Jai

I know exactly what your goin through I'm there right now but I've come to the realisation that, I have to live for myself and for what is gonna make me happy...... My parents have their happiness in their love for each other and in us kids so I am not gonna live to make them happy anymore.... I'm gonna live for making myself happy and if that means giving my ex another chance then I'm gonna do it....I myself am 26 and if my parents cant love me for who I am and the decisions I make being the age I am, then thats too bad ..... I told them I can make my own decisions and own mistakes I dont need them to tell me what to do anymore.......So hun do whats gonna make you happy and once they get over your decision they will be happy for you too ..... Our family will always be there for us even if we make a bad decision so do what your heart feels it right and if they give you that look just say... I appreciate your concern but I know how I feel and whether you approve or not I am gonna do this and if I make another mistake its mine to make and leave it at that ........ they just dont wanna see us hurt again thats all .....go with your heart and do what you feel is best for you Jai

This is so romantic GO GET HER!!!! Love her like you'll never love another again and get back what you had ..... I have found my"soulmate"(if there is such a thing?) and we are separated right now for circumstances beyond my control and I wish you could talk to him and tell him about your experience cause I'm sure he can relate ........ but I tell you if he showed up at my door right now and said I'm sorry things went the way they did but I know what I want and thats you for the rest of my life ..... I would hug him and kiss him and never let him go ........... DOnt waste anymore time....... you've lost so much time already GO GET HER AND NEVER LET HER GO !!!!!

It sure sounds good in theory, but unfortunately some of us arent that strong and some of us find what we had, to be exactly what he wanted for the rest of our lives ...... I completely see your point, but on the same level I know from my many experiences that I had a boyfriend I had recently broken up with ( 6 month ago) and I have tried dating other people and I apologise, but I dont want anyone else...... he and I are slowly coming back together and i cant wait for it to be official again ..... he was and still is my best friend my biggest supporter, the love of my life and the person that made me the happiest ...... and to this day we both feel the same about each other he just needed to step back try the dating scene and make sure that he was ready to settle down And beyond personal beliefs I believe we may have more than one life partner but he is mine I'm sure of that ....... they say when you know you know well I know and I think he knows too thats why we have been brought back to each other .......... I wish I could just walk away and use what was given to me to better myself in following relationships and in the past I have been able to do so but not this time ....... So I guess it all boils down to the individual and how they deal with things in their lives at that point in time........ all the power to you shes2smart cause you obviously are a lot stronger than some of us and I'm sure we all would like to be able to do what you do it would be more helpful You make very valid points thank you for your sharing

you sound like you know exactly what you want and i say thats great for you.... I didnt think and I dont want to be rude ........ but honestly I didnt think that guys were so level headed about this stuff Its so nice to see and I have so much hope because of you guys that have responded thank you all of you but especially gersanos you have honestly really opened my eyes to a different light in men Jai

How about there is a place and I time for the person you should be with and if the place and time isnt right it wont work and I think that thats how things go so I think its important to keep things positive seeing as it could be peoples beliefs that are being crushed when we say things that we dont exactly believe in

Ok well what is it that your looking for in a wife..... I guess thats what I'm looking for here thats why I just worded it as what is it that your looking for in a girl you would wanna settle down with cause some women dont wanna be called the wife lol ............. what do you look for in a potential wife then?????

I agree completely with trisomy21 sometimes you just know when you date someone that they are the one and sometimes its just not the right time its like the blue rodeo song Badtiming ......... I'm in the same situation as trisomy so I can relate ...... its hard getting over someone you just know is right for you ........ its too bad it has to happen at all. Just follow your heart !!!!! Jai

You can ramble on all you want thats what we all are here for is to try to support and help you through this ........ hell if you read any of my posts I say the same things over and over again and trust me I'm sure no one wants to hear from me anymore but we come to this site to get support and we will support you in anyway you need so ramble on all you want we are listening Jai

I wish I could say that I have found someone better than my last ex bf but I havent I have tried dating other men but he still has something over me and I still have something over him I know in my gut I will end up back with him and him back with me. We were building a house together and three months before we moved in he got cold feet which unfortunately ended our relationship for no reason at all we had a great relationship and even he wil tell you it was as perfect as a relationship could be but he also needed to date other people to see that I was still the one he really wanted to be with and 6 months later his relationship with a girl he has been seeing for 4 months is ending and his response to me is I still love you and if I could take it all back I would and do the right thing but I still need you in my life .... I need you like I need air and you know what thats good enough for me when this relationship is gone for good and shes out of his life ...... I would gladly give him a second chance ....... He made me the happiest I have ever been and I know that he would never do that to me again So I cant say that I have found someone better than my last bf ..... but that doesnt mean that you wont. From teh time I started dating and the guys that I dated that I didnt stay with things always got better until I found J and he is honestly the one I would choose to be with for the rest of my life Good luck in your envevors and Keep your chin up your heart will heal in time and one day you will meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with We all have somebody

Thanks guys they all sound like good things to look for in someone to settle down with, I myself am blond and have blue eyes I have my own opinions and views, I love learning new things and actually pick up quite quickly on how to do things like fix things or operate things like power tools and technological devices ..... I can change my own oil in my car and am quite proficient in keeping up my cars needs which tends to surprise guys ........... I think its safe to say I have most of the qualities that have been listed but it seems that the relationships I get into always seem to end in odd ways ....... I just cant seem to find a relationship that I can hold on too ...... Now in saying that I'm gonna contradict myself a bit the last relationship I had I fell in love with J my bf head over heels we both talked about being together forever and I was happier with him then I had been with anyone and he seemed to be with me as well ...... however 6 months into our relationship we started to build a house together and half way through the house being built I lost someone in my family to Cancer whom I was very close to and became withdrawn and the closer we got to the house being finished the colder his feet got to making such a big commitment (he had been married before and lost everything) so I understood that aspect of things for him, but it unfortunately ended our relationship 6 months ago I still love him to death and he started seeing someone else three weeks after we had broke up to try to get over us and that is now coming to an end ...... I still love him to death and want him in my life .... we never stopped talking and we both still love each other very much. He always and still to this day tells me he loves me and needs me in his life like he needs air I was just wondering if I was missing something he may be needing from me in the first place ....... SO I thank you guys for your responses and wish that you continue on with them I love taking care of people, cooking, cleaning and whatever else... I'm a pretty simple person to get a long with and dont ask for much so your feed back is wonderful........ thank you again Jai

I'm just curious as to what a guy looks for in a girl that he would potentially wanna settle down with ??????

