mother and wife that I'm using it as a fantasy to escape from my reality. But is it wrong to go out dancing with strange men? and if it is what else could I do? I really need to find a way of enjoying myself, and I really like dancing.
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Myhusband is WONDERFULLL! He's proved himself over a million times! I am very much blessed to be with him. What rights will the ex have? He is not on the birth certificate and has not had anything to do with my baby since birth?
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I had an affair got pregnant and had a baby. My husband forgave me and we are starting to repair the damage. Unfortunately, after 3 months of No Contact, I stupidly contacted him (ex). I know really silly! He married his wife when my baby was about 4 months old and I think, he was two timing us. His new wife doesn't know about my baby and he informed me she is pregnant and now he wants to see my child. He's never seen his first child after nearly 12 months. If I am honest I feel upset that he has been able to just move on and get on with his life without seemingly having a problem with it. I feel sad and confused by the thought that he wants to see my child for the first time after almost 12 months, as he refused to see the baby when it was born and he hasn't contributed anything to my child. He told me he tried to contact me a few days previous to my telephone call, but couldn't get through. So why now? Is he just seeing what the baby looks like and then will he be out of the baby's life again? I don't think I'm ready to see him again. What do you think I should do?
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Choosing an ex over your unborn child?
zod replied to Hopelessness's topic in Parenting and Families
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. DN is right. It's important that you know that you have not let your child down and anything that the birth father does is not your responsibility. I can understand how you must feel. Only 16 months ago I was in a similar situation as yours. The birth father to my last child decided that for him it would be best if he didn't have any contact with my unborn child - a child that 4 months previously, he said he wanted with me. I have found it very difficult to comes to terms with. My situation is probably a bit more complex, but nevertheless, when you're pregnant and going through a difficult situation, I think it feels 10 times worse. I only hope that you remember that you have not let the baby down and that you are able to keep in good health. If you ex can't see that being in his child's life is of the uttmost importance then, he is obviously too selfish and I would suggest that you just concentrate on your baby and yourself. When your baby is here, then you will be able to make clearer decisions. -
I loved my husband when we married 11 years ago. I was quite young and inexperienced and I think I am quite naive, and that's why I fell into the net of having an affair and having a baby for someone else, thinking that pleasing people was the answer to my true happiness. Since coming here to this forum I have been able to be critical and open about my feelings. Yesterday I spoke to my husband and told him exactly how I feel. He stills loves me and thinks that we can work things out. I don't want to throw the 'baby out with the bathwater'. I've stuck at it for this long - I will stick with it, because he is my best friend. I think "we" as a couple have got completely lost and don't have much of an identity. This is going to a long time for us to find happiness but I want to try.
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Yes we started counselling recently. I want to be honest about how I feel in counselling but find it difficult. I just don't want to let anyone down and sometimes when I'm in counselling I feel the things I'm going to say may upset the people around me. My parents say I'm being selfish for thinking about separating. That I should say married and make it work, even if it isn't working. My husband does not help me around the house and we have a big family and I feel most of the household chores get left to me to sort out. He doesn't mind if its untidy but I can't function well when it is. We've been married for 11 years and it has change a little, but not as much as I need it to be. It feels as though he doesn't think its important, so I should just get over it. I need him to care about me. I don't want a man to pick up the pieces once the vase is broken. I need a man who can appreciate me, not just sexually, but verbally and by coming along side and showing empathy. Seeing things from my own point of view. I know this sounds selfish, but I've asked him on a lot of occasions about what I could do to be a better wife and he says he loves me the way I am. Unfortunately, I don't love him the way he is. I can't help that, its the way I feel.
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I don't know. Is it time to let go and see what it is like without him, and just go it alone. I think I could do it!
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Thank you for your opinions. I feel that I should be brave and turn him loose, at least so that he can be happy and find someone to share that happiness with. I'm just afraid of letting go because of our children.
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Hi Hope75 Some terms that come to mind are, that he is loyal, a great father, he does Love ME very much!, faithful, secure, wonderful friend. Unfortunately, I don't desire him in the same way I used to and I think there is a golf between me and him. I know I have fallen out of love with my husband, but how can I fall in love with him again? I've tried and its really difficult. I know I am fortunate to still have a married and for my husband to still love me and accept my child. I MUST BE THE LUCKIEST WOMAM IN THE WORLD. But I'm having a difficult time moving forward because I've been too scared to face my feelings and sometimes I think I should have left him.
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Thankyou all for your encouraging words. DN and Hope 75: yes I think if I am hones that I am still lingering over the affair. I am coming to terms with the situation more now than previously, although I do feel that if I feel this way about someone else, who isn't my husband, then I shouldn't be in this relationship. What do you think?
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I made a the biggest mistake of my life. I had an affair and got pregnant. Now after One year since the affair, I'm still finding it very difficult to come to terms with my decisions. My decisions were to stay with my husband (as we already have children together and my husband forgave me for the affair and has accepted my child). My biggest problem is that my ex lover has nothing to do with me or the child and I feel sad about this as I had hoped that he would want to have contact with his child. I accept that I have been very fortunate, but I am struggling to bring up my baby as the child reminds me of his father and this doesn't help. I did think of sending the child to his father, but his birth dad said that he wasn't in a position to bring him up. I know I need to come to terms about this. But I just don't know how to