seth.seven

Hey listen: you owe it to yourself to at least give it a try. Don't live a life in quiet desparation. Life is full of regrets - the worst is to regret what you didn't do. As far as good looking enough etc - hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway, none of that BS matters. Think of it this way, the worst you can happen is she rejects you - is that any worse then the misery you are putting yourself through - unless of course you would rather live with a good fantasy then a crappy reality. (actually the worst that can happen is that she laughs at you, tells everyone and posts it on the internet - unlikely though right?) Just ask her for a coffee or something - something light. Keep it upbeat and smile. Hold your head high and go for it!

It is possible to be friends with ex's. I have a few, usually it doesn't work out but when it does then it is very rewarding. However several things must be present: 1.) not attracted to each other anymore (or at least under control). 2.) an adequate amount of time has passed. 3.) a realization of both parties that things will never be the same. 4.) neither party _wants_ to be with the other.

I agree, see a doctor about those panic attacks. There are ways you can control them even without medication. They will get worse and worse. good luck.

"Jealousy - the only vice that brings no pleasure" Oscar Wilde I need someone to tell me to stop being an idiot. My g/f and I have recently gotten back together again after a break up of 6 months or so. (We had been together for a year, we are both in our late 30s) We stayed in contact somewhat during the breakup (that was touch and go though) even though I was not in favour of this. She wanted to remain friends. I didn't think that friend thing would work (at least in the near future - perhaps down the road). She was adament about it though and said that she couldn't think of life without me. She did all the work to keep the friendship happening, I was pretty cold most of the time - I thought it was the end and I wanted to "heal". We broke up because she was driving me crazy because of her clingyness and needyness. I was very busy with work and school and didn't have alot of spare time. I saw her when I could but it was never enough for her. I was OK with the arrangement and thought she was being silly. None of her friends liked me and (I believe) they did propaganda against me. It was a pretty mutual breakup though there were hurt feelings on both our parts. Anyway, a week ago we went out, at her invitation, and much to my surprise we found ourselves "behaving like a couple" (kissing, holding hands etc) We confessed to each other that we totally missed each other and still loved one another etc etc. Which was true. There was, um... alcohol involved. We've gotten together several times since this week, and exchanged "mushy" emails etc. She seems incredibly happy to be with me again. Not sure if this is relevent or not but even though we are very "hot and heavy" physically, we still haven't actually slept together yet - it's been less then a week though so. This all sounds very well and nice and we are both happy (ecstatic even). Here's the crappy part: She told me that when we were split up she slept with another guy. She said she was lonely and messed up etc - I believe it was more then once though (with the same guy). My truthful response to her was that since we were officially split up then she had every right to do whatever and I could make no judgements on that. However the reality is that I am insane with jealousy (supressed and hidden from her mostly) but it is threatening to destroy this fledgling reuinion. I got all the usual male BS thinking of "was he good in bed, handsome, how many times did they do it etc etc" I am dying to know the details but I am afraid to know as well. I strongly suspect that this is my male pride and ego screwing with me, but I am seriously messed up about it. Like an idiot, I am doing all this google research etc to find out more about him (she mentioned his name, and where he worked) They haven't seen each other for almost a month and it didn't sound like it ended well - in fact he sounded like he was a bit of an jerk. She said she was not in love with him. Perhaps I looked better in her eyes after a turn with this guy. However, what can I do about this insane jealousy???? I'm going crazy here, and I know I'm being stupid. ps. I think she should get a STD or AIDS test or whatever before we start sleeping together but I'm not sure how to bring it up. Also I got a handjob from a hooker during out breakup (and I told her about it _after_ she asked and told me about this guy). The hooker thing for me is out of character and was sponaneious (and dumb). Also I feel like a moron because I had to pay for sex and she had this guy. Argh I'm so messed up about this. Help????? Sorry for the long post.