I'm glad you found your answers Wanger I know how your feeling I myself have been through something similar and I know my heart needed a break too and its had it and things are starting to come back ina more positive aspective and you know what??? If you two are meant to be together you will ...... Do what you need to do for you right now and she will do what she needs to do and when your both ready and if you both still want it it will be there ....... true love never fades it just changes into something more comfortable and you will always have that if its pure..... I dont mean to get all lovey dovey I'm a hopless romantic lol I apologise but if you let her go and she comes back shes yours forever Its about you right now and what will make you happy Again all the luck in the world

Ok so what I'm getting from this is either shes still single and has told your source that shes seeing someone knwingly knowng that you use that source so that you feel jealous and she can read what your like with her seeing someone .... Or these other guys are right, shes just started seein this guy its nothing serious so there for nothign to bring up. My ex bf and I still have lots of contact and I know that I want us back, and I know he does to but hes afraid that he wont be able to make be happy, so to keep himself from me he got a gf and let her move in (which isnt gonna be his gf for much longer things are getting pretty bad between them) but I know when I started seein my newbie I never told J about him cause in my heart I new there wouldnt be anything come of it. My newbie was just to spend time with hoping that J would see how good things were with us as a couple and come back to our relationship. When J found out about the newbie he was all upset and outta wack and thats how I knew he still thought about me and even wanted me still. Us girls that really care about the guys we were with dont spill our guts and beg for our guys to come back we do silly things to see the reactions we get and if we get the right reaction we know ...... and your girl may be sayin she feels the same way........ I believe one of the guys earlier is right in saying shes confused and she doesnt wanna step back into you and her again until shes sure...... Trust me my ex is doin the same thing he keeps me close cause he doesnt want us to disappear he wants to come back but I have told him she has to be out of his house and out of his life for good......I have been hangin in for 4 months now and letting my heart go in the right direction it feels it should go, and hes slowly commin back......the thing is if you wanna move on you need to have NC and you need to tell her that, and then do it, whether she wants to be special friends or not ......... if you both stil have feelings the friends thing wont work trust me on that ........ and yes we can and do want to still be friends with exs especially of the break up was civil but in the same respect we cant be special friends instantly it takes time to adjust. If your heart wants to move on cut all ties if you still love her and shes asking a hundred and one questions chances are shes jealous right now and comparing herself to the new girl..... I mean come on who are we kidding women do that all the time...... I did it with my exs gf and I'm way better on all aspects lol I know your confused but for now step back and if she keeps breakin her rules its cause she doesnt wanna lose you. I told my ex no contact and the odd time I'd break it cause I thought I might lose him and hell hes on the verge of breaking up with his newbie and I said no you and me together for even so much as an ice cream until shes out of your life and I went and picked him up for ice cream last night so think it over........ its your choice, do you still love her? and want her?is this new girl just someone to pass time ? or are you ready to move on? if so cut all contact dont respond to her if she texts you / Goodluck Jai

Thank you guys for your responses I guess I should make it clear that J is and never has been abusive in any way he is totally the opposite. He is kind, loving, thoughtful and always put me first on most occations lol. He has made me happier than I have ever been. Hes opened so many doors that I had closed long ago and I feel lost without him in my life( we have separated once before) and he tells me he is lost without me in his.....You know they say you just know when you've found the right one and I honestly think he is my one ....... I just wish my family could see it too....J has an odd sense of humour he has a smarta** type of humour that people tend to take the wrong way and he says things the way they are. Hes a straight up and out kinda guy and I love that about him. he calls it as he sees it. And I dont find there to be anything wrong with that cause thats what I want in my guy. Where as my family takes it the wrong way and because they dont know his sense of humour they find it offensive and disrespectful. Now he has apologised and told then he doesnt mean offense by what he says hes only joking and my mom especially doesnt seem to care. she doenst like him plain and simple ... but you know what I'm happy with him and he has never treated me badly we are two peas in a pod and we honestly have a soulmate connection. I can finish his sentences and know his looks like the back of my hand and he me. I just have a hard time not having the support of my family because we a close famil. However they do have the no one will be good enough for Jai attitude and they have only ever liked one of my bf and that particular one I couldnt stand lol go figure eh?? Please keep leaving responses it does help me make my decision with a little more clearity Jai

Hey wanger I'm gonna say ..... you need to stop and listen to your heart ....If it says I cant live without this girl then maybe couples counselling could help you two. But in the same respect your relationship needs to be between you and your girl not her mother too (mom is not in this relationship) I know what your goin through and only you know the real answer ..... if your tired of trying its never gonna work ...and relationships arent meant to be effortless but they arent suppose to be over time either ..... You already know in your heart what you want and what needs to be done..... So listen to yourself and know that you will only do what needs to be done..... if you wake up next to her one morning look at her and say to yourself why am I still trying so hard you know its the end, but if you continually look at her and say I love her so much I cant be without her you have your hearts answer either way. Dont let anyone sway what you feel in your heart, trust me it will only lead to regret. Good Luck with things