StarStruck

Mentor, I completely know how you feel. It's only been a few days since my split, and I miss her more than words can say. We were slated to meet in LV next week, and I told her NOT to come. She insisted she'll be there, wants to see me, ect, but I held my ground. I am just like you in that I don't know what's worse - not talking or hearing from her at all, or trying to be social and get through this together. From what I've read on this site, NC is the way to go, and that's how I'm dealing with the loss of my soul mate right now. It hurts, but every day it gets a little better. This is not to say that I don't change my mind on a daily basis. One day I swear I'll never talk to her again, the next I want to send her her ticket to LV. Bottom line is what is best for me is not having this person in my life right now, so I can heal. Then possibly in the future, I can resume a friendship with her and see how things go. I think you may be close to that point, but if the hurt is still extreme, you aren't quite there yet. When the hurt subsides, then look at things again. Hope I was some help.

The "culture differences" line is a complete cop-out. One of my best friends is Hindi and is married to a Hasidic Jew. They have a relationship that I envy, despite of the vast cultural differences. Don't let him hand you that line - love knows no color, race, or culture. It's either there and worth working on, or not.

Don't wait too long my friend. I waited for a year and a half for a real realtionship to just have her tell me I'm her world, she loves me so much she can't even explain it - but she can't commit. I learned my lesson in heartbreak, and am totally numb at this point. If it's meant to be, bad timing or not, it will happen. Give it a little while but don't close off your other options, and protect yourself no matter how important she becomes to you. If things don't start to progress in a few months, do yourself a favor, and get on with your life. I know this sounds harsh - but I hope you can learn from other's mistakes.

Melody, If two people love and respect eachother and truly want to be in the realtionship, then arguments can definitely be overcome. It's just not possible for two people to have the same viewpoints on each and every aspect of a relationship, or the things that life throws our way. If simple disagreements, or major ones for that matter, cause so much tension that a couple cannot overcome - then it isn't meant to be. Basically love should prevail, as long as you feel strongly enough about eachother. That's not to say that if one of you are not interested in staying in the realtionship that they can't be used as an excuse to end things. I think that it's common for two people to have varying personality styles and maintain strong, healthy relationships. If you know your partner well enough, you learn to express discontent in a manner that the other can handle and should be able to resolve. Just my two cents, hope it helps.... Star

Yep, already in the works Sweets ........ 8) I know that she's got to know something's up already, and what she'll do next, I just don't know. Time will tell.......

Thanks D, I know that you're saying what I need to hear.

Boy, let me tell you - this is NOT easy. Several E-mails yesterday asking me where I was, why I'm not talking, am I still there. I feel like a jerk, because I promised to stand by this girl and help her get through it all. I hate feeling like I'm letting her down, but I got to do this for me.

CG...... In the beginning, it wasn't an issue - Now absolutely not. It drives me insane. That's why I'm hoping the NC will give me the time I need to walk away - I just hate this all. Thanks.

It does, but I know I am the only person she is actively seeing. We talk every day, so I know she's not traveling unless with me. And let's just say the other two don't have the "monetary means" to go see her. I'm sure she converses with the others via IM, text, and E-mail, but makes no effort to see them, as she does with me. I know it's a confusing realtionship - just think how it is to be in it!!

It was a ground rule set from the beginning, along with the "no intimacy" with anyone else rule. I am not seeing anyone else because I'm so hung up on her. We see eachother at least once a month for an extended period, and the distance is major. I do know that the other guys she may be seeing live more than 1000 miles from her, so that's some comfort. It's very few and far in between. Thanks again.

D, thanks for your response!! Yes, we've talked about it several times, and I do think that she may be seeing a person or two occasionally. After all, she is completely allowed to do so, and so am I. I have asked her about that before, and she has said cleary, "That doesn't change the way I feel about you, or what I hope for us". Regardless, it kills me thinking that she's seeing anyone else even though it's nothing serious. Maybe that's part of what is making me try to force the issue.

Hello all…… I've been coming here and reading everyone's stories for inspiration for sometime now, and I figured it was time to ask you all your opinion on my current situation. Sorry for the long post, but I feel some background is necessary. Back in October of 2003, I was in Las Vegas with friends having a great time. On the last night of the trip, something drew me into a bar that I had never been into before, and I go to LV about every other month or so. As I was standing at the bar I notice the most beautiful, outgoing woman I had ever seen – she took my breath away. I took a chance and joined in on the conversation that she was having, and sparks flew between us. We sat and talked ALL night long and I realized I was sitting next to my soul mate (something I have never believed in). In reality it was kind of sad considering I'm 33 live in Chicago, divorced with a two year old child, and she's 32 lives in Oregon with a 8 year old. None the less, we continued to chat, and exchanged numbers. When I left we shared a long hug that felt like I had know this girl forever. Again, bittersweet considering our respective locations and families. After returning home, I E-mailed her about a month later. From that point on, we became the best of friends. Talking constantly by phone, text or E-mail. She confided in me her relationship woes, her failed marriage, her reluctance to enter a relationship again, and is a self admitted commitment phobe. But that really wasn't an issue at that point, we were just friends. As time went on, and we talked more and more, the feelings that we had for each other turned to love, and we started dating in April of 2004. From the beginning she told me how difficult this would be, how I was the perfect man for her, but the issues that she had would at times keep her at bay, and make me wonder if she felt as strongly as she claimed about me. I told her that I would definitely like to start seeing her, and see if we could make things work. From here it has been just a whirlwind. Multiple trips to Vegas, San Fran, a cruise, I've gone to see her several times, and she has visited me as well. Every time we're together it's just perfect, there's never an argument or issue. In fact, we just returned Monday from a 10 day trip to Cabo. I am so very much in love with her, and her with me. While there is no commitment between us to be exclusive, there is one regarding sex, and being intimate with only each other, as sleeping with multiple people crosses the line of respect. The issue I am having now is that I am ready for us to see only each other, and take the next step in the relationship together, while she is still hesitant, tells me to trust her, and hopes that one day she'll just wake up and it will all "click". She wants me to wait, and it's killing me inside. I mean, we've talked of marriage, who's going to move, discussed having another child, and growing old together. Recently, before our trip to Cabo, I asked her to be mine and mine alone once again. Unfortunately, she said she still couldn't, and she feels that she's not being fair to me, but doesn't want me to feel like she's stringing me along. Her feelings for me are as strong as ever, and she knows what I want, and has actually been praying for it all to work out. She gave me an out, told me she still wants to continue, but can see the obvious pain she is causing me. I almost ended it before our last trip, but after a day of thinking about my life without this woman in it, decided to stand by her and continue to see where this all goes. On the outside, I have told her I'd wait until this was right for both of us, and she was extremely thankful for that. Inside, I feel like if she doesn't know what she wants from me by now, that it's time for me to let her go and move on. I am so much in love with her and don't want to lose out on what could be the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I do have enough respect for myself to know when to give up. As I sat on the plane on the way home from our last trip, I decided to stop all communication with her in hopes that maybe it would give her the time and space she needs to sort out her feelings and let us move forward with the relationship. I'm not sure if this is a good move or not, but I can't sit and wait forever, even though she has my heart in her hands. It's killing me to not talk to her, but maybe it will give me the time I need to walk away, or maybe it will draw us closer together. I know I'm probably going about this the wrong way, but every time I feel like I need to end things, my heart takes over and tells me not to. We have a trip planned to Las Vegas at the end of this month, and there has been NO mention of it on her part in weeks – to me that says I am making the right move. In her defense, she has made leaps and bounds with regards to us since we started dating. She has become much more comfortable with me, the intimacy issues she had due to uncertainty are gone, and she expresses how she feels about me easily. The girl has come a long way. Anyway, I'm just looking for some advice, and needed a place where I could get this all out.